Depersonalization from MDMA?

[Crankinit]

so you were able to recover from it with no problems?

Yes and no. I'm still in the process of recovery to an extent, which is hindered I think by life circumstance that's been preventing me from jumping back into a normal lifestyle. But I'm definately a thousand times better than I was when it first started. To try and quantify it, which is hard I know, if 100% is when I had my first DP episode last october and could barely leave the room, let alone the house, I'd say I'm at a 10% now. I still don't feel quite back to normal and I still occasionally have moments where it gets to me a bit, but I can more or less function with no problems and often goes a day or two with few or no symptoms. I have very little trouble going outside and interacting with society or being in public, whereas back then I would pretty much break down and lose myself in the DP. People I talk to say I seem back to my old self, whereas 6 months ago I was obviously a complete mess to anyone who knew me (those I didn't cut off and avoid anyway).

It's a slow road to recovery, but I have no doubt with another 6 months off the drugs (the pills and meth anyway, I drink/take codeine occasionally and recently have begun to indulge in pot on a very occasional basis again. Which I take as a good sign, since I actually quite enjoy it now, whereas when the DP first started it would send me into horrible panic attacks) and once I start work again and get back into the swing of life, I'll eventually be back to my old self. The hardest part is not letting your anxiety about the condition get to you because that just compounds it and it becomes self perpetuating. Once I got over that roadblock I started getting better at an ever increasing pace.

 

[ShaolinBomber]

Give it a few days and you'll be back to normal. Positive thinking is crucial.

When it happens, it's a definite reminder to do e in moderation. It's very unpleasant, like that Claritin commercial where people are living life with a film over it.

dp/dr isn't something you wait out for a few days. Its a spontaneous change that occurs in which you have no control over. It consumes your life and its absolutely the worst feeling in the world.

 

[ShaolinBomber]

Give it a few days and you'll be back to normal. Positive thinking is crucial.

When it happens, it's a definite reminder to do e in moderation. It's very unpleasant, like that Claritin commercial where people are living life with a film over it.

Yes and no. I'm still in the process of recovery to an extent, which is hindered I think by life circumstance that's been preventing me from jumping back into a normal lifestyle. But I'm definately a thousand times better than I was when it first started. To try and quantify it, which is hard I know, if 100% is when I had my first DP episode last october and could barely leave the room, let alone the house, I'd say I'm at a 10% now. I still don't feel quite back to normal and I still occasionally have moments where it gets to me a bit, but I can more or less function with no problems and often goes a day or two with few or no symptoms. I have very little trouble going outside and interacting with society or being in public, whereas back then I would pretty much break down and lose myself in the DP. People I talk to say I seem back to my old self, whereas 6 months ago I was obviously a complete mess to anyone who knew me (those I didn't cut off and avoid anyway).

It's a slow road to recovery, but I have no doubt with another 6 months off the drugs (the pills and meth anyway, I drink/take codeine occasionally and recently have begun to indulge in pot on a very occasional basis again. Which I take as a good sign, since I actually quite enjoy it now, whereas when the DP first started it would send me into horrible panic attacks) and once I start work again and get back into the swing of life, I'll eventually be back to my old self. The hardest part is not letting your anxiety about the condition get to you because that just compounds it and it becomes self perpetuating. Once I got over that roadblock I started getting better at an ever increasing pace.

What you describe about it is what i felt. but i've seem to ignore it quicker and its subsided alot in the past 2-3 weeks. I still feel it though and i just want my normal life back.

 

[Crankinit]

What you describe about it is what i felt. but i've seem to ignore it quicker and its subsided alot in the past 2-3 weeks. I still feel it though and i just want my normal life back.

Just give it time, MDMA puts your brain under a lot of stress, but barring extreme cases it's nothing that the brain can't repair if you give it time. Just try to not focus on your symptoms too much and live as full a life as possible, and eventually you'lll notice them less them and less. Not using any drugs goes without saying, avoiding caffeine is a good idea as well, for some bizarre reason I find it sets my DP off life crazy.

 

[metalismean]

i feel like im undergoing DP right now, im finding it nigh on impossible to concentrate, i cant watch tv, study for uni, even really communicate with my parents & gf properly. i feel really disconnected to everything, my heads all cloudy. i used to get these feelings maybe once or twice a month but a good night sleep would fix. but this time its unusual its been 3 days now and it feels really strong, its pretty damn scary.....

i can think of one thing which might be causing it, which is mdma. i had 3 pills about 2.5 months ago, then the next night i had 1 more, about a week later i had 1.5 pills with some mescaline, that is the worst i have abused mdma, although it doesnt seem like much compared to some. That was over 2 months ago now though, and i felt like shit for a week after, but from then i pretty much came back to normal, upto a few days ago....

right now im just trying to continue with the things i normally do in life...but i really wish this would pass.

 

[ShaolinBomber]

i feel like im undergoing DP right now, im finding it nigh on impossible to concentrate, i cant watch tv, study for uni, even really communicate with my parents & gf properly. i feel really disconnected to everything, my heads all cloudy. i used to get these feelings maybe once or twice a month but a good night sleep would fix. but this time its unusual its been 3 days now and it feels really strong, its pretty damn scary.....

i can think of one thing which might be causing it, which is mdma. i had 3 pills about 2.5 months ago, then the next night i had 1 more, about a week later i had 1.5 pills with some mescaline, that is the worst i have abused mdma, although it doesnt seem like much compared to some. That was over 2 months ago now though, and i felt like shit for a week after, but from then i pretty much came back to normal, upto a few days ago....

right now im just trying to continue with the things i normally do in life...but i really wish this would pass.

If its not a constant feeling of being in a Disney movie then its probably not DP/DR and you dont have anything to worry about.

 

[ControlDenied]

keep in mind that knowing you have no self is different than having no self :D

 

[ShaolinBomber]

Just give it time, MDMA puts your brain under a lot of stress, but barring extreme cases it's nothing that the brain can't repair if you give it time. Just try to not focus on your symptoms too much and live as full a life as possible, and eventually you'lll notice them less them and less. Not using any drugs goes without saying, avoiding caffeine is a good idea as well, for some bizarre reason I find it sets my DP off life crazy.

btw crank if you read this i forgot to ask you something. Did you have any symptoms of HPPD like visuals when you came down with DP/DR? I've seem to have developed static in dark rooms and mild other visual phenomenon. They're not debilatating in anyway except maybe the static in dark rooms cause i cant see much past a few inches infront of my eyes.

 

[the black sun]

now then mate this is totally true man about 2 weeks ago i took 4 pills, i had 2 stars and 2 supermen. obviosuly they werent like pure MDMA, but ive ive fealt this "depersonlising" thing for ages and yes 2 weeks ive been like feeling a bit crazy in my own mind and my anxiety is so bad ive been having constant panic attacks. its not bad cos i used to suffer from them a hwile back cos of weed. but yer theyve come back and my sense of realisation is jsut fucked socializing is a lot more pointless i cant seem to connect with people as much as i want to and depression is sky high ( or low ) nah depression i think comes with it. or s on its own wither way its a common side affect to stopping it. and yer when i smoke pot i dont really get that high i just fucking well have a panic attack and my thoughts are just shit. really down thoughts and noises seem to not be there really like the top of my head is just not there. but u said that ur coming back down to reality? ive had a couple of days og getting to grips with reality and tbh i really enjoyed it. cant rememebr the alst time i had proper balanced feeling but that was for a couple fo days. i think the depression is kicking in for one final hardcore poundin before it fucks off and leaves me.
what i have been doing recently is bike riding and getting my normal endorphines working to get the serotonin workin for a natural high which kinda gives me the feeling of ecstacy again but obviously weeker. well im happier thats for sure but i soon crash into a world of misery.
yer my own voice is like im talking but im not processing its like a head without motion its absolutley pointless. and my refelctions eems morbid. i think this makes me realize that i am an addict and to come off this drug will be the best thing ive done in my life. cos when i have im going to get training on buisness and open my own cafe which is the only thing stopping me form takin it and carrying on with the quitting. im 19 btw.

 

[Crankinit]

btw crank if you read this i forgot to ask you something. Did you have any symptoms of HPPD like visuals when you came down with DP/DR? I've seem to have developed static in dark rooms and mild other visual phenomenon. They're not debilatating in anyway except maybe the static in dark rooms cause i cant see much past a few inches infront of my eyes.

Not really, I used to get very minor hullucinations (the kind you'd see when you've been up a bit too long on speed, stuff moving out of the corner of your eyes, sounds behind doors that you think are people, that kind of thing), but I put that down to my constant exhaustion due to the post viral fatigue mimicking the effects of sleep deprivation, and it's not something I get anymore. HPPD has been linked to MDMA before, but sadly I can't give any advice on it since it's not something I'm experienced with.

now then mate this is totally true man about 2 weeks ago i took 4 pills, i had 2 stars and 2 supermen. obviosuly they werent like pure MDMA, but ive ive fealt this "depersonlising" thing for ages and yes 2 weeks ive been like feeling a bit crazy in my own mind and my anxiety is so bad ive been having constant panic attacks. its not bad cos i used to suffer from them a hwile back cos of weed. but yer theyve come back and my sense of realisation is jsut fucked socializing is a lot more pointless i cant seem to connect with people as much as i want to and depression is sky high ( or low ) nah depression i think comes with it. or s on its own wither way its a common side affect to stopping it. and yer when i smoke pot i dont really get that high i just fucking well have a panic attack and my thoughts are just shit. really down thoughts and noises seem to not be there really like the top of my head is just not there. but u said that ur coming back down to reality? ive had a couple of days og getting to grips with reality and tbh i really enjoyed it. cant rememebr the alst time i had proper balanced feeling but that was for a couple fo days. i think the depression is kicking in for one final hardcore poundin before it fucks off and leaves me.
what i have been doing recently is bike riding and getting my normal endorphines working to get the serotonin workin for a natural high which kinda gives me the feeling of ecstacy again but obviously weeker. well im happier thats for sure but i soon crash into a world of misery.
yer my own voice is like im talking but im not processing its like a head without motion its absolutley pointless. and my refelctions eems morbid. i think this makes me realize that i am an addict and to come off this drug will be the best thing ive done in my life. cos when i have im going to get training on buisness and open my own cafe which is the only thing stopping me form takin it and carrying on with the quitting. im 19 btw.

Sounds like you're on the right track then, I know what you mean about crashing into misery even after a natural kinda high it fades eventually, as do the panic attacks. Just keep focusing on your goals and remembering what it is you want to do with your life whenever you're tempted to take the drug, and with abstinance you should eventually heal. If you're busy with your work and your aspirations it should keep your mind off the symptoms as well, which makes for a much faster recovery. Good luck!

 

[trancemastershake]

Depersonalization is not a disease. It's something that introverted people naturally experience, to a greater or less degree. Really, it just means that you are more inwardly than externally focused. However, in our materialistic society (and for someone who has never experienced it before) it is easily labelled as "bad" and subsequently treated (often with drugs.) If you practice meditation seriously, and you are sensitive enough, you will probably experience depersonalization and bliss simultaneous.

 

[Etarded4Life]

Why would you take such a high dose of MDMA. After a certain amount of it, your brain's serotonin is depleted after taking a certain amount and as much as you took is way over that amount. That basically means that anything you took after your serotonin was depleted, just left you with feeling the side-effects of MDMA as opposed to feeling the actual stimulation of it.

 

[ShaolinBomber]

Depersonalization is not a disease. It's something that introverted people naturally experience, to a greater or less degree. Really, it just means that you are more inwardly than externally focused. However, in our materialistic society (and for someone who has never experienced it before) it is easily labelled as "bad" and subsequently treated (often with drugs.) If you practice meditation seriously, and you are sensitive enough, you will probably experience depersonalization and bliss simultaneous.

DP/DR is pretty unknown at this point, but if i had to make a guess as to why it happens in chronic form, its because some people are unfortunately wired to be in an anxious state over the smallest things, are get depressed over something easily. This triggers different parts of the brain to become more active. Over long periods of time this can grow into a chronic form, or depersonalization, because the person does not want to deal with it anymore.

Drug induced DP/DR is from sensory overload from HPPD. This is what i have. I know much more about it now then i did back in may when i made those posts. If anyone needs advice for it hit me up.

 

[Crankinit]

How are you coming along Shaolin, have you recovered much? Been following your posts over the last 6 months or so I'm curious about how you've come along with your DP since then.

 

[phatass]

well for one i wouldn't do any more MDMA....

 

[ShaolinBomber]

How are you coming along Shaolin, have you recovered much? Been following your posts over the last 6 months or so I'm curious about how you've come along with your DP since then.

DP/DR is the hardest thing to fight off psychologically when the cause of it is an overactive brain due to physiological reasons. I'm currently on klonopin for anxiety and it does help with the visuals if i decide to go into high dosage for a day. At 1mg is like 20% reduction in visuals and pretty much no anxiety, but the DP/DR is pretty much still there.

 

[ColinGibs]

Depersonalization is not a disease.

all it means, is that you have things about your personality that are against the natural way, AKA fake.

the mdma tore down the walls that you put up in your mind based on your perception of society. When you came out of the experience, the contrast in your view on self made you uncomfortable, bringing on the label of "depersonalization".

mdma will teach you to be a better person, you just have to lose the fear.

And NEVERRR take benzos to combat etardedness, you are digging a hole you might not be able to climb out of. Just take it easy for a while. If you choose to re-adjust, it will take time.

 

[ShaolinBomber]

Depersonalization is not a disease.

all it means, is that you have things about your personality that are against the natural way, AKA fake.

the mdma tore down the walls that you put up in your mind based on your perception of society. When you came out of the experience, the contrast in your view on self made you uncomfortable, bringing on the label of "depersonalization".

mdma will teach you to be a better person, you just have to lose the fear.

And NEVERRR take benzos to combat etardedness, you are digging a hole you might not be able to climb out of. Just take it easy for a while. If you choose to re-adjust, it will take time.

you dont know the whole story of my disassociation. ITs a comorbid onset with HPPD. ITs a totally different ball game. I'm not going to get into here in this thread.

 

[AMTDan]

Depersonalization is not a disease.

all it means, is that you have things about your personality that are against the natural way, AKA fake.

the mdma tore down the walls that you put up in your mind based on your perception of society. When you came out of the experience, the contrast in your view on self made you uncomfortable, bringing on the label of "depersonalization".

mdma will teach you to be a better person, you just have to lose the fear.

And NEVERRR take benzos to combat etardedness, you are digging a hole you might not be able to climb out of. Just take it easy for a while. If you choose to re-adjust, it will take time.

No this is not depersonalization. In depersonalization you feel completly detached from yourself, like your watching yourself do things and are not really there. I've had it from taking too much molly. It only lasted a day or 2 and then went away. While it wasn't a terrible experience, mostly because I felt nuetral, aka not happy or sad, I can imagine how this can be uncomfortable if it lasts. It kind of feels like your just going through the motions of life with no purpose.

I find mdma never makes me feel uncomfortable in the way I view myself, as I feel happy and at peace with the world in the following days. However if I take too much I just feel completly unconnected to reality like my life is a show that I'm watching and not really participating in.

 

[ColinGibs]

No this is not depersonalization. In depersonalization you feel completly detached from yourself, like your watching yourself do things and are not really there. I've had it from taking too much molly. It only lasted a day or 2 and then went away. While it wasn't a terrible experience, mostly because I felt nuetral, aka not happy or sad, I can imagine how this can be uncomfortable if it lasts. It kind of feels like your just going through the motions of life with no purpose.

I find mdma never makes me feel uncomfortable in the way I view myself, as I feel happy and at peace with the world in the following days. However if I take too much I just feel completly unconnected to reality like my life is a show that I'm watching and not really participating in.

no, it is.

people who experience extreme depersonalization are the people with the most created egos. Our reality is so so so sooooo based on perception, and some people just cannot deal with themselves, and over the years, eventually believe the memories that they created in their heads.

It happens to everybody.

If a person is completely themselves, they do not experience any depersonalization from the drug, they just act like normal. You have a personality issue/disorder, not depersonalization. Your mind is moving fast, and your fake built up part of you is acting, and you are watching or hearing yourself, almost like it wasn't even you that did it! It's just because you have a problem with who you are. And you need to stop trying to diagnose yourselves with singular or even multiple ailments or symptoms and look at the WHOLE PICTURE, MENTAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL.

depersonalization is merely a symptom of a larger thing and should be used as such.