Saying, 'Thank you' after receiving a compliment?

[fizzle]

I paid for dinner on a date once. And I felt like a total loser. Why should I have to PAY a woman for her to enjoy my company?

If she doesn't want to go out with me again because I don't pay for dinner, good. I'd rather learn beforehand what kind of values she holds before i get too involved with someone whose companionship I have to pay for.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating he paid for most of the dates. I always offered to split it with him of course, but he never let me. Call me old fashioned but I think it seems classier of the guy pick up the bill, at least on the first date or two. Now that we have been dating for years, things are pretty evenly split, sometimes I pay for the whole thing, sometimes he does, sometimes we split it.

I also like the tradition of "thank you" for holding open doors and things like that. I try to always remember to thank someone when they do nice little things like that for me.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

When my boyfriend and I first started dating he paid for most of the dates. I always offered to split it with him of course, but he never let me. Call me old fashioned but I think it seems classier of the guy pick up the bill, at least on the first date or two. Now that we have been dating for years, things are pretty evenly split, sometimes I pay for the whole thing, sometimes he does, sometimes we split it.

I also like the tradition of "thank you" for holding open doors and things like that. I try to always remember to thank someone when they do nice little things like that for me.

Agreed.

It's not about enjoying the person's company, Fjones. My meal does not need to be free for me to do that-- like mz thizzle said, it's a sign of class and chivalry that is commonly lost nowadays. After the first couple dates I don't expect the guy to pay for everything, I would expect it to be more or less equal.

I've rarely run into this as a problem, though. Pretty much every guy I've gone out with has wanted to pay on the first couple dates....my ex never let me pay for a meal, movie ticket, parking, food item, anything in 2 1/2 years despite me frequnetly offering and eventually getting frustrated over it. I can only think of a few guys whom I split the bill with and they were guys I would not have gone out with again anyway.

 

[mariacallas]

^Ms Mia Wallace....same here 100%.

I agree with this part:

To me thank you is a sign of respect and so I say to pretty much everyone from the guy who cuts my hair to the person who gives me my change at Starbucks… and when people say it to me for meaningless things it just reinforces that feeling of respect and appreciation.

When someone does something that requires a meaningful thank you, I would say something more along the lines of “Thank you, I really appreciate blank it means a lot.”
So yeah, maybe “thank you” has lost some of it’s meaning, but I don’t think having to articulate a bit more to make it more meaningful is necessarily a bad thing.

I'd like to add that yeah, maybe for some (or most people) "thank you" has lost some of its meaning, but it hasnt for me, no matter how many times I hear it / say it. It always gives me a warm feeling to hear it from anybody for absolutely anything, just as much of a good feeling as when I show my respect and appreciation to others by doing it as well.

In our fast paced lives we need more graciousness, courtesy, consideration, kindness..sometimes we forget how a simple gesture, a smile, a thank you can make someones day (and make you feel good about it too) and vice versa...I know I'll always make the effort to do so.

 

[up all night]

Enter rant stage left.

How can 'thank you' have lost its meaning? And why should it matter how many times a day it is said?

The vast majority of times I say, 'thank you' it is to a complete stranger. It may be when they hold the door open for me, let me walk in front of them, bartender handing me a drink, buying something at the supermarket etc.

'Thank you' is not always required in those circumstances, but I think it's the demise of the words 'thank you' and 'sorry' that is contributing to this overwhelming rudeness in society.

I grew up in rural Australia. Manners were absolutely paramount for retaining respect and it was drilled into me that this was beyond basic manners, it was just a normal part of interaction. You don't get respect if you say them, but you get disrespect if you don't.

After moving to the city my bf used to laugh at me because I said, 'sorry' if I accidentally knocked into someone. wtf? Why should that not be the normal way we treat other people? I'm constantly shocked by people who don't stand up on the bus for elderly people or pregnant women. I'm constantly surprised by people who push you out of their way in their DESPERATE rush to beat the lights without saying sorry. I'm often astounded by the way people ignore tourists when they ask questions etc

Within Australia Sydney is known for its rudeness, but I'm positive that there are many overseas cities which are much worse than us.

Sure, saying thank you is a minor part of social interation, but I think it's so indicative of the way a lot of people treat each other these days. Maybe if we took it back to the basics we'd start being a little more unified and a little less aggressive.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I grew up in rural Australia. Manners were absolutely paramount for retaining respect and it was drilled into me that this was beyond basic manners, it was just a normal part of interaction. You don't get respect if you say them, but you get disrespect if you don't.

After moving to the city my bf used to laugh at me because I said, 'sorry' if I accidentally knocked into someone. wtf? Why should that not be the normal way we treat other people? I'm constantly shocked by people who don't stand up on the bus for elderly people or pregnant women. I'm constantly surprised by people who push you out of their way in their DESPERATE rush to beat the lights without saying sorry. I'm often astounded by the way people ignore tourists when they ask questions etc.

Me too hun

And I've never lost those manners. In fact I make an effort to uphold my manners to everyone I come across. Especially in the city (Sydney)! :D

 

[lystra]

What the hell do people say on the east coast to close a conversation?

we say thank you, you're welcome, please etc.

Really though, i found your post to be a ridiculous generalization. Where I come from, people are, for the most part, overly polite in this regard...

I would never, however, go so far as to say that they are more polite than another group of people, or that another group of people are less polite...

8)

 

[Fjones]

When my boyfriend and I first started dating he paid for most of the dates. I always offered to split it with him of course, but he never let me. Call me old fashioned but I think it seems classier of the guy pick up the bill, at least on the first date or two. Now that we have been dating for years, things are pretty evenly split, sometimes I pay for the whole thing, sometimes he does, sometimes we split it.

I also like the tradition of "thank you" for holding open doors and things like that. I try to always remember to thank someone when they do nice little things like that for me.

Paying for dinner is classy? How is that classy? If someone is wealthy he can obviously afford to pay for dinner, regardless of how much "class" he has.

Am I missing something here?

I am fucking poor right now. I don't have any money. So that makes me less CLASSY, because I canot AFFORD to take a woman out to dinner?

What the fuck !???????

I am sorry but I find this ridiculous.
I thought being classy was based on your character and morals and how you treat people, not on how many digits are in your bank account.

 

[Fjones]

Wow, this thread is making me agitated. Maybe I should take some more valium. I just cannot get my head wrapped around this. I am disgusted by what I am reading here. I have known quite a few ARROGANT SELFISH ASSHOLE JERKS who were absolutely NOT nice people, and NOT classy in the least, but you know what? They didn't have a big problem paying for a dinner bill. They could afford it, and they thought it increased their chances of having sex, so they did it.

WHAT THE FUCK IS CLASSY ABOUT THAT!?

We now define class with an empty gesture that is far more indicative of wealth than class?

Apparently I would not get a second date with the women in this thread simply because I am going through a stretch of financial trouble. But if I get things straightened out, then I would suddenly be "classy" again?

I am really taken aback here.

So if a guy is charming, funny, smart, fun, and you are attracted to him, but he doesn't offer to pay for your food, you don't go on a second date?????????

.......................................


HUH!????????????

WHAT the fuck is wrong with he world???? Why not just wear a shirt to dinner that says "My companionship ain't free -- have your money ready"

 

[AmorRoark]

You really need to chill out. Though I'm guessing you won't because people repeatedly ask you to. Not every person is going to agree with the way people should act on dates. Is it really worth your time to get upset about? No, maybe you would not get a second date but by your standards you wouldn't want one anyway. Who cares.

There are plenty of women out there (myself) who would expect/want to split the bill on a first date/ second date/ forevermore. If a guy didn't offer to pay the whole thing I would be totally fine and wouldn't think another second about it. That certainly wouldn't enter my mind whether they would get a second date or not. That said, I've never met a guy who let the fact that his date didn't offer to help pay for the first date really effect if he wanted to go on a second with her. I really don't think it's that big of a deal. Regardless, I respect the women who think differently and why they do.

 

[RedLeader]

Agreed.

It's not about enjoying the person's company, Fjones. My meal does not need to be free for me to do that-- like mz thizzle said, it's a sign of class and chivalry that is commonly lost nowadays. After the first couple dates I don't expect the guy to pay for everything, I would expect it to be more or less equal.

I've rarely run into this as a problem, though. Pretty much every guy I've gone out with has wanted to pay on the first couple dates....my ex never let me pay for a meal, movie ticket, parking, food item, anything in 2 1/2 years despite me frequnetly offering and eventually getting frustrated over it. I can only think of a few guys whom I split the bill with and they were guys I would not have gone out with again anyway.

So maybe women should be paid significantly less than men, if anything at all, the first few years on the job - but then it would become equal over time?

Clearly that's a crazy notion.

The "chivilry" and "class" stuff, the Kate and Leopold fantasy some girls have, well to an extent many men are capable of modern-day versions of showing generosity, courtesy, respect, etc. The time-independent qualities of being a "chivilrous" man with "class." But if you want to fit that into a society where women push for economic equality in nearly every way, it must be emphasized through other means than who picks up a bill or a tab. The custom of financing women's delicacies, well, that's a time-dependent quality of the chivilrous and classy man - one that's well past it's era.

 

[fizzle]

Paying for dinner is classy? How is that classy? If someone is wealthy he can obviously afford to pay for dinner, regardless of how much "class" he has.

Am I missing something here?

I am fucking poor right now. I don't have any money. So that makes me less CLASSY, because I canot AFFORD to take a woman out to dinner?

What the fuck !???????

I am sorry but I find this ridiculous.
I thought being classy was based on your character and morals and how you treat people, not on how many digits are in your bank account.

I think you took that comment the wrong way. I never said I wouldnt go on a second date with a guy who didnt offer to pay. If he cant afford it or thinks the bill should be split, then thats fine with me. I dont mean classy as in "of high social standing and wealth" or whatever, I mean classy as in a nice gesture. There are other things someone can do to be classy other than just picking up the check. I do still stick by what I said though.

Calm down, dont just instantly assume everything said here is based on money.

 

[TheAppleCore]

Saying "thank you" is a simple acknowledgement that you appreciate a compliment - it's not that hard to do, and it serves a definite purpose.

I absolutely do not think 'thank you' is an unimportant formality.

I don't give compliments or gifts because I need social validation, but if it's apparent the person is not grateful (because they don't say thank you or something similar, since that's how most people express gratitude), I will probably think twice about complimenting or gifting again. Not because I'm offended, but because it doesn't make sense to give something that doesn't seem to impart anything positive on the person you're giving it to.

I say thank you only when I mean it sincerely, but I'm not stingy with it because, really, I think there's a lot to be grateful for in our daily interactions with people. Nobody has to say or do anything nice for anyone else, but they do, so if it makes you feel good or helps you out in some way, why not take the second it takes to express gratitude?

THIS reflects my attitude completely.

 

[thexremedy4love]

I always have a really hard, awkward time taking compliments. I either can't figure out what to say or I blow them off and make it even more awkward. Just saying "thank you" is the best approach in my opinion, but if you aren't actually thankful for the compliment, then there's no need to say anything.

 

[Fjones]

You really need to chill out. Though I'm guessing you won't because people repeatedly ask you to. Not every person is going to agree with the way people should act on dates. Is it really worth your time to get upset about? No, maybe you would not get a second date but by your standards you wouldn't want one anyway. Who cares.

There are plenty of women out there (myself) who would expect/want to split the bill on a first date/ second date/ forevermore. If a guy didn't offer to pay the whole thing I would be totally fine and wouldn't think another second about it. That certainly wouldn't enter my mind whether they would get a second date or not. That said, I've never met a guy who let the fact that his date didn't offer to help pay for the first date really effect if he wanted to go on a second with her. I really don't think it's that big of a deal. Regardless, I respect the women who think differently and why they do.

I don't need to chill out. One woman said she would not go on a second date if the guy did not pay for the first date, and two other women agreed with her.

I find that setting and somewhat offensive.


I am not going to apologize for stating my opinions with conviction.

Forgive me if I misunderstood the point that was being made, but I read the post as --

"Paying for the first date is classy. If he doesn't, he gets no second date."

Did I misread? Because I don't think I did.

 

[Fjones]

I think you took that comment the wrong way. I never said I wouldnt go on a second date with a guy who didnt offer to pay. If he cant afford it or thinks the bill should be split, then thats fine with me. I dont mean classy as in "of high social standing and wealth" or whatever, I mean classy as in a nice gesture. There are other things someone can do to be classy other than just picking up the check. I do still stick by what I said though.

Calm down, dont just instantly assume everything said here is based on money.

If I took the comment the wrong way, I apologize for my rant. But I am not sure how I was supposed to take the comment --

from mz thizzle -- "Call me old fashioned but I think it seems classier of the guy pick up the bill, at least on the first date or two."

from Mrs Mia Wallace -- "Agreed ... I can only think of a few guys whom I split the bill with and they were guys I would not have gone out with again anyway. "

from MariaCallis -- "^Ms Mia Wallace....same here 100%."


So what exactly did I misinterpret?

Wel ive in a society where women have made great strides in seeking and gaining equal rights and equal pay for equal work. There is still much work to be done, but I agree wholeheartedly with the cause. I think men and women should be treated as EQUALS.

But then women turn around and expect men to pay for their dinner. I apologize if I see a blatant hypocrisy there.

Again, I restate my point, one which no one addressed--It doesn't require any class to offer to pay for a dinner with a woman from whom you are expecting or hoping for something in return. Anyone with money in his wallet can do that.

 

[randycaver]

work and romance are not the same thing

however, i wouldn't 'demand' a guy pay. but there were many times if a guy asked me out i hoped like hell he'd pay b/c i couldn't afford it otherwise. how do you say that, when you're being asked out? it's kind of awkward..

 

[Fjones]

work and romance are not the same thing

however, i wouldn't 'demand' a guy pay. but there were many times if a guy asked me out i hoped like hell he'd pay b/c i couldn't afford it otherwise. how do you say that, when you're being asked out? it's kind of awkward..

I don't know. I wish I did know, so I could explain to a woman why I cannot affrod to pay for HER meal.

Maybe a better date would be for the two people to cook a meal together at home.

 

[randycaver]

^^ yep, if both ppl dont live in a dorm or with their parents LOL :D

 

[RedLeader]

It is typically the case that the person who asks the other on the date pays, or at least this is kind of an implicit assumption that I (and I think many others) have gone with, and (I) have never really had any "awkward" moments as a result. So yes, the imbalance of who pays for dates can be at least partially explained away by the whole "asker pays" assumption.

This sounds fine to me, both in terms of equality, fairness and gender-irrelevance.

But ya, encouraging women to ask men out and pursue them then becomes somewhat analogous to the issue being argued here. To what extent it's human nature for the man to want to pursue the woman and the woman being desired to be pursued by the man is a different debate. And to what extent the synthetic nature of our modern world (i.e. money and rights to obtain it) mitigate human nature, again another debate.

 

[AmorRoark]

^ Nicely put redleader.