• LAVA Moderator: streaM Freak

Saying, 'Thank you' after receiving a compliment?

How did this thread turn from saying "thank you" after receiving a verbal compliment, to saying "thank you" as an everyday mannerism?

The two are completely different. The OP was pretty specific about using it in the context of a compliment.
 
The OP's specific question was addressed plenty, 40 posts into a topic I don't see what's wrong with branching a little to related things. It happens all the time, such is the nature of communication and especially message boards. If a topic was made right now on "thank you as an everyday mannerism" I bet you it would get merged. Chill out.
 
I think you mis-interpreted me SigmaSis. :( I think 'thank you' is a nice custom in our society born out of the good of human nature to express gratitude. What I mean is I don't know why people, who aren't like me and dislike thank you, waste so much time thinking about how much they dislike it. I guess I see your point in that people who don't really mean 'thank you' shouldn't say it as it devalues the genuine gratitude.

That said, I think there are varying levels of 'thank you'. At its face most 'thank you's are slight and kind thank yous that don't have a *significant* amount of gratitude behind it. I say 'thank you' when a cashier finishes ringing me up. Does this mean I will eternally think of her for the rest of my life in gratitude for selling me gum? No. That is all I meant by informalities SigmaSis.*

*please don't think I'm accusing you of puttting too much thought into everyday thanks yous. :) You're great.
 
The OP's specific question was addressed plenty, 40 posts into a topic I don't see what's wrong with branching a little to related things. It happens all the time, such is the nature of communication and especially message boards. If a topic was made right now on "thank you as an everyday mannerism" I bet you it would get merged. Chill out.

You chill out. I'm just objecting to the thread turning into a pro or anti thank you debate, since the context is crucially important.
 
I can't stand opening a door for someone (usually a woman) and not getting a thank you. It's common fucking courtesy. I'm not a damn doorman and that person would find me rude if I just let myself in and let the door shut in their face.

Usually I deal with these people by saying, "Oh you are SO welcome! Anytime I can get the door for you, you just let me know!" as loud as I can.
 
I understand what Arsey is saying.

If someone says I am handsome, should I really say "Thank you?" I didn't do anything. I was born that way. I'd rather someone compliment something I have accomplished or achieved.

You could always say, "That's very nice of you to say." I feel uncomfortable getting compliments about my appearance, because I always feel obligated to return the favor. Which is hard when the person giving the compliment looks like a troll.
 
You chill out. I'm just objecting to the thread turning into a pro or anti thank you debate, since the context is crucially important.

But I think it's interesting, worth discussing, and appropriate to do so in this thread that some people believe thank you is crap regardless of context.

AmorRoark said:
I think you mis-interpreted me SigmaSis. I think 'thank you' is a nice custom in our society born out of the good of human nature to express gratitude. What I mean is I don't know why people, who aren't like me and dislike thank you, waste so much time thinking about how much they dislike it. I guess I see your point in that people who don't really mean 'thank you' shouldn't say it as it devalues the genuine gratitude.

That said, I think there are varying levels of 'thank you'. At its face most 'thank you's are slight and kind thank yous that don't have a *significant* amount of gratitude behind it. I say 'thank you' when a cashier finishes ringing me up. Does this mean I will eternally think of her for the rest of my life in gratitude for selling me gum? No. That is all I meant by informalities SigmaSis.*

Gotcha! I did misunderstand your initial comment, but this one, I completely agree with.
 
I feel uncomfortable getting compliments about my appearance, because I always feel obligated to return the favor. Which is hard when the person giving the compliment looks like a troll.
lol exactly man.
That's pretty much the reason that triggered me into creating this thread....people who I want nothing to do with/don't even know throwing compliments in my face...I realize many people 'feel good' after receiving a compliment...but I dont, I feel good when I'm certain that what I have accomplished was successful. I don't like having my ego overly validated.
 
^ You seriously do that? I really don't think the discourtesy of not saying thank you merits that type of humiliation.

Well someone has to teach these people. Obviously, their parents dropped the ball there. Fifty years ago, you couldn't pass a person on the street without giving and receiving a proper greeting. Now, everyone goes out of their way to avoid eye contact as if you intend to rob or rape them.

I always thank a person who opens a door for me and I expect the same. It's common courtesy and it's dying one open door at a time. When someone does something nice for you that they are are not obligated to do, no matter how insignificant you may find it, you should always thank them. It shouldn't be something you feel obligated to do, it should come natural. If you saw an elderly person fall in front of you, would you help them up or wait for them to help themselves? Courtesy works both ways and should be an automatic reflex, whether in action or spoken word.

Do I think that discourtesy warrants humilation? Goddamn right I do. I know it falls under the two wrongs don't make a right, but I bet a million dollars that those people will think to say thank you the next time they are in a similar situation. If not, then to hell with them. They're stupid, stubborn and refuse to learn.
 
I usually say thank you because I never really know what else to say.

I usually don't agree with any kind of compliment, but I hate when you compliment someone and they just go off a rant about how what you said is bullshit, so thank you is an easy solution.
 
Well someone has to teach these people. Obviously, their parents dropped the ball there. Fifty years ago, you couldn't pass a person on the street without giving and receiving a proper greeting. Now, everyone goes out of their way to avoid eye contact as if you intend to rob or rape them.

I always thank a person who opens a door for me and I expect the same. It's common courtesy and it's dying one open door at a time. When someone does something nice for you that they are are not obligated to do, no matter how insignificant you may find it, you should always thank them. It shouldn't be something you feel obligated to do, it should come natural. If you saw an elderly person fall in front of you, would you help them up or wait for them to help themselves? Courtesy works both ways and should be an automatic reflex, whether in action or spoken word.

Do I think that discourtesy warrants humilation? Goddamn right I do. I know it falls under the two wrongs don't make a right, but I bet a million dollars that those people will think to say thank you the next time they are in a similar situation. If not, then to hell with them. They're stupid, stubborn and refuse to learn.

Where I live everybody opens the door for everybody else. 99% of the time a thank you is given. That said I would never go off on someone who didn't say thank you. I'd assume that they were having an off day or had something else on their mind and forgot. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I generally believe people taking it upon themselves to 'teach' other people manners are totally doing it wrong. Your being rude is going to make an already rude person rude no more? Huh? I don't think the memory of someone yelling at them will make these people 'remember' to say thank you in the future. If anything they'll just think "what's his problem?" and most likely pay your yelling no heed. If I was around you when you said something like that I'd think you're a jerk. Just being honest. :)
 
I have never understood this opening the door business. I can open the door myself. That said, I do feel obligated to say thank you, so I do. I just find it annoying that we are expected to say "thank you" so many times a day. It has become a hackneyed expression that doesn't really mean much. When I go to the gym and exchange greetings with the person at the desk, She hands my card back and I usually say "Thank you" because it seems to be customary. But what am I rally thanking her for?

When someone actually does something truly generous or kind, it seems that a simple "thank you" would almost be a slight, since we use it all the time for some many lesser things now.
 
^^^ I agree. I am one fo them. I usually say, "I really appreciate that, it means a lot to me."
 
^People rant that a compliment is BS? I've never heard someone do that, that would be so rude!
Rant is probably not the right word, but (mostly from women) I think it's pretty common. For example when you say "you have really beautiful hair" and get in return "what?! no I don't! My hair is so dirty right now I haven't washed it in like two days, and it's so unhealthy from me bleaching it last month and I have all these split ends..." shut up, please. I obviously do not agree with you or noticed any of those things, so just accept the compliment and try to enjoy it. 8)
I have never understood this opening the door business. I can open the door myself. That said, I do feel obligated to say thank you, so I do. I just find it annoying that we are expected to say "thank you" so many times a day. It has become a hackneyed expression that doesn't really mean much. When I go to the gym and exchange greetings with the person at the desk, She hands my card back and I usually say "Thank you" because it seems to be customary. But what am I rally thanking her for?
When someone actually does something truly generous or kind, it seems that a simple "thank you" would almost be a slight, since we use it all the time for some many lesser things now.
I agree, the door opening business is a bit silly but I think that and a lot of other things that we do are appreciated now not because of their function but because of what they symbolize to us. If someone holds a door open for me, yes, I could have opened that door myself, but it makes me feel good somewhat to see that they care to do it for me---- not that I think me and this person are now going to become best friends or even have a full conversation, but that they chose to do something kind, however small it may be, feel nice.

There are also things that have become traditions that might once have had a function but are now valued for what they symbolize... For example, this may be a bit of a controversial one but I'll use it all the same-- when I go out on a first date, I pretty much expect for the guy to pay. Not at some restaurant where he's going to have to drop a bunch of cash down for my entree, but if we go to a movie or are eating at a moderately inexpensive restaurant, I expect him to pay. Sure, I’ll always bring my wallet with me and offer to split the bill, and I’m not going to argue with the guy if he agrees to do so, but if I have to pay for my meal and my ticket to the movie I’m probably not going to be seeing him again. Stupid? Maybe. Obviously this tradition started when women weren’t expected or really allowed to work many many years ago and so would therefore not have money to pay, and it may bring feminists back 20 years, but for me it’s a sign of respect, appreciation, and care from the guy. (However, if the girl asks the guy to go somewhere, I wouldn’t expect him to be the one to shell out all the money for the evening).

To me thank you is sort of the same as the above—it doesn’t really mean anything, but it’s a sign of respect and so I say to pretty much everyone from the guy who cuts my hair to the person who gives me my change at Starbucks… and when people say it to me for meaningless things it just reinforces that feeling of respect and appreciation.

When someone does something that requires a meaningful thank you, I would say something more along the lines of “Thank you, I really appreciate blank it means a lot.”
So yeah, maybe “thank you” has lost some of it’s meaning, but I don’t think having to articulate a bit more to make it more meaningful is necessarily a bad thing.
 
I paid for dinner on a date once. And I felt like a total loser. Why should I have to PAY a woman for her to enjoy my company?

If she doesn't want to go out with me again because I don't pay for dinner, good. I'd rather learn beforehand what kind of values she holds before i get too involved with someone whose companionship I have to pay for.
 
A lot of people do more than say thank you when someone else does something truly generous or kind.

When someone goes out of their way for me, I try to return the favor. It might not be at that time, but when something else comes up I'll go out of my way for them.

I paid for dinner on a date once. And I felt like a total loser. Why should I have to PAY a woman for her to enjoy my company?

If she doesn't want to go out with me again because I don't pay for dinner, good. I'd rather learn beforehand what kind of values she holds before i get too involved with someone whose companionship I have to pay for.

I think these days most women should expect to pay for themselves on the first date. After dating for a bit though the couple should take turns paying for each other.
 
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