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The Dark Side Check-In Thread ver. 2009 > 2008

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hmm, well it would vary, but usually 24 pints, plus a btl or red wine, or a pint of vodka, if the other alcohols werent available id look for another 6 pack.

for...... im not sure how long, maybe 3 months 4-5? its all a blur.

took 4-5 days of 2-3 bottles a day of cab or shiraz, until, one day there was a bottle left, i didnt drink it for 2 days, that whole time i had the 'tremors' then i finally had a glass wine.

a big red kiss good bye.

feels good man.
 
Its beena rough but interesting dramatic weekend, in the end we always turn out ok. Thank goodness for that.
 
Saw my last/only girlfriend (from like 8 yrs ago) today for her birthday .. One more variable to add to my confused existence. She's 60 miles away and we don't have cars, so it can't be a regular occurence .. But I can't stand to be in my own home thnx to my live-in bum friend. When I leave my city I feel so much different .. I guess my depression & addiction have borders. When I cross them, I just feel lost.

I did just get an unexpected raise @ work tho, which is going better now that I've been (more) sober. Perhaps with January behind me, 2009 isn't a lost cause.
 
I'm becomeing very worried about finding a job. Of course my mother doesn't help. I'm going to have to go back to the job I hated so much, but hey...its money and a lot of jobs likely are going told go to those who are older with families to support at this point. Small towns make is so impossible.
 
I found this, this is the thread 2009 >2008 right?

2008
As midnight tolls her 12th bell,
welcome to another year in hell.
What do I have to look forward to?
Life, anything but a dream come true,
a year of suffering, abuse and pain,
more failures, mistakes and shame.
Look now, I start to think about,
Can I make it without cashing out?
I guess the unknown is the key.
In the end we will wait and see.
 
Pillthrill said:
I found this, this is the thread 2009 >2008 right?

2008
As midnight tolls her 12th bell,
welcome to another year in hell.
What do I have to look forward to?
Life, anything but a dream come true,
a year of suffering, abuse and pain,
more failures, mistakes and shame.
Look now, I start to think about,
Can I make it without cashing out?
I guess the unknown is the key.
In the end we will wait and see.
Click to expand...

Woah, powerful stuff PT, did you write that? Fucking awesome! :) It definitely is the unknown that keeps me around. If I had 100% faith in the after-life, I'd probably be all like, meh.

Had a bit of a scare with the old GBL a bit earlier...wanted to test my pass out dose, still awake, lol. 2.5mL + 1mL+ 1.5mL within 1/2 hour of initial dose = vortex30 still awake, wandered around for a while on campus, got food, eating now.
 
Yes, yes I did. New years 2008.
Alone because the bf refused to let me go out.
I likely would have just got in trouble.
Later we fought more after I went to a friend's to watch a movie, I got stoned as fuck.

New Years 2009
Pissed off that my date didn't show up.
So I was home alone.
High on codeine.
And it turned out to be a complete waste of time.

FYI, that year sucked too...
 
I'm doing good now! School is going a lot better than I thought it would, and everything with my girlfriend is staying pretty steady considering I'm an hour away from her now. I just had to drop a class but it's okay I'm doing good in the rest of them. I'm living in an apartment now, and have been really busy so I haven't been around to post.

Still been clean, now I'm at 9 months clean off dope and all opiates! I'm really happy about that. I have been finding it hard to resist wanting some cocaine lately though, I don't know why but I want some badly... I think it's because I've been so tired lately and I just want to be awake, but there are much more healthier ways to do so, so hopefully I can go that route.

Hope all is well with everyone else. I gotta get ready for class.

-dp
 
Hey dp, that's so great to hear things are going well for you <3
If you need to stay awake, go the caffiene option, NOT the coke option, okay? :)
 
I'm trying to stay away but I don't know how long it's going to last... you'd think with my past coke addiction (which caused so many problems in my life) that I'd not want to do it again, but I still get those cravings... ugh.

I need to trip again, that usually allows me to realize how dumb I've been to think about even doing coke, and allows me to integrate everything that's happened lately in my life. So maybe I'll try and get some shrooms or something instead. It's a much cheaper option too.
 
Hey DP, did your girlfriend every get treatment for her mom and that married guy situation? I know you were having a problem with that. I'm glad things are going better for you in the relationship.
 
Lysis said:
Hey DP, did your girlfriend every get treatment for her mom and that married guy situation? I know you were having a problem with that. I'm glad things are going better for you in the relationship.
Click to expand...

She still doesn't see it as a problem... so no. But I did persuade her to see a therapist, and she is still going so that's a plus.
 
Feeling totally fucked, binging on valium, alcohol, mdmd and booze. It feels nice for a few hours in the morning when im working but the minute i finish, i need to escape.
 
yo cosmic charlie every time i see your name
i think back to
when i was a young teenager getting baked off dutch goodies
over in the netherlands

i would spin that song for my 3 year old brother
whose name is charlie

even got him singing it

along with hey fatboy asshole by ween

and cris cross jump jump
but he called it spring spring
cuz spring means jump in dutchy talk
 
I think just the smallest thing is sending me spiraling downward...Tramadol should show up just in time. That eyes won't stay straight in my head, nodding out, drooling high...where you don't give a fuck about anything, couldn't if you wanted to. Shows up the day I have to be in classes...oh well maybe I'll just go high. Sociological theory might suck less if I'm high as fuck. People can be witness to my own self-destruction, honestly doesn't bother me anymore...as long as it doesn't mean losing my job or something...wait, I still don't have one.
 
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