zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
^ put it away out of sight. Its better than seeing it all the time. As for booze, dont be so hard on yourself. Its the lesser of two evils and to be honest its more fun than meth 
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The Dark Side Check-In Thread ver. 2009 > 2008
- Thread starter Mariposa
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Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Congrats on the progress you've made so far Claire. I don't know what kind of access you have to doctors but I thought I'd mention that there are some prescriptions that are purported to lessen cravings for alcohol. Topamax and acamprosate are two I can think of right now. I'm not saying meds will do it for you but anything that could give you an edge might be worth looking at. People into herbal medicine have some stuff they find gives people an edge on overcoming addictions. Kudzo root is such an herb. I am not saying that I know any particular agent is suited to you in particular just that healing arts have some tools at their disposal. Anyways keep up the good work, things will come together for you.claire22 said:
stellablue
Bluelight Crew
I got an envolepe that was sent from my best friend family that died this december from a drug overdose. There were pictures of us, and some of him and the girls. Even the message gift certificate I had bought him for his birthay was also in there. It literally broke me down. I amost can't take the losses sometimes, it is cross so heavy to bear. Please I pray I get the strength to get through this one. I miss him so badly.
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
^ put it away out of sight. Its better than seeing it all the time. As for booze, dont be so hard on yourself. Its the lesser of two evils and to be honest its more fun than meth
Alcohol and meth are totally different, of course... but I have found that alcohol did a lot more damage to my mental health than meth. It's also not even close to as much fun.
I've not touched meth for 8+ months now - and I went cold turkey none the worse for the wear. I was cleaning out some stuff recently, found a glass dick, and for a moment thought about hitting the residue. Then I came to my senses and slammed it into the dumpster.
(Zeph, I did keep my giant torch though; may use it for creme brulee lol
)I'm checking in... I made 14 days alcohol free before I realized that its absence in my life was making me worse off than its presence. I now do not drink per this acronym:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
I also do not drink daily, and I remain abstinent from distilled spirits. It's the best I can do for right now.
Stella --
I am still speechless. 
Lysis
Bluelighter
stella, I'm so sorry. When my BF died I read his police report and it felt like I was going to die. Some of the things on that report were like a knife in my heart. I'm really sorry that happen. Sometimes, we feel a little better and life kicks us in the gut again.
drug_wench
Bluelight Crew
luv and hugs to stella - hang in there hun......uve had a lot of loss so i know this probly isnt much help but u will know that time heals.....slowly!
remember u can always talk to me!
claire, my advice is to get rid of ur pipe
i kept mine for too long tbh
i hid it in my box of horse ribbons and kept it 'in case i ever decided to go back' (oh the insanity of it all)
i actually forgot about it eventually! oneday my friend millie and i were going thru the box of ribbons, for nostalgias sake, remembering wat id won each one for (or trying to) and millie pulled out this glass pipe and goes 'wtf do u still hav this for?'
she gave me a right bollocking and made me smash it up in front of her but ill tell u even seeing the thing brought on cravings that i just didnt need
i wanted to keep it but as millie said 'if u dont smoke the stuff why hav a pipe?'
gd question
and ur not planning on smoking the stuff again r u?
sure im sure ur aware of the many other devices u can use to smoke meth but u dont need a meth pipe staring u in the face wen ur trying to give up! or, at least, do as zeph suggested and put it away where u cant see it the way i did....after all i forgot the thing existed!
hows life for me? well im a little pissed off cos paul just rang me to say hes had the car towed away and i hav to somehow get it back in time to get to pick up my dose of suboxone
bah fuck
remember u can always talk to me!
claire, my advice is to get rid of ur pipe
i kept mine for too long tbh
i hid it in my box of horse ribbons and kept it 'in case i ever decided to go back' (oh the insanity of it all)
i actually forgot about it eventually! oneday my friend millie and i were going thru the box of ribbons, for nostalgias sake, remembering wat id won each one for (or trying to) and millie pulled out this glass pipe and goes 'wtf do u still hav this for?'
she gave me a right bollocking and made me smash it up in front of her but ill tell u even seeing the thing brought on cravings that i just didnt need
i wanted to keep it but as millie said 'if u dont smoke the stuff why hav a pipe?'
gd question
and ur not planning on smoking the stuff again r u?
sure im sure ur aware of the many other devices u can use to smoke meth but u dont need a meth pipe staring u in the face wen ur trying to give up! or, at least, do as zeph suggested and put it away where u cant see it the way i did....after all i forgot the thing existed!
hows life for me? well im a little pissed off cos paul just rang me to say hes had the car towed away and i hav to somehow get it back in time to get to pick up my dose of suboxone
bah fuck
New
Bluelight Crew
I'm doing alright...still need to find a goddamned job...but I still have time to apply for school.
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
Thanks dude. Yeah 19 days is a fucking long time for me!Considering 6 1/2 years every.single.day without fail. I've come a long way. But the alcohols becoming an issue, and I'm craving a puff so bad. I still have my pipe in the kitchen I can't chuck it out. I am weak.
You will. You're not weak. Its like me and the razorblades. I want to quit...but I still have them. You just have to make it that once you make up your mind you can't get it back. My bf says hes going to make it so that when I'm ready, he will make sure I can't dig in the trash for them.
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
My god, thats awful.
ladyinthesky
Bluelight Crew
Today will be 10 days for me
I feel great and refreshed, I am working on me and getting rid of all the things that are negative in my life
@stella im so sorry to hear that Much love girlie, youre a strong woman and i know you can get through this
claire22 great job, keep it up, youre beautiful
it is hard to throw out your pipe, it was hard for me to throw out my stash, just do it, after you do you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders
I feel great and refreshed, I am working on me and getting rid of all the things that are negative in my life
@stella im so sorry to hear that
Much love girlie, youre a strong woman and i know you can get through thisclaire22 great job, keep it up, youre beautiful
it is hard to throw out your pipe, it was hard for me to throw out my stash, just do it, after you do you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders
claire22
Bluelighter
Thanks bella, well done on throwing it out! I am afraid to let go of it, afraid for it to leave my life forever. It's strange - I hate it so much but I can't let go.
^^ Awww hun I know exactly what you mean
Can you picture yourself throwing out the paraphernalia?
We have a cellar full of wine under the house, and a cupboard full of alcohol IN the house. It's no wonder I can't stop drinking 8)
It seems so foolish, and so fucking obvious, yet we still can't get rid of it....
Can you picture yourself throwing out the paraphernalia?
We have a cellar full of wine under the house, and a cupboard full of alcohol IN the house. It's no wonder I can't stop drinking 8)
It seems so foolish, and so fucking obvious, yet we still can't get rid of it....
vortex30
Bluelighter
Checking in on day 26 clean of Cannabis and all 'mind damaging' drugs, but drank 2 beers and took 30mg Oxazepam. Had 6.75mL of GBL earlier...And 2.5mL earlier in the day...Woah that's 9.25mL all day...And this is the first day I felt the proper effects, you all watch me on that shit, I ain't doing it tomorrow.
So I'm checking in...Mentally...Considerably better than 26 days ago, addiction wise? Ooof!
So I'm checking in...Mentally...Considerably better than 26 days ago, addiction wise? Ooof!
**hAyzzZZ**
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2005
- Messages
- 1,567
I still can't throw mine out, "just in case". 8)
Lol I remember once at Kryal, i had just gotten speed and was so desperate for a burn, i was sitting in the toilets and for some fucking reason the pipe was on my lap, and before I knew it, ...... *SMASH*
Everyone in ballarat probably heard me scream "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
Lol
Pillthrill
Bluelighter
You know what Claire...get mad. Get really really mad about how sick you have been. How much pain this shit has caused you. What you may have cost you. GET MAD and smash the fucker and then its over with. You will feel good YES, screw you drugs. But I will warn you there might be the cry, damn it what if I need it cry/clean up. But yeah GET MAD. I've never used a glass pipe for anything other than weed, and that...my mom just took it so I had not say about it.
Mariposa
Bluelight Crew
^^Sound advice.
I had no stash when I smashed my oil burner/glass dick, and they cost about $3 at the many head shops where I live, so if I needed one for another purpose, it wouldn't be tough to acquire. I don't smoke anything out of those anymore. My typing speed went down; that's the only negative I can tell about no longer using meth. I'm really proud of all of you who have remained abstinent, and for those who relapsed - don't get discouraged.
Claire - seriously, (discreetly of course) go to the nearest dumpster, look at your glass dick, concentrate on how meth has fucked up your life and how you refuse to have any reminders of it ever, ever again... and smash the fucker into the dumpster. I guarantee you it will be therapeutic.
I had no stash when I smashed my oil burner/glass dick, and they cost about $3 at the many head shops where I live, so if I needed one for another purpose, it wouldn't be tough to acquire. I don't smoke anything out of those anymore. My typing speed went down; that's the only negative I can tell about no longer using meth. I'm really proud of all of you who have remained abstinent, and for those who relapsed - don't get discouraged.
Claire - seriously, (discreetly of course) go to the nearest dumpster, look at your glass dick, concentrate on how meth has fucked up your life and how you refuse to have any reminders of it ever, ever again... and smash the fucker into the dumpster. I guarantee you it will be therapeutic.
zephyr
Ex-Bluelighter
^ Thats the thing Mariposa: I have had some very strange long lasting weird shit happen- like your typing speed (I cant type for shit hee hee).
Words are fine, I dont jumble them at all. Reading has always been good. Comprehension skills are not lost.
But numbers and mathematics- thats different. In my job, everything I handle has a number and bar code. Its imperative to not jumble them as they relate to different patient samples. But I look at the numbers and they are blurry and I get them backwards.
I have always had a slight issue with numbers and maths took a lot of study. But getting 7 and 1 mixed up and not being able to easily put numbers in numerical order is causing drama. I lost my confidence.
In my short relapse back onto gear this problem disappeared and I was able to do my job well.
I have since resigned to go to rehab (iminent, 4 week assessment initially and I hope to go to outpatient after that- this will be explained at end of post) and my paperwork (bills) is a total disorganised mess and I cant figure anything out. I overpay bills so I dont get in trouble but doing tax? Forget that, cant do it.
As for smasho of the glass dick, dont do what I did and throw it against the wall, it marks the paint in a rental and I trod on the glass afterwards, what a tool.
All reminders must go. The dick was not only method of consumption for me. Needle fetishes ans desire to inject is a problem but not too bad.
Anyway, the rehab place I am going to get myself into runs long term residential programs for seriously long term addicted people. I was recommended this a few months ago by lifeline. My parents agreed. I thought it was good plan. Did not go as someone I loved at that time offered to help me, support me and have me move to his house with his family. Unfortunately we then aquired more drugs.
I have to do this off my own back and will beat this, I was completely alone, literally, for 2 months and remained drug free at that time.
Lonliness makes you do dumb things, like try hardest to get old relationships which were toxic to work again. When it didnt in a bad way I fell onto my old comforting friend- the glass dick.
Meth is not what I want. I want people around me who are just normally around and dont come around due to drug related activities. I do not have the support I need where I live to begin again. I wont make it here, as much as I did want to.
Place Im going to is in NSW. My situation with social phobia and agoraphobia is extreme. I trust very few and talk to even less. But I have been lucky enough to find someone who I can be physically very close to and love without fear of being hurt.
This has greatly improved my stance and I think a 4 week inhouse program then intensive outpatient care is needed, not a year or more in seclusion from the world.
I have more hope that I am worthwhile and will succeed over my issues.
BL has helped a lot, some have hindered, but thats life and shit happens.
Thanks to fellow meth addicts who have revealed their stories. A while ago this did not happen due to the reaction they got. It helps to have an open forum to ask for help and tell whats been going on in lives.
Words are fine, I dont jumble them at all. Reading has always been good. Comprehension skills are not lost.
But numbers and mathematics- thats different. In my job, everything I handle has a number and bar code. Its imperative to not jumble them as they relate to different patient samples. But I look at the numbers and they are blurry and I get them backwards.
I have always had a slight issue with numbers and maths took a lot of study. But getting 7 and 1 mixed up and not being able to easily put numbers in numerical order is causing drama. I lost my confidence.
In my short relapse back onto gear this problem disappeared and I was able to do my job well.
I have since resigned to go to rehab (iminent, 4 week assessment initially and I hope to go to outpatient after that- this will be explained at end of post) and my paperwork (bills) is a total disorganised mess and I cant figure anything out. I overpay bills so I dont get in trouble but doing tax? Forget that, cant do it.
As for smasho of the glass dick, dont do what I did and throw it against the wall, it marks the paint in a rental and I trod on the glass afterwards, what a tool.
All reminders must go. The dick was not only method of consumption for me. Needle fetishes ans desire to inject is a problem but not too bad.
Anyway, the rehab place I am going to get myself into runs long term residential programs for seriously long term addicted people. I was recommended this a few months ago by lifeline. My parents agreed. I thought it was good plan. Did not go as someone I loved at that time offered to help me, support me and have me move to his house with his family. Unfortunately we then aquired more drugs.
I have to do this off my own back and will beat this, I was completely alone, literally, for 2 months and remained drug free at that time.
Lonliness makes you do dumb things, like try hardest to get old relationships which were toxic to work again. When it didnt in a bad way I fell onto my old comforting friend- the glass dick.
Meth is not what I want. I want people around me who are just normally around and dont come around due to drug related activities. I do not have the support I need where I live to begin again. I wont make it here, as much as I did want to.
Place Im going to is in NSW. My situation with social phobia and agoraphobia is extreme. I trust very few and talk to even less. But I have been lucky enough to find someone who I can be physically very close to and love without fear of being hurt.
This has greatly improved my stance and I think a 4 week inhouse program then intensive outpatient care is needed, not a year or more in seclusion from the world.
I have more hope that I am worthwhile and will succeed over my issues.
BL has helped a lot, some have hindered, but thats life and shit happens.
Thanks to fellow meth addicts who have revealed their stories. A while ago this did not happen due to the reaction they got. It helps to have an open forum to ask for help and tell whats been going on in lives.
Your one hopefully soon.
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