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living life as an empathetic person

laurengotdatfire

laurengotdatfire

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 2, 2008
Messages
1,648
Location
hollyHOOD/miramar 954, FL
Living life with my empathetic tendencies is extremely hard and is pushing me to the limit. If you do not know what an empath is I strongly suggest that you research them on the internet to gain a good understanding of how hard it is to live being such a sensitive person. I will do my best to explain through my experience in life. I'm sorry if this post ends up long and greatly appreciate anyone taking the time to read this.

First off I'd like to say that I've spoken to my little sister about this many times as she shows the same "qualities" I show in the way she connects with people and reads vibes and we've agreed not to speak about this to anyone pertaining to ourselves, so you can't imagine how weary I feel about writing this.

I'm going to give you a short summary, though I could write pages of feelings I can vividly remember and feel again while remembering them.

Throughout my whole life I've been a very *sensitive* person to other people's feelings and people have been very drawn to me even in times of depression where I go out of my way to appear very uninterested. I have always pushed aside the fact that I can *feel* things from other people that really effect my everyday life. I have always just thought of it as I am opening up my energy to that person and it becomes in tune with their energy and I absorb theirs partly, really feeling their emotions. Until a few years ago I never *knew* I was empathetic, until I read a lot about it and there was no doubt in my mind. I am not sure I am a full blown empath but when I allow myself to open up my energy completely to someone I can manipulate their energy/ concentrate a certain energy towards them/ communicate my vibe to them without speaking. I really believe I am a child of god and that I was put here to suffer for those who don't feel or don't want to feel so they block it out. I had never allowed myself to open up to anyone in fear of the unimaginary pain I would feel for them until I met my current boyfriend, the love of my life. I was instantly connected to his energy though I hated his disposition and completely disliked his lifestyle, though I soon fell into it. I became a junkie and a thug and he used me for my company, drugs, money, and those rare moments we'd tell eachother everything we've never told anyone else. We soon began to date, though he treated me like he forgot who I was. I then sort of predicted our relationship would be very very difficult and that I would learn very much, and for the first 5 months of our relationship I was emotionally tortured. My boyfriend was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder with psychotic episodes many years ago, and he shows signs of paranoid schizophrenia, manic, and he acts slightly sociopathic. He fed me all of his negative energy and being so dedicated to him I took all of his pain for him. I cry for him, get very ill for him, and hurt for him, though this is not what he wants. Seeing me endure all of his pain for him, he saw that there are people out there that aren't like the rest of the world and he fell in love with me. I opened up my energy to him completely KNOWING that if I did this, he would fall deeply in love with me. I have healed him by feeding him my positive energy and taking his negative energy away. I have saved him and he has found himself again and found god again...but do not mistake this curse for a blessing. I am completely ungrounded most days and my energy feels very vulnerable at all times. I feel the energies from people around me constantly and it litterally hurts my essence. I cry heavily multiple times a day, rarely if at all out of self pity, but feeling the pain of the world and the guilt. My boyfriend gets very frustrated that I cry so much, and he does not understand. It hurts me more feeling the negativity towards me in those times of utter vulnerability.

I have been self-diagnosed with very severe depression and general anxiety with panic attacks for over 6 years, and I'm pretty sure I have found the root of it in empathy. Throughout my life I have self mutilated (cut badly, beat myself in the head/face with objects or my fists, scratched my skin off) as a release for all of the sadness and negative energy I feel from people around me. It has caused me to grow to hate myself deeply and have a warped sense of perception of myself and the world. I believe it is causing me to show signs of schizophrenia and bipolar as well, and will kill me very soon if I can not control it. I'm pretty sure I've had atleast one heart attack in my lifetime caused by feeling the anxiety coming off of my boyfriend in a situation where wrong blame was placed on me for being dishonest. I felt what he felt and it scared me so I really freaked out.




I also sometimes learn things without actually learning them. I just *know* them. I somehow piece many many things together to the point where I have epiphanies that shake my energy.


I hope this spreads some knowledge of people like me and what I go through. Some people dismiss me as a drama queen but I wish they knew the severe pain I feel and the control my mind has over my energy.

If anyone experiences similar feelings, please tell me what you go through and if anyone knows how I can stop that feeling of my energy trying to leave my body, please give me some advice. I feel helpless sometimes and have nowhere to turn. Thank you
 
Hi lauren, thanks for sharing your story. Although its a painful one it gave a lot of insight as to what you go through. As a fellow empathetic person I also experience a lot of what you describe, taking on others' problems and emotions, making them more of a priority than my own etc.

Have you considered seeing a professional about what you experience?? There are a lot of doctors out there who would take you very seriously and would be able to help you to feel better. You wouldn't have to tell them everything straight away, let them gain your trust first.

You don't have to be in such pain, there are ways for highly sensitive people like you to live their every day lives more comfortably and in control.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Hi lauren, thanks for sharing your story. Although its a painful one it gave a lot of insight as to what you go through. As a fellow empathetic person I also experience a lot of what you describe, taking on others' problems and emotions, making them more of a priority than my own etc.

Have you considered seeing a professional about what you experience?? There are a lot of doctors out there who would take you very seriously and would be able to help you to feel better. You wouldn't have to tell them everything straight away, let them gain your trust first.

You don't have to be in such pain, there are ways for highly sensitive people like you to live their every day lives more comfortably and in control.
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Hello and thank you so so so much for the advice. It is AMAZING to hear from someone else that goes through what I go through. Do you ever vomit as a result of the stress you feel? I've never heard of anyone else that just that, just curious.

I do not want to seek professional help YET because my boyfriend is currently in jail, and in the event I have to testify in his case, I do not want to be discredited for mental instability. That is also something really torturing me that makes me have multiple panic attacks a day. As soon as it can be on its way to getting resolved I might seek out a therapist or something, but I've heard horror stories.

Again, thanks for your words!
 
laurengotdatfire said:
Hello and thank you so so so much for the advice. It is AMAZING to hear from someone else that goes through what I go through. Do you ever vomit as a result of the stress you feel? I've never heard of anyone else that just that, just curious.

I do not want to seek professional help YET because my boyfriend is currently in jail, and in the event I have to testify in his case, I do not want to be discredited for mental instability. That is also something really torturing me that makes me have multiple panic attacks a day. As soon as it can be on its way to getting resolved I might seek out a therapist or something, but I've heard horror stories.

Again, thanks for your words!
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No I've never vomited from other people's anxiety but I've been on medication for years so that may have something to do with it :)
Although I am drawn to the "lost puppy" type of people because I feel I can help them discover happiness and feel better about themselves. And like I said, I take on other people's problems and emotions as a higher priority than my own. This is of MUCH concern and exhasperation of my partner because he completely and utterly LACKS EMPATHY so he can't understand. It's amazing, he just does not have the function of empathy...I've never met anyone like that!

Anyway, it sounds like you're in a very tricky situation at the moment. You should see a professional as soon as possible and I gather it may be some time before you can do that. So in the interim, please try to look in to some relaxation exercises, some breathing techniques to help you cope with the stress you're experiencing. Some of these relaxation techniques are really easy and VERY effective.

Good luck hun <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
No I've never vomited from other people's anxiety but I've been on medication for years so that may have something to do with it :)
Although I am drawn to the "lost puppy" type of people because I feel I can help them discover happiness and feel better about themselves. And like I said, I take on other people's problems and emotions as a higher priority than my own. This is of MUCH concern and exhasperation of my partner because he completely and utterly LACKS EMPATHY so he can't understand. It's amazing, he just does not have the function of empathy...I've never met anyone like that!

Anyway, it sounds like you're in a very tricky situation at the moment. You should see a professional as soon as possible and I gather it may be some time before you can do that. So in the interim, please try to look in to some relaxation exercises, some breathing techniques to help you cope with the stress you're experiencing. Some of these relaxation techniques are really easy and VERY effective.

Good luck hun <3
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Yes, my boyfriend lacks empathy as well, he's a douchebag lol. Well to the majority of people. He doesn't understand me though.

My situation is very tricky but thanks so much for the advice about breathing excersizes and such I will look into that right away. I'm trying to stay positive, its very hard. <3
 
PM me if you need to hun, I don't know how much I can help you but sometimes it's good to just vent to someone :)
 
My advice would be to focus more on the psychological aspects and less on what you perceive to be metaphysical aspects of how you feel. Vomiting from stress and crying several times a day for no immediately apparent reason is definitely something one should seek professional help about. I'm sure there New Age Doctors that will cater to your belief that these things are a result of external influences and try to address that, but I don't think they'd be as beneficial to you as a good Psychologist.
 
GenericMind said:
My advice would be to focus more on the psychological aspects and less on what you perceive to be metaphysical aspects of how you feel. Vomiting from stress and crying several times a day for no immediately apparent reason is definitely something one should seek professional help about. I'm sure there New Age Doctors that will cater to your belief that these things are a result of external influences and try to address that, but I don't think they'd be as beneficial to you as a good Psychologist.
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I whole-heartedly agree with the fact that a psychologist would be much more beneficial, but would automatically dismiss my super-sensitivity as something else. This is the reason I never seeked mental help in the past, because I know that what I'm saying is absolutely true beyond doubt atleast to myself, and they would add it on to the crazy list. I do not vomit or cry for NO reason, but for things that are hurting other people. I can just pick up their sadness when I'm around and it hurts my heart.
 
I used to be an empath, but through a lot of drug use and medication, I effectively killed it. I don't recommend this at all - I would like to get my empathy back because I feel that overall it is a good thing and I'm sorry that I lost it. I hope there are ways of getting it back, but just learning how to control it and put up boundaries.

The best thing I can recommend is to do meditation EVERY DAY. Look up Vipassana meditation - basically you focus on your breathing, and then focus on parts of your physical body until you can really FEEL your whole body. When I've meditated I feel a lot calmer and more grounded. It's hard work but just takes practice, and it's worth it. You might want to attend some group meditation sessions in your area if you aren't good at meditating by yourself.
 
laurengotdatfire said:
I whole-heartedly agree with the fact that a psychologist would be much more beneficial, but would automatically dismiss my super-sensitivity as something else. This is the reason I never seeked mental help in the past, because I know that what I'm saying is absolutely true beyond doubt atleast to myself, and they would add it on to the crazy list. I do not vomit or cry for NO reason, but for things that are hurting other people. I can just pick up their sadness when I'm around and it hurts my heart.
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I'm not saying you're wrong, but there were a lot of things I knew to be absolutely true beyond a doubt when I was 18. A lot of them turned out not to be. I think if you genuinely want to get better in a sense that you can control your emotions and moderate your anxiety and depression, you'd be best off going to see a Psychologist with an open mind.
 
wingnutlives said:
I used to be an empath, but through a lot of drug use and medication, I effectively killed it. I don't recommend this at all - I would like to get my empathy back because I feel that overall it is a good thing and I'm sorry that I lost it. I hope there are ways of getting it back, but just learning how to control it and put up boundaries.

The best thing I can recommend is to do meditation EVERY DAY. Look up Vipassana meditation - basically you focus on your breathing, and then focus on parts of your physical body until you can really FEEL your whole body. When I've meditated I feel a lot calmer and more grounded. It's hard work but just takes practice, and it's worth it. You might want to attend some group meditation sessions in your area if you aren't good at meditating by yourself.
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This really sounds like something I need, but meditation has been difficult for me in the past because I have a hard time concentrating which is the main purpose of meditating. I will look it up and seek a group meditation session in my area, though I've never heard of one. It is a gift but also a curse in my opinion. Thanks for the words
 
Empathy is a great quality for humans to have - I don't think you should blame your empathy for your severe depression and panic attacks though. Your depression and panic attacks sound like they're more likely a result of your lifestyle - I mean, you are dating someone who is in a challenging circumstance, being a junkie and in jail and all that. Most people would suffer negative effects on their mental health if they were in your position - whether they're empathetic or not.

I think changing your lifestyle would do you wonders - sure you can still feel empathetic towards people who are living the tough life, but that doesn't mean you have to make it YOUR reality.

My grandma is probably the most empathetic person I've met, and she's never had any serious mental health struggles. All I'm trying to say is that whilst your empathy may have got you involved in your current lifestyle, I don't think there's a direct correlation between empathy and psychological illness. It really sounds like you're trying to sugar-coat your problems.

I think you should seek the help of a professional.
 
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Doppelganger said:
Empathy is a great quality for humans to have - I don't think you should blame your empathy for your severe depression and panic attacks though. Your depression and panic attacks sound like they're more likely a result of your lifestyle - I mean, you are dating someone who is in a challenging circumstance, being a junkie and in jail and all that. Most people would suffer negative effects on their mental health if they were in your position - whether they're empathetic or not.

I think changing your lifestyle would do you wonders - sure you can still feel empathetic towards people who are living the tough life, but that doesn't mean you have to make it YOUR reality.

My grandma is probably the most empathetic person I've met, and she's never had any serious mental health struggles. All I'm trying to say is that whilst your empathy may have got you involved in your current lifestyle, I don't think there's a direct correlation between empathy and psychological illness. It really sounds like you're trying to sugar-coat your problems.

I think you should seek the help of a professional.
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Well I'd like to say I've felt this way since I can remember my first memory of anything in my life. I have always KNOWN things because I feel or sense them and my boy and I are no longer junkies and have been clean for almost 9 months now and he is in jail over something beyond our control that happend. He is actually there as a result of defending me in a rather messed up situation. I don't only believe I feel this way, I actually know I do and my boyfriend's reality IS mine. My grandmother's as well. And my little sister, and father, and grandfather. And my bestfriend and cousins and just some people I know and litterally allow myself to feel for. I do need medical attention badly because I think I'm driving myself insane because of the constant battle I fight with myself every single day just to not let things get to me so bad that they don't allow me to live my life normally. I elevate my own stress level and its driving me crazy. I don't know how to help myself
 
GenericMind said:
You need to go to Psychologist and get on medication.
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As I said before somewhere up there, I refuse to go to a phsychologist or be on medication AT THIS TIME solely for the reason that I must testify in my boyfriend's case, and if I am on medication and they discredit me for any reason then we're fucked and he will not beat the case. I am the only witness, and I am in his favor.
Also, I've never ever taken medicine in my lifetime. Maybe once or twice to stop unbearable nausea, but I can not swallow pills and have been just fine without them. Do you think the medication is absolutely neccesary?
 
GenericMind said:
Most likely, yes.
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I disagree with this. I think there are things that she can do to calm her mind without medication. Why badger someone into taking meds if they don't believe in that? Plus, meds and drugs rather destroyed my empathy and I don't recommend that for anyone else.

Lauren, I believe you should give meditation a try again, even just for a few minutes at a time. I also recommend living alone (surrounded by LOTS of plants!) and having a lot of time to yourself, maybe even breaking up with your boyfriend if his moods are affecting you too negatively.
 
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