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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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I read your post in another forum about the possible break up, and I hope everything works out. Just remember you can't mind read so you shouldn't worry about something you aren't even positive is about to happen.

I know it's hard, but you need to trust her judgment and realize she chose you for a reason and to say that you aren't worthy of her is like saying she has bad taste/.
 
"I know it's hard, but you need to trust her judgment and realize she chose you for a reason and to say that you aren't worthy of her is like saying she has bad taste/."

Good advice man. I recently had a breakup mired in similar circumstances. What I found is that you are part of each other, and in order to give her the love she deserves you must learn to love yourself. To accept yourself and forgive yourself, and also take full responsiblity for yourself. Difficult as it may seem you have it within you. She sounds like the kind of girl that might be able to help you do that. Don't give up.
 
I know ive said this in a million threads so far, well about the Od anyway. But very recently someone in my family OD'd on heroin and died. Do you think its sick that I want to keep using every now and then after I know what its done to people? Ive successfully stopped shooting opiates which not many people do so I feel while I know I will get myself in trouble if I dont keep an eye on my use I kow I have at least some control over my use whereas most jjunkies I kniow have no control and I know if I were on the needle I would either. when im banging meth I am a different person.

For some reason Id really love a shot of heroin only if it was very clean and tested, but I feel so bad to be wanting opiates still after someone so special to me died so recently from the darn things. I mean im on alot of oxy right now and dont feel guilty at all that im high now but I feel bad for some reason. Maybe im tripping out and my emotions are all mixed up but I feel strange.

For now the thing im most proud of is not ending up dependant straight off the bat. I stopped for nearly a month and ive used a few times far enough apart to not end up in trouble which is unlike me. Usually I use once and I dont stop using until its too late so im proud. I dont re-dose either. If im going to use I do it in the arvo so im high until im bout to go to bed and I dont use again for a few days. i dont want to get involved with the suppliers anymore which I never used to have a problem with. I know realize they just want my money and dont give a shit about my welfare. In other words they are what I call scum and I use them for what theyre worth. But I dont like lowering myself to associating with scum so its helped me tremendously with staying off the gear. The only other place is copping off police ridden, junky infested streets where ill more than likely get ripped off, robbed, possible beaten or assaulted or expensive crap and theres no way id go there if I had a 500mg+ a day oxy habit. So in other words things are good. im used to being ready to get high every second of every hour of the day and its not like that, its like something clicked in my brain and its turned the crave switch off. Id rather do MDMA pills with my friends every now and tehn at raves and maybe do a little meth every now and then. Opiates are truely what ruined me and it was pharm shit!
 
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Ketaman, I tried heroin after a good friend of mine died from it. I felt so guilty, but I was so curious and curiosity won out. You're not alone in that.
 
I have been struggling with opiates for 7 years now. I got off about two years ago for a year and then was doing pills every now and then, thinking I could just do them every now and then. But it turned out to be just as bad as last time. I got on suboxone for a little while just a few months again and it helps a lot but I do not have insurance so it is really hard to pay 280 dollars for a one month supply. So I moved away from my hometown cause it was doing me no good and now I"m in Austin, Texas and have been off suboxone for a week now, feels like fucking months. But I'm doing pretty good, I feel really exhausted though and my anxiety is pretty bad but I'm coping with it. (not with drugs).

This is for the people who are struggilng, if you are ready to stop go to a dr or rehab and get on suboxone. It does work wonders, but it is also hard to get off too, but if you do it right it wont be too bad. And yes the addiction with always be there. There are other methods of getting off, Kratom is an opiate alternative, it might not have the huge sedative effects like pills or heroin but it does help the cravings. Just a suggestion. Good luck to all.

Nick:D
 
ketaman: you said you have stopped shooting opiates, which means you used to, so do you really think that it is so weird that you would want to do the thing that used to make you feel better now that you have encountered such a tragedy? Really, would you feel any better if you were craving coke or e? Probably not. Addicts have learned to drown their pain in drugs and have operated by the saying "when the going gets tough, get blasted."

You have done great so far staying away, so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself over a craving. Just remember that you can and have overcome it.



Now onto me because I'm selfish--

I had to go to urgent care this morning for a double nebulizer treatment because I was wheezing so bad. Obviously I didn't tell them that it was probably a result of blowing dope everyday for the past couple weeks, but that is why.

My mom somehow got my friends number and asked if I was doing drugs again, and of course, even though he's been picking them up for me, said no, not that he knew of and he was pretty sure i'd tell him if I had. She seemed to have believed him which is surprising cause she hates him.

You know, ketman, I guess that I'm kinda in a situation like yours (only much more shallow). I'm really fucking up my lungs (had bronchitis 4 times in 08 and pnuemonia 2) but while I was sitting there wheezing and coughing up mucus and shit, I kept thinking: well, since I'm gonna be on antibiotics and steroids, I can do dope and not really get the side effects.
 
xxkcxx said:
Now onto me because I'm selfish--

I had to go to urgent care this morning for a double nebulizer treatment because I was wheezing so bad. Obviously I didn't tell them that it was probably a result of blowing dope everyday for the past couple weeks, but that is why.

My mom somehow got my friends number and asked if I was doing drugs again, and of course, even though he's been picking them up for me, said no, not that he knew of and he was pretty sure i'd tell him if I had. She seemed to have believed him which is surprising cause she hates him.

You know, ketman, I guess that I'm kinda in a situation like yours (only much more shallow). I'm really fucking up my lungs (had bronchitis 4 times in 08 and pnuemonia 2) but while I was sitting there wheezing and coughing up mucus and shit, I kept thinking: well, since I'm gonna be on antibiotics and steroids, I can do dope and not really get the side effects.
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That's awful! That's what happens to me when I've been doing it too much. I hope I never have to use a nebulizer again.

It's starting to get bad again, coughing up gross chunks and stuff, starting to wheeze more again. I've got to stop soon. I knew I shouldn't have picked up a bun yesterday. The bags are fat and potent, so I can't do them all up, and I can't throw them away either...
 
Carl Landrover said:
That's awful! That's what happens to me when I've been doing it too much. I hope I never have to use a nebulizer again.

It's starting to get bad again, coughing up gross chunks and stuff, starting to wheeze more again. I've got to stop soon. I knew I shouldn't have picked up a bun yesterday. The bags are fat and potent, so I can't do them all up, and I can't throw them away either...
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yeah i know how that is.
 
Have you found anything useful to prevent it/help it?

I had been running, up until the last few days, and that seemed to be doing a good job of preventing it from messing up my lungs too much.

The albuterol inhaler obviously helps.

I try using nasal decongestants and Zicam (nasal spray) to help keep my nose less stuffed, so that hopefully there isn't as much mucus buildup.


I don't have it anymore, but I got prescribed Avelox a few months ago, and that did a good job of clearing out my lungs.
 
I have a script for xofenex (like albuterol) and advair (which I am supposed to take 2x a day but don't). I also read that Xertec(sp?) helps decrease amount of asthma attacks if you take it regularly, so I was doing that for awhile but ran out.

See, the thing is my doctor claims I have asthma, and maybe I do slightly, but I'm never really effected by it until I start blowing dope for a couple days in a row, so I know that that is the main issue.

It probably also doesn't help how much dope slows down your respiration.

My oxygen was at 92 today, then 95 after the first neb, and 97/98 after the second. That's really not very good for having done TWO breathing treatments.

And here I am waiting for my friend to pick up my money to grab me a few. I'm so stupid. I'm really scared I am just going to stop breathing one day...just fuck up my lungs so bad that I need to be on oxygen for the rest of my life. I can only imagine what they look like at this point.


My legs are also really sore. I tend to not get really terrible withdrawls unless I am blowing upwards of 4 bags a day, and I've only been doing 1-2, so the only thing I am experiencing that sucks are these muscles aches. It's less wds and more that nothing hurts on dope so I overexert myself and feel it once I'm off.
 
xxkcxx said:
See, the thing is my doctor claims I have asthma, and maybe I do slightly, but I'm never really effected by it until I start blowing dope for a couple days in a row, so I know that that is the main issue.
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Same with me. I was diagnosed with asthma when I was little, but never had a problem until 15 years later when I started doing dope daily.

It definitely is partially due to the slow down of respiration. The cilia in the lungs can't clear out as well while you're using, so when you stop/the dope wears off, the cough comes on strong.


We both seem to be nearing the point where we can't use anymore. When you looking to stop? :)
 
Carl Landrover said:
We both seem to be nearing the point where we can't use anymore. When you looking to stop? :)
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well, jails and institutions haven't stopped me, and the fact I am still using while this sick, it's not looking like death is scaring me either :/


I really did want to stop using at the new year, but i guess not...

you've been saying you are going to stop for a little while too...any definite date?
 
hmm, I always get the hiccups after I snort my first line. everytime. but it's usually only with the first line.
anyone know why?
just curious.
 
Dxmmonster said:
hmm, I always get the hiccups after I snort my first line. everytime. but it's usually only with the first line.
anyone know why?
just curious.
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Maybe just something to do with the way you are breathing in? After the first one, then your lung resp is depressed, so it's not as common? Idk, that's my only guess.
 
xxkcxx said:
well, jails and institutions haven't stopped me, and the fact I am still using while this sick, it's not looking like death is scaring me either :/


I really did want to stop using at the new year, but i guess not...

you've been saying you are going to stop for a little while too...any definite date?
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I've got one bag left and I'm going to do it later today since I'm quite high now.

I can't appreciate it that much since my lungs have gone from slight wheeze and minor cough, to major wheezing and coughing. It's kind of scary how quickly it got so much worse. I really don't want to have to go to the doctor or ER or anything. Definitely don't want to use the nebulizer again. :( :\


I think cold turkey would be too hard right now with work and since I've had about 1 day off in the last few weeks. So I'm going to try to do a quick taper with sub that I have leftover from when I was prescribed it.

I need to get some time away from heroin.
 
Do you smoke at all? I'm thinking my lungs might also be hurt by the fact I don't smoke cigs unless I'm getting high. So on top of the resp. depression from the dope, the nicotine is also slowing down the cilia and all that tobacco gunk, etc. really sticks in there for awhile depending how long I stay high.
 
hmm, never thought it had anything to do with the resp depression and yeah I smoke alot.

my friend also gets the hiccups, so it's not just me. oh well, it's not too annoying just kinda interesting.
 
xxkcxx said:
Do you smoke at all? I'm thinking my lungs might also be hurt by the fact I don't smoke cigs unless I'm getting high. So on top of the resp. depression from the dope, the nicotine is also slowing down the cilia and all that tobacco gunk, etc. really sticks in there for awhile depending how long I stay high.
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Well only weed, and I use a vaporizer.

That might bother it, but I don't know how much worse it makes it.


Well just did the last of it. Not very high now, should hopefully be in WD by noon tomorrow. Then going on sub again. 8) I'm hoping to do a quick taper off it. The first few days, I just want to get my life a little more put back together...start working out more again, hopefully get my nose and lungs a little clearer.

I'm happy and saddened. Part of me wants to go pick up again tomorrow. What I'd really like to do is take the money I would spend on drugs and go spend it on something cool or something for my girlfriend. %) I can't tell her of my current burden, but she's still been amazingly supportive since I've had a cold/been stuffed up for 2 months now. 8)
 
i forgot to get syringes from the city, so i went to pick up a 10 pack from walgreens pharmacy after work today. as soon as i said the word "syringes", a woman on my left turns her head and deliberately gives me a dirty look. the pharmacist gives me a discontent look. i just smile. i felt like i was on trial. the judge is the pharmacist, the jury is the woman on my left.

i hadn't used these walgreens "comfort assured" brand before. they're not very good IMO. the plunger sticks a bit. i hate that.
 
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