5-HTP and L-Tyrosine - Horrible experience

[shibireru]

You're about the... I'd say... fifth person who's suggested to me that I may have Asperger's syndrome. What is it precisely about me that gives you the impression that I may have that or some other form of high-functioning autism? My style of speech? The content of my speech that suggests an inability to grasp the nuances of decora / social proscriptions and prescriptions? Merely the fact that I have no social contacts? Just curious. I've never gotten an answer before. I personally don't think I fit the symptoms very well. If anything I think I am on the opposite side of the spectrum towards the schizoid side of things...

Thanks for the heads up about the l-DOPA and 5-HTP. I'll stop taking those.

Here is a list of supplements and prescription drugs that I currently have in my possession. Please try not to be too horrified.

Pregnenolone
Dehydroepiandrosterone
Testosterone
Essential amino acid supplement (containing: methionine, threonine, tryptophan, phenylalanine, histidine, isoleucine, leucine, valine, lysine)
L-Cystine
L-Carnosine
L-Arginine
L-Theanine
DL-Phenylalanine
L-Tyrosine
Mucuna Pruriens
Bupropion
Yohimbe
Epigallo-catechin gallate
Quercetin
Acetylcarnitine
Acetylcarnitine-arginate
Centrophenoxine
Alpha-glycerl-phosphoryl choline
Cytidine diphosphocholine
Phosphatidylserine
Sulbutiamine
Rhodiola Rosea
5-HTP
Curcumin (Supposedly an MAO-A&B inhibitor in large doses)
Docosahexaenoic acid
Eicosapentaenoic acid
Ortho-core
IGF-1 supplement (also contains: Insulin like growth factor II, epidermal growth factor, neurotropin 3, nerve growth factor, transforming growth factor alpha and beta, vascular endothelial growth factor, three types of fibroblast growth factor, interleukins, bone morphogenetic protein 4)
Cytidine 5'monophosphate
Creatine
R-lipoic acid
Superoxide Dismutase + Gliadin
Vinpocetine
Ashwagandha
Valerian root
Melatonin
Bacopa Monnieri
Fenugreek
Ginkgo Biloba

Anything I should know... like for example that I am crazy and/or stupid for messing with such things despite knowing so little about pharmacology and neurology, or that I have wasted a lot of money?

 

[Tsukasa]

Wow. I don't even have half of those and I thought I had way too much of that stuff.

 

[Limpet_Chicken]

The AMPA-activating racetams are positive allosteric modulators, its the direct agonists acting on the glutamate/AMPA binding site that cause excitotoxicity, else we would have seen some nasty problems by now with ampakines and aniracetam.

Allosteric modulators bind to a seperate site on a receptor than its endogenous (or synthetic) direct agonist, and when a ligand is bound they potentiate the cellular response but in the abscence of directly acting ligand have no action, that way they effectively amplify (in the case of potentiators of course) the response, but without disrupting the balance of signalling that occurs naturally, as they only increase the response from neurons that would have signalled anyway.

 

[SpunkySkunk347]

Jesus H Christ you have a lot of supplements... any particular reason you found it necessary to ingest a vitamin store each morning?

 

[seep]

I was serious about the phenelzine or the ECT, if and when all else fails. I work in the field, exclusively with patients who have chronic and severe depression that is often refractory to convential tx modalities. I don't like your broad-spectrum approach to trying to regulate your mood b/c there are too many variables and it's impossible to assess the efficacy of any one compound. I've seen people who've responded to nothing else respond to phenelzine. I've also seen ECT work miracles, though it is used as a weapon of last resort. I don't know if it's done in Utah. There's a hospital in my neck of the woods that does it.

You shouldn't confuse Asperger Syndrome with schizoid personality disorder. Asperger cannot be diagnosed over the internet (direct observation is necessary) but here are the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria:

1) qualitative impairment in social interaction
2) restricted, repetitive and stereotyped behaviors and interests
3) significant impairment in important areas of functioning
4) no significant delay in language development
5) no significant delay in cognitive development, self-help skills or adaptive behaviors (other than social interaction)
6) criteria are not met for another specific pervasive developmental disorder or schizophrenia

I haven't read this entire thread but you seem to definitely meet each of these criteria, except maybe #2 (though obsessive self-preoccupation/rumination sometimes rises to the level of stereotypy--impossible to tell for sure without a proper interview).

I'll say this with some trepidation, but schizotypy with pre-morbid schizophrenia can't be ruled out either. You're only 23 and some of the mannerisms your words convey are--well, let's just say it can't be ruled out.

 

[Limpet_Chicken]

'Odd' or idiosyncratic mannerisms/speech patterns are also very common in aspies.

 

[SpunkySkunk347]

Maybe try stepping off the supplements and just eating right for a while??
Because right now it looks like your taking a cocktail.... no no thats an understatement, a frankenstein, of assorted neuro precursors/enhancers/herbs/amino acids and I would bet my money that there is an adverse reaction somewhere in that pile of pills.

 

[Tsukasa]

^ He isn't taking all of them. Please take the time to read it thoroughly before responding..

btw i've also read that low oxytocin levels are associated with autism/AS. Have you tried taking the fenugreek for a period of time? it increase oxytocin levels, and even if you don't have aspergers it may still benefit you since it has anti-anxiety/fear effects.

 

[shibireru]

I do not take each of those supplements every day. There are a few on the list that I take only very rarely and others which I never do (Ginkgo Biloba and Yohimbe for example.) I tendered that list of supplements that I might receive recommendations as to what combinations would be most liable to alleviate depression and information concerning their toxicity and drawbacks.

I was serious about the phenelzine or the ECT, if and when all else fails. I work in the field, exclusively with patients who have chronic and severe depression that is often refractory to convential tx modalities. I don't like your broad-spectrum approach to trying to regulate your mood b/c there are too many variables and it's impossible to assess the efficacy of any one compound. I've seen people who've responded to nothing else respond to phenelzine. I've also seen ECT work miracles, though it is used as a weapon of last resort. I don't know if it's done in Utah. There's a hospital in my neck of the woods that does it.

I have tried MAOA inhibitors before; they don't seem to work (I have taken both over-the-counter MAOA inhibitors (Curcumin, for example, is supposed to be a very potent MAOAI) and a pharmaceutical MAOAI whose name I forget at the moment.)

I refuse to avail myself of ECT since there exists the risk of a diminution of IQ by as many as 30 points (I must retain every last IQ point in my possession; I have none to spare), and even if the ECT didn't decrease my intelligence, the odds are slim to none that it wouldn't severely impair my long-term, short-term, and executive memory (I am trying to understand how one's executive memory could be impaired without a commensurate decrease in his intelligence... Seems to me that insofar as ECT impairs working memory it necessarily decreases intelligence, and in a majority of cases it does indeed impair working memory so... that's a no go.)

You shouldn't confuse Asperger Syndrome with schizoid personality disorder.

I'm not doing anything of the sort. I essentially said that on a spectrum of clinical presentation they are, in a sense, at the extremes and are antitheses of one another.

1) qualitative impairment in social interaction
2) restricted, repetitive and stereotyped behaviors and interests
3) significant impairment in important areas of functioning
4) no significant delay in language development
5) no significant delay in cognitive development, self-help skills or adaptive behaviors (other than social interaction)
6) criteria are not met for another specific pervasive developmental disorder or schizophrenia

The DSM almost always stipulates that if a corpus of symptoms are met for a more prevalent disorder, then that disorder should be preferred as the diagnosis over a less common one (a simple application of Occam's razor) or that if another disorder explains a patient's presentations more readily or aptly, then this disorder should be provisionally taken to be the diagnosis until evidence should present itself that should cause the other or another diagnosis to seem a more fitting explanation. This trait of the DSM that I describe is evident in criterion 6.

1) 3) 4) and 5) are all things one should expect to see in an individual beset with severe depression, body dysmorphic disorder, avoidant personality disorder, and the like... With the application of Occam's razor then, we see that it is more sensible to conclude that what addles my mind is one or more of the above than Asperger's, or some other form of autism.

I haven't read this entire thread but you seem to definitely meet each of these criteria, except maybe #2 (though obsessive self-preoccupation/rumination sometimes rises to the level of stereotypy--impossible to tell for sure without a proper interview).

It's only natural that one who were utterly miserable would be preoccupied with making himself less miserable. The only thing humans pursue, the only thing for which they have any concern at all, is happiness. Every conscious action aims at the maximization of happiness or, to express it negatively, the minimization of suffering. Everyone is preoccupied with achieving the greatest happiness possible and there's absolutely nothing unhealthful about such a preoccupation, except when a person's acquisitiveness or sociopathy reaches levels such that the person be willing to inflict harm upon others to promote his own welfare or when, due to delusion, stupidity, ignorance, or some combination of the prenominate, the individual pursues a course that isn't likely to lead him to the happiness he seeks.

I'll say this with some trepidation, but schizotypy with pre-morbid schizophrenia can't be ruled out either. You're only 23 and some of the mannerisms your words convey are--well, let's just say it can't be ruled out.

It's not at all true that I were under some delusion of having impressed anyone here with my social skills or appreciation for the nuances of normal social interaction. I have known since I made the my first post that I was coming off as a bit strange. I have no need of making any of you think highly of me. What I have a need of is information that I should be able to put to use in my assiduous striving for happiness. It is to this end and this end alone that I have communicated with you. As for the peculiar style in which I write and speak, it's the product of dilettante study of the rules of logic and of diverse languages - Greek, Latin, Japanese - and my wish to incorporate their most interesting and rational features into English and thereby form a syncretism, a higher, more laudable, less flawed form of English. I undertake this to test my hypothesis that if I should habitually write and speak a more logically, semantically, and syntactically complete form of English, I should train and rewire my brain to be more logical in all things and not language merely. It's a long shot but worth a try, particularly because seriously flawed expression produces in me an unpleasant sensation, not unlike what I experience when I am subjected to the sound of a person dragging his nails across a chalkboard. (I strive for this goal of perfectly logical speech, but I have not achieved it obviously. My writing throughout this thread is filled with on flaw after another, but it could be worse, I suppose.)

All the same, though, I would have to admit that I do meet many of the criteria of Schizoid personality disorder. One should note, however, that, although Schizoid personality disorder has the word 'Schizoid' in it, the pathophysiology of the disorder doesn't necessarily have all that much in common with the Schizophrenias or with Schizotypal personality disorder - this latter term being one that denotes little more than the constellation of symptoms seen in the prodromal phase of Schizophrenia (in other words, it essentially means "incipient schizophrenia", "inchoate schizophrenia", or "tentative diagnosis of Schizophrenia"). Schizoid personality disorder should be thought more ontogenetic than phylogenetic, being the product of having come into various dysfunctional habits as a result of inveterate residence within a dysfunctional and deleterious milieu.

Hopefully, if I am in the process of developing Schizophrenia, the supplements I am taking will defer a full or extreme manifestation of the disease - a psychotic break from reality - until a cure have been found. Fish oil seems like it could greatly attenuate the expedition of my decent into madness (assuming I thus descend).

 

[LuxEtVeritas]

I am pretty well versed in this area and may be able to help you. I research into cutting edge paradigms in the neuroactive area and feel I can find an applicable course for you as I believe many here who are respected will attest to if you have any concerns.

I gather even though you are a drop-out that you have a very high IQ and are a very thoughtful and (overly) introspective individual and at your age your are in an incredible transitional and pivotal period and I truly feel you can move forward toward a sound path...though nothing will happen overnight of course, but getting momentum in the right direction is crucial...anyway LMK...

 

[seep]

Everyone is preoccupied with achieving the greatest happiness possible and there's absolutely nothing unhealthful about such a preoccupation, except when a person's acquisitiveness or sociopathy reaches levels such that the person be willing to inflict harm upon others to promote his own welfare or when, due to delusion, stupidity, ignorance, or some combination of the prenominate, the individual pursues a course that isn't likely to lead him to the happiness he seeks.

This is exactly what you're doing, but you don't see it. I won't tell you why I say that because my doing so will further enable the behavior that may be causing you the most misery: you would debate everything I write, then debate what you yourself debated, and so on, ad nauseum. I'll say 2 things and then humbly excuse myself from this thread.

1) There is no way that pharmaceuticals alone will fix you and I hope others will encourage you that with psychotropics, less is quite often more: even in acutely severe cases like yours (although I'm almost positive that there are factitious and delusional aspects to your personality).

2) I interview at least 4 chronically mentally-ill persons daily and while I'm not licensed to diagnose, there are numerous aspects of what you've said thus far that scream of an Axis II disorder premorbid to schizophrenia. I'm not referring to your writing style or diction or prosody or literary affect, but mainly to the content of the information you've provided and the numerous absurd statements that a person of your intelligence would not be expected to make unless he had a substantial misunderstanding of himself. I won't elaborate.

Good luck man. I'm pretty fucked up too and at your age I would've ignored everything I'm telling you now.

 

[shibireru]

I'm not referring to your writing style or diction or prosody or literary affect, but mainly to the content of the information you've provided and the numerous absurd statements that a person of your intelligence would not be expected to make unless he had a substantial misunderstanding of himself. I won't elaborate.

Do. I insist.

Do you refrain in order to protect my feelings, thinking that a revelation would be far too much for my fragile psyche to bear, or do you do it to forestall acrimony? Or are you simply lazy? To whom is it beneficial that you keep this information to yourself? Not me, I assure you.

I really think you'll find, if you share this information with me, that I am far more aware of these apparent misunderstandings of my own nature than you think.

...at your age I would've ignored everything I'm telling you now.

That seems like an incredibly manipulative statement. Are you trying to appeal to some putative desire of mine to be mature? You should work in marketing.

I am in fact going to ignore most of what you're saying, not because of the cognitive bias of reactance and not simply because I find it uncomfortable, but because each of your statements thus far has been extremely vague and evasive and you haven't really made any effort whatsoever to explain to me what the evidentiary predication is for your conclusion that I am in the prodromal phase of Schizophrenia. I am somewhat more logical than that I should be willing to accept wholesale the pronouncements of a stranger, whose claims to having even a passing familiarity with most psychiatric disorders are seriously in doubt, concerning my cognitive status. I really have no idea whence your confidence in your diagnosis/es comes, but I rather sincerely doubt that I have intimated through my posts enough information - whether implicitly or explicitly - that you, or any psychiatrist or psychologist, should be able to arrive at any sort of reliable conclusions about me other than that I am depressed and am seeking help in what is, as I see now, the wrong place.

This is exactly what you're doing, but you don't see it. I won't tell you why I say that because my doing so will further enable the behavior that may be causing you the most misery: you would debate everything I write, then debate what you yourself debated, and so on, ad nauseum.

This really seems like a cop out. If you don't wish to take part in any debate yourself, you needn't do so. If I wish to ruminate upon and debate a matter at great length with myself, what do you care? Because you'd be 'enabling' me and my most destructive habit, that of interminable introspection and analysis? What in the flying fuck does that mean?

I earnestly encourage you to be just a bit more direct, forthcoming, and intellectually honest.

/If I didn't know any better, I would say that you are writing this just to get to me... What you've written obviously wasn't designed to benefit me in any way, so what other conclusion am I to reach? You haven't furnished me with even the most insubstantial morsel of information that I could act upon to improve my life in even the most rudimentary or insignificant way. <----- Oh noes! I haz teh paranoid skitzofrenias! 8)

 

[shibireru]

I am pretty well versed in this area and may be able to help you. I research into cutting edge paradigms in the neuroactive area and feel I can find an applicable course for you as I believe many here who are respected will attest to if you have any concerns.

Is this a joke?

 

[shibireru]

Seep-

I believe this is what you were referring to?

I have no need of making any of you think highly of me.

What I meant by that was merely that if I impressed the whole lot of you, it would avail me next to nothing since I know none of you in real life. The primary reason to seek esteem is that it allows one to reach higher eschela within the social hierarchy, but in order for high social standing to be very profitable, those whose high opinions of you create your high social standing, must know you in the flesh and thus be able to promote your material prosperity. Having you all hold me in high esteem would produce only the most meager and intangible benefit - that of having occasion to believe that I had the qualities necessary for social ladder climbing amongst those who knew my face and name (that and it may satisfy some instinctual desire to think that others held one in high esteem regardless of whether or not that esteem should presage some improvement or preservation of material conditions.)

And you think I've come here to get sympathy? (That you accuse me of having a factitious disorders suggests so.) Well, of course I have! If I fail stir up your pity I don't receive any of the help I need because you'll be content to ignore me, your conation being unperturbed. Human beings are completely and irrevocably bound to make the choice of those known them which they think most likely to produce greater benefit than any of the other known options. If I don't alter your body of desires in such a way that, if only for an instant, the impulse to help me should obtain and reach primacy, then you won't help me. Causing you to pity me makes you more likely to desire to provide me with what I desire. (What I originally desired was nothing more than perhaps some educated guesses as to why the combination of 5-HTP and Tyrosine made me feel miserable rather than joyful.)

 

[grue]

Shibireru, you remind me of myself in a lot of ways, and of a few other people I've known or communicated with (edit: or, sure, enjoyed the neurotic art/writing of). Both in what I can gather from your personality, and your listed (self-? regardless...) diagnoses. I suspect you need therapy, and more -- lots of good supportive friends, a rich and active life in work and play, daily feelings of loving connection, aesthetic bliss, joy in a job well done, probably getting TFO of Utah, etc. -- perhaps a good deal of general philosophical reorientation, in one way or another -- but the right medication combination will, it is likely, be part of what will help you.

/// again, it is obviously true that medication is not the sole issue, but speaking as someone who has struggled with: severe social phobia, anhedonic depression, inattention, a feeling of being intellectually stifled by these issues, etc. ... medication was necessary. For me the most effective thing has been memantine + dextroamphetamine. For my friend Chairman MAO it was Nardil + dextroamphetamine (the latter titrated up very very slowly with the help of a doctor, to 60mg daily). He also did well with dextroamphetamine + buprenorphine, an agent which seems very forgiving for many people w/r/t both cognitive issues and tolerance to the antidepressant effects ...

Ummm, I'm already tied up with projects and emails and PMS, but feel free to PM me if you like. I am not a doctor and can only share anecdote.

Also, my learned opinion is that the supplements you listed could, some of them, very easily be helpful* but they are not going to solve things, and I would say it is highly unlikely that they will even serve within the medication side of your working equation.

 

[grue]

As I see it, for some people a large part of the issue, within the many-leveled matrix that constitutes and reconstitutes their psychiatric ailments, might be a genetic hypodopaminergic state in the reward centers. Pay special attention to people with symptom clusters of social phobia, anhedonia, inattention, poor motivation, and many of the 'negative' symptoms of schizophrenia. Of course with schizophrenia the neurobiological picture is (uh to an extent) different, at least in how it got there (I favor fallout from chronic excitotoxicity), but.

Anyway, for many (not all) of these people, it seems to me that the current mainstream psychiatric treatments are not going to work ... they are not going to be sufficient ... often (serotonergics?) they may make things worse. It is unfortunate. That is the state of things as they are. I do not think "get over it" or, yes, "exercise and eat right", are appropriate rejoinders, though they may have seeds of usefulness.

The list of medicines you listed as having tried ("prozac, zoloft, wellbutrin, marijuana, citalopram, escitalopram, etc...") represents a typical approach by your average psychiatric doctor. I am making a lot of assumptions in phrasing that that way, but ... um, yeah, what I'm saying is probably accurate. But there are other options, there are other options, even legally in the United States. Phenelzine is one huge one, yes.

There is theory and searching. Memantine has helped me a great deal, though it has not been utopia. For others I have hope for in the future, for example, DBS for anhedonia. Supposing re-regulatory mechanisms are somehow hijacked, which I kind of doubt but ...

This is just me bullshitting. Bluelight is a great idea, ha, (the dr-bob forums might be a place to submit a similar plea, although I'm not sure how those forums are doing these days) but ... what's your chance of finding and working with, for the long haul, a GOOD doctor, perhaps someone at a university, specializing in treatment-resistant depression?

 

[grue]

Treating a mood disorder with opiates is an incredibly stupid idea.

This statement is simply not universally correct (and there are no universals in the practice of psychopharmacology anyway). I will argue against it as needed.

 

[shibireru]

Why don't we take a look at the common characteristics of people with BDD and put any doubt as to what primarily ails me to rest:

1 Obsessive thoughts about perceived appearance defect.
2 Obsessive and compulsive behaviors related to perceived appearance defect (see section below).
3 Major depressive disorder symptoms.
4 Delusional thoughts and beliefs related to perceived appearance defect.
5 Social and family withdrawal, social phobia, loneliness and self-imposed social isolation.
6 Suicidal ideation.
7 Anxiety; possible panic attacks.
8 Chronic low self-esteem.
9 Feeling self-conscious in social environments; thinking that others notice and mock their perceived defect.
10 Strong feelings of shame.
11 Avoidant personality: avoiding leaving the home, or only leaving the home at certain times, for example, at night.
12 Dependant personality: dependence on others, such as a partner, friend or parents.
13 Inability to work or an inability to focus at work due to preoccupation with appearance.
14 Decreased academic performance (problems maintaining grades, problems with school/college attendance).
15 Problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate relationships and friendships).
16 Alcohol and/or drug abuse (often an attempt to self-medicate).

All of the above apply to me. (I am a bit unsure about 4)

1. I spend hours a day thinking about my appearance.
2. I spend a great deal of time looking in the mirror and contorting my face with my hands in the hope of temporarily producing something acceptably attractive; I am always readjusting the various accoutrements/articles of clothing that I wear on my head to conceal various defects, including my receding hairline; and I spend quite a bit of time rubbing and fingering the portions of my face which I deem to be most ugly in order to discern just how unattractive and deformed they are.
3. I am extremely depressed.
4. ? Depending on what substances I have taken or what kind of mood I am in, my appearance can become better or worse, but when I feel especially ugly and depressed I seem to lack insight and have no rememberance of times when I felt that I was attractive or I assume that the erstwhile perceptions of myself as attractive were delusional and the current perception of myself as hideous is rational and accurate.
5. I interact very little with others. I have no friends. I spend 95% or more of my time inside.
6. I have attempted suicide more than 5 times and think about it almost ceaselessly.
7. Severe anxiety.
8. Yes
9. Absolutely. I find crowded places to be extremely overwhelming because it feels as though everyone were staring at me and because my attention is pulled in dozens of different directions at once with me trying to examine the faces of everyone looking at me (everyone around me, more accurately) in an effort to discern whether they find me attractive or not.
10. Yes.
11. Yes.
12. yes.
13. I do not have a job, nor have I ever had a job, but I do find it difficult to focus on anything for long periods of time because my thinking almost always deviates and becomes centered on my appearance.
14. Dropped out of high school
15. Never had a romantic relationship, nor have I ever had sex, nor have I been so much as vaguely intimate with another person, nor even have I ever had anything approaching a true friend.
16. Opiates.

Common compulsive behaviors associated with BDD include:

1 Compulsive mirror checking, glancing in reflective doors, windows and other reflective surfaces.
2 Alternatively, an inability to look at one's own reflection or photographs of oneself; often the removal of mirrors from the home.
3 Attempting to camouflage imagined defect: for example, using cosmetic camouflage, wearing baggy clothing, maintaining specific body posture or wearing hats.
4 Excessive grooming behaviors: skin-picking, combing hair, plucking eyebrows, shaving, etc.
5 Compulsive skin-touching, especially to measure or feel the perceived defect.
6 Becoming hostile toward people for no known reason, especially those of the opposite sex
7 Reassurance-seeking from loved ones.
8 Excessive dieting and exercise.
9 Comparing appearance/body-parts with that of others, or obsessive viewing of favorite celebrities or models whom the person suffering from BDD wishes to resemble.
10 Use of distraction techniques: an attempt to divert attention away from the person's perceived defect, e.g. wearing extravagant clothing or excessive jewellery.
11 Compulsive information seeking: reading books, newspaper articles and websites which relates to the person's perceived defect, e.g. hair loss or dieting and exercise.
12 Obsession with plastic surgery or dermatology procedures, with little satisfactory results for the patient.
13 In extreme cases, patients have attempted to perform plastic surgery on themselves, including liposuction and various implants with disastrous results. Patients have even tried to remove undesired features with a knife or other such tool when the center of the concern is on a point, such as a mole or other such feature in the skin.
14 Excessive enema use.

1. Yes. Constantly.
2. Yes. I have torn up every single picture of me ever produced. The only reason pictures of me are taken in the first place is that my family is a bunch of insensitive clods who, not understanding my feelings about my appearance or simply not caring, take pictures of me surreptitiously.
3. I wear various items on my head, including hats and bandannas, even when I am asleep.
4. No, because I don't believe that any amount of that could ever improve my appearance.
5. As I said eariler, I am always palpating my face.
6. Yes. Women seem especially judgmental and are most likely to make me feel badly about myself. This frequently results in me being indirectly hostile to them.
7. Yes.
8. Yes.
9. Yes.
10. I tend to buy the most expensive clothing I can afford.
12. I can't afford it, but I would probably go ahead and have some plastic surgery done, if I were able to.
13. I've thought about it.

In research carried out by Dr. Katharine Philips, involving over 500 patients, the percentage of patients concerned with the most common locations were as follows:

Skin (73)
Hair (56)
Nose (37)
Weight (22)
Stomach (22)
Breasts/chest/nipples (21)
Eyes (20)
Thighs (20)
Teeth (20)
Legs (overall) (18)
Body build/bone structure (16)
Ugly face (general) (14)
Face size/shape (12)
Lips (12)
Buttocks (12)
Chin (11)
Eyebrows (11)
Hips (11)
Ears (9)
Arms/wrists (9)
Waist (9)
Genitals (8 )
Cheeks/cheekbones (8 )
Calves (8 )
Height (7)
Head size/shape (6)
Forehead (6)
Feet (6)
Hands (6)
Jaw (6)
Mouth (6)
Back (6)
Fingers (5)
Neck (5)
Shoulders (3)
Knees (3)
Toes (3)
Ankles (2)
Facial muscles (1)

The parts of my body with which I am or have been painfully preoccupied are:

Skin, hair, nose, stomach, chest/nippes, teeth, body build/bone structure, ugly face(general), face size/shape, lips, buttocks, chin, hips, ears, arms/wrists, genitals, cheekbones, height, head size/shape, forehead, jaw, mouth, and neck

Skin looks old. Hair-line receding. Nose is crooked and not parallel to an imaginary line dividing the two halves of my face. Stomach is flabby. Nipples are fatty; pecs aren't large enough. Teeth are yellowed and filled with cavities and protude forward in such a way that a sort of muzzle is created (I am saying that my mouth sticks out too far.) I am scrawny and have a somewhat girlish figure. Lips are too large, reminiscent of those of the stereotypical black face. Butt is not toned, somewhat saggy. Chin is too small. Hips too wide and feminine. Ears are small and protude. My forearms and upperarms are small and girlish. My penis is too small for my tastes and this causes me serious anxiety. Cheekbones are too wide and are asymmetrical. Head is too big and generally misshapen. Forehead is too sloped and protrudes outward very far. Jaw isn't sufficiently masculine and well-defined. Mouth is just on the whole very ugly. My neck doesn't seem to have a normal curvature to it.

Personality

Certain personality traits may make someone more susceptible to developing BDD. Personality traits which have been proposed as contributing factors include; [22]

* Perfectionism
* Shyness
* Introversion
* Sensitvity to rejection or criticism
* Unassertiveness
* Avoidant personality
* Neuroticism

Since personality traits among people with BDD vary greatly, it is unlikely that these are the direct cause of BDD. However, like psychological and environmental factors, they may act as triggers in individuals who already have a genetic predisposition to developing the disorder.[22]

Even though there is certainly a delusional component to BDD, people with BDD don't respond to either typical or atypical antipsychotics, but rather SSRIs. (They did make me feel a bit more attractive, whereas the only antipsychotic I have taken, Seroquel, didn't do anything but leave me more impaired in all respects (well, it did improve my libido a bit as I said in another thread.))

 

[Sturnam]

^ totally agree. there have been small studies about people given oxycodone for severe treatment resistant depression, and it worked really well.

I'm also surprised you're one of the first to give real advice and suggest something else, like Buprenorphine. I mean, maybe these other posters have had problems with depression and maybe not, but just saying "Get a social life!" is MUCH MUCH easier said when one is not suffering from depression. what i get from this is more a "what can i use that will facilitate my growth into society." i don't think the OP is asking for a magic bullet (well maybe, but who isnt?) but more something that makes pursuing these other ideas manageable.

As far as the OP, look into some of the new stuff for treatment resistant depression. Buprenorphine and ketamine both work well, and i'm sure there's also some other stuff that I don't know about, but those are the 2 big ones. You might be able to get bupe prescribed legally, but definitely not ketamine.

edit: hey OP, are you comfortable with your sexuality? I know it was mentioned briefly, but to me, gay + Utah = not good. and i know this is probably the least of your worries, but maybe you could try to tackle this first? start off small, and help give you confidence to tackle the other big beast.

 

[Hammilton]

wow... this is all so incredibly strange, even by bluelight's standards.

b) the idea of losing control and becoming even temporarily psychotic is unbearable to me.

just to make clear though, mushrooms and LSD don't cause one to become psychotic "even for a short time." There is good evidence that they may actually serve as antipsychotics (though some, experiencing an exceptionally bad trip, will become psychotic as a result)

Have you actually used any recreational drugs, marijuana, opioids, nitrous oxide even?

You seem like the type who'd be too bothered by "losing control" to enjoy these things.

And, yes, your assumption that L-tyrosine + 5-HTP would result in an MDMA like experience is entirely nonsensical.