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Depression and my fear of Psychedelics

Ace123

Ace123

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2007
Messages
92
I am a healthy early 20's male that has a long history with psychoactive substances, both using them and researching them. Since I was 15 I've been a full blown drug geek. I love reading about psychedelics and speculating about their possible potential in human development and evolution. What I loved most was of course having these eye opening/world shattering experiences myself. I've been brought to tears(the good ones:) tripping before and even now I get emotional when reminiscing about some of these experiences.

However, I've been very depressed recently causing me to withdraw from many social, recreational, and even work activities that I would normally participate in. I know I have some problems now and am doing my best to work through them, but have noticed that any psychedelic experience is extremely terrifying now. I have never been a daredevil user or abuser of psychedelics (though I have a horribly addictive personality) simply because I have a very over analytical and imaginative mind in the first place. I believe my mind is far more sensitive to the neuro changes psychedelics cause than the normal person. However, I've still had powerful and in-control expiriences on larger doses of a variety of drugs including MDMA, LSD, a vast array of RC's, mushrooms, and a few exotic herbals. Most of my psychedelic experiences have been with RC's.

Now any psychedelic causes extreme axiety, even in small amounts. Small amounts are actually worse because I get all the negative effects without any of the positives. A normal size recreational dose of LSD at a concert left me extremely paranoid and afraid. I spent the whole show huddled against the wall trying to keep myself from asking someone for serious help because I knew I took safe dose, but was just having a horrible reaction. I knew all of this while tripping, but it wasn't calming me. The only thing it prevented me from doing was going to the hospital and perhaps getting into legal trouble for no reason.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is the psychedelic experience is much better and more enjoyable when there is peace and harmony in your life. I personally am afraid to try using psychedelics as a psychological tool to examine my depression, but be careful if you should choose to do this. I honestly believe many people miss much of what a psychedelic has to offer if they are not in the proper mindset before they trip, or if their is disorder and anger in their life. However I sort of appreciate the mental and spiritual kick in the ass I get whenever i try to use psychedelics as an escape during troubled times. It makes me really think I could possibly be connecting with something or some greater part of myself that is omnipotent and knows when I'm fucking up, even if it isn't clear to me.
 
I too am the same, I just cant bring myself to trip in public. I can take any other drug and not worry about it, but when it comes to tripping I cannot do it in public.
 
There is much to be said for the use of psychedelics to help "snap you out" of depression. They have done this for me. But they have also sent me spiralling into worse depressions. It is part luck of the draw, and part set/setting or what you bring to the table. I belive that with the most of the latter you can overcome the former, but do not expect a pleasant experience. That famous quote from Winston Churchill, "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself" applies very much to the psychedelic experiences. Your fear will be the limiting factor, not the things that you are afraid of. But of course, this is sort of paradoxical; and overcoming it is sort of a zen thing ... hold your fears but let go of them at the same time. You sound like you respect the substances, though, that is an important first step; but it is also sort of the easier step ... the next one you should take (before ingesting anything!) is to respect and love yourself and know that what the substances are going to manifest in you under those conditions is greater LOVE and RESPECT, but in less optimal conditions, less optimal outcomes ...
 
yea they have snapped me out of depressions before but what he said ^ it goes either way..
i had a horror trip and didn't trip for a year one day I manned up and dosed a couple and had a blissful profound experience again :)
 
Around ~10 - 15 mgs of 5-MeO-DMT, snorted, helped me a great deal in rebalancing my emotions. It wasn't exactly a fun trip, but very beneficial. Be prepared for nausea though, if you work the same as me. When I've got some emotional blockades, the nausea can be quite intense on it.

So maybe you could try something like this?
 
I've seen one of my friends too what almost appears like there boarding on the line of bipolar while under the influence of psychedelics. I Honestly don't believe they respect the drug in the same way you or i do, and im pretty sure they fight certain elements of the trip.. i've never seen them just go with the flow or embrace it enitrley.. there always trying to supress something within themselfs.. i usually end up trying to completely avoid social interaction with them when there on it.. because i swear they start to display slight symptoms of bipolar or schizophrenia.. I dunno if this may be brought on heavier by real life issues..

But i completely agree 100% with your statement about needing to have peace and harmony within your life when going down the rabbit hole. I personally think i would probably try avoid tripping if i were severely depressed or had anxiety issues.. i can understand how a trip can reverse it.. but for me everything would need to go smoothly.. if i had any unexpected interruptions which caused worry or confrontation with people.. it would screw me over.

That said, if you can come out conquering your fear.. it's one of the most genuinely amazing feelings of confidence and bliss.. man i still remember when i went through that, it was all worth it.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies. It feels good to know there is like-minded and understanding people out there. I think another reason all my trips are bad is that I already know the source of most of my depression and anger. The trip isn't going to show me something new or guide me to a life changing spiritual epiphany, it's just going to remind me of what I already know.

It's interesting you mentioned 5-Meo-DMT becuase I have had significant anti-depressant effects with low doses as well. 5-10 mg smoked provided a short soft and plushy trip that wasn't impressive however it also seemed to temporarily whip me right out of my depression. I actually meant to write a thread about this a while ago but never got around to it. The effect was truly Amazing. Literally right after the initial effects wore off I felt different. I noticed I no longer had that mental fog and lack of energy that are signature symptoms of my (and many people's) depression. When you've been depressed for a while and suddenly you feel your body and mind "switch" back to regular, you can identify immediately. The effect lasted for three days in which I was motivated, energetic, and happy. But alas, I have not been able to recreate this effect and have since concluded that to keep experimenting would only be a step backwards.

Nonetheless, it was still an interesting experience.
 
Hey mate...

I have recently googled "overcoming fear of psychedelics" and found your thread from 2008... I wanted to send you a PM but it's impossible for newcomers, so I hope you Bluelighters won't mind that I introduce myself by resurfacing this thread here.

I have exactly the same symptoms as you had. Especially the part with getting all the negatives but no positives at lower doses feels close to me. I have also over-analitycal mind. I have gone through some really tough stuff in life, which I have somehow managed to solve, even made some succesful changes, but I still feel quite unstable.
Now, having heaviest problems settled, I'm trying to learn some things about myself, how to better control my mind and my mental state, be less afraid and less prone to negative emotions. Feel more okay with myself. I am thinking about returning to psychedelics, but maybe should I try some more soft techniques of entering different states first.. maybe learn about Zazen, meditation?

I wonder did you succeed in overcoming your fear? Are you still on Bluelight, your last login date is quite a time ago?

Best xmas/new year wishes
 
I find psychedelics fantastic to help me over depression or when I'm feeling fine about life. I wouldn't trip around a load of strangers at a concert tho - just wouldn't feel comfortable.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...and stairs.." - F.D Roosevelt.
 
that's what I'm thinking, about trying not in a party setting, but somewhere peaceful, either home or out in a nice scenery (for that I would need to wait for spring). problem is, i don't seem to currently have a person around, with who I feel comfortably enough to do this.. my best friend doesnt do these kind of things, my other friends... i'm not sure what the trip will dig from me, I would want to expose to them..
 
ive never took acid before

but im planning on taking it new years eve round my mates flat there will be about 6 of us there and probably a maximum of three will be tripping.

Is this a wise idea tripping in a flat where not all of you are tripping?

We are all good mates but im not completely on the same level as them, because they tend to be shy around girls and ive grown out of that element.
None of them have much luck with the ladies and every time im with them it reminds me of when i used to hang out with them all the time and never get any pussy.

But I still see them occasionally and am doing so this NYE so considering the circumstances is this a wise idea to take LSD?
 
Depends on the dose. Low dose might be ok. High dose and you might prefer to sit somewhere quiet and not be bothered.
 
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