I’m ok

[SinfulbyNature]

I fucked up by taking things too seriously on here. I let the lines get too blurred between real friends and people on the internet. I was going thru something way too serious to be sharing on here. I got my ass trolled lol. But I was released from the hospital yesterday so I’m gonna be ok. I don’t even know what I done to anyone lol. I think I just put too much trust in people. It’s just been a hard time in my life so it probably wasn’t a good idea for me to be on here. I depended on it too much during a time when I was really vulnerable. I regret the way I opened myself up to people on here. It was stupid. I almost forgot that it wasn’t real. Hopefully I can finally get on with my life.

 

[SoCalShordie]

I fucked up by taking things too seriously on here. I let the lines get too blurred between real friends and people on the internet. I was going thru something way too serious to be sharing on here. I got my ass trolled lol. But I was released from the hospital yesterday so I’m gonna be ok. I don’t even know what I done to anyone lol. I think I just put too much trust in people. It’s just been a hard time in my life so it probably wasn’t a good idea for me to be on here. I depended on it too much during a time when I was really vulnerable. I regret the way I opened myself up to people on here. It was stupid. I almost forgot that it wasn’t real. Hopefully I can finally get on with my life.

Idk what’s going on here lately, but for YEARS I’ve been met with nothing but kindness and respect. Then all of a sudden, BOOM! I’m getting trolled left and right! I wonder what tf is going on here. Enough about me, what’s going on with you girl?! Who did you wrong?? I want you to know I consider you a REAL friend. I even talk about you to my husband and how sweet and cool you are and what a supportive friend you are about my writing and music. If you ever wanna chat just us, for any reason, dm me and I’ll shoot my number. Why were you hospitalized? Are you okay? Love you girl. Don’t forget what I said about talking

 

[placebonaut]

I fucked up by taking things too seriously on here. I let the lines get too blurred between real friends and people on the internet. I was going thru something way too serious to be sharing on here. I got my ass trolled lol. But I was released from the hospital yesterday so I’m gonna be ok. I don’t even know what I done to anyone lol. I think I just put too much trust in people. It’s just been a hard time in my life so it probably wasn’t a good idea for me to be on here. I depended on it too much during a time when I was really vulnerable. I regret the way I opened myself up to people on here. It was stupid. I almost forgot that it wasn’t real. Hopefully I can finally get on with my life.

as always it's the small minority that spoil it for the rest of us, don't let them get to you, there are loads of very nice, honest and genuine people on here.

for what it's worth I've been brutally open about issues I have in my life on here that I've not shared with anyone before, it's very therapeutic and has really helped me move on with life. Equally there's personal stuff that all my friends and family know about that I'd never share on here. Weird balance isn't it, but it works for me.

glad you're out of hospital.

 

[cj]

That sucks. This has always been a safe place for me

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I fucked up by taking things too seriously on here. I let the lines get too blurred between real friends and people on the internet. I was going thru something way too serious to be sharing on here. I got my ass trolled lol. But I was released from the hospital yesterday so I’m gonna be ok. I don’t even know what I done to anyone lol. I think I just put too much trust in people. It’s just been a hard time in my life so it probably wasn’t a good idea for me to be on here. I depended on it too much during a time when I was really vulnerable. I regret the way I opened myself up to people on here. It was stupid. I almost forgot that it wasn’t real. Hopefully I can finally get on with my life.

Ouch, that sucks. Don't know exactly what you are referring to; however, it doesn't really matter. I share a lot of personal shit about my life, and it has proven to be beneficial not only to me, but I also get good feedback from people who in some way or another go through similar things in life.
I am brutally honest about myself, perhaps too much. Everyone goes through shit, regardless of who or where you come from. Like I said, don't the details, for me, however, I feel I help people based on my personal experience. Don't give up your right to be heard if someone doesn't like it or have in some way taken advantage of you; that is on them. I'm sorry for whatever happened to you, but don't give up on everyone.

 

[Ki3ly]

 

[SinfulbyNature]

Idk what’s going on here lately, but for YEARS I’ve been met with nothing but kindness and respect. Then all of a sudden, BOOM! I’m getting trolled left and right! I wonder what tf is going on here. Enough about me, what’s going on with you girl?! Who did you wrong?? I want you to know I consider you a REAL friend. I even talk about you to my husband and how sweet and cool you are and what a supportive friend you are about my writing and music. If you ever wanna chat just us, for any reason, dm me and I’ll shoot my number. Why were you hospitalized? Are you okay? Love you girl. Don’t forget what I said about talking

Girl I KNOWWW exactly what you mean! You don’t realize it when you’re not here as much. But once the situation in my personal life started getting worse the more I was on here just trying to stay connected with other people. But I guess I fucked up by showing one of them real interest. Idk what the fuck I was thinking. He was insensitive af about the fact that I really liked him. Idk why I kept giving him all my attention. Pretty sure he hated everything about me. Everything i done was wrong. I was oversharing. I was being too much. I was taking things too seriously. I was just doing it for attention. I was lying. I was ruining his fucking fun on here. I even got trolled for how I flirted with him. He just got mad at me because it hurt my feelings. He embarrassed me in front of everyone like I was the problem telling me I just needed to lighten the fuck up. By the time I was headed to the hospital he was out in the lounge telling everyone that I was making everything up. I don’t think he intentionally done anything wrong. This place is just a place he fucks off on and I just wasn’t in a good place to be able to proccess things correctly. I took too much offense to everything cause I was going thru so much. My world was falling apart but for them it was just a fucking Tuesday lol ya know. But everything ended up being all my fault because I even cared in the first place so it ts even lol. It was like being in grade school and all they cared about was not ruining their popularity. By the time I made it to the ER no one here would even talk to me. I was just scared too death because I knew no one would be praying for me. But I guess it really was all my fault for expecting it to be any different. It is just an internet forum. But it’s just that small few in the lounge. I’d say some of them even have multiple profiles and troll at the same time. Idk. It is extremely childish. But theres still some great people on here too tho. I promise you

But I’ve been stuck in a kinda hostage situation for two years. A lot of people don’t understand what it’s like to get trapped in a coercive situation where you’ve lost all control and became totally dependent on someone that’s abusing you. It’s been hell. I’ve been scared for my life so many times while I’ve been on here. I’ve been locked up in a closet while posting on here. Had to pee in a bowl. But I stayed on here just to keep in contact with other human beings so I wouldn’t lose my grip. I’ve just been so traumatized and not known what to do. This man has been beating the hell outta me. I think his step daughter is obsessed with me but she’s almost drove me crazy. She got control of my phone one time and posted my shit on here. Her boyfriend had a pic of my fucking pussy as one of his screensavers. It’s just been unreal. But it all came to head this past month because the police had been investigating what was going on. Cause I couldn’t leave. Well I could have walked out of the door during the daytime but he had alarms on all the windows and doors. The kind that alert the whole neighborhood. Plus I knew the kinda consequences Id face if I tried. It’s was a huge estate. He’s loaded. As long as I was a good girl I got to enjoy all of it. Sometimes it was like I had a normal life. This kinda captivity doesn’t happen instantly. It slowly erodes your self confidence in a way that makes you so vulnerable. Anyways the police finally surrounded the place. I tried to make a run for the door but he grabbed me before I could get to it. He held me at gunpoint. Told me he’d break my arm if I didn’t stop crying. I tried but I just couldn’t stop shaking. So he broke my arm. I’ve got a cast still and they’ve put a pin in my wrist. He beat the shit out of me. My face got pretty busted up but it’s healed a lot. I was in the hospital then they released me. But I had a concussion that they missed the first time because I had a lot of swelling. I think it was because I kept interrupting everyone trying to make sure they knew that I was born with one of my pupils slightly bigger then the other. I was so scared I was gonna go unconscious before I told them it was normally like that. I was all by myself before my kids got there. But I started having problems with blood clots and had to go back. But I’m finally out now. I did have stitches up inside of my nose but they took them out. They arrested him of course. We gotta have a trial but I am hoping it’s quick. I try my best not to expose my kids to all of this but I couldn’t stop them this time. My son seen me like this. He grabbed me into a huge bear hug and just started shaking all over in tears. He’s 6ft 4. I’ve not seen him cry like that since he was three. It’s just been hard. It’s gonna take me awhile but at least I know I get to live. For a longtime I couldn’t see any future. Now I’m really trying to again.

I’m at the drs now. The nurse just came in with some blow thing. I hope she’s not gonna try to stick that up my nose lol but I wanna talk to you more. I’ll pm you when I leave here.

I love you too girl!

 

[SinfulbyNature]

 

[SinfulbyNature]

I’m just gonna remove these and we can talk about this stuff later. It’s not private
I don’t know if I’ll be back on forums. But just pm me later

 

[SinfulbyNature]

We really need to do a podcast lol

And I am sure many many others have been thru stuff like this. I’m not saying by any means that I’m the only one. I guess I just feel like I’m carrying them with me. Cause that’s actually what it’s about to me and why I refuse to shut up. Some people still can’t find their voice. Or even hard it worse. God I could run right thru someone if I thought they hurt someone I loved.

 

[SinfulbyNature]

Ouch, that sucks. Don't know exactly what you are referring to; however, it doesn't really matter. I share a lot of personal shit about my life, and it has proven to be beneficial not only to me, but I also get good feedback from people who in some way or another go through similar things in life.
I am brutally honest about myself, perhaps too much. Everyone goes through shit, regardless of who or where you come from. Like I said, don't the details, for me, however, I feel I help people based on my personal experience. Don't give up your right to be heard if someone doesn't like it or have in some way taken advantage of you; that is on them. I'm sorry for whatever happened to you, but don't give up on everyone.

You are very inspiring! I enjoy reading your posts. You’re very genuine and so smart! I love the way you hold yourself accountable. Brutally honest are the words Id use to explain you lol. I think you’re often too hard on yourself. I appreciate you for reaching out to me. I’m just now figuring this blog thing out. My issues on here were mostly just me and how I was processing everything. I’ve just been going thru a lot in my personal life. Not really a good time for me to have myself on public display lol but I’ve just not had anyone else. My babies are grown and this is the first time I’ve been single basically my entire adult life. This stage of life wasn’t expected to be like this. But I’ll make it. I’m pretty tough. But ty for this! I have a lot of respect for you so I really felt your support

 

[SinfulbyNature]

as always it's the small minority that spoil it for the rest of us, don't let them get to you, there are loads of very nice, honest and genuine people on here.

for what it's worth I've been brutally open about issues I have in my life on here that I've not shared with anyone before, it's very therapeutic and has really helped me move on with life. Equally there's personal stuff that all my friends and family know about that I'd never share on here. Weird balance isn't it, but it works for me.

glad you're out of hospital.

Well to be fair I hung out in the wrong area. But I’m just not use to location based behaviors. I’ve never been good with rules cause of adhd. I do try. But it’s just hard for me to get it to stick in my head that I always need to be conscientious about entering the lounge cause it could change the level of respect I can expect. Because we are adults. But I can see now why every forum has to have an area like that for those that see respect as an option. Cause people like that are gonna show up anyways. Might as well try to contain them all in one area. Guys troll each other for fun lol Just never seen guys do a female like that for flirting


I’m sorry cause I shouldn’t have put the whole site under one umbrella. That was disrespectful of me towards some of yall. Cause theyre some of the best people I’ve ever known on this site and it’s a wealth of info. I’ll just hangout with the adults from now on

Cause I’m sure they’ll keep saying I’m lying and trying to get attention. Normally I’d just ignore it and it wouldn’t bother me. But it’s been hard to this time. . I hate the fact that I was in that much danger and scared that no one was praying for me because people could be telling people that I was making it up. People will probably think I’m just attention seeking by saying that but that’s a big deal to me.

And I don’t know how to stop assuming someone’s gonna discredit me. I don’t mean to insult anyone or make them feel like I thought they were doing that. Im just always anticipating it so it’s a constant trigger.

But people do need to be more mindful about discrediting, generalizing and dismissing everything someone says. That just creates more stigma. It’s super personal to me because it was why they got by with evicting me in 6 days and why I had to get hurt this bad. There was someone willing to make assumptions like that so it became their excuse to ignore me. It’s like epistemic injustice. It can literally ruin someone’s life.

I keep forgetting that it’s finally over tho and I’m free from that shit lol that’s what matters

 

[M!$TER-ED]

like I said, I'm sorry you are going through this. No body deserves to be treated badly. If you ever, I mean ever, need to talk, I would be honored. I have a feeling you will come out of this stronger and wiser...I'm not one to go the faith route at least not spiritual faith. I'm talking about faith in yourself, humans have a tendency to sum up the strength they need, strength they didn't know they had. Humans are resilient, we overcome the impossible that's a proven fact.
Will you do me a favor, step outside yourself and look inward as 3rd party observer. When you see yourself as an observer, you get a different perspective on things. Stepping outside of the chaos presents opportunities you could not see before, Being in the middle of the busyness is confusing and not the best place to make long-term decisions.
I'm going to give you your very own GURU. Here you go "GEE YOU ARE YOU", you're all set go conquer the world.

 

[SinfulbyNature]

Idk what’s going on here lately, but for YEARS I’ve been met with nothing but kindness and respect. Then all of a sudden, BOOM! I’m getting trolled left and right! I wonder what tf is going on here. Enough about me, what’s going on with you girl?! Who did you wrong?? I want you to know I consider you a REAL friend. I even talk about you to my husband and how sweet and cool you are and what a supportive friend you are about my writing and music. If you ever wanna chat just us, for any reason, dm me and I’ll shoot my number. Why were you hospitalized? Are you okay? Love you girl. Don’t forget what I said about talking

Idk why it wouldn’t let me tag you lol

But listen I’ve been trying to figure out how we could record a podcast over the phone. A lot of podcasters do it like that. We just need to agree if we wanna each use our pcs or phones to do it. The last podcast I got asked about was one called 7 Mins in Hell. It’s was a preacher who use to be a meth addict. One night when he was by himself and cooking that shit it blew up on him. He was in full flames for 7 mins all by himself. It completely disfigured him but he was just so inspirational. But my ex wouldn’t let me to do it cause he thought the guy was just trying to fuck me. He thought that about every guy. He was just like that. But I regretted it cause he was doing well last I heard. I really think pretty much all we’d have to do is talk to each other

But just lemme know what kinda device you’d be using and I’ll figure it all out. If you still wanna do this. If nothing else for fun for on here lol. I’ve got a laptop so if you do too I think we should use our laptops but if not we can use our phones.

 

[SinfulbyNature]

We can just do voice. But I’m down for video too. I’d just like to wait till all the bruising is completely gone outta my face first. I still got just a little blue in the corners under my eyes. But I’m sure it’ll all be gone in a week or week in a half

 

[SoCalShordie]

Idk why it wouldn’t let me tag you lol

But listen I’ve been trying to figure out how we could record a podcast over the phone. A lot of podcasters do it like that. We just need to agree if we wanna each use our pcs or phones to do it. The last podcast I got asked about was one called 7 Mins in Hell. It’s was a preacher who use to be a meth addict. One night when he was by himself and cooking that shit it blew up on him. He was in full flames for 7 mins all by himself. It completely disfigured him but he was just so inspirational. But my ex wouldn’t let me to do it cause he thought the guy was just trying to fuck me. He thought that about every guy. He was just like that. But I regretted it cause he was doing well last I heard. I really think pretty much all we’d have to do is talk to each other

But just lemme know what kinda device you’d be using and I’ll figure it all out. If you still wanna do this. If nothing else for fun for on here lol. I’ve got a laptop so if you do too I think we should use our laptops but if not we can use our phones.

I have a laptop and my iPhone. I’d probably wanna use my iPhone if we can! But I’m down for whatever bc I REALLY wanna get this podcast thing going lol

 

[placebonaut]

just 1 other passing thought (because I'm high and this is making me think! ), posting on forums is very different to talking to people in real life, I'm old enough to remember dial up BBS! people can't convey how they feel in the moment like they would normally use body language and facial expressions, the same words with a scowl have very different meanings when said with a cheeky smile, "I'm gonna get you" for example.

on a forum you kinda get a monotone version of people, which when coupled with how people sporadically use and read the forum mean responses tend to be based are a collective historic view of individuals. If you dip your toe in the lounge and "play the game", you're pretty much opening yourself up to getting a kicking from lounge people wherever they interact with you, and more posting = more banter and greater reinforcement of the polarized view. I'd hope this is more tongue in cheek ribbing and bluntness, but it's gonna also draw out more negative reaction just because the nature of the interactions with people get polarized to banter and people feel that they can talk shit more easily - I guess that's a long way of saying people react based on their overall perception rather than how you're actually feeling at the time.

Add in some good quality gear and it's a pressure cooker!

I don't know the history and only picked up on some things that's gone on in passing so this ramble might not actually be very relevant.....I would just like for everyone to happy in truth

 

[SinfulbyNature]

Guys I need help.

Can someone help me figure out how PEMF therapy or tDCS could trigger my brain to make more BDNF to help with neuroplasticity or how using it while supplementing with NMN, 9 me bc and PQQ could revitalize my mitochondria and help with anhedonia???

Does anyone know anything about how this could work and which kinda device works best??

 

[SinfulbyNature]

I feel like I was drowning for two years but I couldn’t convince anyone that I was worth saving. How do I accept that nobody would help me? How do you go foward and act normal around people that were ok with watching you drown? The intimidation and shame that people made me feel when I tried to get help was the biggest thing that kept me trapped. I was getting the shit beat out of me in the middle of everyone and nobody cared. So I just had to keep tolerating it. It just does something to you when you have to keep being nice to someone that’s really hurting you just because no one will acknowledge what’s going on. People don’t realize what it does to you when you’re in a situation like this and there’s always that one person that’ll say they don’t believe you. It crushes you cause you know everyone else will follow suit. So you just have to keep taking it and taking it.

I think this has really fucked me up. I don’t know how to mentally process this. I just wanna scream for hours. This hurts so deep that I can’t explain. It’s really fucked me up. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same.

Why didn’t I matter?? How was everyone ok with me getting hurt like this?? I don’t understand

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Just a thought you might need more help than we at Bluelight offer you. Perhaps it's time to seek professional help?