Exhausted It’s like Klonopin was designed for me…and people like me.

[RuffSamurai]

Hello all. Trying to keep this brief as possible but background is important. But it’s a lot.

Grew up in hell, incest sexual abuse victim, addicted to heroin and benzos by the time I was 20 after being addicted to oxy since about 17. But I had conquered this shit for a brief time for about 18 months from 2021-2022. Happiest period of my life. However in 2022 my partner died from an accidental overdose that came out of nowhere. I still don’t know what happened.

I found a doctor to prescribe me klonopin that day, and raised my methadone to 180mg but managed to not to completely burn my life down. I contribute this combo for literally saving my life in my darkest hours.

I also want to mention over the course of the last 15 years I have tried EVERY SSRI, SNRI, mood stabilizer and anti psychotic in the book. And tried them again, and, again.

Anyway, almost 4 years later since her passing, I’m working with a new psyche that is amazing. But she really thinks I have ADHD which I have been diagnosed with in the past and I can tell she is not comfortable with the benzos.

I started Ritalin over 4 weeks ago and was amazed by the quiet focus in my mind but then came the crash. It was like a 4 hour cocaine high that spent me spiraling for more. People keep telling me that feeling will go away but it hasn’t. She switched me to concerta 18mg insuring the crash would be less intense. I tried it yesterday and it just made me an emotionless zombie, irritated and selfish. And then came the crash and it was maybe a little less intense but lasted way longer.

I’m really trying to sit down, shut up, listen to the doctors and take my meds and do what they say. But I can’t take feeling like this. Like I’m really trying. I’m so desperate for something else to work anything. I wish they made a methadone like drug for benzo addicts.

Anyway the reason I’m posting this is I need to be getting ready for work but I’m just sitting here on the toilet terrified to take this strange oblong concerta pill. Just knowing I’m going to feel like “THAT” for the next 12 hours with the insidious cone down hanging over my head.

I accept the fact I have ADHD and that’s where a lot of this anxiety and depression and impulsiveness is coming from but also, I really just don’t understand why I cannot take klonopin everyday. It’s almost like it was designed for people like me.

My dose doesn't make me “high”, not even numb (I still cry and get emotional all the time) it just takes the edge off so I can function and improves my quality of life, living in the same place my partner died. Again during the crash last night I just wanted to fucking tear this place apart, out of anger and emotion.

The stigma benzos have is just insane.

Meanwhile they have no problem throwing a schedule 2 stimulant at you, that also causes dependency though I understand not nearly as dangerous as benzo withdrawal. But again I don’t see why that’s an issue when I’m working with a team of multiple health care professionals all on the same page.

I’m grateful to even have a klonopin script while on methadone but I just feel like that is a really sad bar for the American medical system. It’s gotten to the point where the DEA has doctors so scared of losing their license they’re forced to watch patients suffer, which I understand too. Doesn't make it any less infuriating….

Sorry I did not mean to write so much. I have been editing and trimming this down as much as possible and it’s still so much. But this issue and not knowing what to do is literally taking up every second of everyday and the fear and anxiety and inability to relax I just can’t take it anymore.

Thanks for listening if you chose too. Thank you for your time. I truly appreciate it.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Hey There,

Sorry you're going through this.

You probably already know this, just want to state it: I guess that most recent research shows that benzos aren't really good maintenance drugs. They work well at first, then the effect diminishes by a lot once a few months in. At that point, they might work slightly better than placebo and are very difficult to get off of. Long-term use can lead to various dementias.

I know that ADHD stimulants and benzos can diminish the effects of both.

Whether warranted or not, doctors are usually suspicious of people who take an opioid, benzo, and stimulant. I guess that just makes it easier to get carried away and abuse them.

I think trying a non-stimulant for ADHD might be a reasonable thing to talk to your doctor about, in concert with some behavioral therapy targeted at reducing ADHD symptoms. They don't work as well as stimulants most of the time but it's something to at least ask about, I figure. Like atomoxetine or guanfacine. And they won't have the crash!

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Can i take from the story your new psyche is discouraging taking Clonazepam frequent and/ or daily ? Not really clear from the story what is the situation. Sound like you take all three atm. Don t really like the effects of Concerta. Through the two others, downers. Being prescribed all three is considered a sort of holy grail.
Not meaning you should stay on it.

Imo And the description of Methylphenidate spot on. Works good for treating the symptoms but rather suffer the syndrome. Something you might have to weigh for yourself and look at what is optional. There are milder meds Dextro-Methylphenidate XR and dextro-Amphetamine. But most of the times its not like the patient has a say in it. 'If its not broke why ...' Take care

The dr s 3 over the years had one thing in common taking less and breaks are good. With Klonopin that might me more dangerous, people on Methadon skip a dose here and then.

 

[RuffSamurai]

Hey There,

Sorry you're going through this.

You probably already know this, just want to state it: I guess that most recent research shows that benzos aren't really good maintenance drugs. They work well at first, then the effect diminishes by a lot once a few months in. At that point, they might work slightly better than placebo and are very difficult to get off of. Long-term use can lead to various dementias.

I know that ADHD stimulants and benzos can diminish the effects of both.

Whether warranted or not, doctors are usually suspicious of people who take an opioid, benzo, and stimulant. I guess that just makes it easier to get carried away and abuse them.

I think trying a non-stimulant for ADHD might be a reasonable thing to talk to your doctor about, in concert with some behavioral therapy targeted at reducing ADHD symptoms. They don't work as well as stimulants most of the time but it's something to at least ask about, I figure. Like atomoxetine or guanfacine. And they won't have the crash!

Hello first off I want to thank you for taking the time to read all that and right such a caring well put together response. It means alot to me that anyone even cares enough to read this let alone reply.

I do want to make it clear that I do not take all 3 at the same time. I will either take the methadone and Ritalin and wait for the Ritalin to where off before taking klonopin as I do not want to “waste it”.

I will talk to my doctor about a non stimulant ADHD med and just all of this when I meet with her next Wednesday. However I do want to say that personally for me, I have been taking klonopin on nearly a daily basis for almost 4 years and though I have noticed some diminished effect and had to raise my tolerance slightly, it really isn’t building at all and I wonder if methadone is maybe playing a role in that.

Took a break from my concerta today and just took my klonopin, methadone and Wellbutrin and I just feel stable and good. Just really wish they were more open minded as everyone’s different…

That being said benzos and opioids are my drug of choice so yeah I know a lot of this is just the fear of tapering and not having my safety net. But it also frustrates me that benzos get called “safety nets” and “crutches” but if someone relies on Ritalin or adderall to function, that’s them being responsible. Just hate the stigma.

I’m mostly just venting. Thank you for listening to me. Will definitely talk to my doctor about all this when I meet with her next, she’s really open minded and the best psyche I’ve ever worked with.

 

[RuffSamurai]

Can i take from the story your new psyche is discouraging taking Clonazepam frequent and/ or daily ? Not really clear from the story what is the situation. Sound like you take all three atm. Don t really like the effects of Concerta. Through the two others, downers. Being prescribed all three is considered a sort of holy grail.
Not meaning you should stay on it.

Imo And the description of Methylphenidate spot on. Works good for treating the symptoms but rather suffer the syndrome. Something you might have to weigh for yourself and look at what is optional. There are milder meds Dextro-Methylphenidate XR and dextro-Amphetamine. But most of the times its not like the patient has a say in it. 'If its not broke why ...' Take care

The dr s 3 over the years had one thing in common taking less and breaks are good. With Klonopin that might me more dangerous, people on Methadon skip a dose here and then.

Again, first off I would like to thank you for reading my long post and conducting such a well thought out caring reply. Thank you for taking the time to do that, it means a lot to me that anyone even cares….

When you say those meds are the holy grail do you mean having a script for an opioid a benzo and a stimulant? Haha I thought so too but honestly I think the goal of the stimulant is to eventually taper me off of klonopin…

However I will continue working with her and try and be as honest as possible about everything.

It makes me feel oddly good that you say my description of Ritalin is spot on and I’m not just crazy. I’m really trying, I’m really trying to sit down shut up and do what the doctors say and stop pretending like I know everything. But it is frustrating when you DO know your body….

Yes I have defenirly forgotten to take my methadone due to klonopin on a weekend but honestly that was kind of reassuring to me that I can go longer and function without that shit and maybe use klonopin to get off it a little quicker before I lost my script.

Ugh idk there’s so much on my mind just thank you truly for listening and being there….im mostly just venting.