Wow, that's quite a bit of weight on flies. Kudos to you. Yeah, good 'ol muscle memory... I'll surely let you know if I find the drive to pump iron, PA. Thank you, yeah, workout Bros... Heave-ho!
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TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 12
- Thread starter paranoid android
- Start date
The last song I wrote before this Invega debacle, a nine-minute epic.
(Sadly, I didn't get to record it on video) ~
Maybe somebody can add verses for the 'silent' victims of psychiatry.
Ironically, it was a song about intercession, the idea of taking on the
suffering of others, in order to help them heal from their afflictions.
Man, I (and all of Us) can surely use the power of an Intercessor NOW.
Yeah, I used to be super-spiritual, believed in Jesus, heart, soul & mind.
Sadly, that's all gone. My former faith just a fairytale. I hope I'm wrong.
"I See the Horror"
I see the horror in their eyes, the small ones who can’t vocalize,
animals in silenced plea, voices now who speak through me:
please don’t hurt me, I’m like you, I feel, I love, I thought you knew,
adoring pets adorn your wall, why only yours adored by all?
How can you call me the beast as you feast on Matthew’s least,
such violence only raining hell, upon yourself & all who fell,
you who dwell in Cain’s domain, a lonely cell where demons reign,
please, set Us free, we’re not okay, just like you, they made Us prey.
We see your sorrow, see your pain, we see you all & break your chain,
in Jesus Christ, we see you well, we free you from your living hell,
thank you, Lord, please bless them all, souls brought down by Adam’s Fall,
we open up to all Your grace, have mercy in this desperate place.
I see the horror in their eyes, the small ones who can’t vocalize,
the boys I love with ASD, the one in mind, my Matthew V,
I see him now, Autism stare, begging me to help him bear,
burdens of a wretched fate, I tried & died, the weight too great.
I see you son, wished I could stay, I had to find another way,
I couldn’t work with profiteers who prey on kids & mother’s fears,
my voice was also lost inside, a little boy who had to hide,
strangled by a world at war, I joined a pride where Lion’s roar!
We see your sorrow, see your pain, we’re here to bring the Latter Rain,
in Jesus Christ, we see you well, we free you from your living hell,
thank you, Lord, please bless this child, your lamb who parasites defiled,
we open up to all Your grace, have mercy in this desperate place.
I see the horror in their eyes, the small ones who can’t vocalize,
my Pop-Pop & my Uncle T, Alzheimer’s plight their misery,
I see you in your suffering, I'm here to write, I'm here to sing,
I'm here to fight for liberty, my only charge to set you free.
I'm willing to bear all your pain, I've lost my mind, I'm finally sane,
working with the underground, I know where LOVE is lost & found,
in broken dreams on darkest day, don’t lose hope, I’ll Light the Way,
a Truth & Life born in My Son, now rise & shine, My mighty one.
We see your sorrow, see your shame, we see you shine in God’s good name,
in Jesus Christ, we see you well, we free you from your living hell,
thank you, Lord, please bless these men, we scream aloud: NEVER AGAIN!
we SCREAM opposed to all obscene, it’s time to SHOUT our houses clean,
it’s time for all of Us to shine, I SEE the HORROR... now BE DIVINE.
I SEE the Son of man in you, I SEE the Son of God anew,
I SEE it ALL Faithful & True, I heed your call, the labored few,
I bleed The Fall... I wait for you.
(Sadly, I didn't get to record it on video) ~
Maybe somebody can add verses for the 'silent' victims of psychiatry.
Ironically, it was a song about intercession, the idea of taking on the
suffering of others, in order to help them heal from their afflictions.
Man, I (and all of Us) can surely use the power of an Intercessor NOW.
Yeah, I used to be super-spiritual, believed in Jesus, heart, soul & mind.
Sadly, that's all gone. My former faith just a fairytale. I hope I'm wrong.
"I See the Horror"
I see the horror in their eyes, the small ones who can’t vocalize,
animals in silenced plea, voices now who speak through me:
please don’t hurt me, I’m like you, I feel, I love, I thought you knew,
adoring pets adorn your wall, why only yours adored by all?
How can you call me the beast as you feast on Matthew’s least,
such violence only raining hell, upon yourself & all who fell,
you who dwell in Cain’s domain, a lonely cell where demons reign,
please, set Us free, we’re not okay, just like you, they made Us prey.
We see your sorrow, see your pain, we see you all & break your chain,
in Jesus Christ, we see you well, we free you from your living hell,
thank you, Lord, please bless them all, souls brought down by Adam’s Fall,
we open up to all Your grace, have mercy in this desperate place.
I see the horror in their eyes, the small ones who can’t vocalize,
the boys I love with ASD, the one in mind, my Matthew V,
I see him now, Autism stare, begging me to help him bear,
burdens of a wretched fate, I tried & died, the weight too great.
I see you son, wished I could stay, I had to find another way,
I couldn’t work with profiteers who prey on kids & mother’s fears,
my voice was also lost inside, a little boy who had to hide,
strangled by a world at war, I joined a pride where Lion’s roar!
We see your sorrow, see your pain, we’re here to bring the Latter Rain,
in Jesus Christ, we see you well, we free you from your living hell,
thank you, Lord, please bless this child, your lamb who parasites defiled,
we open up to all Your grace, have mercy in this desperate place.
I see the horror in their eyes, the small ones who can’t vocalize,
my Pop-Pop & my Uncle T, Alzheimer’s plight their misery,
I see you in your suffering, I'm here to write, I'm here to sing,
I'm here to fight for liberty, my only charge to set you free.
I'm willing to bear all your pain, I've lost my mind, I'm finally sane,
working with the underground, I know where LOVE is lost & found,
in broken dreams on darkest day, don’t lose hope, I’ll Light the Way,
a Truth & Life born in My Son, now rise & shine, My mighty one.
We see your sorrow, see your shame, we see you shine in God’s good name,
in Jesus Christ, we see you well, we free you from your living hell,
thank you, Lord, please bless these men, we scream aloud: NEVER AGAIN!
we SCREAM opposed to all obscene, it’s time to SHOUT our houses clean,
it’s time for all of Us to shine, I SEE the HORROR... now BE DIVINE.
I SEE the Son of man in you, I SEE the Son of God anew,
I SEE it ALL Faithful & True, I heed your call, the labored few,
I bleed The Fall... I wait for you.
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- Apr 4, 2006
- Messages
- 19,703
Exactly muscle memory. Wont take you fuck all time to get back in shape. There are guys who pay good money for steroids to look like you did lol. Im on TRT and dont look anything like that yet. Id probably need masteron to look like that lol.
Brendan Clark
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2026
- Messages
- 57
I was just thinking today how much I used to love reading before this invega situation, but now I struggle to read more than a few paragraphs of anything.
I feel ya, bro. I used to devour books... Articles too. Now nothing. I don't read at all. Unless your counting these messages & a few Facebooks & emails here & there. Anyway, it surely sucks. Sorry.
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- 19,703
I to had this exact same side effects from invega and also abilify. Then i was put on latuda and the effect got even worse. I think its elated to akathisia or something. However the effect went away when i stopped latuda and got on zyprexa. This was also about a year after i got off the abilify injections
So hang in there it does go away. If your attension span is permanently shit trying something like ritalin may be worth it. But imo just let it come back natrally
Yeah, I was pumping & punching hard, even doing double split routines, morning & evening sessions. What's TRT? I slightly remember the name Masteron... Was that a really strong steroid?
When I was working out at World's Gym, most people were using Testosterone Cypionate & Enanthate, Sustenon, Anadrol & Dianabol, Deca & Winstrol... I think that's it. My picture was taken at my fraternity house at SUNY Albany, after coming back from a summer in Virginia Beach selling Jack & Jill's Ice Cream. Me & my buddy Joe went to Wareing's Gym, a boxing & bodybuilding gym.
That's all we did all summer, workout & work the truck. If you know boxing, Pernell Whitaker was the most famous one training there. Bruce Smith of the Buffalo Bills also worked out there.
Anyway, being in that kind of shape is surely out of reach at this point... Unless I maybe rage on those roids! Ha. What are your current dimensions? Are you aspiring to JACKED-ness? Ha.
Happy pounding, Bro. And keep on truckin'! Sounds like you're making your way out from under this medication mess. Ciao for now, Dan
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Ya im prescribed testosterone enanthate under a testosterone replacement therapy protocol. Im only scripted 150mg's every 2 weeks but i actually take 100mg's twice a week. Was doing nly once a week but my E2 levels got high. Hopefully they went down abit but i wasent getting any side effects anyway. And ya masteron is a steroid often used in cutting cycles. If i wanted to get in that kinda shape id have to add muscle while cutting weight which s a fuck of alot easier with the proper steroid. I guess on test i could do it with a calorie deficient died but i would never make ity as a body builder or anything as i love carbs to much lol
Yeah, I'd sue, but number one, those f**kers of the system will twist everything, make it all my doing, and number two, money won't change a damn thing anyway. Wow, I surely wish I could count on your prognostication... I could hold on for two or three more weeks. The problem I see, is that this ain't going away at all. I truly hope I'm totally wrong on this one.
I'm not sure what they gave me I think the second shot was 234mgs. This has gone far beyond your notion of how long the withdrawal symptoms should last... No? Anyway, thanks for the response & your positivity on my timeline for healing... Stay tuned. Oh, and btw, no thank you on discussions of semen & erections & such... Definitely not subjects I care to share with anybody. Peace, Dan
InvegaAnon
Bluelighter
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- Jul 28, 2023
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- 1,223
Animals are wonderful. I'm sure my dogs helped me recover too, my late dog consistently made sure we went for walks together until the day he died. I felt better emotionally after bonding with my new dog for a few weeks.
silenthill
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2025
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- 137
this gives me hope for my situation too. before invega i had a six pack but now not too long ago i could see my ribs
silenthill
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2025
- Messages
- 137
seeing as i don't really contribute much here, i've recovered well enough and my college break is ending soon, i think i'll be leaving now. i've already given my advice and i also need to let this go from my past. like i said before: eat healthy, cut out lots of sugar, try a keto diet, force yourself to do your hobbies even if it feels bland since it trains the brain, cold face plunges help with anxiety, the effects of substances do come back for any users here, recovering sexually is fully possible and ultimately, out of all, you will recover. treat this as the most difficult experience you've ever faced and push through it. choose your dreams, choose to win, choose life. take care!
Wow, barbell curls at 215. That's impressive! Yeah, bench put a lot of strain on my shoulders too. I was doing 315lbs for a few reps at my peak.
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Ya i actually got really severe muscle spasms in my neck from doing bench presses years ago.vThey didnt stop tilll i got put on clonazepam for anxiety then the spasms pretty much stopped. Clonaz is abit of a muscle relaxant so it figures.
Benching 315 while being natty is insane dude. Your goal should be to bench more then 315 now
Deleted the reply cause I understand, thank you …
Brendan Clark
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2026
- Messages
- 57
Just got 2 hours of shut eye last night, and I don't even feel tired as a result. This is so weird...
Brendan Clark
Bluelighter
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I feel like my heart has gotten so hardened because of this drug. I don't have the range of emotions I'm familiar with which is very frustrating. It's like this drug takes away your soul...your way of expressing yourself naturally is just taken away.... so unfair....
I am no Doctor. I’ll tell u what i know.
•The Baseline of you is like one of those X,Y Graphs in School…
•You’re on the 0 Y (no height or drop) and travelling along the X direction along to the right…
•So you gave a norm of up and down a bit, really bad times might make it drop to Y-12, elation +11, (euphoria is maybe 12…
•Meds flatten that, and you are limited to +/-1…
•So your Brain sees that and starts trying to make Receptors, some are blocked…
•The Drug blocks the new ones…
•Body sees that and says: ‘Something in the Environment is Chemically Suppressing the Receptors’ (Evolutionary Defence System, 200 Million, or more years of evolutionary technology, Human Form)…
•Biological Backup System Starts: Grey Matter starts to path ‘You’ and ‘thinking’ via a backup path, it’s not the normal cortex areas, its building new stuff. Stuff that can’t be blocked btw, the Law wouldn’t allow it…
•You acclimatise…
•Then when the meds wear off you might have 2 systems, it can be overwhelming…
•One Normal System, and another one built new in Grey Matter…
I can’t be sure, I tried to study what happened to me…
Not easy…
•The X,Y Graph has reasserted itself, you maybe get your +/- 12 back, then you have another 12 with the new routes, so +/-24, it can become Hyper/Hypo -manic…
I thought the excess 12 was maybe a thing not realised by Doctors yet. I have a little geek knowledge…
Instead of suppressed I thought maybe the conflict was excess…
Other possibles:
•Calcification of Dopaminergic Centre, which means you have no reward system. Which makes life kinda pointless.
>Targeted Ultrasound Therapy following an MRI, (A Leica Machine — GerMAns!
— (Because some people find the brand General Electric Spooky in Psychiatric Realms for some reason, another observation, big brand silly conspiracy theory association maybe)…>>Anyway, Targeted Ultrasound or Some Medication to De-Calcify the Dopaminergic System so you have Reward Feelings back could be assessed by a non-psychiatric Doctor/PhD/Professor, so they’re not in the same field as Doctors you maybe gained question-mark for…
•Could be Stored Medication in Fats released at a not normal rate are confusing your biology. (Fats Burning Medication might actually help here, it could clear it up)…
I am not recommending anything without you consulting a Medical Professional… Let’s you Sue someone if they poop up, ha! (Don’t say this in the Consultation, haha, they’ll panic)!
Usually it’ll fall into either your Body is still rerouting the Grey Matter Backup so you have no reward as the Calcification suppressed your Reward system…
I tried to come up with a De-Blocker for the receptors, Higher Affinity Stuff that Jettisons the Blockade and simply acts as a conduit for the original receptor (Higher Affinity will make the Receptor Occupant Blocker Leave). I haven’t had time to work on it, an issue would be that the Nerve has been trying to replace Receptors at such a rate is like a flower bed on your nerve and they’re all blocked off (an issue is if it is an irreversible suppressant, like a welded chemical blockade, which in my understanding is not actually Legal Medication as it is a Nerve Agent), they need Ultrasonic Disintegration of the Blocker or by another Mechanical Means that is not disruptive to any other Body Systems or Tissues…
Big Pharma has not much clue how Mind Systems are truly mapped out. They don’t know Advanced Chemistry, but they think they do. Science at this level is prone to avoiding at what they don’t understand as it is a chunky paycheque but a person is suffering as a result and they are watched because of this, it is commonly recorded. These types of meds are sold as Medication-For-Life through Health Diagnostics Manuals they have a hand in writing, but when profiting from the sales you cannot Legally do that, it is Illegal. They have done it regardless.
A lot of Modern European STEM Chemistry is Withheld from Big Pharmaceutical Companies for these reasons.
I have studied this in depth for around 7 years now. Ask away. I am a good Geek, I focus on these topics. I look towards a solution where the sullen feeling is treated quickly and normal is regained but never changed…