Technically yesterday’s report but fell asleep before typing this:
- 5-6-7??? Shots of vodka
- 250ml 4.5% cider
- 6 joints passed around w/ friends
- 3-4 bumps of K
- 2 bumps of speed
- 0.5mg phenazolam
I don’t think I’ve ever drank that much and felt so little, a bit tipsy yeah, but idk, been feeling too sober since the opioid WD and I just crave fuck ass any feeling rn
Mouth a little dry rn but not even a headache. I guess the testosterone fixed my ‘3-days of throwing up after 2 beers’ hangover from alcohol.
Was a weird day yesterday. Sleep has been hell. Like actual hell. Feel like every day I wake up like I survived an extinction event of something. Had taken phenazolam the night before too and a lot of ketamine, so slept through my alarm, then had to hurry while getting mad at myself for being late to my best friend’s birthday.
It was fine tho, wasn’t that late in the end and she knows about my situation rn, it’s just my perception of the situation. Bunch of random undosed vodka cocktails and a joint, just chilling in my friend’s little set up pool was nice.
I still just felt too sober and while was, long story short, I got friend-zoned or almost ‘big-brother zoned’ by yet another person I’ve had a crush on before. Still ended up hanging out with her and her friends after my best friend’s birthday though.
Wasn’t as awkward as expected and did a bump of K and 2 bumps of speed before going there. Made me a little sad though, not even the getting rejected part, but just the way every trans person is struggling more and more with the current political situation and most of us are drug addicts if not addicted to something else.
Long ass ramble sorry, just felt I needed to get that tf out because my hope of the future is getting smaller every day. Got 3 death threats too during that hangout and we were just chain smoking joints.
Was suprised at how sober I felt with the alchohol, K, phenazolam from previous nice and like 3x the weed I’m used to smoking, the speed did some of the uplifting maybe but that was an absolute microdose to my usual lines and I didn’t feel it consciously.
Got home, 2 bumps of K and more phenazolam because I can’t stand the opioid cravings and paranoia at night.
Deciding on today’s chemicals, honestly don’t really know. Feel okay-ish now but desperately need to go to the dealer for diazepam and 2-mmc cuz fuck I hate phenazolam and accidentally flushed 5g of 2-mmc (long story) and tomorrow have another close friend’s birthday and part of me wants to cancel cuz a rave isn’t what my body needs chemical wise, but mentally to go raving at my favorite club that is closing soon, with all my close friends including now FINALLY not having to lie about the opioid WD and having a safe, friend’s place to come down from the xtc at, which I plan on doing.
Will fuck off and go eat scraps for breakfast cuz I haven’t been able to do groceries lately, sending a good weekend to my fellow bluelighters.
