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OCD Thoughts

A

ArtVandalay

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 3, 2008
Messages
713
A few months ago my brother relapsed (fent and meth). While he was in hospital, I went to his house to get rid of his shit. He had a descent sized bag of crystal. I panicked at first, hid it in his garage. Later, I flushed it. Ever since, I fantasize about having kept it. In my mind I could've used it sparingly- on weekends maybe. But in reality, I'd probably use it on the daily, right? And the comedown mixed with guilt wouldn't be worth it? (I'm in recovery from opiates, twenty years clean about). I had experience with crystal- I managed it ok, mostly because I didn't have constant access. But it ended badly, with some psychosis. I just need reassurance I did the right thing. I'm also grieving my wife's death and raising my six year old boy, so there's that (on year 3).
 
ArtVandalay said:
A few months ago my brother relapsed (fent and meth). While he was in hospital, I went to his house to get rid of his shit. He had a descent sized bag of crystal. I panicked at first, hid it in his garage. Later, I flushed it. Ever since, I fantasize about having kept it. In my mind I could've used it sparingly- on weekends maybe. But in reality, I'd probably use it on the daily, right? And the comedown mixed with guilt wouldn't be worth it? (I'm in recovery from opiates, twenty years clean about). I had experience with crystal- I managed it ok, mostly because I didn't have constant access. But it ended badly, with some psychosis. I just need reassurance I did the right thing. I'm also grieving my wife's death and raising my six year old boy, so there's that (on year 3).
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I wouldn’t consider what you’re describing OCD thoughts, it is just something all of us who have had substance dependency deal with and will likely never go away because of the neurochemical rewiring. I had a terrible problem with nicotine, have managed to stay off for almost three months and I still get in the loop of how nice one cigarette would be. Absolutely it is the right thing not to smoke and in your case not to have used the crystal, which as you know the comedowns are horrible and the feelings that come with it. It is the brain playing tricks on you and that’s all.
 
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