Not until recent I fully committed to the idea of god's existence being a personal choice rather than an undeniable truth of cosmic reality. Growing up as a southern baptist preacher's kid was confusing seeing dad behind the pulpit in a different light than the congregation and community image he portrayed did nothing to ensure my faith in god or my father, the preacher. It was a spoken rule our family abided by our role was to support my dad and his ministry no matter the costs. This included mandatory attendance for church and church activities. We were not to question my father or his motives, we were not to share family issues or concerns outside of family jurisdiction, as children my brother's and I did not question decisions made by parents
Time went on, I discovered freedom from parental authority in my junior year of high school, dad bought a house near Atlanta Ga and my brother and I had our own entry way with bedrooms downstairs in a finished basement. We seldom mingled with parents, we had our own lives to live. Nonetheless that did not prevent us from attending in support of my dad. There came a time one Sunday morning I refused to drive mom and brothers to church. After that I think I was on black list for nonconformity.
Not until end of last year I decided to cut ties with god and religion. Up until then I researched various information regarding god, church and religion all of which pointed to what I suspected all along. It's had to adjust my thinking I no longer depended on god because in my eyes and mode of thinking god did not exist so praying was out, I couldn't ask god for anything any more. I set forth the belief that I alone was accountable for any and everything associated with my life. I took full responsibility for past, present and future actions. This meant having to make amends to people I harmed in the past, if it was impossible to reach them I asked myself for forgiveness to all matters of concern. Now it was up to me not to intentionally cause harm to anyone,
I think I live better now by taking responsibility of me instead of relying on god's authority as a means of my behavior. When I played Christian, I was always giving praise to god for every little thing, nowadays I give myself credit for accomplishments and setbacks if they happen. I like being in control, it's a mindset that many people fail to recognize.
Time went on, I discovered freedom from parental authority in my junior year of high school, dad bought a house near Atlanta Ga and my brother and I had our own entry way with bedrooms downstairs in a finished basement. We seldom mingled with parents, we had our own lives to live. Nonetheless that did not prevent us from attending in support of my dad. There came a time one Sunday morning I refused to drive mom and brothers to church. After that I think I was on black list for nonconformity.
Not until end of last year I decided to cut ties with god and religion. Up until then I researched various information regarding god, church and religion all of which pointed to what I suspected all along. It's had to adjust my thinking I no longer depended on god because in my eyes and mode of thinking god did not exist so praying was out, I couldn't ask god for anything any more. I set forth the belief that I alone was accountable for any and everything associated with my life. I took full responsibility for past, present and future actions. This meant having to make amends to people I harmed in the past, if it was impossible to reach them I asked myself for forgiveness to all matters of concern. Now it was up to me not to intentionally cause harm to anyone,
I think I live better now by taking responsibility of me instead of relying on god's authority as a means of my behavior. When I played Christian, I was always giving praise to god for every little thing, nowadays I give myself credit for accomplishments and setbacks if they happen. I like being in control, it's a mindset that many people fail to recognize.
