My experience with ketamine goes back to 1999. Within the first few years of using it I ended up (along with another friend) inheriting a large stash from a dealer-friend who was worried about getting too hot. Having access to that many bottles at such a low price compared to how much we were accustomed to paying made it so easy to pay for the stash, pocket a ton of cash, and absolutely go wild with the stuff. We'd do QBRs (quarter bottle rails) and then get lost in Half-Life 2 or counterstrike. We really pushed into the high-end dose range pretty quickly compared to most people I knew when it came to K. When first trying it, a few small lines would put me into an absolutely devastating dissociative state, later become increasingly unachievable. Tolerance rose to a point where within a few years I moved to IM injections as it was the only reliable way to reach the k hole.k tolerance is a pain in the ass bc it builds slow but lasts a loooong time. if ur a regular user you will eventually develop a stupid high tolerance that wont go away for a long time. a few months break can get u back to a place where you feel Something, but as far as i know theres no easy permanent fix. long breaks help and its good to manage ur use so ur tolerance doesnt keep climbing. if youre a daily user you just gotta be ok with it taking multiple grams in one sitting to feel anything, but in my experience thats far from sustainable.
its weird as fuck bc you will be feeling completely sober till you suddenly k hole. sometimes you wont even know it happened until your buddies say you were stumbling around and couldnt form a coherent sentencei was taking k in an attempt to help w my anxiety and chronic pain, but daily use just made my anxiety so much worse when i wasnt on it. being a psychedelic and dissociative it has the potential to exasperate mental issues if they arent being properly addressed
k is awesome but you gotta manage your use so you can actually enjoy it. taking a 2-6 month break will help a bit. in my experience only using 2-3 times per month in the long term is best for maintaining tolerance. breaking out of the daily habit is tough, but the first few days are by far the hardest. takes some willpower but the longer you go the easier itll be. just think about how much better itll feel after the break
Eventually I got clean from everything and for a few years I didn't use any drugs, after having gone through a 4 year spiral with IV heroin. From 2008-2010, I didn't use any substances at all, but when I started to dabble again it was with ketamine. I found that my tolerance had reset a bit, and I could feel powerful effects from a small amount initially, however after a day or two of using it would surge right back up. It became difficult to use for more than a couple of days without long tolerance breaks to reset.
Over the years, I incorporated some of the RC dissos into the mix - DMXE, MXiPr, MXE, and then the PCP analogs. They all were able to push through my tolerance initially, however eventually the same issues would emerge. I eventually discovered that the only way to use with any reliability and get something enjoyable was to use in very small doses and aim for a different effects profile. Instead of the strong dissociative hallucintory experiences, I would use very small amounts and combine it with things like exercise, kratom, gabapentin etc. This yielded a very pleasant, persistent mood elevation and energy increase. It wasn't typically that inebriating (I could engage in most activities fairly well including long bike rides) but more just shaded my life with this dissociative weirdness, cognitive euphoria, and emotional color. The downside to this approach was that it was very easy to use for days or weeks at a time, inching ever so much into hypomia, paranoia, and irritability. I found that while I would feel better for quite some time, I would also be more reactive and less compassionate. It was also a very difficult psychological dependence to break away from. It felt like I needed dissociatives to simply face the day sometimes.
It's been 8 months since I last used anything, eventually cutting off contact with my regular suppliers of RCs and ketamine, both online and in-person. I also found that moving away from where I was living helped to reset some of the triggers to use that had become a difficult hurdle. I do sometimes miss them and occassionally find myself fantasizing about diving back in but I let the moment pass and find something else to focus on for long enough that the urge subsides. I won't lie and say I don't miss it - I do, sometimes. Dissociatives became such an integral part of my life at such an early point in my life, spanning the end of high school through college and the times up through my opioid addiction. They were the first class of drugs I used when I started to explore again, and in many ways felt like the way I self-medicated for a lot of the tough stuff I faced through the work that I did. Every time I find myself struggling to motivate to go exercise or push myself out of a depressed mood, I think about how easily I could snap into hypomania if I microdosed some ketamine for a few days. I also know that it would reset the clock on tolerance, habitutation, and dependence once again. For that reason, I push past it.
Dissos are tough.
