23 Year Old Meth Addict, say wassup and maybe spit some wisdom on recovery? I have 36 days clean.

[CincinnatiKid2002]

Hey, I'm from Cincinnati. I've been using Meth and drinking since I was fourteen years old. I've experimented with or had phases where I used just about every substance. My true love (toxic ass relationship) is IV meth though.

I'm currently in early recovery, with hella reservations. The only happiness I can find is in music and video chatting my almost two year old daughter.

Nice to meet y'all though, cheers to our future endeavors

- J

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Hey and welcome I can relate to the music part from my own journey into and out of oblivion. What got you started using meth? Just curious. You have a daughter, that's really good! I have 2 grown daughters living independently. Now it's just my wife & I along with 3 dogs and 3 cats.

I love music, it got me through some very dark times. I haven't experienced meth, honestly I'm scared to. I've seen friends body's deteriorate from meth, it too much of a risk for me to undertake. How long have you been in recovery? Good relationships help

Look around BL site, you'll find lots of interesting people and information.

You are family now.

 

[CincinnatiKid2002]

Hey and welcome I can relate to the music part from my own journey into and out of oblivion. What got you started using meth? Just curious. You have a daughter, that's really good! I have 2 grown daughters living independently. Now it's just my wife & I along with 3 dogs and 3 cats.

I love music, it got me through some very dark times. I haven't experienced meth, honestly I'm scared to. I've seen friends body's deteriorate from meth, it too much of a risk for me to undertake. How long have you been in recovery? Good relationships help

Look around BL site, you'll find lots of interesting people and information.

You are family now.

It all started, with visiting a close friend of mine at the time. I stopped at his aunt's trailer to hang out and smoke some weed with him. His aunt wanted some, and offered to trade me some crystal for a quarter or some shit. I had no clue how to do it until she showed me how to smoke.

The crazy part is, I was immediately in love. I binged the whole day with them, and there on started this insanity. Every day use, arrests, psych ward stays, juvenile community corrections. It's like I blinked, and my childhood was over.

Thanks for the warm welcome my friend

- peace

 

[M!$TER-ED]

It all started, with visiting a close friend of mine at the time. I stopped at his aunt's trailer to hang out and smoke some weed with him. His aunt wanted some, and offered to trade me some crystal for a quarter or some shit. I had no clue how to do it until she showed me how to smoke.

The crazy part is, I was immediately in love. I binged the whole day with them, and there on started this insanity. Every day use, arrests, psych ward stays, juvenile community corrections. It's like I blinked, and my childhood was over.

Thanks for the warm welcome my friend

- peace

Yep, I mean we all have a story, some stories like yours have special meaning to addiction that some like myself hear in awe. How is recovery going for you?

 

[CincinnatiKid2002]

Yep, I mean we all have a story, some stories like yours have special meaning to addiction that some like myself hear in awe. How is recovery going

Yep, I mean we all have a story, some stories like yours have special meaning to addiction that some like myself hear in awe. How is recovery going for you?

It's been difficult, I'm in a partial hospitalization program rn, I graduate Monday and transition to a sober living house. They allow medical marijuana, which will help me immensely I think.

I'm just in a state of, idk I guess anxiety mixed with numbness. I know the tools, 12 step meetings are all over my city. It's right in reach. But I've also been to treatment over twenty times, it's hard to have faith in myself.

I really hope, that life can be more than what it's been. I'm so ashamed of myself and my past, it's kept me locked in bondage. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and not hate what I see.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Man that’s really hard on yourself, I see things I’ve done not as mistakes or failures but with the belief at that particular time I made my decisions based on what I knew and understood then. Circumstances change and our decisions are based on the needs we have at that time.
I don’t view any part of a persons as failure, no matter what the did or did not do. Cut yourself some slack, you did what was important to you at that time, now I imagine your priorities are different now, go with that if that is what you want…whatever you decide know that you do so willingly, it’s always your decision.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Man that’s really hard on yourself, I see things I’ve done not as mistakes or failures but with the belief at that particular time I made my decisions based on what I knew and understood then. Circumstances change and our decisions are based on the needs we have at that time.
I don’t view any part of a persons as failure, no matter what the did or did not do. Cut yourself some slack, you did what was important to you at that time, now I imagine your priorities are different now, go with that if that is what you want…whatever you decide know that you do so willingly, it’s always your decision.

My point is it has always been your decision what you do....if you want to make changes in your behavior, you must have a valid reason to do so that replaces old behavior norms. What do you want now that is different than when you were using? You have to genuinely want to let's say, learn a trade, focus on raising your daughter, earn a degree to help people, or make money, it doesn't what you choose to do, except whatever you choose you must want it enough to replace old behavior patterns.

 

[CincinnatiKid2002]

My point is it has always been your decision what you do....if you want to make changes in your behavior, you must have a valid reason to do so that replaces old behavior norms. What do you want now that is different than when you were using? You have to genuinely want to let's say, learn a trade, focus on raising your daughter, earn a degree to help people, or make money, it doesn't what you choose to do, except whatever you choose you must want it enough to replace old behavior patterns.

thank you for the kind words man, it's funny you mention that, because I've always wanted to work in the treatment/recovery field. it would be amazing to work with other addicts, give a message of hope to people who need it the most.

Being of service, and being a reliable, loving father, are goals I can work towards from this point forward. Hopefully the self loathing and emotional turmoil start subsiding with time. I know post acute withdrawal syndrome probably has a big part to play in all this.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

thank you for the kind words man, it's funny you mention that, because I've always wanted to work in the treatment/recovery field. it would be amazing to work with other addicts, give a message of hope to people who need it the most.

Being of service, and being a reliable, loving father, are goals I can work towards from this point forward. Hopefully the self loathing and emotional turmoil start subsiding with time. I know post acute withdrawal syndrome probably has a big part to play in all this.

Check it out! I worked in chemical dependency and mental health fields because of personal history.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

If this can be an incentive for you, I was diagnosed schizo-affective in the 70s. Got married, had a couple of kids then everything went south. For the next 30 yrs , I lost touch with reality. Self-isolation, paranoia, social anxiety, full blown craziness pretty much made me stay in the laundry room so I could smoke cigarets and listen to music. I had no life, no ambition, and no clue how to get better/well. I overdosed March 2005 on herbal supplements and prescription meds. My wife committed me to the local psych ward where I stayed for 3 weeks. While there my meds were reevaluated, when I got out something clicked and I knew what I needed to do to get my life on track again.

I was a mess, very paranoid, however, I knew there was nothing in this world top be afraid of. With purpose I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Was able to find a good psychiatrist and therapist, started volunteering, 4 months later started working part time as peer specialist, driving clients etc. decided to try college while working part time. I was 54 yrs old, up until then I didn't think much about myself value wise, thought basically dumb until my grades proved otherwise. I graduated with honors, started up a mental health advocacy/educational national organization called Active Minds. After graduating I attended bible college for 3 semester, transferred to SUNY Empire University to get Bachelors in Human Services.

I was nobody, maybe a lot like yourself at this point in your life. If you want it, you have get it yourself. There are programs that help with tuition and grants too. Like I said, this may be your only opportunity, unless you have something better to do?

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

I really hope, that life can be more than what it's been. I'm so ashamed of myself and my past, it's kept me locked in bondage. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and not hate what I see.

Don't be ashamed lad, you didn't choose what happened to you and you can only go from now, nomatter what.

You're still young and you've got every chance of a full recovery and, after that, a full life. You also have a kid which can be a huge reason to achieve then maintain sobriety (or at least your version of it, which as you are a parent of a young child I'm hoping is free of the super-harmful drugs, I don't think there's any need to elaborate. Regardless of that though, you still need to want to do this for yourself, which it sounds like you do.

Oh, and welcome to BL

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Welcome to Blue World, you're gonna love it here.

Put your metaphorical feet up and make yourself at home.

 

[SoCalShordie]

Hey, I'm from Cincinnati. I've been using Meth and drinking since I was fourteen years old. I've experimented with or had phases where I used just about every substance. My true love (toxic ass relationship) is IV meth though.

I'm currently in early recovery, with hella reservations. The only happiness I can find is in music and video chatting my almost two year old daughter.

Nice to meet y'all though, cheers to our future endeavors

- J

Hey Cincinnati, welcome! You’re doing a great thing. Keep up the good work and stay clean for your baby girl. I’ve got 2 of them around her age. They grow up so fast, just don’t miss it. Rooting for you!

 

[SoCalShordie]

You sound like a Cali dude, sure you from Cincinnati? Lol.

As far as wisdom on recovery, I’ll share a little of my story.

I’m 34 years old. I was in active addiction from 18 until I was 30. Initially, it was opiate painkillers, then heroin, surprisingly crack for a short time, Xanax, and meth. I’ve dabbled with a little of everything in between.

When I say I was a ratchet hot mess, I mean a real crash out. I was running the streets. Went through 2 violent relationships that almost broke me. I almost died in a car crash and broke my spine because I was chasing a high and didn’t care about my own life or anyone else’s. I had to relearn how to walk, which was fucking wild. That slowed me down, but it didn’t stop me. As soon as I was back on my feet, I was right back in the trenches, knees deep. Maybe 2 months after the crash, I overdosed on fentanyl. Fortunately, someone had naloxone and saved my life when I was on the brink of death. That person became the father of my children.

I got pregnant with my daughter in the summer of 2022. I was still using and being reckless at the beginning. The moment I gave birth to this incredible human, I looked into her eyes, and she looked into mine. It was as if she could see straight into my soul. She knew everything I had ever done and still loved me. That day, I realized that I would never give up because of her. I would never feel alone again. I had a reason to fight. It was as if she was the missing piece I had been searching for my entire life. She fulfilled me. In motherhood, I’ve become the best version of myself. I would have never changed if it wasn’t for her. I’d most likely be dead, the way I was moving.

I know you’re also a parent, and I know you can make the change just as I have. Just think of your daughter, and she’ll guide you back to where you belong

 

[CincinnatiKid2002]

You sound like a Cali dude, sure you from Cincinnati? Lol.

As far as wisdom on recovery, I’ll share a little of my story.

I’m 34 years old. I was in active addiction from 18 until I was 30. Initially, it was opiate painkillers, then heroin, surprisingly crack for a short time, Xanax, and meth. I’ve dabbled with a little of everything in between.

When I say I was a ratchet hot mess, I mean a real crash out. I was running the streets. Went through 2 violent relationships that almost broke me. I almost died in a car crash and broke my spine because I was chasing a high and didn’t care about my own life or anyone else’s. I had to relearn how to walk, which was fucking wild. That slowed me down, but it didn’t stop me. As soon as I was back on my feet, I was right back in the trenches, knees deep. Maybe 2 months after the crash, I overdosed on fentanyl. Fortunately, someone had naloxone and saved my life when I was on the brink of death. That person became the father of my children.

I got pregnant with my daughter in the summer of 2022. I was still using and being reckless at the beginning. The moment I gave birth to this incredible human, I looked into her eyes, and she looked into mine. It was as if she could see straight into my soul. She knew everything I had ever done and still loved me. That day, I realized that I would never give up because of her. I would never feel alone again. I had a reason to fight. It was as if she was the missing piece I had been searching for my entire life. She fulfilled me. In motherhood, I’ve become the best version of myself. I would have never changed if it wasn’t for her. I’d most likely be dead, the way I was moving.

I know you’re also a parent, and I know you can make the change just as I have. Just think of your daughter, and she’ll guide you back to where you belong

thank you friend, i have tears in my eyes reading this. i've been having debilitating cravings, and total panic about graduating this program monday most of this evening. so, it's nice to hear message of hope.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

To be honest, statistically you will likely relapse, that is almost always expected. Rehab if you learned anything teaches you what you do or decide to do after you relapse, and the day, and the day after that.....on and on. Every moment of the rest of your life, you will have to choose what you do one moment at a time.
It has always been your choice, that hasn't changed. Hopefully you've learned you do have a choice and what you choose to do is called life.

 

[streaM Freak]

Welcome @CincinnatiKid2002 - Brave of you, keep it up - hope you find home here.

 

[SoCalShordie]

To be honest, statistically you will likely relapse, that is almost always expected. Rehab if you learned anything teaches you what you do or decide to do after you relapse, and the day, and the day after that.....on and on. Every moment of the rest of your life, you will have to choose what you do one moment at a time.
It has always been your choice, that hasn't changed. Hopefully you've learned you do have a choice and what you choose to do is called life.

This
I relapsed a million fucking times before actually getting clean. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Oh and one more thing, you don’t have to do NA meetings etc unless that actually help you. I learned that it was actually counter productive for me to be in a room full of people talking about their drug fueled days. I don’t even have a sober “birthday.” I know I’ve been off drugs for about 4 years and that’s good enough for me.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

This
I relapsed a million fucking times before actually getting clean. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Oh and one more thing, you don’t have to do NA meetings etc unless that actually help you. I learned that it was actually counter productive for me to be in a room full of people talking about their drug fueled days. I don’t even have a sober “birthday.” I know I’ve been off drugs for about 4 years and that’s good enough for me.

This. I've always said that if you can count the exact number of days that you've been clean, then you've still got a problem because it is obviously still on your mind.

 

[SoCalShordie]

This. I've always said that if you can count the exact number of days that you've been clean, then you've still got a problem because it is obviously still on your mind.

I would always think, “oh I’ve been sober X amount of days, so that means I deserve a treat” lol