Dissociatives Ketamine and other anesthetic overdose experiences.

[BeefExtreme]

Ive been an anesthetic addict for years since i was mortally wounded back in 2021. Ive overdosed on most of them including a massive accidental overdose of o-pce to the tune of 118mg.

Ive od'ed ketamine more times that i care to admit. Pcp at least once. 3meopce as well. I would consider most of these experiences either compulsory or at least sunconsciously deliberate.

Anyway. Ive always felt really lonely with these experience because friends who have also done it tend to have very different experiences. They simply pass out, or become inebriated to the point of incoherence for a while. One friend tells me she "goes to the factory floor where all the wheels and gears are" on pcp.

For me, Its different. I think I could be borderline psychotic, or schitzophrenic and its a bit worrisome i suppose. I go someplace that resembles a Salvador Dali painting. Abstracted consciousness where nothing makes sense. I find myself there and its like Im back in a nightmare I never truly escaped, like the matrix.

I find myself struggling to remember my name or anything about "the world before" as it were. what was it? I can remember cars, and that things were vaguely expected of me but no idea what any of it means.

The o-pce experience was vastly worse. I couldnt even recall what i even was. I knew i was 'beige'. Beyond that, in my mind, i was a liquified barbie doll in the vaccum of space. How my consciousness went though the play-Doh extruder. Ive done extreme doses of lsd and mushrooms, but nothing has ever quite compared to that experience.

The sounds.
Everything metalic. As though all sound passes through massive bronze symbols before reaching my ears. Water running or trickling in a stream or bathtub literally babbles. like fast rapping. In familiar voices but i cant make out the words.

Faint sounds of a small radio seem to drift in and out. Voices.

Anyway. I just wondered if anyone else ever experiences these things. Just wondered if i could connect with someone on this level, or if were all in our own tapestries on these drugs.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

it sounds like the typical hole experience on mxe or pcp that i would experience.

also i completely get what your friend is saying about the floor with all the gears. i would keep having this experience but they wore more like a network of very simple little robots working together and that is basically my consciousness at the time - the factory of robots.

i used to use the drugs for chronic pain my self and then i sustained the known bladder damage that they cause which led to even worse chronic pain that is incurable for a decade now.

 

[BeefExtreme]

Wow im sorry to hear that. Thats always been my worry but someone ive managed to avoid that.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

Wow im sorry to hear that. Thats always been my worry but someone ive managed to avoid that.

you’ve only been using dissociatives for 4 years?

it took me 5 years to aquire the damage and it came out of almost nowhere. at the end there were maybe like ten instances of minor irritation after using then a huge blow up after that and it was never the same again.

 

[BeefExtreme]

Man. Im so sorry to hear that. Really freaks me out because its one of the only ways ive found that makes my life bearable in terms of depression.

Do you mind if i ask what your usage was or is? Im presently only using very small amounts, prescribed. Losenges, which barely do anything.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

Man. Im so sorry to hear that. Really freaks me out because its one of the only ways ive found that makes my life bearable in terms of depression.

Do you mind if i ask what your usage was or is? Im presently only using very small amounts, prescribed. Losenges, which barely do anything.

i used mainly mxe. about 1 gram would last me 2 weeks to a month. then i might take a break for a few weeks then get another gram.

and it went like that for 5 years until i got bladder damage.

it completely destroyed my life. ten years later and im still not recovered and stuck on opioids because of the physical pain

 

[danosaurous22]

I did like a few grams of ketamine over the course of a night several times. Previous experiences with ketamine would involve basically blacking out at a certain point and coming to after what felt like a long nap. But when I pushed it a little harder and did bigger doses at a time I would find myself with a purely visual experience of the world. Walking around, stumbling, and just seeing my room. Not really understanding anything else than the colors and shapes before me, it was familiar since I had seen it before but I had zero frame of reference as to what my eyesight actually meant. I had zero clue who I was or where I was, but a persistent confusion, like I knew that I shouldn't be so puzzled but couldn't figure out what was so puzzling. When I got flashes of how trapped I was, and the repetitiveness of my experience (seeing the same things over and over again at different angles as I walked around, understanding that something was repeating itself in my environment but unable to figure out that the reason for this was that I was in a room with solid unchanging objects) I began to feel completely trapped and very disturbed at how whatever my mind had become was just only capable seeing these things over and over again, starting to wonder, "will anything new ever happen?" It felt confined and imprisoning but I could not remember what it was like to be free. When I started to come to I was still very very confused and starting to get hopeless about my prospects at living a normal life again. I could just not fathom how the real world worked. I got a lot of weird thoughts about family friends and coworkers, and how they would react to me being basically retarded and unable to ever communicate with them again or do anything except see the room I was in. As I came to myself a bit more, I couldn't understand music. It felt like every sound and instrument and moment of the song was basically playing at completely different speeds and also coming in at random times. As time went on it was more like a heavy LSD trip where the left and right channels feel completely out of sync, so it is not satisfying at all but I can still recognize the song that's playing. It left me with a profound gratitude to have some kind of ability to interpret the world around me and have thoughts about it and memories, because I had experienced the complete absence of that for what honestly felt like hours and hours.

I also would get to a point where I was completely numb to sensation. I could put my hand on my extremely hot space heater and it would literally feel like a piece of cold plastic, and my apartment was freezing cold but I couldn't tell whether my feet were numb from cold or ketamine. That opened my eyes to how dangerous this substance can be, even in comparison to harder drugs like cocaine and opiates. Yes those can kill you very easily with an overdose but it's because of the drug's effect on your nervous system. Ketamine could make you so entirely oblivious to the world around you that if you were fucked up enough you could just fall from a great height, freeze to death, burn yourself, drown, choke, and not even realize it was happening. Those experiences left me profoundly shaken and sort of manic/just plain weird for a few days, I remember telling friends that ketamine was a horrifyingly powerful drug that is not to be played with, that there is something very very strange and dangerous about high doses that is just plain irresponsible to put your brain and your body through. As time went on though I found myself looking back on it very fondly and it almost seems worth the hell it can put you in. But that's all to say overdoses on K are exceptionally strange and defy every day logic, and there is really no comparison to how far it can send you into parts of your mind you have never seen and will never see without ketamine. I see why Lily and others got obsessed with it and couldn't really stop trying to figure it out, and how their ideas about it just seem batshit crazy if you're not chasing that state and finding it preferable to every day life.

 

[BeefExtreme]

i used mainly mxe. about 1 gram would last me 2 weeks to a month. then i might take a break for a few weeks then get another gram.

and it went like that for 5 years until i got bladder damage.

it completely destroyed my life. ten years later and im still not recovered and stuck on opioids because of the physical pain

God man, this sounds so horrible
Im so sorry. You ever try d-manos? Its from crab berry. Its helped me when ive had bladder infections etc. i dont know. Im sorry im a fixxer and always trying to find solutions and im sure youve tried everything. Thats just such a bummer

 

[BeefExtreme]

thats the k-hole for sure friendo. Its so unreal. The realms i have experienced but cant describe. The ghost knows what the mind cant comprehend nor elaborate .

 

[Halif2]

Hey BeefExtreme,

First off, great username.

Second, A lot of these experiences sound like 'overdoses' in the sense of dosing too much and having an uncomfortable experience, rather than taking a dose which resulted in some kind of mental or physical damage. I guess the word overdose has a pretty broad meaning which can vary depending on the circumstance (e.g. when people talk about someone having a heroin overdose, it often means they died or came very close to death).

I've used large amounts of DXM (in tablet form), huge amounts of ketamine, fairly large amounts of 3-meo-pcp, large mounts of 2-fdck, and I've used enormous amounts of MXE.

The only time I had what I'd consider to be an overdose on dissos was when I took diazepam, morphine, and a very large amount of MXE at the same time. The result was an absence seizure. It was in the middle of eating dinner and apparently I went from eating and talking normally to just sitting and staring straight ahead, completely unresponsive for a couple of minutes. I only remember before and after, not the event itself. Following this, my pupils were very noticeably different sizes for around 4 months. I realise now that I should have gone to the hospital following that, as the different pupil size thing can indicate serious problems with or damage to the brain.

I was very stupid and reckless when I took all that. However, I still miss MXE to this day and still consider it to be one of the best drugs of all time: versatile, reflective, recreational, wildly psychedelic, and just all around magic.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

God man, this sounds so horrible
Im so sorry. You ever try d-manos? Its from crab berry. Its helped me when ive had bladder infections etc. i dont know. Im sorry im a fixxer and always trying to find solutions and im sure youve tried everything. Thats just such a bummer

i’ve tried every medical intervention except bladder removal surgery