Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 12

[InvegaInferno]

@moerez I would say give it more time man, try to do anything that will help aid in your recovery and if you can't then when you can just don't give up; that could also be as simple as spending time with those who love you and support you to aid you. Talk to God, I find it really healing to let it all out to Him, and praying. This makes your brain believe in a Higher Power being able to heal you, it brings your brain out of its own hell hole way of thinking, and puts your mind at ease.

Also keep in mind, I didn't notice that I've improved until between the middle of month 6 after the injection, and by month 7 I've noticed I'm not as depressed as before nor suicidal. You could say I'm half way through the finish line of recovery.

 

[lukeflowz]

Hey guys, I took a break from the site to focus on healing as it was getting too much for me and I didn't have anything positive to share. I'm sad to hear that @rawbanana is gone is anyone sure that he did it? has anyone spoken to him beforehand? I hope he just took a break like me. I'm still shocked and sinking it in, Im reading the messages trying to catch up on everyone and I'm glad @lukeflowz you haven't done anything keep holding on man, haven't you had any windows or any slight changes so far?

I came back to give everyone an update, I haven't fully recovered but I started feeling better mid month 6 since the injection which was end of December beginning of January, but wanted to make sure I was actually better before saying anything. The depression is practically gone, my emotions are slowly coming back, although rare but I've had moments of happiness, I can laugh, I can feel empathy sometimes, a bit of love as well but its not consistent so I do feel numb at most. I can also feel my interests slowly but gradually coming back, as well as motivation when I had none in the past.

I must mention, at the end of November I started getting treatment through quantum medicine. I was skeptical from it at first but I did improve; I was also fasting during that time, between December and January trying to make up for the days I didn't fast last ramadan since I had a manic episode. This could've aided in my recovery, or maybe just time or could be all of it. I am also still receiving treatment.

My slight changes are only my jaw doesn’t clench and I’m not pacing as much, but I still have a severe form of mental akathisia. It’s discouraging that I haven’t had any real changes yet coming into the sixth month soon.

 

[lukeflowz]

Does anybody else feel like their entire nervous system is overwhelmed and feels pressure. It’s almost like being stuck in a fight or flight mode.

 

[InvegaInferno]

My slight changes are only my jaw doesn’t clench and I’m not pacing as much, but I still have a severe form of mental akathisia. It’s discouraging that I haven’t had any real changes yet coming into the sixth month soon.

I'm glad to hear there are slight improvements. But what do you mean by mental akathisia?

 

[lukeflowz]

I'm glad to hear there are slight improvements. But what do you mean by mental akathisia?

Inner restlessness, mental torture.

 

[InvegaInferno]

@lukeflowz I've had a hell of a round with akathisia, but can't imagine how mental akathisia feels like.
Hopefully that also goes away soon and you get some real changes with along the way. It will get better I'm 80% sure of it, you just need more time probably and a good distraction.

 

[moerez]

At month 5 I had very few moments of positive emotions, windows you may call it, then I'd go back to feeling anhedonic; at that month I was still very much depressed and suicidal.

I hope i get some relief by month6, i cant even get out of bed im all day bedridden and nothing is interesting for me even scrolling with phone, im losing my hope and if i dont see any improvements by next month which is month 6 i would consider stop fighting and give up

 

[InvegaInferno]

I hope i get some relief by month6, i cant even get out of bed im all day bedridden and nothing is interesting for me even scrolling with phone, im losing my hope and if i dont see any improvements by next month which is month 6 i would consider stop fighting and give up

How many injections did you get?
I know man I was bedridden, didn't have hope nor interests either could barely take care of myself. But trust me nothing lasts forever, it got better for me it will get better for you too just don't give up and keep trying to do anything to help. Anytime you think of suicide just think about what Abilify2mg said:

People on here don't realise how much suicide will destroy your family and friends. They will never be normal again and will be absolutely devastated about it every night. My own brother had an attempt 4 years ago and that totally fucked up our family imagine if he was successful. We even kept it hidden from my elderly dad because if he found out he'd get a heart attack. You also don't realize that when you kill yourself especially as a member of bluelight, you are creating so many copycat suicides meaning brokenself used to talk about previous members who suicided . Rawbanana was probably inspired to end it after brokenself suicide so imagine killing yourself and after your dead you inspire someone else to kill themselves and destroy their families lives . Horrible just horrible. I had 13 fkn invega shots , 3 haldol, olanzapine, abilify and im not recovered at all. Do i have dark thoughts? yes but would I ever act on them? never in a million fkn years, even if i reach the age of 65 and my parents would be dead by then and id be alone , i still would not suicide because my family would be utterely devesated with my suicide. I can never ever be selfish and do this to my family who love me. Im so severely depressed that some days i stay in bed for 20 hours just miserable but I would never go out of my way to literally end my life permanently it's just so idiotic . I feel bad for mereks family , i feel bad for bojanas daughters, I feel bad for brokenselfs family and I feel bad for rawbanans family. If you are thinking of suicide you have no idea how much damage you will cause in the lives of your family and friends.

he's 100% right and his mental fortitude is outstanding, he didn't have 2 or 3 injections but 13! But I understand how dark it can get I've had suicidal thoughts too 24/7, and it rarely pops up but when it does I shut it down now, and I remember I should be grateful for what I have in the present and past.

 

[moerez]

How many injections did you get?
I know man I was bedridden, didn't have hope nor interests either could barely take care of myself. But trust me nothing lasts forever, it got better for me it will get better for you too just don't give up and keep trying to do anything to help. Anytime you think of suicide just think about what Abilify2mg said:

he's 100% right and his mental fortitude is outstanding, he didn't have 2 or 3 injections but 13! But I understand how dark it can get I've had suicidal thoughts too 24/7, and it rarely pops up but when it does I shut it down now, and I remember I should be grateful for what I have in the present and past.

I had 2 shots, but i dont see any improvement man and only relief that makes me go everyday is the fact that if everything didnt change at least i can finish it, i had a pretty good life before all these happen, thats why i cant take it anymore when i see myself in mirror and i hate myself for what ive done , and we all know i never reach the point that i get as happy as before, so im so pessimistic about my future and i unfortunately have nothing to be grateful for it and its only family thats it

 

[InvegaInferno]

I had 2 shots, but i dont see any improvement man and only relief that makes me go everyday is the fact that if everything didnt change at least i can finish it, i had a pretty good life before all these happen, thats why i cant take it anymore when i see myself in mirror and i hate myself for what ive done , and we all know i never reach the point that i get as happy as before, so im so pessimistic about my future and i unfortunately have nothing to be grateful for it and its only family thats it

If I may ask, what have you done? is it during psychosis or a manic episode?
This world is a temporary school, we're all going to die eventually you don't want to die for not being patient enough and being overcome by weakness and leaving your loved ones devastated, this is not how you want your story to end.
Being grateful for your family is more than enough, you also have the roof over your head, the blood pumping in your veins, the food you eat the water you drink, if you're not from a war torn country, then the peace that you have at home.

 

[moerez]

If I may ask, what have you done? is it during psychosis or a manic episode?
This world is a temporary school, we're all going to die eventually you don't want to die for not being patient enough and being overcome by weakness and leaving your loved ones devastated, this is not how you want your story to end.
Being grateful for your family is more than enough, you also have the roof over your head, the blood pumping in your veins, the food you eat the water you drink, if you're not from a war torn country, then the peace that you have at home.

I had weed induced psychosis and lost everything i had, i promised my self even if i get little bit of emotion or energy to live a life after a month or so i will keep fighting but when you are in war inside of your self you cant appreciate peace or what you have, and the worst feeling is i know i can never reach my 100% again and i have to live to maybe regain 30 or 40% of what i used to have, unfortunately thats not enough for me and the side that i wanna end it its so powerful that i cant stop thinking about it even when i sleep

 

[InvegaInferno]

I had weed induced psychosis and lost everything i had, i promised my self even if i get little bit of emotion or energy to live a life after a month or so i will keep fighting but when you are in war inside of your self you cant appreciate peace or what you have, and the worst feeling is i know i can never reach my 100% again and i have to live to maybe regain 30 or 40% of what i used to have, unfortunately thats not enough for me and the side that i wanna end it its so powerful that i cant stop thinking about it even when i sleep

You did a humanely mistake, you needn't punish yourself for it. I smoked weed once too and lost a lot of things in the process because it triggered a manic episode/psychosis, I never touched it again and I still got a manic episode again. People go through a lot of horrible things everyday, I saw a video of a guy who lost all his limbs and his nose, because a dog licked his wound.
The storm will clear eventually and sun will come through, you might change your mind by 40% and think more recovery is possible, time will tell and time also heals.
But you can never predict the future, when you were happy before did you believe this would be your state beforehand? I don't think so.
And just like that example, you don't believe you can heal a 100% but you never know when that might happen either.
But what is 100? I thought about a 100% and right now I feel like I'm at 50%, you're comparing yourself to the state you were before but do you think after going through this traumatizing event that you'll be your same self? maybe parts of you but never fully the same, that's why you have to stop comparing yourself to the past and think of how to reach a state of pleasure and contentment as the work in progress you, who is fighting this battle of death of the injections and the death of your old self, to come alive, reborn again as the new you, a more stronger human being, and God willing be victorious from this silent war.

 

[moerez]

You did a humanely mistake, you needn't punish yourself for it. I smoked weed once too and lost a lot of things in the process because it triggered a manic episode/psychosis, I never touched it again and I still got a manic episode again. People go through a lot of horrible things everyday, I saw a video of a guy who lost all his limbs and his nose, because a dog licked his wound.
The storm will clear eventually and sun will come through, you might change your mind by 40% and think more recovery is possible, time will tell and time also heals.
But you can never predict the future, when you were happy before did you believe this would be your state beforehand? I don't think so.
And just like that example, you don't believe you can heal a 100% but you never know when that might happen either.
But what is 100? I thought about a 100% and right now I feel like I'm at 50%, you're comparing yourself to the state you were before but do you think after going through this traumatizing event that you'll be your same self? maybe parts of you but never fully the same, that's why you have to stop comparing yourself to the past and think of how to reach a state of pleasure and contentment as the work in progress you, who is fighting this battle of death of the injections and the death of your old self, to come alive, reborn again as the new you, a more stronger human being, and God willing be victorious from this silent war.

Many people tried to fight it and they were way stronger than me but eventually invega took their life, exactly only time can tell but i can see myself with no improvements after 5 months and what can be changed few months later? I guess we never know but i cant live a life like a subhuman, the real question is would you live me? Severe anhedonia ,severe ED , Severe emotional blunting , mind blankness, literally nothing interests me to keep myself busy during the day, you tell me to go through it and see myself fucked up for rest of my life without function? Unfortunately thats not a option for me and im really not fighter i became a version of my self that i never thought i can be like this and i cant even imagine i heal to the point that i can live my life again, thanks for being optimistic but you are seeing improvement and thats why you have hope and if you were like me you would do the same thing

 

[InvegaInferno]

Many people tried to fight it and they were way stronger than me but eventually invega took their life, exactly only time can tell but i can see myself with no improvements after 5 months and what can be changed few months later? I guess we never know but i cant live a life like a subhuman, the real question is would you live me? Severe anhedonia ,severe ED , Severe emotional blunting , mind blankness, literally nothing interests me to keep myself busy during the day, you tell me to go through it and see myself fucked up for rest of my life without function? Unfortunately thats not a option for me and im really not fighter i became a version of my self that i never thought i can be like this and i cant even imagine i heal to the point that i can live my life again, thanks for being optimistic but you are seeing improvement and thats why you have hope and if you were like me you would do the same thing

I was you, a month and a half ago. I had all your thoughts, I'm telling you, you don't know what will happen, or when. You say you're not a fighter but you're fighting right now resisting death, this experience forces you to. I will sleep now so goodnight/afternoon/morning. I wish you patience and healing, as well as to all of us.

 

[PenguinWithNapalm]

Today i crossed 18 months after my last injection. NOT RECOVERED.

What the fuck IS this drug??? Jesus fucking Christ. I always see this thread and I just started reading it. How in the flying fuck is a drug this powerful and fuck you up this badly? My heart goes out to all of you guys that this stuff has damaged

 

[lukeflowz]

@lukeflowz I've had a hell of a round with akathisia, but can't imagine how mental akathisia feels like.
Hopefully that also goes away soon and you get some real changes with along the way. It will get better I'm 80% sure of it, you just need more time probably and a good distraction.

Thanks for coming back sharing that you have recovered a fair amount. Gives me some hope to wait it out a little longer.

 

[IOSIP]

Basically. Ive seen it work good for meth psychosis but thats about it

I've been on it for 10 plus years, and outside of it knocking me out for sleep. I don't think it has any affect.

Compared paliperidone its basically a nothing burger.

I dint have schizophrenia and it was never prescribed as an antipsychotic for me. I can definitely see its plus side of someone in active psychosis would be to a. Knock them out or b. Prescribe the long acting version to zombify there brain.

Post psychosis once they Injected me I was begging for seroquel to knock me the fuck out. Dick head psychiatrist wouldnt Prescribe it.

Now thay I got an autism and chronic pain diagnosis, I sent off a bunch of emails providing feedback to the government psychiatrist team, in an effort to ensure they dont treat everyone as inhumanly as they treated me.

After all my emails, the psychiatrist and case worker came to my house to assess if I was manic / had lost my mind again.

Spent 2 hours telling them my life story, and the government psycb goes "i agree this isnt manic"

I only got into psychosis in 2024 after all my doctors and family called me manic. But I was fixing my body while taking 5 dexies for chronic fatigue, weed for chronic pain.

Because everyone called me crazy i caught with a friend and accidentally snorted meth. Nek minute psychosis, funny thing is now ive fixed my body, my Autism/ ADHD are thre the fucking roof, to the point everyone was wondering if ive lost my mind again.

But you cant lock up a guy like me now that im not on dexies or weed , and when people listen to my story i know I can remain calm.

In 2024, I was cover head to toe in bruising because my body was in muscle knottes and I was attacking it witb piles of massage and trigger point tools.

Got call crazy, yet at the same time I self diagnosed all of the conditions now proven by new medical professionals.

No one can call me manic again. Winnninggg.

Anyways just wanted share

 

[IOSIP]

What the fuck IS this drug??? Jesus fucking Christ. I always see this thread and I just started reading it. How in the flying fuck is a drug this powerful and fuck you up this badly? My heart goes out to all of you guys that this stuff has damaged

It inhibits your body from uptaking dopamine, imagine your dopamine just dissapears for months on end. With no hope in sight of it returning. You dont realise how lucky you are that your body produces these chemical reactions until your injected with a long lasting dopamine blocking drug.

My theory is the people that get really fucked up by this med, alot of them (but definitely not all of them) dont have schizophrenia.

Meds like this maybe are ok for people that there dopamine fires off excessively .

Having said that, there are schizophrenics on this forum that also have trouble. So I dont want to discount that.

I had drug induced psychosis, they said should be on an antipsychotic for over a year. I took 2 shots and it almost fucking killed me there was no way in hell i would take more antipsychotics after this shit.

And low and behold , my psychosis didn't return, and being in antipsychotic for a year when you dont need to be is some of the most fucking unhinged stupidity from mental professionals

I feel sooo upset and sorry for people that get put on CTOs , I cant imagine thay horror. Thank fuck I didn't do anything ng to break laws in my month long psychosis, I dont even remember that whole month.

Imagine getting punishment based on shit you dont even remember doing. Thats a whole new trauma.

 

[IOSIP]

DId invega affect your memory?

Ummmmm yes and no. I think psychosis jumbled memories. Because i had certain memories that felt totally unclear. Like I knew i did something like going to my psychologist 3 times in psychosis, I have flashes of things I said to him.

In the aftermath I dont remember those sessions and then certain memories before psychosis I forgot timeliness on when they happened etc.

I'd say how ive fully recovered in have a pretty grasp on my memory.

In fact that's how I know im recovered. My cognitive abilities are better then before.

Psychosis plus paliperidone i think 100 percent i also blocked out alot of trauma. I found that during anhedonia and paliperidone all I could think about was the negative things in my life. It was hell.

 

[PenguinWithNapalm]

It inhibits your body from uptaking dopamine, imagine your dopamine just dissapears for months on end. With no hope in sight of it returning. You dont realise how lucky you are that your body produces these chemical reactions until your injected with a long lasting dopamine blocking drug.

My theory is the people that get really fucked up by this med, alot of them (but definitely not all of them) dont have schizophrenia.

Meds like this maybe are ok for people that there dopamine fires off excessively .

Having said that, there are schizophrenics on this forum that also have trouble. So I dont want to discount that.

I had drug induced psychosis, they said should be on an antipsychotic for over a year. I took 2 shots and it almost fucking killed me there was no way in hell i would take more antipsychotics after this shit.

And low and behold , my psychosis didn't return, and being in antipsychotic for a year when you dont need to be is some of the most fucking unhinged stupidity from mental professionals

I feel sooo upset and sorry for people that get put on CTOs , I cant imagine thay horror. Thank fuck I didn't do anything ng to break laws in my month long psychosis, I dont even remember that whole month.

Imagine getting punishment based on shit you dont even remember doing. Thats a whole new trauma.

Christ almighty. That is fucking unhinged. It makes me angry that they would fucking give this to anyone without telling them that this is a REAL possibility. This just sounds like a lobotomy injection. I would rather risk death than take this drug