Is the decision to taper off a benzo sometimes not an option?

[probablyanxious]

TL; DR

Have taken clonazepam many years. Am in the midst of a taper. Life is falling apart as a result of symptoms from tapering. Entire life essentially hangs in the balance, could lose everything. Not sure if tapering off clonazepam is the right decision, even though I strongly desire to and even though I have come to despise the medication and being imprisoned by it.


Greetings all,

I have been taking clonazepam pretty regularly for about 6 years now, average daily dose probably 2mg a day. Believe it or not, it has been taken as prescribed because I learned long ago with benzos that I never wanted to run out before the end of the month. Plus I never had a benzo connection oddly. Anyway, last May, as my son turned 5, I finally realized this was not the way to live.

I asked my doctor to begin a taper. What I didn’t know then is that most doctors, including mine, have no idea about benzo tapering or withdrawal. I’ve found that I have had to be the main driver, primary source of information, and my own advocate in chief.

Currently I’m at 0.25mg twice a day. The entire taper I have had sky high anxiety and some pretty serious depression. I’m much wiser now, but going back to Thanksgiving weekend, I followed my doctor’s advice and went as long as I could go without taking any. I went about 3.5 days, and some pretty serious withdrawal effects started. The worst are severe insomnia and 10/10 major depression, but there are others. The depression is the sort where “planning” occurs almost reflexively.

A few things like nerve pain have improved and the insomnia went from 0-1 hour of sleep a night for 24 days, then it improved to about 4 hours where it remains. The depression has gotten worse.

As a direct result of these withdrawal symptoms, I have gone from working 50 hours a week to 32 hours at most, for my body gets tired very easily and is in a weakened state. I am paid a fairly low hourly wage and have been fiscally irresponsible my entire life. Thus I am entering a financial reckoning of sorts. I’m single and, other than my young son, have no family. So not only do I depend entirely upon myself, but I have a young child relying upon and looking up to me.

It seems I have reached an existential crossroads. My entire purpose to live is my son. If I cannot provide for him and he were taken from me, then I am not sure I would want to go on. I also for myself don’t want to become homeless and destitute, and I would enjoy having the feeling of wanting to be alive again.

From a theoretical perspective, I understand that this will get better in time, even if many months or years. The problem is I’m running out of time to be operating at a diminished capacity with no foreseeable end or possibly even getting worse as the dose continues to decrease.

Do I stay the course and trust in the benevolence of a higher power or should I resume therapeutic (for me) level doses of clonazepam? Any other suggestions or insights are very appreciated.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Gosh that sounds insufferable.

I salute you for trying to do the right thing for yourself.

At least for the time being perhaps you could be on something milder without the benzo withdrawal that could help you to sleep and/or help your depression.

If it were me, I'd stop tapering and hold until I'm decently functional again. I wouldn't want my life to go to shambbles. Six years is a long time, and at 2mg, that said it's not as long as many others are on benzos and then try to get off of them.

Got to be able to take care of yourself and your child first, and it doesn't sound like you can do that well if you keep tapering now. Sorry you're going through this.

 

[kris66]

I’m also tapering benzos (lorazepam.) After 10 years of daily use, I have come to find that the best way for me to taper is slowly with breaks when needed.

To me it sounds like your taper was way too fast. Your Dr actually told you to go as long as possible with no medication? Wow, you have actually done really well not to have a seizure. How long ago did you start your taper?

Do you still have clonazepam available to taper at your own speed? After initially trying to cut my pills and struggling I came across a video online demonstrating how to taper using the water method. It’s actually pretty straight forward and simple, it’s accurate and you can reduce as slowly as you need to.

In my case I found I need to take breaks on occasion to let my body and mind catch up. The taper plan I’m following advises not to go back to a higher dose but to hold where you are when needed.

If you are interested I can give you more information on the water taper method. Good luck, you are doing the right thing for your child but you just need to be sure you are going about it the best way for you.

A lot of people recommend The Ashton Manuel. It has some good advice, but does advise switching to Valium first which was not an option for me.

 

[probablyanxious]

Gosh that sounds insufferable.

I salute you for trying to do the right thing for yourself.

At least for the time being perhaps you could be on something milder without the benzo withdrawal that could help you to sleep and/or help your depression.

If it were me, I'd stop tapering and hold until I'm decently functional again. I wouldn't want my life to go to shambbles. Six years is a long time, and at 2mg, that said it's not as long as many others are on benzos and then try to get off of them.

Got to be able to take care of yourself and your child first, and it doesn't sound like you can do that well if you keep tapering now. Sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for your reply alpha. That is some great advice. As it were, I didn’t have any conscious plan to hold the taper. Yet looking at the calendar I haven’t cut my dose in almost precisely 30 days. As if instinctually going by feeling. And I must say it’s about time because I have gone contrary to that quite a bit in this journey.

I was remiss to mention that back in September, when I was “only” experiencing fierce rebound anxiety and depression, my psychiatrist prescribed me gabapentin 200mg 3x a day. Well I gave it a try and didn’t think it did much so I simply set it aside. Fast forward to shortly after thanksgiving in the thick of withdrawal, I came across a study done by a professor at Clemson amongst others that said gabapentinoids may help with benzo withdrawal. I started taking 200mg at bedtime, and if I don’t fall asleep within 3 hours I’ll take 100-200mg more. It has helped me sleep (I credit it in no small part to getting me to my current roughly 4 hours a night), and I think it actually helps a little with some anxiety. However I don’t want to become dependent on this too, though it could be inevitable. I’m very averse to taking SSRIs or SNRIs, somewhat hesitant about tricyclics. I’m open to other things however I am not sure my psychiatrist can help me. Not that he’s the only option but it tends to be the first thought.

Edited for clarity.

 

[probablyanxious]

I’m also tapering benzos (lorazepam.) After 10 years of daily use, I have come to find that the best way for me to taper is slowly with breaks when needed.

To me it sounds like your taper was way too fast. Your Dr actually told you to go as long as possible with no medication? Wow, you have actually done really well not to have a seizure. How long ago did you start your taper?

Do you still have clonazepam available to taper at your own speed? After initially trying to cut my pills and struggling I came across a video online demonstrating how to taper using the water method. It’s actually pretty straight forward and simple, it’s accurate and you can reduce as slowly as you need to.

In my case I found I need to take breaks on occasion to let my body and mind catch up. The taper plan I’m following advises not to go back to a higher dose but to hold where you are when needed.

If you are interested I can give you more information on the water taper method. Good luck, you are doing the right thing for your child but you just need to be sure you are going about it the best way for you.

A lot of people recommend The Ashton Manuel. It has some good advice, but does advise switching to Valium first which was not an option for me.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. It is nice to come across others tapering benzos.

Unfortunately my doctor did say that, and I didn’t start doing my own homework until I did just that. My fears of a seizure are sky high as of late.

I told my doctor I wanted to taper in May and I believe it started in June. My memory isn’t so great. But anyway it has been an extremely sloppy taper. At first I went at his direction. Now, I don’t consult him about anything benzo other than to give me a refill. To his credit, though he doesn’t understand benzo tapering and withdrawal, he is willing to prescribe. So I do have clonazepam, and I have been consistently taking my doses since this incident. If he suggests I cut my dose, I am prepared to push back. One because my body just isn’t ready, and two because I don’t want him leading the charge. So I’ll let him think I’m at the same dose forever frankly, until I am off.

I am interested in more information about the water method. I purchased all the materials to do a dry cut and weigh on a jewelers scale, but I find this method intimidating and challenging. Perhaps the water method may be more conducive to my comprehension.

 

[kris66]

You are doing the right thing keeping your taper to yourself, just sad we can’t trust our doctors. Just save the extra pills to taper in case he cuts you off.

The website I went to is “Benzo Brain” and she has a YouTube channel. One of her videos
details the water taper method I use. There are several other videos that are similar to hers. I do a couple things differently, like dissolve my lorazepam in 1 or 2 ml of vodka first before adding water. I use a pint size canning jar with the ml markings on the side and an eye dropper for the vodka. You will also need a 10 ml syringe. (you can purchase on Amazon)

In her video she dissolves her tablet in water (vodka dissolves faster) then fill the jar to the 300 ml mark, measuring at eye level. Shake well. The first day you remove 1 ml from your jar with the 10 ml syringe and discard it into the sink. The second day, 2 ml, 3rd day 3 ml etc.

If you follow this method and never take a break you will be done in 10 1/2 months. I had to slow down my taper, but that’s easy to do. Just hold the dose until feeling better. You can also taper at a slower rate as needed.

What size are your tablets? If they are 1 mg and you are at .25 twice a day I would dissolve your tablet and fill to 300 ml, then put half into another marked jar (150 ml) Then with your syringe discard your amount for the day, and pour half of that jar into another container for today’s dose. I label mine with tape. Then follow the same procedure for the other jar and store in the refrigerator.

If you have questions let me know, she explains it so it sounds really simple. Since you have a child in the house just be sure he can’t grab your cup out of the refrigerator by mistake.

Let me know how it goes!

 

[probablyanxious]

You are doing the right thing keeping your taper to yourself, just sad we can’t trust our doctors. Just save the extra pills to taper in case he cuts you off.

The website I went to is “Benzo Brain” and she has a YouTube channel. One of her videos
details the water taper method I use. There are several other videos that are similar to hers. I do a couple things differently, like dissolve my lorazepam in 1 or 2 ml of vodka first before adding water. I use a pint size canning jar with the ml markings on the side and an eye dropper for the vodka. You will also need a 10 ml syringe. (you can purchase on Amazon)

In her video she dissolves her tablet in water (vodka dissolves faster) then fill the jar to the 300 ml mark, measuring at eye level. Shake well. The first day you remove 1 ml from your jar with the 10 ml syringe and discard it into the sink. The second day, 2 ml, 3rd day 3 ml etc.

If you follow this method and never take a break you will be done in 10 1/2 months. I had to slow down my taper, but that’s easy to do. Just hold the dose until feeling better. You can also taper at a slower rate as needed.

What size are your tablets? If they are 1 mg and you are at .25 twice a day I would dissolve your tablet and fill to 300 ml, then put half into another marked jar (150 ml) Then with your syringe discard your amount for the day, and pour half of that jar into another container for today’s dose. I label mine with tape. Then follow the same procedure for the other jar and store in the refrigerator.

If you have questions let me know, she explains it so it sounds really simple. Since you have a child in the house just be sure he can’t grab your cup out of the refrigerator by mistake.

Let me know how it goes!

I really appreciate you taking the time to help. May I ask you, so that it is clear to me: does the act of discarding a portion of the solution constitute the reduction in dose? I found her YouTube video explaining it but I have difficulty with the concept of dose reduction outside of breaking a pill in half or maybe quarters in some instances. If that is really all that has to be done, in addition to monitoring my wellbeing, then it seems actually doable. That kind of gives me some hope.

If I may also ask: were you initially going at a rate of 1ml being discarded, then 2 the next day, etc? When you slowed down, did you start discarding less than 1ml increments? How do you keep track and know how much to discard with future cuts when you vary from that exact way?

It’s truly extraordinary that we have to figure all of this out almost entirely outside of the medical and pharmaceutical establishments. It really makes you wonder why there hasn’t been more of a reckoning with benzodiazepines. Although I’m sure learning there are a lot of good folks in this fight.

Edit: I have 0.5mg tablets. As it so happens I take 1 pill a day right now (in 2 different doses).

 

[kris66]

Yes the liquid you are discarding into the sink is what you are tapering. It seems like a really small amount at first but because you are discarding 1 ml more every day it adds up.

I started my taper when at 1 mg lorazepam daily, but when I first started I was cutting my tablets. My tablets are .5 also and I started the water taper when I was down to .5 mg and I started by discarding 1 ml, then 2 ml on day two, 3 ml day three and so on.

You can slow down your taper several ways. You can stop tapering for a couple weeks (or longer) or you can go to every other day decrease instead of every day (or less if needed.) The one rule with this taper is not to go back up, the idea being your brain is healing and increasing your dose disrupts this process.

I wrote down on a notecard each day how many ml I discarded so I wouldn’t space out and forget, which is common in benzo tapering. Right now I’m only decreasing my dose 3 times a week to slow it down a little due to insomnia. I’m at .13 mg/day. I was on them greater than 10 years though and I’m in my 60s so I need to take it slow.

I think doctors being unaware of the dangers of tapering patients off benzos too rapidly is malpractice! The information is out there and they are too lazy and cocky to even make the attempt to learn from it.

I hope this makes sense, it’s actually easier than it sounds.

 

[PtahTek]

tl;dr
slow the taper down and treat yourself once a month (not overly) for a day or two. back to taper. works for me but you may have different outcome idk
you being sick of it indicates a motivation. huge plus ime.
why are you on the bnz? for therapeutic or get caught up in the calmness of it? i will gravitate to calm but its not sustainable in and of itself. just my take.

be safe
peace

 

[probablyanxious]

tl;dr
slow the taper down and treat yourself once a month (not overly) for a day or two. back to taper. works for me but you may have different outcome idk
you being sick of it indicates a motivation. huge plus ime.
why are you on the bnz? for therapeutic or get caught up in the calmness of it? i will gravitate to calm but its not sustainable in and of itself. just my take.

be safe
peace

Thank you for responding, sharing your experience, and for giving some good advice.

I think you are absolutely correct. The emerging consensus, including my own, appears to be slow it down. I have not reduced my dose in about 5 weeks now. I think I’m finally stabilizing after a good month of virtually no progress.

May I ask you to further explain treating oneself once a month? As in maybe one day a month take 2-3x the normal dose or something? Does this help you in the overall taper? Could you elaborate if possible, please?

A couple weeks ago for about 5-6 days in a row I decided in my mind that I was going to take an extra dose. Every time when the time came, I decided against it and never took an extra dose. Two reasons I think: first I am scared of taking this medication, and second because I fear this could jeopardize the progression.

Why do I take benzos? That’s a great question. Not one that I have a lot of thought. The truth is that while I have anxiety, panic, ptsd, I never needed benzos when I got on them. They helped, I think, initially, but didn’t need. I feel like I need them now due to getting dependent on them, which is amongst the bitterest of ironies.

I’m all ears. Do you think if one takes benzos for getting caught up in the calm, that this reason for taking them interferes ultimately with getting off benzos?

Your question has prompted thought. I’m not saying you’re suggesting this, however I would appreciate constructive, yet gentle feedback (weak CNS) from anyone if they saw in my posts that an improper motive was obstructing my goal of getting off benzos. I mean I don’t believe that is going on but I am certainly open to the idea.

Whatever it takes to get off this safely. If I have to radically reexamine my life and implement historic reforms, then I believe I will do it. There have been many times where I lack awareness or direction, but then as soon as I have that realization, I work hard.

 

[PtahTek]

May I ask you to further explain treating oneself once a month?

like a treat and/or goal to look forward to. a checkpoint if you will. as said it helps me. i decided yesterday afternoon it was time for a "break" and have been doing, woke up with a beautiful relaxed calm peaceful hangover (from brom) with no stress and sweats and pressure/tension that now i am holding on to it. this day i am free from myself.

Does this help you in the overall taper?

i feel it does as as above there is a short term goal to reach and im terrified about commitments tbh im learning along the way of course and took some tweaking to find a workable plan to drop dosing drastically but find that sometimes it takes months, years etc depending on many factors including but not limited to age, dosage, frequency of dosages, substance used, interactive medications ahh the lust goes on sorry just need to move on 1

I was going to take an extra dose. Every time when the time came, I decided against it and never took an extra dose.

i do this to myself all the time. not just with bnz but cigs and other substances like coffee, kratom, weed, gabapentenoids, opioids, cocaine, h etc.
imo this is also an asset. indicates self control to me. can you just skip a dose once in a while without any traumatic outcome(s)?

I work hard

i appears you do and you will work through this imo. its what ya wanna do and ya aint scare if a little hard work.

im not sure if we can find an anxiety free pass on getting bnz under control... just that i would rather jump from a slow train as opposed to a bullet train, ya know?
we will feel edgy during the course but must be mindful of what it is and either find a way to work off the angst, feel it and "work" with it if ta can, dose a little more (not recommended just an option), find some aid to help with the "nervous" parts (I find clonipine and kratom helps) one is Rxx-ed only but the other is otc basically (legal in most regions in USA anyway - for now).

yeah ya have a longer acting bnz so listen to your body on this. if eating doesnt calm the beast it may be time to adjust the titration.

all above is anecdotal and it is a personal observation.

i am sure i missed a few questions but just quote at least one word of this post and i will be notified and see what gives, aye?

 

[PtahTek]

hows your relationship with PCP and other(s) of your care team?

 

[SeaDoo42]

I'm totally following this thread bc it's prolly gonna happen to me soon;

@probablyanxious I'm likely about to be in the same boat as you, hows it going?? I love all advice here, especially from @kris66 and @PtahTek etc

I've been on a therapeutic dose of klonopin 3x 1mg a day for 25 years (taken religiously, not abusing it except maybe an extra pill a day here and there for a 16hr work day, offset by forgetting to take one occasionally, but it always adds up to 90 at the end of the month, sometimes with a few left over if it's been a chill month)..

But now my PCP doc that's known me and my family since the 90s is retiring and I'm not meeting with him any more, and this new lady I'm seeing is CHOMPING at the BIT to take me off of klonopin, suggesting stuff like cymbalta and even freaking ketamine therapy instead, (haven't looked into that yet bc it's not covered by insurance). Anyone try ketamine to stop benzos? Sounds like switching from one sedative to another TBH lol, but dunno it may work!

And FWIW a quick Google search shows my new doc has background in rehab places SHOULDA googled her first but the old GOOD doctor thought she'd be a good fit for my personality. BUT I noticed that she put "History of OUD" or SUD or whatever (substance/opiate use disorder) misdiagnosis- that popped up on my chart a few weeks after our FIRST and ONLY visit so far!! Please correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I understand that's basically what they label "drug seekers" and like a blacklist for ERs and pharmacies, etc etc.. so it's super obvious she's never suffered from anything. Or the quackette thinks I'm faking it, So I'M being proactive and trying to stay ahead of her quackery

(For background.. I'm also currently prescribed a pain killer; roxicodone from a REALLY bad accident 4 years ago, and I was 75% recovered by a few years after and had tapered down several times from 40mg/day oxy + 90mg/day morphine to just 25mg/day oxy with the RETIRED/GOOD doctor.. and was about to taper that down to the bare minimum, then had a rib/shoulder injury that still hurts like hell ..but finally feeling better as temps warm up, so I just tapered to 10mg/day and jumped off so I can get a big tolerance break and feel it better with much less next time I really hurt bad.

((.. and GO ME: as I'm typing this I'm actually 4 days into acute opiate WD from all that crap I had to take for the past 4-5 YEARS)) And it's taking all my willpower especially with a full script in the safe, but the new quackette doc is REALLY REALLY pushing to park me on worse medicines like bupe sublocade/bucca-whatever "opiate maintenance" crap that's stronger/harsher/WORSE for your body than my meds were..

Big nope from me on that. So I told Ms. Quackette I'd research it and get back with her next visit. Same for Cymbalta to replace Klonopin So hopefully when I'M ASKING HER to drop the pain med dose this next visit- (not stop it, just because I already know it'll be good to have a 'stockpile' of extra 'real' medicine for before all these doctor's hands are tied up with govt regulation). BUT I'm HOPING by doing that she'll realize I'm definitely not the type of candidate to get parked on subucade or whatever buprenorphine maintenance crap. And MAYBE this new doc will think twice about wanting to taper the klonopin as aggressively.

So yeah it's super frustrating having to "guide" or stay ahead of your doctor, especially when your brain chemistry is already reprogrammed by the medicine. I think 90% of this site would agree..


Anyways a few things I can contribute to tapering benzos.. after that accident when I was in the ICU plus 3 week hospital stay, I was so out of it I didn't even realize they didn't give me any klonopin for about a week after 20+ years. Odd. I was on gabapentin 3x a day for nerve pain and didn't seize out our get anxious, that I know of!! I'm no doctor but I think gabapentin could be a worthwhile medicine to look into for tapering and tolerance breaks. I had pretty much forgot about my 20+ year klonapin script until I couldn't sleep one night and the nurse asked if I want one since it's on my chart. But for those 3 weeks I only took maybe 1 klonopin a day, at night, if that, and I believe it was the gabapentin that helped

Another thing I can add to this to help is that old saying my good/retired PCP doctor used to always say "sometimes less is best". It sounds really freaking stupid and I questioned it for a decade, but I think he was BASICALLY HINTING at tolerance breaks..whatever medical terminology they use for that, if any

Personally, for the last few months since the quackette doctor I've been breaking the Klonopin in half instead of taking the whole thing -usually I'll take the other half pretty soon after lol, but sometimes you get busy and forget etc. So I'll wait until I feel a lil shaky/edge-y and then take the other half of the next dose, try to space them out without thinking about it too much. Doing this lil method, I've ended up with a surplus of maybe 10-15 'leftovers' a month out of 90. I find my lil "tolerance breaks" work to a degree..if I only take half my morning dose on lower anxiety mornings, I'll actually be less anxious waking up, less coffee if any, less frantic running around before work forgetting things, etc. BUT I usually do take the rest of that morning dose for my nerves about half an hour before I physically have to drive to work, (or maybe go up and take a full 1mg if I have a big meeting or something crazy first thing, eating into half of the 1mg "lunch dose"). But since klonopin sticks in your system so long, compared to like xanax, sometimes you'll forget to take the "lunch" dose. Or try to wait to take a half-dose until you're a lil shaky and feeling off. If the half doesn't cut it and you're anxious still, take the other half, maybe let out dissolve under your tongue and kick in 3 minutes faster if u believe in that, then at bedtime try just half again, with a sleep comfort med like gabapentin, Flexeril(muscle relaxer), or even antihistamines like benadryl or hydroxyzine(Vistaril). But switch it up especially the gabapentin, maybe don't just do one sleep aid bc that's another dependency brewing up but gabapentin definitely seems to potentiate benzos (and opiate taper/WD), imho. But I got down from 3mg/day to 2-ish mg/day by halving em and distracting myself.

ANYWAYS, point is; when I was in the hospital for a month after my wreck and on GABAPENTIN- I went a solid week without thinking about klonopin, after 25 years on it. Granted I was whacked out of my mind on 60-75mg/day of roxicodone.. but my klonopin use/anxiety dropped to almost nothing. When I got out the hospital I got back to my regular 1mg 3x/day again, and it was probably mostly muscle memory, grabbing for the morning pills after decades of waking up in a various states of existential dread. In retrospect I wish I would've SERIOUSLY dropped the dose or even stopped when I didn't even realize my body was missing it, same with cigs..

But yeah look into gabapentin taking the edge off and maybe and use it to help taper, but it's also addictive and requires taper for long term use too, def not as bad as benzo taper but heard it's a weird azz WD, so I personally try to use it sparingly if possible.. Helps a lottttt with opiate taper/WD too if need be.

It's a shame we know more about this stuff than these new doctors do. Personally I'm pretty non-confrontational and don't really know how to "lead" this new doctor, so I'm just trying to stay ahead of em.. and taper myself down as much as I can before I'm possibly/probably forced to do.

TLDR: Gabapentin worked wonders on me accidentally after an accident & ER stay after 20+ yrs on klonopin. Tapering for the tolerance breaks imo are really the only way to maintain the benzo effect longer-term. Stay ahead of/be more educated than your doctor if they're a quack.. so you have extra comfort meds BEFORE they cut you off, like they said it's okay to 'reward' yourself to get up to to your baseline anxiety/chill level instead of worrying to death, especially with a long lasting benzo.. And I'm following this bc I have a feeling I'll be in the same boat as OP soon enough.
ps does anyone know a good doctor for someone like me in the IND area so I won't have to follow this thread anymore?

 

[WickedElixir]

TL; DR

Have taken clonazepam many years. Am in the midst of a taper. Life is falling apart as a result of symptoms from tapering. Entire life essentially hangs in the balance, could lose everything. Not sure if tapering off clonazepam is the right decision, even though I strongly desire to and even though I have come to despise the medication and being imprisoned by it.


Greetings all,

I have been taking clonazepam pretty regularly for about 6 years now, average daily dose probably 2mg a day. Believe it or not, it has been taken as prescribed because I learned long ago with benzos that I never wanted to run out before the end of the month. Plus I never had a benzo connection oddly. Anyway, last May, as my son turned 5, I finally realized this was not the way to live.

I asked my doctor to begin a taper. What I didn’t know then is that most doctors, including mine, have no idea about benzo tapering or withdrawal. I’ve found that I have had to be the main driver, primary source of information, and my own advocate in chief.

Currently I’m at 0.25mg twice a day. The entire taper I have had sky high anxiety and some pretty serious depression. I’m much wiser now, but going back to Thanksgiving weekend, I followed my doctor’s advice and went as long as I could go without taking any. I went about 3.5 days, and some pretty serious withdrawal effects started. The worst are severe insomnia and 10/10 major depression, but there are others. The depression is the sort where “planning” occurs almost reflexively.

A few things like nerve pain have improved and the insomnia went from 0-1 hour of sleep a night for 24 days, then it improved to about 4 hours where it remains. The depression has gotten worse.

As a direct result of these withdrawal symptoms, I have gone from working 50 hours a week to 32 hours at most, for my body gets tired very easily and is in a weakened state. I am paid a fairly low hourly wage and have been fiscally irresponsible my entire life. Thus I am entering a financial reckoning of sorts. I’m single and, other than my young son, have no family. So not only do I depend entirely upon myself, but I have a young child relying upon and looking up to me.

It seems I have reached an existential crossroads. My entire purpose to live is my son. If I cannot provide for him and he were taken from me, then I am not sure I would want to go on. I also for myself don’t want to become homeless and destitute, and I would enjoy having the feeling of wanting to be alive again.

From a theoretical perspective, I understand that this will get better in time, even if many months or years. The problem is I’m running out of time to be operating at a diminished capacity with no foreseeable end or possibly even getting worse as the dose continues to decrease.

Do I stay the course and trust in the benevolence of a higher power or should I resume therapeutic (for me) level doses of clonazepam? Any other suggestions or insights are very appreciated.

Print out something called the Ashton Manual and give a copy to your doctor. Read it yourself too. You are likely tapering off too fast. This isn’t a weeks long thing. We are talking months and months long.

 

[kris66]

I’m sorry to hear about your situation with your new doctor. Unfortunately not all doctors will understand we need to taper slowly. I’m glad to hear you have some pills saved.

The Ashton Manual is really good, my only problem with it is it recommends switching to Valium before tapering and not all doctors are on board with that. I ended up just tapering my lorazepam. Either way you will still be able to taper.

I have heard gabapentin does help with benzo tapering but I was unable to take it because it made me too groggy. If you do decide to go that path my only advice would be to try to keep the dose low, you will eventually have to taper off that also.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.