From Functioning to Lost: My Fall into Alpha-PVP

[emememilia]

The first 30 years of my life I was against drugs. I didn’t touch anything, even when offered, and even when I saw it was fun.

For five years I was a recreational user, functional, able to manage life, until last fall, when I discovered alpha-PVP. After hitting a turning point and trying everything since, I became addicted, I have nothing, and I never even knew anything.

Now I know. It’s ugly. Life is ugly, what’s left of it.

Everything is gone. Life was good. Until last fall, when I fell.

My little sister has said (and that’s all she’s said in the last few months:

“I don’t want to lose another family member to substances. No hard feelings, though.”

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Welcome to Bluelight, I’m curious what do you want to do now that as you say “lost everything” Here at Bluelight many of us have been there and have gotten better managing our lives. Ultimately, it is your choice to make and we are here for you wherever you choose to do. It’s not our place to preach or cast judgement it’s your life and we support your decision. We may disagree but that’s just because we care.

 

[emememilia]

Welcome to Bluelight, I’m curious what do you want to do now that as you say “lost everything” Here at Bluelight many of us have been there and have gotten better managing our lives. Ultimately, it is your choice to make and we are here for you wherever you choose to do. It’s not our place to preach or cast judgement it’s your life and we support your decision. We may disagree but that’s just because we care.

I’ve already made the decision to stay off alpha-PVP.

I just never thought I could become addicted to a drug. Now I know that I can, and I want change.

This phase is still raw and difficult, and that’s why I’m here.

Thank you for your welcoming message! My life and I are just such a mess righ now.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

The wonderful thing about life is our bodies heal naturally and so does our minds. You learn new coping skills that will assist you in your recovery. When you are ready you learn to live again.

 

[General alcazar]

Alpha pvp is the most addicting drug I’ve ever tried. I only stopped because I ran out, and it got banned. When I did stop, the cravings were worse than cocaine or meth. The only thing that came close to having a similar addictive potential for me is mdpv, but alpha pvp is even worse. It also caused the most intense paranoia and psychosis I’ve ever experienced, and the crash after a binge hideous.
Things will get better if you just stop. After a few week or a month, it’ll be easier to recall just how fucked up this drug is, and how your behavior on it was frightening. This, for me, has been an excellent deterrent.
I wish you luck. Alpha pvp is an evil drug, indeed.

 

[streaM Freak]

“I don’t want to lose another family member to substances. No hard feelings, though.”

You must understand, that the no hard feelings part may be her attempt to avoid guilting you. Guilt can actually perpetuate addiction. But there is a very fine line between using illegal substances vs having them sold on a free market, because the culture needs to be in a place that can handle that dramatic switch.

Back to the point though, there are so many people with secret addictions. And similar but sometimes different: addicts that don't even realize they are addicts.

You are here on Bluelight seeking community. You are introspecting. These two things are absolutely fundamental in recovery. Even for people who claim they need no connection.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

The first 30 years of my life I was against drugs. I didn’t touch anything, even when offered, and even when I saw it was fun.

For five years I was a recreational user, functional, able to manage life, until last fall, when I discovered alpha-PVP. After hitting a turning point and trying everything since, I became addicted, I have nothing, and I never even knew anything.

Now I know. It’s ugly. Life is ugly, what’s left of it.

Everything is gone. Life was good. Until last fall, when I fell.

My little sister has said (and that’s all she’s said in the last few months:

“I don’t want to lose another family member to substances. No hard feelings, though.”

Assuming you are about 36 . Quit impressing response. Solid worded.
Assuming she is in her 20 ties. For someone that age.
Got no brothers or sister s myself, no experience.

You must understand, that the no hard feelings part may be her attempt to avoid guilting you. Guilt can actually perpetuate addiction.

This or. Not holding you response-able. And feeling powerless at the same time. Must feel pretty raw emememillia hearing it. Good you posted it.

Guilt had a prominent effect using Cocaine. Sort alike substance.
But no way as bizar as a-PVP. DRI type drugs not my thing found MDPV meh.
But when in, powder Coke had a firm grip on me. Mentally, and led to a guilt spiral.
Not related to the amount but the substance itself.

Didn t sell stuff, but felt like i sold my soul. Came back after.
It is ugly but after you fall you can climb back up.