Fresh Specs

[Hannah Capps]

It's me, my perceptions of what life ought to be like. Up until now, I've spent my entire life striving to emulate the lives of my peers, even if my individuality wouldn’t fit and that’s OK.

It will be deliberate.

I'm crying and having a hard time falling asleep when I realize that I'm being heard and that I'm not screaming into oblivion. believe I've already had an impact on people and that God wants me to be where I am right now. This is profound.

I've turned 'self' into an idol.

I’ve made an idol out of myself.

An idealized version of what ‘Hannah who’s pretty, who has gifts, who has a voice, who is broken, struggling with autism’

These dichotomies—these things that look like they shouldn’t ‘fit’—actually do.

Because the peace He offers is different from what this world offers, that puzzle piece wasn't lacking.

I already have a degree from a Christian university with accreditation. The Institute of the Holy Spirit.

I'm in good standing; I don't need the world's praise or the parchment saying I made it when others are in anguish, people who don't know how to deal with great sorrow, deep shame, or a cross that I carry that isn't what I expected it to be.

that I spent decades believing I needed LASIK revision in the spirit when what God invites me to is a fresh set of specs...

HIS

 

[Shambles]

More great stuff as ever, Hannah!

 

[M!$TER-ED]

IDK seems a bit over the top for me but hey, what do I know

 

[Hannah Capps]

IDK seems a bit over the top for me but hey, what do I know

That's ok; I was a blubbering mess when I wrote this so you might be reading that...
thanks for reading and responding...

 

[Shambles]

I honestly appreciate people speaking from the heart. Yes it can be a little “over the top” - possibly even a tad histrionic at times - but anyone who hasn’t been that vulnerable and heart-on-sleeve is never quite gonna “get it” imo.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I always speak from the heart unless of course I’m minding the store.

 

[bvc]

 

[Hannah Capps]

I'm not particularly emotional, but when I do have a meltdown—which I was experiencing at the time I wrote this—I ask myself, "OK, how the heck am I going to channel this into something constructive?" Imagine feeling that quadrupled. Yes, it's skull-splitting. This is how a meltdown looks. Dealing with emotions isn't an exceptional ability; thus, a means for expression is the best alternative...

This is just one of the awful aspects of autism.

 

[Blowmonkey]

I'm not particularly emotional, but when I do have a meltdown—which I was experiencing at the time I wrote this—I ask myself, "OK, how the heck am I going to channel this into something constructive?" Imagine feeling that quadrupled. Yes, it's skull-splitting. This is how a meltdown looks. Dealing with emotions isn't an exceptional ability; thus, a means for expression is the best alternative...

This is just one of the awful aspects of autism.

You should see some of the stuff I write when I'm melting down, I can write whole books full of autistic, histrionic shit. I'm too emotional, dealing with the emotions is not one of my strongest points either. Writing some of your thoughts down does help sometimes, I think that's one of the more constructive ways to go about working through emotional situations.