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Do you go nuttysutty on drugs?

I

Ismene2

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2018
Messages
3,774
Have you ever gone psychotic on drugs? I had a bad period on speed - I was once running down the street naked, save for one sock, being pursued by 3 police cars. Thankfully those days are long over.

(* nuttysutty - reference to peter sutcliffe)
 
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Obviously.

As is probably very well known by now, I was butterfly-netted by the police after running naked up and down the high street and meeting literal, actual Jesus. Yes, yes he was a carpenter. Fr, fr.

Largely put an end to my peev sessions, mind, so I actually view this as a positive experience tbh.

Other than that, yeah, loads of times… but always alone. I never go buckwild around others.

Seen some shit, mind you - often from BLers 🫡✊😃
 
Ismene2 said:
Have you ever gone psychotic on drugs? I had a bad period on speed - I was once running down the street naked, save for one sock, being pursued by 3 police cars. Thankfully those days are long over.

(* nuttysutty - reference to peter sutcliffe)
Click to expand...

There's a few times when I was taking large amounts of amphetamine every day...I pretty much ended up like Sara Goldfarb in Requiem for a Dream. Including like, getting sectioned and misdiagnosed as a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

Although I dooo actually have Schizophrenia but it's mild and not of the paranoid variety.
 
I've gone slightly psychotic a few times but never on drugs.

Not sure if it qualifies but am one of those people who has massively abused alcohol. I've ended up in the psych ward a number of times while blitzed on alcohol. The worst of the alcohol wasn't necessarily "nuttysutty" but I ran off the highway (fell asleep and ran off the road first) and flipped my vehicle. I've probably ever not worn my seatbelt twice in my entire life, and I was wearing one then. The car I did it in had been purchased years ago. When it was purchased it had been repaired after an accident. Apparently they never reset/replaced the airbag. I have no idea how, but I think the seatbelt stopped me from slamming my head forward into the steering wheel (what's the last thing that went through the driver's mind before they died?). The car ended up upside down. I think I extricated myself but there was somebody else eventually and it might have been them. There must have been a pillar some hundred yards up or behind the accident because the officer on scene asked if I was trying to commit suicide. At a hospital I was taken to after being released from jail the nurse had to hold my hand down because it was shaking so bad, they were trying to get my bp and pulse and pulse ox.

Fuck me for being a driving drunk scumbag, and fucking wear your seatbelts, please.
 
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Was doing some legal high (some benzedrine analogue I believe, the one that was popular after MPA and EPH were banned), five days on that and I was in full blown psychosis seeing shadow people, believing in grand conspiracies against me etc
Never again
 
I think that with stimulants, overall, I've pushed myself physically to dangerous extents, more often than mentally.

There's many times on long stim binges where I've not drank water, nor eaten anything, obviously not slept, skipped my usual Benzos and Mirtazapine for days, and my heart rate and BP has been god only knows how close to overload, and the seizure threshold for abrupt benzo cessation. I have some kind of ability to 'listen to my body', I guess we all do, if we chose to 'tune in', so when the twitches started and things start to feel seriously bad with my heart rate and bp etc, I've been able to call time, and stop the binge, and take my usual meds, prescribed or otherwise, and force myself to drink some water. The relief has always washed over me as soon as those meds starting kicking in within 20 minutes or so. Probably and fortunately this happened extra fast due to my stomach being so completely empty.

I dunno how close I came to some form of death by misadventure. Probably quite close.

Mentally speaking, on stims, days into binges, whenever I started hearing non existent dragon flies buzzing round my head, and people crunching on the gravel outside the window of my enclosed back yard (I was too scared and paranoid to open the curtains to confirm the reality or otherwise of there actually being anyone there or not! :| ) that was always when I felt it was time to call an end to the session.

With the benefit of hindsight I think I I can say that I damaged my mental health more with excessive and prolonged use of cannabis at certain points, leading to a pretty severe 'nervous mental breakdown.' After which I was never quite the same, suffering from extreme anxiety, delusions, and paranoia etc etc. Although the nervous / mental breakdown term is no longer used in professional medical circles it perfectly describes what I felt happened to me. Also with mushrooms a couple of years earlier that also fucked my young head up quite a lot. The difference being that in time, (a year or 2) I fully recovered from that. Although perhaps those experiences left me more vulnerable to suffering mental damage from excessive use of cannabis later on. :roll eyes:

Fortunately, the paranoia has gone, as have the delusions. (AFAIK :sus:) But the anxiety looks to be here to stay. :mad:

I guess I was fortunate with stimulants that I was able to stop before anything very serious and public, involving mental health sectioning etc happened, but not so fortunate with cannabis. It was fucking peer pressure. I should have had the sense to distance myself from certain people, for at least a time, and maybe could have prevented all these permanent issues. But hindsight is a wonderful thing eh?
 
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Most pathetic: decided that I was protected by angels, and decided to demonstrate by throwing myself backwards down the stairs of a club. Miraculously there were no injuries except for a bit of bruising and grazing.

Most embarrassing: got one of those cuts on the knuckle that bleed heavily. Decided to paint my face with blood. Went to the shops, came back and then saw my reflection. I'd completely forgotten about the blood.
 
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Compared to some of you, this is rather tame. It involves no nudity, no violence, no psychiatric hospital. But...

After a day at work on my preferred drug cocktail at the time (amphetamine, methadone, clonazepam ), I had a two mile bike ride home. It took me six hours.

Why? Because as I was cycling down the dark lanes past the fields and hedgerows, I became convinced that this was a perfect place for drug dealers to hide their stash.

So, I methodically worked my way along the road grubbing around in the ditches and hedges looking for drugs.

Eventually, I found paydirt. A bin bag full of old newspapers covered in a powdery residue.

Obviously, this was cocaine soaked into newspaper waiting to be recovered by the local cartel!

So I took that bag home.

Got back, wasn't sure what to do with it, so had a massive wank instead.

In the cold, dry light of morning, I realised it was just a bunch of mouldy newspapers...
 
Many of these anecdotes seem very "chicken or egg."

As in what came first.

Any underlying mental issues likely playing a part in excessive drug consumption. Or the excessive usage causing any underlying mental issues to surface. It's probably a dumb question, to which the answer, is obviously 'a bit of both' in most cases.

But those underlying issues probably mostly prompted people posting here down certain paths, in a very big way. And the long term members of places like Bluelight are going to see an unusually large percentage or collection of people, who've experieced both.

I knew straight way that this forum was more 'hardcore' than any of the other's that I'd encountered until that point, in the early days of trying mephedrone, and going online to find out more about it. And ending up on here readings Mugz's historic mephedrone posts and threads. All the other forums I'd found until that point had been populated by much more lightweight/sensible/ well balanced people.

But those of us that are still here to tell the tales are survivors, all be it often more by luck than judgement, and as a whole we're a lot more risk averse and aware, and more sensible and moderate in our substance usage these days. Lets face it we're getting old, and have recognised our responsibilities to a greater extent, and cant so easily take such physical or mental excesses any more.
 
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Bleaney said:
But those of us that are still here to tell the tales are survivors, all be it often more by luck than judgement, and as a whole we're a lot more risk adverse and aware, and more sensible and moderate in our substance usage these days. Lets face it we're getting old, and have recognised our responsibilities to a greater extent, and cant so easily take such physical or mental excesses any more.
Click to expand...

You calling me a fuckin poof?? :LOL:
 
Bleaney said:
That post wasn't aimed at you in particular. It just happened to come after your post.

It was about all of us, a motley crew' of largely ageing wreckheads.

No offense intended to anyone, I'm just calling things as I see them ;) .
Click to expand...

No offense taken. I agree wholeheartedly.

I feel more at home on BL than I do at home.

Sad, but true... :\
 
I'm childless and my parents are both dead (one eleven years, one fifteen), so my responsibilities are are far fewer than a lot of people my age. I did have a dad with dementia which took up a lot of time and effort, but I was in my thirties and I'm seeing that now with people around my age. Imagine that - you finish bringing up your children and then you're looking after your parents.
 
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Perkins : Reborn said:
I'm childless and my parents are both dead (one eleven years, one fifteen), so my responsibilities are are far fewer than a lot of people my age. I did have a dad with dementia which took up a lot of time and effort, but I'm seeing that now with people around my age. Imagine that - you finish bringing up your children and then you're looking after your parents.
Click to expand...

If there's one thing I've learnt from having children, it's that you never finish bringing up your children.

Fuckin parasites ... :!

(They're handy for scoring weed though...)
 
Perkins : Reborn said:
I'm childless and my parents are both dead (one eleven years, one fifteen), so my responsibilities are are far fewer than a lot of people my age. I did have a dad with dementia which took up a lot of time and effort, but I'm seeing that now with people around my age. Imagine that - you finish bringing up your children and then you're looking after your parents.
Click to expand...
My circumstances are very similar, with my Dad also going down with dementia in his last year. He lived several hours away from me though, and completely withdrew from me (and his other friends) during that time. It was very upsetting as I had no idea what was going on, and thought that he'd stopped speaking to me, following a falling out we'd had the previous christmas. My mother is still alive but emigrated some time ago, so I really wouldn't logistically be able to help much, even if it could ever potentially be helpful.

I also have no children.

So compared to the people with children and elderly parents requiring extensive assistance, my responsibilities are relatively light.

But they still exist, I was thinking of things like regularly turning up to work, very much the worse for wear, if turning up at all, as also taking lots of sick days, sometimes without even letting anyone know, creating noise and disturbance throughout the night, and annoying and upsetting neigbours, requiring hospital admissions and resources due to issues and injuries caused by substance use, not keeping in touch with family, potentially risking causing grief to any remaining relatives by risking my life.......

Just in ways like that where I was completely irresponsible at the peak of my substance usage, while things are really quite a lot different now.
 
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Yeah, I fell out with my dad for a few years. He hit me a couple of times, which he never did to me as a kid, and I was really hurt by that. Obviously it was part of the onset of illness.

I do regret the lost years, but I didn't know what was going on. I'm happy that we reconciled though, and I treasure the time we did have left, even helping him on to the toilet.
 
Not the worst thing I've done by any stretch but maybe one of the funnier...

This happened whilst considerably under the influence of tropane containing plants. There were other things too as I was on the tail end of a big bender.

I set my bleary eyes on a beautiful lush green patch of of sunny grass. Then doing that thing some nightshade users have been observed to do started hurling myself up into the air and landing on the grass. Over and over jumping up in the air so as I would land on the grass. I can still just about remember it. That feeling of joy at just throwing myself in the air and not feeling the consequences of the landing. Maybe I was trying to fly but was also very focused on the landing too. It seemed like just pure childish fun.

This went on for a while until someone came and took me away from the luscious patch of grass. The asked me what I was playing at. Jumping. Obviously.
 
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