Lost i don't even know if i want to quit heroin

[blackCat5]

Been using for 8 years nonstop, and recently got miraculous 5 months clean... Because my dealer ran out of it. No other reason. Relapsed 5 days ago but just used once, and now i wanna do it again tomorrow. All my attempts at quitting have failed, simply because i find it easy to go to my dealer who is very close to my house. The 5 months clean i got helped me fix my apartment and do lots of stuff i wanted to do. My energy came back and mental fog faded by a lot. I even got mildly interested in all the stuff i used to care about before addiction. But after using again, i kinda realised, i don't actually give a fuck about anything life has to offer. I like to use. It doesn't fill the void in my soul, lmao, but it makes me not care about it. I really go to NA because a part of me wants to quit, but now i really have no reason to do so. I liked to travel when i had spare money but of course i will never have that now cus heroin. I just wish i had a very good reason to quit, that made me see a light at the end, instead of trash. It's all just trash after heroin to me.
Yeah i was calm and maybe cheerful those 5 months sober, and having a cleaner house is really comforting, but i just knew it was all... Stupid and pointless. At NA they tell me to do the steps but my sponsor was like "nah, it's pointless unless you are super sure that u wanna quit" which im not, not at all, not one bit. I really love that shit.
I would like to hear how any of you got off heroin if you want. Thanks for reading.

 

[endlessnameless]

Thats the same trap I was caught in for about 7 years. My dealers all lived around the area, so they were literally closer than local shop which made quitting a nightmare, especially with P who was a guy in a wheelchair who just drove around in his car 24/7 so as soon as I'd call him he'd be like 'walk outside in 5mins' and he'd be there waiting and willing to lay me on 5 bags. In one way it was ideal but in many more ways it was a bloody disaster.

You'll only quit when you truly want to quit, and when that time comes it wont be as bad as you think because you'll be so fed up and so excited about not being a slave that you'll welcome that last detox.

When do try to quit, what way do you go about it? CT rarely works. Ive succeeded a few times but most of the time I'd get through the first 4 days an by the 5th I'd be making them calls again.

 

[blackCat5]

Thats the same trap I was caught in for about 7 years. My dealers all lived around the area, so they were literally closer than local shop which made quitting a nightmare, especially with P who was a guy in a wheelchair who just drove around in his car 24/7 so as soon as I'd call him he'd be like 'walk outside in 5mins' and he'd be there waiting and willing to lay me on 5 bags. In one way it was ideal but in many more ways it was a bloody disaster.

You'll only quit when you truly want to quit, and when that time comes it wont be as bad as you think because you'll be so fed up and so excited about not being a slave that you'll welcome that last detox.

When do try to quit, what way do you go about it? CT rarely works. Ive succeeded a few times but most of the time I'd get through the first 4 days an by the 5th I'd be making them calls again.

Hey i just saw this cus i never got a notification... Anyway, wow, you were really in the same situation i'm in, and seemingly even worse, did you manage to quit, and how? What i do is i get like 7 pills of methadone, 40 mgs each, and those are enough to get me thru the withdrawals, and whenever i have managed to taper down those too - normally 3 weeks - i start using more harmless stuff like THC and CBD, even aspirin, cus well, there is no withdrawal left BUT yeah i also relate so damn much to the last thing you said idk why i heard so many addicts say "after the 5th day i give in" same here...
CT is a no go to me. At this point it's just too painful.
I just wish i had some support for when i'm "clean" and want to stay that way, like AA (i left NA not so long ago) or some friend who understood me (i do have some, but they're as close to their next fix as i am, so...)
Reading this forum works a little too

 

[badknee]

what happened to me was that all opioids stopped working, even at crazy doses. I found that the best time of the day was the minute’s just before shooting up, rather than after.

Stopped working = no euphoria

 

[endlessnameless]

Hello blackcat, its nice to make your acquaintance.

I have been trying to quit for the passed few months and recently have been getting stretches of 6 days then using twice. I used today after not using for six days. The cause of me using after going about a week without is usually the overwhelming anxiety and depression.
Its not even that I want to use - I just dont want to feel this extraordinary depression and anxiety any longer. When I use its to stop this feeling, however the last few times I've used it doesnt help. It hasnt helped in a while.
I feel better when I take something that will calm down these feelings of anxiety.

Usually when I'm trying to detox, I'll buy 100mls of methadone and start out taking 20mls for the first few days then drop by 5 mls each day until its gone. After that (or if I couldnt get any methadone - which is all too often the case) I'd take 300mgs of lyrica per day for about 10 days. I've had very good success with this, most notably last year when I managed to get 2-3 months of sobriety.

I'm looking into getting a prescription for some diazepam at the moment to calm my nerves as I'm absolutely all over the place. I haven't been using much at all lately however psychologically I'm in the darkest place I've been in years. I am imprisoned in my mind, and physically speaking I find it very difficult to leave my house...but I'm glad to be back on here connecting with people. Its true that reading and posting on here is a massive help to me also.

Anyway, I'm very sorry to have hijacked your thread, my intention was to say hello and to wish you well. How are you this morning?
How long have you been using and what is your route of administration if you don't mind me asking?

 

[blackCat5]

what happened to me was that all opioids stopped working, even at crazy doses. I found that the best time of the day was the minute’s just before shooting up, rather than after.

Stopped working = no euphoria

Oooh.... like not even the minutes after a shot? If it's a fat shot i still feel quite good, but yeah it goes away pretty quickly, and in time it gets even worse...

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

Been using for 8 years nonstop, and recently got miraculous 5 months clean... Because my dealer ran out of it. No other reason. Relapsed 5 days ago but just used once, and now i wanna do it again tomorrow. All my attempts at quitting have failed, simply because i find it easy to go to my dealer who is very close to my house. The 5 months clean i got helped me fix my apartment and do lots of stuff i wanted to do. My energy came back and mental fog faded by a lot. I even got mildly interested in all the stuff i used to care about before addiction. But after using again, i kinda realised, i don't actually give a fuck about anything life has to offer. I like to use. It doesn't fill the void in my soul, lmao, but it makes me not care about it. I really go to NA because a part of me wants to quit, but now i really have no reason to do so. I liked to travel when i had spare money but of course i will never have that now cus heroin. I just wish i had a very good reason to quit, that made me see a light at the end, instead of trash. It's all just trash after heroin to me.
Yeah i was calm and maybe cheerful those 5 months sober, and having a cleaner house is really comforting, but i just knew it was all... Stupid and pointless. At NA they tell me to do the steps but my sponsor was like "nah, it's pointless unless you are super sure that u wanna quit" which im not, not at all, not one bit. I really love that shit.
I would like to hear how any of you got off heroin if you want. Thanks for reading.

Been trying in various ways to stop using Heroin, I began back in 2001.
Had a BRUTAL experience with Espranor yesterday & I decided it's better I stay on Heroin than get hooked on that shit.

I really do think I will be a heroin addict for life & I accept it.

 

[blackCat5]

Hello blackcat, its nice to make your acquaintance.

I have been trying to quit for the passed few months and recently have been getting stretches of 6 days then using twice. I used today after not using for six days. The cause of me using after going about a week without is usually the overwhelming anxiety and depression.
Its not even that I want to use - I just dont want to feel this extraordinary depression and anxiety any longer. When I use its to stop this feeling, however the last few times I've used it doesnt help. It hasnt helped in a while.
I feel better when I take something that will calm down these feelings of anxiety.

Usually when I'm trying to detox, I'll buy 100mls of methadone and start out taking 20mls for the first few days then drop by 5 mls each day until its gone. After that (or if I couldnt get any methadone - which is all too often the case) I'd take 300mgs of lyrica per day for about 10 days. I've had very good success with this, most notably last year when I managed to get 2-3 months of sobriety.

I'm looking into getting a prescription for some diazepam at the moment to calm my nerves as I'm absolutely all over the place. I haven't been using much at all lately however psychologically I'm in the darkest place I've been in years. I am imprisoned in my mind, and physically speaking I find it very difficult to leave my house...but I'm glad to be back on here connecting with people. Its true that reading and posting on here is a massive help to me also.

Anyway, I'm very sorry to have hijacked your thread, my intention was to say hello and to wish you well. How are you this morning?
How long have you been using and what is your route of administration if you don't mind me asking?

Henlo, and wow im really late, had not logged in since August... im so sorry that you used again, of course i know how frustrating that is, but it seems you can remain "clean" longer than i can (the 4th day is my breaking point) but i see we have something in common - sadly, i also do it because i can't stand the depression and anxiety, like i have no idea what else to do to stop it besides using... Do you?
And yes i also detox like that with the methadone, but i start with 50mgs, then when im down to 5 i start smoking a lot of weed and it's funny cause it actually helps, lol
This year was extremely dark for me too, so i am glad that you are still here and this website still exists (i seen you waaaaay back when i still did not have an account, but you are one of the only old timers left that i see here now)
And today is my 4th day on methadone and im not feeling too bad at all, so that gives me some hope
if you want to message me when u feel like getting that stuff off your chest, that would be really cool to me

 

[blackCat5]

Been trying in various ways to stop using Heroin, I began back in 2001.
Had a BRUTAL experience with Espranor yesterday & I decided it's better I stay on Heroin than get hooked on that shit.

I really do think I will be a heroin addict for life & I accept it.

That is a LONG time, you must be very resilent, i have lost track of time since i started using, even if i know when that was... the same thought of being an addict for life has crossed my mind ever since and i dont even know if i am bothered by it anymore, because the way i often feel when i stop is hell to me
What about inpatient? Did that not work for u?
Can u tell me what Espranor does? i had never heard of it

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

What about inpatient? Did that not work for u?

I am UK based, I have never had that option. If I had I don't think I would have taken it.

Can u tell me what Espranor does? i had never heard of it

Espranor is not interchangeable with other buprenorphine products e.g. Subutex or generic sublingual buprenorphine tablets. This is because the bioavailability of buprenorphine is 25-30% higher with Espranor as it is more completely absorbed compared to sublingual tablets.

Buprenorphine (oral) in opioid dependence (Guidelines) | Right Decisions

www.rightdecisions.scot.nhs.uk

 

[blackCat5]

I am UK based, I have never had that option. If I had I don't think I would have taken it.

Espranor is not interchangeable with other buprenorphine products e.g. Subutex or generic sublingual buprenorphine tablets. This is because the bioavailability of buprenorphine is 25-30% higher with Espranor as it is more completely absorbed compared to sublingual tablets.

Buprenorphine (oral) in opioid dependence (Guidelines) | Right Decisions

www.rightdecisions.scot.nhs.uk

Why, is inpatient very expensive or unavailable there?
So u say u would not use that substance again, what did it made u feel? i'm just very curious

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

Why, is inpatient very expensive or unavailable there?

very expensive, The UK is mostly based around giving people medicine to take & become an addict to big pharma sadly.

So u say u would not use that substance again

HELL NO!!!!!

what did it made u feel? i'm just very curious

Opioids Thread 'Extreme reaction to Espranor.'

Nov 27, 2025

Began on Tuesday with my first dose of Espranor, I was meant to be going upto 16mg by a few mg's per day & I google searched this last night & it said 16mg is the MAX dose & I am 100% glad I never got there.

Anyway Tuesday evening I waited till I began to feel cold, sneeze, feel my body hurt etc (the basic start of a Heroin withdrawl) & I took 4mg which kicked in really quick after putting it on the top of my tongue, it helped & I slept for a good 8-10 hours that night.

Woke up the next day (Wednesday 26th November AKA yesterday) & still felt ok, I decided to wait till I began to feel...

• Zopiclone bandit

 

[blackCat5]

very expensive, The UK is mostly based around giving people medicine to take & become an addict to big pharma sadly.

HELL NO!!!!!

Opioids Thread 'Extreme reaction to Espranor.'

Nov 27, 2025

Began on Tuesday with my first dose of Espranor, I was meant to be going upto 16mg by a few mg's per day & I google searched this last night & it said 16mg is the MAX dose & I am 100% glad I never got there.

Anyway Tuesday evening I waited till I began to feel cold, sneeze, feel my body hurt etc (the basic start of a Heroin withdrawl) & I took 4mg which kicked in really quick after putting it on the top of my tongue, it helped & I slept for a good 8-10 hours that night.

Woke up the next day (Wednesday 26th November AKA yesterday) & still felt ok, I decided to wait till I began to feel...

• Zopiclone bandit

It reminds me of that shot that makes you immune to opiates, based on the side effects i have no idea why anyone would want to take that
And it's crazy how they didn't tell you about it before giving it to you... i dont see either of those 2 ever getting popular
Did u hear of anyone having the same reaction u did?

And yeah i heard something crazy about UK regarding lyricas... Like, those are stronger there than in any other part of the world and people get super addicted to them

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

It reminds me of that shot that makes you immune to opiates

naloxone

Did u hear of anyone having the same reaction u did?

nope, it is why I posted to see if others have been so ill off it.

And yeah i heard something crazy about UK regarding lyricas... Like, those are stronger there than in any other part of the world and people get super addicted to them

I truly LOVE Pre-Gabalin / lyrica.
A dose of 600mg with no tolerance will see me "nice" for a day, I really do like those things.

 

[blackCat5]

naloxone

nope, it is why I posted to see if others have been so ill off it.

I truly LOVE Pre-Gabalin / lyrica.
A dose of 600mg with no tolerance will see me "nice" for a day, I really do like those things.

Hehehe no i dont mean Naloxone, it's a shot called "invega sustena" there are threads about it on here, and the veredict is NOT good

Lyricas make me a bit dizzy but i know what you mean, yea

Edit: LMAO thats what i was talkin about, you guys got freakin 600mgs lyricas holy shit
The strongest over here is 150