I flip back on forth on this all the time, I do believe that although ADHD is a debilitating condition for some, that care needs to be taken handing out stimulants.
But I watched a car crash of my life, working against the odds believing I was defective (yes this was true) but seeing on the other side I was playing a pretty challenging rule set when my brain functions they way it does.
As much as I do wonder what I’d been like to be medicated younger, I am grateful for medicating at 23, after a car crash life and then a self imposed monk like period to properly try life and not make excuses.
I presume to have learned that I can force myself to be perfect to society kind of standard (broad and grey nonetheless) but I don’t enjoy it and I suffer no matter how hard I try, and realise my perspective is what caused my issue etc- all that Gabor Mate stuff, I ran a complex needs support service for over a year, took complete care of myself and only ever took things on best I could, being observant to my own thoughts and behaviours and not doing things that made me worse.
It was still miserable.
I take methylphenidate chronically most of the time, sometimes doing a abstinence experiment to stay in touch with my baseline.
I’ve had to increase the dose but it’s stayed extremely steady for a while, it’s not a miracle but just being able to not have constant pulses of panic and adrenaline and have your own mind be so much more interesting and louder then the world around you.
That is incredibly lonely, and it hurts.
I’m not saying I tried everything, but I did a lot more than most people with giving up technology and all psychoactive drugs for 3+ years, mediating, hypertrophy training and daily long walks in nature, cooking every meal from scratch, 8-9 hours sleep a night, socialising and keeping up with postive people and not toxic people.
I’d still question no matter what and wonder if life was worth living.
I take a extremely pharmacologically pure stimulant (methylphenidate) and it alleviates 90% of the torment.
That’s good enough, something I’ve carried from reading Pete Walkers surviving to thriving - there is a good enough for many our needs.