New Member - Need Help Breaking Through

[vdentata]

Hi,

I came here because I have done mushrooms many times, in both low and very very high doses, and ayahuasca a few times, and every time I don’t feel what other people feel. No visuals, this last time was just some light pretty colors, but typically no visuals, and instead just a feeling of intense terror and like I will be alone for the rest of this life, and then I am the only entity that exists for all eternity and that is the only real truth, and it’s horrifying. There is no feeling of being home or breakthroughs. At best it’s like I’m just drunk and emotional. But that intense fear is the worst. I have no mental disorders. I don’t know why I can't break through. I am going to try LSD for the first time soon. I am reading Leary’s psychedelic manual.

One thing I read on this site is sometimes people feel like they have to poop but can’t. I always feel this way on the psychedelics and it’s very unsettling. I think this contributes to the anxiety. Also Leary suggested taking librium an hour before, which I don’t have. I might try some Ltheanine before or work out lightly to help the anxiety.

I just don’t understand why after all these times I am not swept away at least once into the Alex Grey realm or at least see patterns and colors melting. Why always this fear and belief that I am the only entity that exists, with, no visuals? How can I fix this?

Thank you.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

What do you class as very low and very high doses? You could have dosed far too low and far too high by sounds of it. Maybe.

Also - are you on any medication?

Oh, and welcome to BL

 

[vdentata]

What do you class as very low and very high doses? You could have dosed far too low and far too high by sounds of it. Maybe.

Also - are you on any medication?

Oh, and welcome to BL

Thank you I’ve done everything from microdose 0.1 to 0.5 g, which I do daily now (and sometimes still get the fear, though shorter and less intense!) to 3g to 5g to 15g to 20g. The whole range.

I don’t take any medications.

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

Welcome!

If you are on antidepressants there is a good chance tripping will be hard if not near impossible/risky to your health. (Search psychedelics antidepressants serotonin syndrome - it truly scares me)

I presume that you are using DRY shrooms right? I have had ppl try and hustle me with wet shrooms which take roughly 10x the weight of dry shrooms

The first time I tripped shrooms I took 3.5 grams dry *not sure on strain* (as that is what was bought) and I laughed my ass off (One of the best experiences of my life honestly) -- For like a year afterwards I thought every trip would be that and prolly looked like a 'shroom junky'.

Ok you are dosing daily - PROBLEM FOUND! it is of note you can only get a good trip on any psychedelic once every couple months. If microdosing is your thing you are fine and just don't expect to trip

cease microdosing for 60 days and take 2 - 3.5 grams when you are in a positive mindset and setting - prepare everything needed ahead of time. I remember being unable to hit my gbong I was tripping so hard once - that threw me for a loop!

(Damn I only saw half the post title and was really hoping someone showed up saying they needed help 'breaking bad' haha)

 

[vdentata]

Welcome!

If you are on antidepressants there is a good chance tripping will be hard if not near impossible/risky to your health. (Search psychedelics antidepressants serotonin syndrome - it truly scares me)

I presume that you are using DRY shrooms right? I have had ppl try and hustle me with wet shrooms which take roughly 10x the weight of dry shrooms

The first time I tripped shrooms I took 3.5 grams dry *not sure on strain* (as that is what was bought) and I laughed my ass off (One of the best experiences of my life honestly) -- For like a year afterwards I thought every trip would be that and prolly looked like a 'shroom junky'.

Ok you are dosing daily - PROBLEM FOUND! it is of note you can only get a good trip on any psychedelic once every couple months. If microdosing is your thing you are fine and just don't expect to trip

cease microdosing for 60 days and take 2 - 3.5 grams when you are in a positive mindset and setting - prepare everything needed ahead of time. I remember being unable to hit my gbong I was tripping so hard once - that threw me for a loop!

(Damn I only saw half the post title and was really hoping someone showed up saying they needed help 'breaking bad' haha)

Hi, and thank you for your answer. I am not taking any antidepressants - I know that those can either blunt the effects or I’ve heard can put you at risk for seratonin syndrome. Theyre not my thing anyway - they never worked for me and the last one I took I stopped five years ago. And yes, dry shrooms only.

I only started microdosing after a lot of tries with the high doses of mushrooms, and I go off the microdose well before any attempt at a big trip.

The thing is, I do have effects from the mushrooms, theyre just extremely negative, like a bad bodily experience with no visuals. Paranoia like I would get when I was younger lying in bed just thinking about death and the afterlife - but it’s like theyre not strong enough to push me into visuals or anything that is a real reset. It just amplifies my normal ego’s fear and emotions.

The last time I did 20g of mushrooms and when I got that fear I would sip on lemon juice, and it kind of calmed me a little, and I was able to see some color for a bit when I closed my eyes. But other than that, just sort of drunk emotion. And totally able to get up, not floored like many on that dose.

I was thinking maybe I need an even higher dose, like 30 or 40?

 

[Electrum1]

The thing is, I do have effects from the mushrooms, theyre just extremely negative, like a bad bodily experience with no visuals. Paranoia like I would get when I was younger lying in bed just thinking about death and the afterlife

It sounds like you should just avoid mushrooms before causing some kind of mental event that could cause lasting damage

Hi,

I came here because I have done mushrooms many times, in both low and very very high doses, and ayahuasca a few times, and every time I don’t feel what other people feel. No visuals, this last time was just some light pretty colors, but typically no visuals, and instead just a feeling of intense terror and like I will be alone for the rest of this life, and then I am the only entity that exists for all eternity and that is the only real truth, and it’s horrifying. There is no feeling of being home or breakthroughs. At best it’s like I’m just drunk and emotional. But that intense fear is the worst. I have no mental disorders. I don’t know why I can't break through. I am going to try LSD for the first time soon

Maybe mushrooms just don't work well with your chemistry. I'm that way, and acid is very enjoyable, so maybe just take 1 hit and see how it goes before trying to take more than that. There's no rush to take large doses

One thing I read on this site is sometimes people feel like they have to poop but can’t. I always feel this way on the psychedelics and it’s very unsettling.

Make sure you didn't eat much and already took a shit before you trip next time

 

[arrall]

Some people never get visuals.
This seems to be a rare permanent aftereffect with SSRIs too, since you mentioned you used to take them.
Getting visuals from psychedelics is not the most meaningful possible thing that one can do in their life. Maybe they don't work quite the same for you, and that's okay.

 

[vdentata]

It sounds like you should just avoid mushrooms before causing some kind of mental event that could cause lasting damage


Maybe mushrooms just don't work well with your chemistry. I'm that way, and acid is very enjoyable, so maybe just take 1 hit and see how it goes before trying to take more than that. There's no rush to take large doses

Make sure you didn't eat much and already took a shit before you trip next time

Thank you for your reply. What kind of mental event could lead to permanent damage, and what kind of damage?

 

[vdentata]

Some people never get visuals.
This seems to be a rare permanent aftereffect with SSRIs too, since you mentioned you used to take them.
Getting visuals from psychedelics is not the most meaningful possible thing that one can do in their life. Maybe they don't work quite the same for you, and that's okay.

Thank you. There is a rare permanent side effect from these? I only took them for a couple years in my 20s and then a year or two in my 40s. Normal dosages. Are there particular SSRIs that have that effect? What is the mechanism? I’ll do more research on this. But I don’t know, I think it’s more that the fear is preventing me from relaxing into it. I do see flashes of visual sometimes, and I did see the colors last time. It’s just not an immersive, continuous experience like other people have.

 

[arrall]

Are there particular SSRIs that have that effect? What is the mechanism?

I don't think that it is something that is particularly well understood, but yes SSRIs can sometimes have permanent negative side effects in a small % of people.
The mechanism is probably related to many SSRIs downregulating the 5HT2 receptors that psychedelics target, if I had to speculate on it.

 

[vdentata]

I don't think that it is something that is particularly well understood, but yes SSRIs can sometimes have permanent negative side effects in a small % of people.
The mechanism is probably related to many SSRIs downregulating the 5HT2 receptors that psychedelics target, if I had to speculate on it.

Interesting, thank you!

I am going to try LSD soon, and I will see if that has any different effects than mushrooms or ayahuasca. I’ll post an update here in a couple of weeks after I’ve done it.

I’m going to have things on hand for any potential nausea and will have read Leary’s psychedelic manual beforehand.

 

[vdentata]

Hey, so I haven’t done it yet, but I have read Leary’s psychedelic manual. A lot of the weird fear symptoms I think are actually hallucinations. He discusses the plastic doll effect. The fear is so deep when I am in the state, it’s hard to just relax and accept it for what it is. I think my ego is holding on really strongly. I’ll update later after I try LSD.

 

[vdentata]

I have an update. So I took two Dramamine and one l-theanine about half an hour before I took two tabs of LSD. 30 minutes after the tabs, I took two more tabs. I was tripping balls. A lot of it was scary at first, seeing myself as the creative intelligence, experiencing the eternity of Being both a single entity and it seemed like my world was just a creation of my own mind, but that I created it to ignore the fact that I was a single entity alone for eternity. I think this may have been one of the hallucinations and not a realization of reality. Or maybe that’s what it is. I missed the white light that Leary talks about and his manual of the psychedelic experience in the very beginning, though I saw it out of the corners of my eye as I initially drifted off, but then pulled myself back to this world, and then went into this experience of terrifying eternity. But then the second half, I kind of came back to my world, and was able to see colors of the fire and in the sky and when I move my hands it was like rainbow eyeballs. It also seems like I was moving in my psyche and seeing the wounds underneath the surface of sewing some of them up as I was coming back. What a wonderful and terrifyinh experience! I think what helped as the Dramamine before, I also took an Ltheanine an hour before. And Leary’s manual really helped guide the way and reduced a lot of my fear.