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Heroin Post-Heroin

lost weekend said:
I know but the way I'm feeling some pain needs to disappear at least for a while.but I don't know how to score anyway so it's a moot point
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I hear you. But I’d completely exhaust sobriety, therapy, and any other resources before you use heroin to preserve yourself into the future. Look at the dates of how long it’s taken me to get clean. Here I am just coming off a week sick getting off seven oh again. Dude this life sucks. It sucks more than everything which preceded it. But I get it
 
helpingout said:
Im like a slave to the part of me which wants to see me destroyed.
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We all are brother. As soon as my 7oh experience stopped being hellish, my brain decided it was okay to just keep going with it ALONGSIDE the plain leaf and MIT. It's so hard to just stop, even though I could. It's silly. "Just one more gram will be fine, I'll taper that and stop." 3 grams later... the part is I don't even feel it. The MIT is better than low-dose 7oh lmao. The guilt and remorse and anxious feelings I constantly feel keep me locked in a cage. No matter if I get out or not, I find myself looking for the keys to let myself back in. It's a thinking problem. And I can't seem to escape it when I don't truly have anything to live for.
 
Today
8-26-25
Went to a smart meeting.
Outside right before I went in I found forty mg of seven. I wanted to take it but kept it stashed for after the meeting. Really didn’t want to open the door to that misery again. After the meeting I asked my friend if she would destroy it. She did. So here I am. Clean since last Friday. No 7. O desperately wanted to get Hugh but I’m grateful I didn’t. I don’t know if I’m disciplined enough to keep testing my discipline. Better to flush it.

Here’s to keeping up the good fight.

Drug free today except some CBD pot

That’ll go too. But for now it’s fine
 
drewbocop said:
We all are brother. As soon as my 7oh experience stopped being hellish, my brain decided it was okay to just keep going with it ALONGSIDE the plain leaf and MIT. It's so hard to just stop, even though I could. It's silly. "Just one more gram will be fine, I'll taper that and stop." 3 grams later... the part is I don't even feel it. The MIT is better than low-dose 7oh lmao. The guilt and remorse and anxious feelings I constantly feel keep me locked in a cage. No matter if I get out or not, I find myself looking for the keys to let myself back in. It's a thinking problem. And I can't seem to escape it when I don't truly have anything to live for.
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Everyone has something to live for .I had a huge benzo addiction 10 years ago and managed to come out the otherside but it was hell ,if I wasn't such a coward I might not be here .I got by on my powdered kratom and very slowly managed to return to work .my life is still a constant struggle especially in the mornings when I feel the depression hard but I force myself up and once I'm halfway through the day I feel better although I drink so I look forward to that the longer the day goes on and I get my reward as soon as I get through my front door .I've accepted that at least for the foreseeable future this will be my life .it would be foolish and patronising of me to say "I hope you feel better or you will come through the other side"as I don't know what your going through but I do wish you well.
 
lost weekend said:
Everyone has something to live for .I had a huge benzo addiction 10 years ago and managed to come out the otherside but it was hell ,if I wasn't such a coward I might not be here .I got by on my powdered kratom and very slowly managed to return to work .my life is still a constant struggle especially in the mornings when I feel the depression hard but I force myself up and once I'm halfway through the day I feel better although I drink so I look forward to that the longer the day goes on and I get my reward as soon as I get through my front door .I've accepted that at least for the foreseeable future this will be my life .it would be foolish and patronising of me to say "I hope you feel better or you will come through the other side"as I don't know what your going through but I do wish you well.
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Try some Amanita Musciaria instead of drinking or benzos my friend.
 
I don't know much about them but liberty cap season won't be long ,I've tried micro dosing in the past and i think it's better than any anti depressent, I still feel a warm glow but the next day my mind clears and all the usual worries and anxiety don't dissappear but they seem to move to a less caring/give a shit part of the brain .it's almost like a reset
 
helpingout said:
9-8-21
I was told to journal. Here are my thoughts. I’m worried I caused myself brain damage when I overdosed. I don’t think I can work anymore because I’m too fucking stupid. I want to write my novel. Everyday I don’t write the clock loses a day. I know what I want to write, how to write it, what to say, but there’s nothing I can do to bring myself to write.
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Are you male ? Sounds as, taking a crap in-between. Or drawing a comic help s.
Distraction, temporarily in reality but att time all compassing.
You can also paint the ceiling, till the spark hit s and you can start writing.
 
lost weekend said:
I don't know much about them but liberty cap season won't be long ,I've tried micro dosing in the past and i think it's better than any anti depressent, I still feel a warm glow but the next day my mind clears and all the usual worries and anxiety don't dissappear but they seem to move to a less caring/give a shit part of the brain .it's almost like a reset
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amanita muscaria and liberty caps are totally different, the former not even being psilocybin

have you tried a macro dose of the libs too? even better antidepressant qualities and imo the best mushroom experience possible
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
amanita muscaria and liberty caps are totally different, the former not even being psilocybin

have you tried a macro dose of the libs too? even better antidepressant qualities and imo the best mushroom experience possible
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Yeh I've only had liberty in the past because I knew exactly what they look liked and are real common around late autumn .they were perfect for micro dosing .I knew where they always grew although sometimes in the past I've come back dissapointed other times I've parked up In the car park and could see them from the car window lol .although I don't pick them anymore because it's illegal and I always stay within the law 💯
 
HealingEnergy14 said:
You're and idiot but I mean that in a good way, I've been there.

Just pick yourself up tomorrow and get through the suffering! Keep writing journals on how you feel, set milestones every 2-4 weeks to reflect on how much you improve.

That really helped me atleast, yes you won't feel perfect yet in 2-3 months. But by then you will already feel so much better than you will in the coming few weeks. Once you get to month 5-6 (no cheating with any opioids, not kratom even) you will honestly start noticing a big difference towards feeling more like your old self. Trust me on that.

I'd type more on the things I did to get through it, but I'm short on time now so you'll see me back in this thread later.

Hang in there, I'm rooting for you!
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I’m going to try this.

24 hours from another seven lapse. Four days this time. Feel alright. Took 900 mg gabapentin. Smoking a cig on break at work. Everything is gonna be okay. Just got to get through the shit.
 
emkee_reinvented said:
Creativity is a must, like this advice it really eeeats
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I think creativity is keeping me alive. If I didn’t have the stories I’ve written, the stories I write, and the stories I want to write.
I think I’d fucking have nothing to live for.

“You’ll have nothing and like it.” Dickens
“I want the best that money can buy and I want it for free.” - me
 
helpingout said:
I think creativity is keeping me alive. If I didn’t have the stories I’ve written, the stories I write, and the stories I want to write.
I think I’d fucking have nothing to live for.

“You’ll have nothing and like it.” Dickens
“I want the best that money can buy and I want it for free.” - me
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Are they on Bluelight/ internet to be found.

You raised my curiosity, and confirmed creativity.
But also made me realise my need ton see / share or produce with ...
 
emkee_reinvented said:
Are they on Bluelight/ internet to be found.

You raised my curiosity, and confirmed creativity.
But also made me realise my need ton see / share or produce with ...
Click to expand...
Here’s a poem for you
I’m deciding on a story

A poem for you
You’ve always wanted to hear a really good poem
Some thing that shakes you to your core.
Words in which you find yourself.
Messages in which you find meaning.
But I don’t have a good poem for you.
I don’t have a poem at all.
I have a window.
A little look inside a place that doesn’t exist.
A vision of a thing that can’t be seen.
I’m inviting you to look through my window.
It’s a bit of witch craft really.
Some spell palavering over an open mic crowd.
Whispering into your ears.
Painting the picture for you.
And when you close your eyes.
And you look through my window.
You’ll see it.
It will be there.
You’ll look through my window and you’ll see the image of exactly what you need to do.
My window will always be there for you.
Helping you to see things which you alone can see.
Things you have never seen before in the way that they appear to you now.
My little window informs you.
What do you see?
How do you feel about what you see?
Can you perfectly encapsulate what you saw into a little moving image?
Keep your eyes closed.
Look over there.
There’s a river on a flat plane.
It stretches out and out and out. Towards a setting sun.
The sun sets the river water ablaze and it looks like a shining reflection of the sky.
The river is large and lazy.
There are leaves floating down the river.

Take the image you saw through the window and put it on a leaf that has stopped at a bank on the river just a few feet away.
Walk over to it.
Take the image of what you saw through the window. The little moving picture of it.
Set it on that leaf we just saw.
Good.
Now push that leaf back into the current.

See we had the thought. It made us feel how we felt. And that’s what the thought was.
Now it’s just a thought on a leaf on the currents of a lazy river. Flowing out towards the sun.

You’ve been given a window into a part of you that looks without judgement. It doesn’t share these thoughts. It doesn’t tell anyone what they saw in their window because no one needs to know. Unless you tell them. This window is there for you always. Outside of what you see in the window. There is a vast land that belongs to you. There is a winding river stretching out towards the ever setting sun. And waving grasses sweep out from that sun as if blown by solar wind in the same direction the light shines.
Build there.
Build a castle, a farmhouse, a cottage, or a place which might have only existed in your dreams.
Make it labyrinthine to confuse your enemies.

Defend it viciously.
You are its protector, its lord, its god, and its creator.

I gave you a window.
Everything outside of it is yours.
It is a place.
It belongs to you.
A place about a window.
 
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