Advice My girlfriend says she hates men… but I’m a man.

[emkee_reinvented]

Victims often internalize these manipulative tactics

My ex was nickenamed 'Sorry'

As victim of but strangely from a school where teacher s.
My native language one in this particular case, said this is not exam material.
So meaning the state had no interest in you knowing that.

Just on need to no bases, they knew all high ups abused these tactic s.
But never expected, my ex who fits your description quite well.
One of the many reason s i forgave her, wondering bout my self now.
Never forgave myself, that way less easy i ll admit.

Which essentially is Emotional and Psychological abuse. Long term.
c-PTSD, so a life sentence not by dr s not known fact.
Physical abuse/ concentration camp or war, that s were they end.

Every tactic i recognised, my advice when confronted with un-acceptable.
Shit, as man, name it and leave the scene saying "i continue this,
when you able to conduct this talk in a a acceptable way [i had 2 kid s]".

Otherwise, choose money for your seed s [Egg s]

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I have literally apologized for breathing air.

I’d apologize for his bad day at work .. as if I caused that somehow. If I hadn’t made him so angry, he would’ve had a much more productive day.

My head is exploding right now.

Why, like why i accepted my current, lack of know and didn t forgive myself.

My ex was one big sorry etc. on anything. And i couldn t help her att.

 

[atara]

It feels like I can stay with her and use or break up with her and I may be able to not use. But only one way to find out. I was doing the best I ever had for 1 year leading up to this relationship and within a month or so I was back using. All that being said I kinda feel like if we weren’t together I would be able to stop using but who knows. I sure as hell don’t.

I think you should forget you ever typed this and don't think about it. When you have something difficult to do, like breaking up with someone who is "getting drunk and throwing things", you are only less likely to do it when you attach it to a lot of other difficult things that you also need to do. If leaving her means quitting -- well, it's great if you stop using opioids -- but that means that your brain is now estimating the work of leaving her = the work of breaking up PLUS the work of quitting, which is 2-33x as much work, give or take.

What I will grant you is that it's harder to quit using sedatives when you are living with someone who uses drugs and disrupts your sleep. But it's not impossible to quit the way you are now, and breaking up won't magically make it easy to quit. It will still be hard.

But you do, kind of, owe us an explanation, don't you? You're obviously considering breaking up with her. You understand that you are justified in breaking up with someone who "gets all riled up and starts drinking and throwing stuff". You posted an entire 15-page thread in which the consensus opinion was "you should break up with her" and here you are, nine months later, still dating the same woman.

Can we try a thought experiment? What do you think is going to happen if you tell her tomorrow that you are ending the relationship?

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Good luck with your drug situation. Maybe therapy can help or talking with someone about that.



Don't overuse or overindulge for sure. That can give drugs a very bad outlook.

And make them look bad for sure. Don't give drugs a bad name like that.

Agreed, but what if he dies while stopping my use of drug s was my.
Solution till today, but lesser since we got further apart after breaking up.

But in the middle it was doping, not self-destruction.
Though that is more related what drugs you do and how they effect you.

The moment i knew it was long over was 5 year s after,
i prolonged it 6 year s knowing for 'the so called care towards your kid s'.
Then exit, getting fucked after, me knowing Children right s top all Law s.

Gracious accepted the remain s of humanity, and inbed in them.
Thank Hoffman for Lysergic s they ao Tryptamine s are key.
Neuroplasticity stimulating or as self therapie.
Among whatever the mind does , self-healing, stimulate it.

 

[4DQSAR]

I never sort any manner of 'revenge' nor even hated the person. I look back I wonder what made them behave in such ways and concluded that moving on and living a good life was the important thing.

I consider it to have been a (hard) learning experience.

I met someone a couple of year later and we are still together. In an unconventional manner, I'm the first to say, but together with no sign of that ever changing.

I don't do hate - hate only harms the person experiencing the emotion.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I never sort any manner of 'revenge' nor even hated the person. I look back I wonder what made them behave in such ways and concluded that moving on and living a good life was the important thing.

Me neither but when i discovered she put herself before Kids Right s. i don t.
Made False notification s at the cop s, the reason i am not allowed to see my kids.
Notification s don t have to be staved by evidence. But become fact when they black on white at your Law friends the Cop s. The only ones that defy Law.
Got the proof black on white too, i ask up my dossier s alway s,
weird the lies are not worded as is. Stalking: threatening your ex.
D.U.I. on a guy with no licence nor car or intent.

She did no effort, i requested her friendly, to change this.
So still sick and playing dirty games. I just avoid the visible mines.
Help her, give money to her my kids, miss my kid s.
Don t know em even after 10 year separation. But they love me.

Based on 2 lies, i can t even dis-approve. I can, but it would mean 2 fines for my ex,
and a probable 'put under state care of my kid s'. Which is a Horror scenario,
kid s disappear 271 till now, just by a mistake of the tax part of the government.

So where are these kid s ?

I consider it to have been a (hard) learning experience.

I met someone a couple of year later and we are still together. In an unconventional manner, I'm the first to say, but together with no sign of that ever changing.

I don't do hate - hate only harms the person experiencing the emotion.

We are alike, i expressed my trauma, to my ex that must have been like hate.
Just wanted to lay all cards on table, dumb don t work for but against you.
You think your talking while she felt attacking.

It was my DIY therapie, dr/ psychological pro s helpful no.
Most was processed in nightmares, had two yesterday.
Reason watching a youtube on Arthur Schopenhauer, the last dime fell.

When i learned his obsevation of relation ships evolutionary seen.
"In an unconventional manner" sounds as a better way 4DQSAR

 

[emkee_reinvented]

And then listen to some music, and realise the person prescribed.
Is a lot like me, i have drug s, goal s in which i succeed,
love people that are open.

But why hate me ? Self-hate is i think very rigid. You gave a clue.
Toward s other s forgiving is an ease, well for some at least.
My ex and i hug, she don t know what i dream that night.

That next morning s i cry, when i saw her, it s btw always with my kid s.
But that torture i can endure, but your line and Schopenhauer.
Its clear i hate myself, in a weird way as in un- worthy. Expandable ?

This song sure helped.



He word s it very closely to what i call live.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

 

[Deleted member 507397]

I'm not sure what would make someone hardcore ignorant about gender, men can be victimized or raped, but in this culture yeah okay maybe not so much with men because women are demonized and put on a witch trial while being raped and patronized and gaslit so technically if you are trying to like survive or live or work yeah I'd be a man but if she thinks you're "every man" for having a dick idk unless you rly are a dick

 

[pnillyg]

I think you should forget you ever typed this and don't think about it. When you have something difficult to do, like breaking up with someone who is "getting drunk and throwing things", you are only less likely to do it when you attach it to a lot of other difficult things that you also need to do. If leaving her means quitting -- well, it's great if you stop using opioids -- but that means that your brain is now estimating the work of leaving her = the work of breaking up PLUS the work of quitting, which is 2-33x as much work, give or take.

What I will grant you is that it's harder to quit using sedatives when you are living with someone who uses drugs and disrupts your sleep. But it's not impossible to quit the way you are now, and breaking up won't magically make it easy to quit. It will still be hard.

But you do, kind of, owe us an explanation, don't you? You're obviously considering breaking up with her. You understand that you are justified in breaking up with someone who "gets all riled up and starts drinking and throwing stuff". You posted an entire 15-page thread in which the consensus opinion was "you should break up with her" and here you are, nine months later, still dating the same woman.

Can we try a thought experiment? What do you think is going to happen if you tell her tomorrow that you are ending the relationship?

I just did… so we’ll see I guess

 

[pnillyg]

Just an update for everybody. I said that it’s sad that a man had to die in front of his kids for his values. I don’t consider myself to be a political person at all. That being said I don’t believe that celebrating his death was right. So yesterday I said that dude (Charlie Kirk) didn’t deserve to die. And her mom, sisters, and her all called me a misogynistic, a nazi that supports hitler, a gross human and a disgrace to humanity. Ironically they are very liberal which I find interesting because they claim to be about freedom of speech and equality (I am too). Taking that heat from the entire family given my current mental health and substance abuse situation was too much for me. I left and am taking space until further notice. Im tapering a bunch of meds and starting new ones so I gotta chose me right now. Damn I feel so betrayed and lonely. But I got this. Hope I can have some people to talk to on here cause right now I’m pretty alone.

 

[Asclepius]

...as I see it, you have two options.

1.) Tell them you're values don't harmonize & to respectfully, go fuck themselves.

2.) Go full-on Steven Segall & admit that you ARE the actual, assassin.

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

Just an update for everybody. I said that it’s sad that a man had to die in front of his kids for his values. I don’t consider myself to be a political person at all. That being said I don’t believe that celebrating his death was right. So yesterday I said that dude (Charlie Kirk) didn’t deserve to die. And her mom, sisters, and her all called me a misogynistic, a nazi that supports hitler, a gross human and a disgrace to humanity. Ironically they are very liberal which I find interesting because they claim to be about freedom of speech and equality (I am too). Taking that heat from the entire family given my current mental health and substance abuse situation was too much for me. I left and am taking space until further notice. Im tapering a bunch of meds and starting new ones so I gotta chose me right now. Damn I feel so betrayed and lonely. But I got this. Hope I can have some people to talk to on here cause right now I’m pretty alone.

I’m sorry you are feeling betrayed and hurt. I really am and really can empathize with that. If you ever need someone to talk to you can feel free to pm me

Sending you a big hug and my kitty is sending you a little paw bump

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

I was going to say 'that's healthy I think most women hate men in general - be proud to be the exception' --- Hell I kind of hate men and I am a man. Im sure I would hate them Alot more if they were trying to fuck me all the time lol

 

[Asclepius]

^ I think that's mostly, untrue, that: "most women hate men in general". I also, think most men don't hate women. Of course there are exceptions. Generally, most people want to live in peace, are concerned for their sense of safety & security and also want to explore life in a way they can feel free, accepted & supported (by themselves & those close to them, & observe vestiges of that humanistic support in the world, at large). Certain, ideological/internet propaganda would have persons think otherwise - also, much ideology DRIVES people to think otherwise.

Re. Heterosexuality, there's always been a propaganda war; outside that, there's always been biological differences that have actually complimented each other; when understood (& not fuelled by bullshit propaganda to divide confused individuals).

Imo, Respect is what most people (us) need. Pride occurs as a consequence of an action(s), that positively, affects life, loved ones (others). Anything else is a bit of a puffed-up thing that will soon, deflate, without being constantly affirmed as "great".

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

Fair --- well its love hate I gotta assume at worst (assuming heterosexuality)

I hope I am wrong -- we have given alot of reasons to not be trusted in general though

 

[pnillyg]

Mannnn I don’t even know anymore about nothing. The more I learn the less I know.

 

[notsmokeymcpot42088]

^ The Socrates approach

You gunna kill me --- fine turns out I dont and never did know anything - Start Over!

Is the truth though -- the more you learn the more you realize you HAVEN'T LEARNED (and possibly did not know existed to learn before learning the first thing) if that makes sense.

If it doesn't --- well I am a brilliant philosopher and it went over ya'lls head lol

 

[NullVoidXIII]

I mean it's probably better to just date someone who has the same political views as you do.
Or if you're into or with someone who doesn't and you disagree on worldview, perhaps just proactively try not to bring it up.
Worldview has about as much traction as free air: Zero.
But you need traction for a successful relationship.
Worldview should at least agree that love should hold dominance above other worldview differences, otherwise, you're just going to fight all of the time.

Now, some people (or whatever reason), like that. I don't know why, but that's their thing, I guess.
I knew a couple like that once.

One time I got called to come to band practice like 3 or 4 hours early by my friend.
I thought that was odd, because normally he's not so urgently pressed that he would call me for what's otherwise a normal weekend for us.
Usually I just show up with a bottle of whiskey and there's no other problems but that day was different.

I happened to be doing some shopping at the time, AND I cancelled a date I myself had to go check up on my guy.
I get there and him and his now-wife were quarrelling about something.
At about that point I realized why he called me so early. He wanted to get the Hell out of there.

So I told her I've got some shopping I've gotta do and I'm gonna take him with me.
She snarled at first and was generally thinking I was being more sinister than I actually was.

So I took him to the store and let him vent to me about their argument while I was getting my groceries.
She kept bugging him on the phone, saying she didn't believe I took him with me to go shopping, thinks I took him to go see another woman so I took a picture of a nearby shelf in the store (which happened to be the monogram letters in the craft section) after arranging it to say something so she'd know I'm not lying and sent it to her. That helped her relax some.

They were just fighting about money, is all.
But the dumb thing is that they weren't fighting about not having money, they were fighting about him spending the money how he spent it.
Whereas when she spends it, it's in the same waste just more comfortable for her instead.
(It took me like another 3 or 4 years to get the two of them some basic budgeting skills).

A week later I came by their place for band practice again and it was like the fight had never happened.
They were laughing and joking and drunkenly wrestling each other like how they do in their living room.

So I paused and said:

"Wait a minute...Okay so, lemme get this straight: You're BOTH the dominant?"

They paused, somewhat taken off by the fact I noticed this aspect of their dynamic, and then they both smiled and said: "Yes."

And my response was: "Sssooo, you guys like to argue with each other then?"

They again paused, looked at each other, and again said: "Yes."

It was about at that point, that I took the whole of the rest of it and filed it under the Whatever I Don't Get It, This Isn't My Business section in my brain.

My point is OP,
That if you're in a relationship where there's a considerable amount of tension, you have to ask yourself WHY you're in that relationship in the first place, and if it's even worth it for you TO be in it.
You can't change the person's worldview, so it will likely always be a point of tension.
Is that tension something you are okay with having in your life and relationship?
Is that something you can cope with having in your relationship?
Or perhaps do you think you need someone you align with more?

My girlfriend and I do not agree on everything either, but where we do disagree, I ask myself these sorts of questions.
Plus I don't really want her to agree with me on everything, that nerfs the person I'm with which defeats the purpose of me being with her.
When I select who I'm going to be with, it's because I want to experience the person's mind, not their body. Body is part of the allure, sure, but headspace is always the make-or-break of the question Can I Handle This In My Daily Life Or Not?

Hopefully you find some kind of peace and balance with it.

 

[Dr. Morphine]

So recently my girlfriend and I have been having some issues. This started when the election happened and since we have political views I was deemed the reason for everything wrong with this world. That’s a whole nother story I’ll link the thread here: https://www.bluelight.org/community/threads/girlfriend-won’t-have-sex-with-me-since-trump-won….942862/

So what is happening most recently as I’ve found my addiction to not be resolving due to my lack of ability to leave a relationship that isn’t good for either of us. She has an eating disorder and in a drug addict. The problem is I’ve been working on myself for 7 years (therapy, TMS, detox, rehab, ibogaine, other guided psychedelic experiences, kambo, you name it I’ve done it, more than once). The problem I see is that she is in denial. Last week she came to me and asked for help but then told me she’s perfect and can do no wrong and she even asked her parents and they agreed. Her relationship with her parents is nothing I’ve ever seen before I’m kinda jealous sometimes because she truly believes she can do no wrong but at the same time I’m happy how I was raised because of many reasons (I can take a punch). Anyways. She recently has been expressing to me how much she hates men and has always hated men and thinks they’re disgusting creatures and women don’t need them especially now that we have technology. Not sure what to do with that information as I am a male. The fighting is becoming too much and my addiction is getting worse. I’m not using more than I ever had but that being said I’m using a lot of different things to cope with the emotional warfare. She’s constantly threatening to hurt herself and recently began hitting herself in the face when she gets mad. Which scares me because I’ve never touched a woman unless it was in a kind loving way of course I’m trying to say I’d never hurt a woman. I love women and I believe behind every good man is a better woman. But what I am saying is that given her past with sort of framing me and others in odd ways I’m worried one of these times something bad could happen. Not that I would do anything at all of course but it worries me when she gets all riled up and starts drinking and throwing stuff or hitting herself that it could turn into something it isn’t. Sorry she just came home drunk at 4am when she said she would be home by 9-10. The other week she told me that if I didn’t like something she was wearing to express that to her cause she wants me to speak my truth. So tonight before she left she walked out in a skirt that I could see her ass and vagina in it was like above her vagina that’s how short it was so I said to her “you’re not wearing that right” and she giggled and went back in her room to finish getting ready. She then came back out 45 minutes later in the same outfit and I said have fun with your friends “I hope you have a great night night you didn’t change?” She said oh I though you were joking I’ll go grab a change of clothes and change there. She then came home in what she left in waking me up at 4am when the reason I didn’t go was because I’m working at 8am. She then said some incredibly mean and rude things to me as she always does when she’s drunk (I don’t drink but I use drugs for sure, alcohol just not for me) basically saying I’m out of my mind if I think for one second I can have input on what she’s wearing and how could I make her feel fat and unfit before she went out. There’s a lot going on in my relationship but I’d love some advice. Please ask questions if you need more details in just so alone. Since we have started dating she’s so controlling in what I can and can’t dk which can and can’t see and I’m the opposite so I’ve basically been a hermit for 2 years doing copious amounts of drugs (ketamine, benzos, opiates etc) just to be on around her. She lives in my house so all I have to do is tell her to leave but I’m not good at ending relationships and I hold onto hope when it may not even be there. I’ve been trying to taper meds which I’ve successfully done yesterday but since this morning I’m almost at my daily max so I hope I can stay on track. Thank you for reading and if I think of anything else I’ll add it but that’s all for now fam.

Sounds like a big old bitch and something like a misogynist accept men and not women, or someone who has demands that can't be met. That's an endless task and perhaps you'll end up being a punching bag. Is it worth it for the ass? Get rid of the dead weight buddy.. unless of course you like a train wreck and ass fuck.. your ass that is.