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Advice My girlfriend says she hates men… but I’m a man.

The observation that a person is constantly apologizing is definitely a recognized symptom of victim of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.

Physical abuse heals. ... But that emotional sh#t ... is what makes one mental.

These apologies actually become a survival mechanism, even when the victim is not at fault.

Your experience of having to apologize for something someone else caused, especially from a relationship or when marrying into a difficult family dynamic, is a very classic sign of manipulation.
 

Surviving abuse can leave deep emotional scars. One typical behavior observed in survivors is the tendency to ' over apologize.'

Having to always say ' I'm sorry ' for something an abuser caused in the first place.

This habit is not merely a reflection of politeness or a desire to maintain Harmony.

It is a complex response shaped by the Dynamics of abuse.

Here are some reasons why those abused tend to over apologize.

CONDITIONED GUILT
THE DESIRE TO AVOID CONFLICT
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
THE FEAR OF REJECTION
SEEKING VALIDATION
INTERNALIZED CRITICISM
TRAUMA RESPONSE
 
The last one. Trauma response.

Have you noticed how some people are overly critical of themselves and always say sorry. This tendency often stems from surviving abuse.

Living with abuse means enduring constant criticism and impossibly high expectations. The abusers Relentless reproaches become deeply embedded in the survivor's psyche.

And as time passes survivors internalize this criticism. They start believing the negative narratives spun by the games abuse plays.

Victims become their own harshest critics frequently apologizing to themselves and others it's as if they hear the abuse voice in their mind.

Yeah, We care, but they sincerely do not. At all whatsoever.

With the abused having to critique every action. Imagine feeling like you can never meet expectations. This is the harsh reality for survivors of abuse.

Their apologies aren't always about admitting fault. They're A coping mechanism against Relentless criticism.

So breaking the cycle and understanding and the reasons behind ' over apologizing ' is a first step toward healing in the survivors of abuse.

Abuse must and can benefit from learning healthy mindset and strategies.
 
Therapy.

Professional counseling can help address the deep-seated issues stemming from abuse.
And offering tools to rebuild self-esteem and establish boundaries. Healthy ones !! The one's that actually feel good !!!!!!!!!!
( The ones that actually are the right thing to do. The behavior for good health. )

Self-awareness.

Recognizing the tendency to over apologize and understanding its roots can Empower victims to change this Behavior.

Self-compassion.

Learning to be kind to oneself and acknowledging that they are not to blame for the abuse can help in reducing the urge to apologize unnecessarily.

Building support networks.

Surrounding oneself with supporting and understanding individuals can provide a sense of safety and validation helping to diminish the Reliance on apologies for reassurance.

And/Or learning how not to ' act out.'

Recovering from abuse is a challenging Journey but with time and support survivors can reclaim their sense of self-worth and break free from the cycle of ' over apologizing.'
 
Psychological patterns lead individuals who have been abused to ' over apologize.'

Abuse can really be a form of emotional manipulation that can have lasting scars on a person's self-esteem and behavior.

And abuse does tend to erode a victims' sense of self worth and the resulting tendency to excessively apologize for things that are not their fault.

This dynamic is crucial for both survivors and those who support them in their journey to healing.
 
Mechanisms of gaslighting and blame shifting are common strategies by abusers to maintain control.

Victims often internalize these manipulative tactics, leading them to believe that they are always at fault.

This constant state of self-doubt and guilt does manifest in frequent apologies, even when unwarranted.

Over apologizing tends to serve as guilt to avoid conflict and potential insincere games and potential punishment from the abuser, headlining the complex interplay between fear and self-preservation.

Finding advice for ways to break the cycle of over-apologizing is a way to find one's own ' voice.' And recognizing this sign and all of the abuse signs help to understand this impact.

Understanding this can begin to rebuild survivors self-confidence and establish healthier boundaries.

And learning tips on how to practice self-compassion, assertiveness, and the importance of professional help when needed.

Shedding light on this often overlooked aspect of abuse can empower victims to move forward with strength and resilience.

Encourage yourself to comment what you think with your very ' own ' voice and new learned healthier and productive ' voice.'

#################################
 
it's all a game with small little subtle behaviors that all lead up to this.

It's all fine and wonderful in the honeymoon phase ... until the real truth finally creeps up.

The hard cold fact of realization at some point or another. When one doesn't know the difference.

And then is when you finally know ..... when you are in too deep.



It's all very sad. And possibly detrimental and tragic !!





Have a safety plan !
 
kiely said:
The observation that a person is constantly apologizing is definitely a recognized symptom of victim of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.

Physical abuse heals. ... But that emotional sh#t ... is what makes one mental.

These apologies actually become a survival mechanism, even when the victim is not at fault.

Your experience of having to apologize for something someone else caused, especially from a relationship or when marrying into a difficult family dynamic, is a very classic sign of manipulation.
Click to expand...
I have literally apologized for breathing air.

I’d apologize for his bad day at work .. as if I caused that somehow. If I hadn’t made him so angry, he would’ve had a much more productive day.

My head is exploding right now.
 
........ And writing a ' book '

That btw is supposed to be helping us heal now ..... from their Power and Control tactics.


That they ' live ' and thrive for. ' They must always win !!!! '

Oh .... and they will. Because it is what they live for. And I do mean their entire life.

They get what they want when they want it. They will stop at NOTHING. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That's somehow love ?????????????????????? :unsure:

No it's what we owe them. They don't owe us.


And they are sneaky. Once they gotcha ... they won't quit.
 
pixies+ said:
I have literally apologized for breathing air.
Click to expand...
Wow yea, me too. I’ve basically had to apologize for merely existing sometimes. When growing up in an abusive household as a little kid, had to apologize from little things like needing food and shelter all the way to God forbid getting hurt and having to go to the hospital. I got SCREAMED at when I was a little girl and broke my leg. I was outside playing with the neighborhood kids and fell really hard down this staircase. A neighbor brought me home and layed me down on the couch. When my mother came home later that night she screamed at me for it and refused to bring me to the hospital and went to bed. I’ll never forget that night, having to drag myself back and forth on the floor all night from the couch to the bathroom to keep throwing up because I was in pain and I think my body was in shock. The next morning one of my uncles happened to come over and saw me on the couch and my leg and brought me to the hospital, so I was finally able to get treatment and a cast put on it.

Unfortunately as I got older trying to escape the abusive childhood I ended up getting with older abusive men thinking they were going to ‘save me’. Wish I knew then what I know now.

But yea …. Wow @kiely thats so so true about the apologizing thing.

Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to start talking about myself here and derail the thread … *Oh gosh here I am apologizing again!*

Anyways, sending out so much love to everyone out there that’s been through abuse.

And OP … I genuinely am sorry for derailing your thread here.

Anyways,

@pnillyg I hope you’re doing well as I’m writing this and hope therapy goes well. But do know that we got your back here amigo and come back as much as you need to talk & sort this through. I’m wishing the best for you.

Also if you are interested in getting a puppy or kitten. I adopted a kitten a couple years ago and it’s been one of the best, healing experiences I’ve found so far. Unconditional love and bond in a way that I couldn’t even explain.

Okay I won’t keep going on here lol

Sending love, hope and hugs 💜
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
Wow yea, me too. I’ve basically had to apologize for merely existing sometimes. When growing up in an abusive household as a little kid, had to apologize from little things like needing food and shelter all the way to God forbid getting hurt and having to go to the hospital. I got SCREAMED at when I was a little girl and broke my leg. I was outside playing with the neighborhood kids and fell really hard down this staircase. A neighbor brought me home and layed me down on the couch. When my mother came home later that night she screamed at me for it and refused to bring me to the hospital and went to bed. I’ll never forget that night, having to drag myself back and forth on the floor all night from the couch to the bathroom to keep throwing up because I was in pain and I think my body was in shock. The next morning one of my uncles happened to come over and saw me on the couch and my leg and brought me to the hospital, so I was finally able to get treatment and a cast put on it.

Unfortunately as I got older trying to escape the abusive childhood I ended up getting with older abusive men thinking they were going to ‘save me’. Wish I knew then what I know now.

But yea …. Wow @kiely thats so so true about the apologizing thing.

Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to start talking about myself here and derail the thread … *Oh gosh here I am apologizing again!*

Anyways, sending out so much love to everyone out there that’s been through abuse.

And OP … I genuinely am sorry for derailing your thread here.

Anyways,

@pnillyg I hope you’re doing well as I’m writing this and hope therapy goes well. But do know that we got your back here amigo and come back as much as you need to talk & sort this through. I’m wishing the best for you.

Also if you are interested in getting a puppy or kitten. I adopted a kitten a couple years ago and it’s been one of the best, healing experiences I’ve found so far. Unconditional love and bond in a way that I couldn’t even explain.

Okay I won’t keep going on here lol

Sending love, hope and hugs 💜
Click to expand...
Never apologize for being exactly who you are. You’re such a beautiful person. Im so fucking sorry you’ve been so badly hurt by the people that were supposed to guard your life with theirs.

You could’ve turned into stone. But you haven’t. Because that’s not who you are.

Youre here on this earth to be the hug so many girls/women need. At your own pace.. of course. But you’ll get exactly where you need to get because… you have to. I feel like you already know this you just don’t have the confidence to say it out loud with certainty yet.

You will. And until you get there, you have people on this site that believe in you.

We’re all rooting for you. 💜

Im so happy you made it out alive and you’re on “this” side of things.

💜💜💜💜💜
 
pixies+ said:
Never apologize for being exactly who you are. You’re such a beautiful person. Im so fucking sorry you’ve been so badly hurt by the people that were supposed to guard your life with theirs.

You could’ve turned into stone. But you haven’t. Because that’s not who you are.

Youre here on this earth to be the hug so many girls/women need. At your own pace.. of course. But you’ll get exactly where you need to get because… you have to. I feel like you already know this you just don’t have the confidence to say it out loud with certainty yet.

You will. And until you get there, you have people on this site that believe in you.

We’re all rooting for you. 💜

Im so happy you made it out alive and you’re on “this” side of things.

💜💜💜💜💜
Click to expand...
Oh my gosh, thank you so much
💜
Wow that was such a kind thing to say, I appreciate your words more than you know. You’re a very beautiful person as well and I’m also so glad that you’ve survived the things you have as well. We’re still here amiga, must be for a reason huh
Sending you a big hug 🌺💜
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
We’re still here amiga, must be for a reason huh
Click to expand...
Can’t be for shits and giggles. I don’t believe that for a second.

We’ve never met, we’ve only interacted through this site.. but I have so much love for you. So much. Maybe that sounds silly.. I don’t really care to be honest. We’d all be in a better place if people were a little more kind to the people around them.

Whenever I go somewhere I try to find some small way to compliment a stranger. Just simple things. Why not.

Take care of you… the rest will come.
I know you’ve been working really hard to overcome horrifying things in your life. You’re a victim. But that doesn’t have to be the thing that defines you. I know you know this.. sometimes it’s just nice to have little reminders 💜 I’m sending you a gigantic hug.
 
pixies+ said:
Can’t be for shits and giggles. I don’t believe that for a second.

We’ve never met, we’ve only interacted through this site.. but I have so much love for you. So much. Maybe that sounds silly.. I don’t really care to be honest. We’d all be in a better place if people were a little more kind to the people around them.

Whenever I go somewhere I try to find some small way to compliment a stranger. Just simple things. Why not.

Take care of you… the rest will come.
I know you’ve been working really hard to overcome horrifying things in your life. You’re a victim. But that doesn’t have to be the thing that defines you. I know you know this.. sometimes it’s just nice to have little reminders 💜 I’m sending you a gigantic hug.
Click to expand...
Aw oh my gosh, I meant to write this back to you last night but …. (long story :weeeeeee:)
Nothing you wrote sounded silly at all. Quite beautiful actually and I have lots of love for you too Mamacita. Honestly thank you, your words genuinely mean more than you even know. Thank you for being you and being here, you’re an angel.
Sending you a very big hug 💕💜💜
 
@pnillyg

You’re in a relationship that’s going to suck your soul dry. Get the fuck away from her. Work on yourself. Once you’re in a better place… you’ll attract healthier people.

My words don’t really mean anything. I understand this. You’re going to have to figure all this shit out the hard way. Maybe that’s for the best… though I wish you’d save yourself from all the heartache that’s going to come with staying with this person.

I wish I would’ve listened to the people who were screaming at me to leave the last relationship I was in. My life would be wildly different.. for the better.


Your path is yours.

Someday.. you’ll see.

Take care of yourself and stay safe.
❤️
 
OP you're literally medicating yourself in order to cope with being around someone who is dragging you down - sounds like a lose-lose scenario

There's no need for me to add to other's observations here - but it's 100% clear that this relationship is terrible for your wellbeing

Life's far, far to short to be throwing it away mate. Your call though ofc - best wishes.
 
All I can tell you is that one day while out shopping, I realized I was SCARED to go home. So essentially I made myself homeless and since I had done so, I wasn't even able to access emergency accomodation.

But it was STILL preferable to the alternative.

So don't let things get so bad that walking away in the moment becomes not possible, not likely, but intvitable. Have somewhere to go. DO NOT let your partner know as experince has taught me that they do not give up and WILL rerport you as missing failing to mention that in fact they were the reason you left. They WILL persue if only so in leter years they can tell people that they were the one who decided. I don't know why someone would do that... but they DO.

Stash cash, clothing and other essentials even if it's lust a locker somewhere. Keep some cash on you because then, when it happens (as it will), your ready to go.

If only I had told me that twenty three years ago.
 
toxic people feed off your vulnerabilities.
It’s how they stay energized.

Do not allow yourself to be the host for these parasitic fuckers.

Nothing you do or say will ever be good enough. The goal posts aren’t real. There’s no reasoning with these individuals.

Some people can’t be saved. They don’t want to be. Wish these people well and move the fuck on with your life.

Save yourself my friend. Save your heart. Save your sanity.
 
Without drugs my final relation and marriage would have either killed me,
or left me even more damaged for life-long, then already.



Maybe there some thing s in the Vid that need some in depth exploration.
But in a nutshell, better would i have known this on forehand.
As it has so many cross-point s with what i went true, and my Male view.
On it, that was further from the truth then, but after watching real close.

Feel like i been fooled by nature. Well who to blame, the victim s obvious.
The off-spring. Neither woman or man are to blame. But why ?
 
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