So recently my girlfriend and I have been having some issues. This started when the election happened and since we have political views I was deemed the reason for everything wrong with this world. That’s a whole nother story I’ll link the thread here: https://www.bluelight.org/community/threads/girlfriend-won’t-have-sex-with-me-since-trump-won….942862/
So what is happening most recently as I’ve found my addiction to not be resolving due to my lack of ability to leave a relationship that isn’t good for either of us. She has an eating disorder and in a drug addict. The problem is I’ve been working on myself for 7 years (therapy, TMS, detox, rehab, ibogaine, other guided psychedelic experiences, kambo, you name it I’ve done it, more than once). The problem I see is that she is in denial. Last week she came to me and asked for help but then told me she’s perfect and can do no wrong and she even asked her parents and they agreed. Her relationship with her parents is nothing I’ve ever seen before I’m kinda jealous sometimes because she truly believes she can do no wrong but at the same time I’m happy how I was raised because of many reasons (I can take a punch). Anyways. She recently has been expressing to me how much she hates men and has always hated men and thinks they’re disgusting creatures and women don’t need them especially now that we have technology. Not sure what to do with that information as I am a male. The fighting is becoming too much and my addiction is getting worse. I’m not using more than I ever had but that being said I’m using a lot of different things to cope with the emotional warfare. She’s constantly threatening to hurt herself and recently began hitting herself in the face when she gets mad. Which scares me because I’ve never touched a woman unless it was in a kind loving way of course I’m trying to say I’d never hurt a woman. I love women and I believe behind every good man is a better woman. But what I am saying is that given her past with sort of framing me and others in odd ways I’m worried one of these times something bad could happen. Not that I would do anything at all of course but it worries me when she gets all riled up and starts drinking and throwing stuff or hitting herself that it could turn into something it isn’t. Sorry she just came home drunk at 4am when she said she would be home by 9-10. The other week she told me that if I didn’t like something she was wearing to express that to her cause she wants me to speak my truth. So tonight before she left she walked out in a skirt that I could see her ass and vagina in it was like above her vagina that’s how short it was so I said to her “you’re not wearing that right” and she giggled and went back in her room to finish getting ready. She then came back out 45 minutes later in the same outfit and I said have fun with your friends “I hope you have a great night night you didn’t change?” She said oh I though you were joking I’ll go grab a change of clothes and change there. She then came home in what she left in waking me up at 4am when the reason I didn’t go was because I’m working at 8am. She then said some incredibly mean and rude things to me as she always does when she’s drunk (I don’t drink but I use drugs for sure, alcohol just not for me) basically saying I’m out of my mind if I think for one second I can have input on what she’s wearing and how could I make her feel fat and unfit before she went out. There’s a lot going on in my relationship but I’d love some advice. Please ask questions if you need more details in just so alone. Since we have started dating she’s so controlling in what I can and can’t dk which can and can’t see and I’m the opposite so I’ve basically been a hermit for 2 years doing copious amounts of drugs (ketamine, benzos, opiates etc) just to be on around her. She lives in my house so all I have to do is tell her to leave but I’m not good at ending relationships and I hold onto hope when it may not even be there. I’ve been trying to taper meds which I’ve successfully done yesterday but since this morning I’m almost at my daily max so I hope I can stay on track. Thank you for reading and if I think of anything else I’ll add it but that’s all for now fam.
So what is happening most recently as I’ve found my addiction to not be resolving due to my lack of ability to leave a relationship that isn’t good for either of us. She has an eating disorder and in a drug addict. The problem is I’ve been working on myself for 7 years (therapy, TMS, detox, rehab, ibogaine, other guided psychedelic experiences, kambo, you name it I’ve done it, more than once). The problem I see is that she is in denial. Last week she came to me and asked for help but then told me she’s perfect and can do no wrong and she even asked her parents and they agreed. Her relationship with her parents is nothing I’ve ever seen before I’m kinda jealous sometimes because she truly believes she can do no wrong but at the same time I’m happy how I was raised because of many reasons (I can take a punch). Anyways. She recently has been expressing to me how much she hates men and has always hated men and thinks they’re disgusting creatures and women don’t need them especially now that we have technology. Not sure what to do with that information as I am a male. The fighting is becoming too much and my addiction is getting worse. I’m not using more than I ever had but that being said I’m using a lot of different things to cope with the emotional warfare. She’s constantly threatening to hurt herself and recently began hitting herself in the face when she gets mad. Which scares me because I’ve never touched a woman unless it was in a kind loving way of course I’m trying to say I’d never hurt a woman. I love women and I believe behind every good man is a better woman. But what I am saying is that given her past with sort of framing me and others in odd ways I’m worried one of these times something bad could happen. Not that I would do anything at all of course but it worries me when she gets all riled up and starts drinking and throwing stuff or hitting herself that it could turn into something it isn’t. Sorry she just came home drunk at 4am when she said she would be home by 9-10. The other week she told me that if I didn’t like something she was wearing to express that to her cause she wants me to speak my truth. So tonight before she left she walked out in a skirt that I could see her ass and vagina in it was like above her vagina that’s how short it was so I said to her “you’re not wearing that right” and she giggled and went back in her room to finish getting ready. She then came back out 45 minutes later in the same outfit and I said have fun with your friends “I hope you have a great night night you didn’t change?” She said oh I though you were joking I’ll go grab a change of clothes and change there. She then came home in what she left in waking me up at 4am when the reason I didn’t go was because I’m working at 8am. She then said some incredibly mean and rude things to me as she always does when she’s drunk (I don’t drink but I use drugs for sure, alcohol just not for me) basically saying I’m out of my mind if I think for one second I can have input on what she’s wearing and how could I make her feel fat and unfit before she went out. There’s a lot going on in my relationship but I’d love some advice. Please ask questions if you need more details in just so alone. Since we have started dating she’s so controlling in what I can and can’t dk which can and can’t see and I’m the opposite so I’ve basically been a hermit for 2 years doing copious amounts of drugs (ketamine, benzos, opiates etc) just to be on around her. She lives in my house so all I have to do is tell her to leave but I’m not good at ending relationships and I hold onto hope when it may not even be there. I’ve been trying to taper meds which I’ve successfully done yesterday but since this morning I’m almost at my daily max so I hope I can stay on track. Thank you for reading and if I think of anything else I’ll add it but that’s all for now fam.
