Need Help Struggling Without My Daughter

[pixies+]

You are really, hitting some pinpoints. only one thing you mentioned.
But in the end made it worse, get 'so called' childcare involved.
My ex instigated it so it was not my choice, but 8 of the 9.
Stated i am a danger for my kid s, when i asked why i got no reply.

One 'Safe Home' was on my side, but that had no effect on the outcome.

They where based on 2 false notification s to the cop s by my ex.
Found this out by asking up my files, no one told btw. I am officially a drunk driver.

Without license, car, intent or evidence and a stalker,
meaning i threatened to kill my ex ? That is governmental bureau-crazy.
Found it out the hard way, standing for my ex house and being sent away.
It was Daddy weekend. Not, 2 weeks earlier was the last, now its 10 year s.
LATER.

So Law s are broken as well as Children right s, my right s.
And nothing i could do as it would bring my kid s in possible more danger.
They could possibly be put under state care,
and two fines for my ex, So i choose to stay the bad guy. For my kid s.

I pamper my ex, relax and try to never act on her mental attack s.
Which is hard, even being there is, And i always s help her.
Despite knowing she fucked my kid s and me.

Vise versa she does nothing she is obliged too, and gets away with it.

I’m sorry that happened to you. Truly. Like… my heart hurts for anyone that has ever had their children taken from them.

Also… what my ex did wasn’t the wrong thing .. it was just to and extent that I really didn’t see the necessity. Why strip every right if he came to my house begging me to get help? - AFTER I had asked for help. It was so he would look good in court. It wasn’t because he cared about me. I wasn’t able to look after my little girl during those periods. I wasn’t able to make choices that would keep her safe. I was a full blown addict in full blown addiction. I NEEDED supervision for some time. I don’t hate him for that. He had to do what was right. And he did. It’s what came after that is what was unnecessary I suppose. Maybe to someone else they’d feel he did every single thing right.

Im just one person. My opinions don’t really matter.

Just to be clear, I was never suggesting to get CPS involved… ever.. if one can help it.

Only for him to document his recovery/mental health “wins”, or whatever that looks like for him to prove he’s stable and able to take care of his child.

I’m sorry for your pain. I’ve seen you speak about this many times… so it’s obvious it tears you apart. For whatever it’s worth, I have a lot of empathy for anyone who has had their children wrongfully taken out of their lives.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I’m sorry that happened to you. Truly. Like… my heart hurts for anyone that has ever had their children taken from them.

Also… what my ex did wasn’t the wrong thing .. it was just to and extent that I really didn’t see the necessity. Why strip every right if he came to my house begging me to get help? - AFTER I had asked for help. It was so he would look good in court. It wasn’t because he cared about me. I wasn’t able to look after my little girl during those periods. I wasn’t able to make choices that would keep her safe. I was a full blown addict in full blown addiction. I NEEDED supervision for some time. I don’t hate him for that. He had to do what was right. And he did. It’s what came after that is what was unnecessary I suppose. Maybe to someone else they’d feel he did every single thing right.

Im just one person. My opinions don’t really matter.

Your opinion does matter, and as long as their is no neglect, abuse.
Kid s need contact, without adult s playing games, with both their parent s.
But i am a Dad and my intuition says, they definitely need their Mom more.
Personal experience.

The reason i nor my family ever, did anything that could reveal the situation to the.
'So Called' childcare organisation s, we have 9 atm. I consider 8 enemy's.
And that s leaving out the Police and Municipality,
Who don t abide the Law as well here.
Ridiculous, 9. But proper schooling for kid s rare. Or non existent.

Sounds as ´lost his mind', but this was first-hand inside info,
from my then Belgian psychologist of this island s mental health care.

And confirmed after, as i always s ask up my files filled with lies
So its obvious money industry. And personal privacy a wax nose.
The Police, Mental-industry and Landlord share info.
So what privacy Law ?
Only on paper

Just to be clear, I was never suggesting to get CPS involved… ever.. if one can help it.

Only for him to document his recovery/mental health “wins”, or whatever that looks like for him to prove he’s stable and able to take care of his child.

I’m sorry for your pain. I’ve seen you speak about this many times… so it’s obvious it tears you apart. For whatever it’s worth, I have a lot of empathy for anyone who has had their children wrongfully taken out of their lives.

Not my pain, i am in it OK. Appreciated, much love, but the kids are the real victim s.
I feel more sorry that your kids miss you, imo unacceptable.

Anecdotal: Back in the day, my ex her Dad got addicted to Heroine during/ after.
The divorce ?, my ex att slept in a one person bed with a WD-ing Dad.
With several other WD-ers. And its a fond memory for her.
Now that is not gonna happen they abandoned that humane kinda working.

Even her Dad felt uncomfortable, which i get.
In WD your probably wasted, but when using makes one,
not per-see a unfit parent. Some are heard story s, but i wasn t.
Just used it as doping, did more then i would normal be capable,
while my ex was lying down doing nada.

You were open about it.You wrote 'i can t take care of em atm'.
That is a well thought thing, not neglect. Hon-oust.
To bad its often not perceived like that, and there is no follow up.

Tomorrow, might i cry i ll cry for you too, eMKee

 

[pixies+]

You were open about it.You wrote 'i can t take care of em atm'.
That is a well thought thing, not neglect. Hon-oust.
To bad its often not perceived like that,

Yes. I shouldn’t be patted on the back for that… though I really do appreciate where you’re coming from and I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you for that. I guess I just feel like it should never have happened in the first place and the shame I feel from that overpowers everything.

Tomorrow, might i cry i ll cry for you too, eMKee

Don’t cry for me… I don’t deserve the tears. trust me. Again, I appreciate you even having that thought.

Also, I’m sorry your kids have been so horribly hurt. It’s just so … there’s no words really.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Yes. I shouldn’t be patted on the back for that… though I really do appreciate where you’re coming from and I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you for that. I guess I just feel like it should never have happened in the first place and the shame I feel from that overpowers everything.

Don’t cry for me… I don’t deserve the tears. trust me. Again, I appreciate you even having that thought.

Also, I’m sorry your kids have been so horribly hurt. It’s just so … there’s no words really.

Let s hope it not to bad [the kid s],
i won t cry for you, but imo you do deserve my tear s, its not about trust.

Its, how would call it, humanity/ support/ unity. PLUR
What everyone deserves a 2-nd. 3-rd-4-th ... indefinte, chance.

Why are you so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes.
No need to tell them to me, but that is life. And imo anything is one.
So you are also part of me, Men i haven t even taken LSD.

You hit my emotion nerve, probably.

 

[pixies+]

Its, how would call it, humanity/ support/ unity. PLUR
What everyone deserves a 2-nd. 3-rd-4-th ... indefinte, chance

I dearly appreciate what you’re saying. I “preach” the same… and I mean everything I say when I say people deserve love and to be heard. I’m just so fucking awful at being kind to myself.

Why are you so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes

Because I know better. I knew better. But I chose to make bad choices. To me … I feel that’s harder to forgive.

People that genuinely do not know any better… and some people genuinely don’t know what’s going on.. I have more sympathy for those people in many ways than I ever could for myself. I dunno.. So many people are victims of circumstance. They were never taught certain things. That’s not their fault for not knowing… I dunno. The world is so complicated. Maybe I sound like a fucking asshole. I’m sure I often do.

You hit my emotion nerve, probably.

I’d say sorry but that’s often a good thing.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Man, I feel for you. What you’ve been through for ten years is hell. I’ve only been dealing with this for a short time and it’s already ripping me apart.

If possible keep it as short possible, all those lost year s the Daddy bi weekend s.
My kid s hated that we parted obvious. But that stopped about 6 year s ago.

End result, i don t really know if i know my kid s anymore,
even the fact they hug and love me. Is a surprise for me.
As they not actively call me, they too young for that.

Then again everything i did to prevent it, worked against me.
What does work, and too loosen this heavy thread, that feels like Lead.
Lick your ex her or his ass, metaphorically. I do my best.

And you will slip up, so if your ex is like mine, have a plan b, c and e.
D is the first letter of my ex her name. So excluded of the plan scene.

 

[pixies+]

Man, I feel for you. What you’ve been through for ten years is hell. I’ve only been dealing with this for a short time and it’s already ripping me apart.


Last night I was lying in bed, can’t eat, can’t sleep, just drowning in it. A picture of me and my little girl popped up in my memories and I broke down. I told myself, I’m not going to just sit here and let her think her dad gave up.


This morning I went to her mom’s house. I could hear my little girl inside yelling, “Daddy’s here! Daddy’s here!” I told her I loved her through the door and asked if she could come give me a hug. Her mom refused.


I sat in my car crying until her mom sent me a complete lie about being “scared” of me — total BS. I told her straight, “I’m not leaving until I can hug my daughter.” She called the cops. They showed up and, like always, the father’s automatically the bad guy. One cop even admitted he could see she was using my daughter as a pawn. The other threatened to arrest me for trespassing. Then she actually went through with trespassing me from the house — nine years together and she’s never pulled that stunt until now.


Then I heard banging on the window. My little girl was waving and blowing me kisses. I broke down in front of everyone. I begged the cops to ask her mom to let her come out. She finally did. I hugged my little girl tight. She whispered, “Dad, where’s my coloring book?” from the last time we saw each other. I gave it to her and she lit up like Christmas.


She misses me — I know she does. And here’s the part that makes me sick: her mom is actively trying to cut me out of her life, even though she grew up without a dad herself and knows exactly how much that pain can ruin a kid. She’s doing to our daughter the very thing that scarred her. That’s not just wrong — that’s cold, calculated cruelty.

I’m so fucking sorry.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Inserting this, posted by deficiT about broken heart s. It gets real hardcore.
At 30/ 50 secs, DnB like, but the MCs lyrics striking with the topic.

Maybe some relief, worked for me. temp. don t click if you wanna relax.

its uptempo party. Weird but when in pain music work s as a distraction.
But only the music you like. So better choose what suits you.

https://www.bluelight.org/community...-bass-bins-im-tellin-yah.648873/post-16230748

 

[gymguy30]

Hey dude, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Trust me when I say I know the pain you’re feeling.

And this is coming from the female side of things.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life. I suppose I always will. Hopefully, they get less harmful. They largely have since I stopped the hard shit and got sober. But then I started taking mushrooms. Even mushrooms are starting to become addictive. Because I’m trying so hard not to shove drugs in my veins, I’m trying to escape my own mind however I possibly can. But this is ridiculous and I know it. Im not doing myself or anyone else any favours. I’m not being a productive human being. I am being a piece of shit. Im not who or where I need to be. Not for me, not for my beautiful little girl. Boo hoo. Grow the fuck up “pixies”.

My ex has “taken” my daughter from me twice. I currently have zero rights as a mother. My little girl is 9. She doesn’t remember most of what has happened… she’s aware I’ve been “sick” a lot (depressed/or what she was told when I was in active addiction). She loves and adores me. Why.. I’m not sure I can figure that out right now. I can’t see clearly. Can’t feel properly.

Even though I have no rights and on paper - court ordered - I’m supposed to be supervised by my parents - she’s with me 4/7 days and is with me for the entire summer because she hates her dad. She hates being in that house. Never wants to go back. She agrees to see him for a couple hours a week. Poor child needs professional help… but i csnt make that decision. Makes me ill knowing I can’t help the way I should be allowed to.. considering who she wants to be with and who makes her feel safe. It’s not him.
Due to my inability to crawl out of my own ass, she’s been staying with my parents for the most part for the last month. We live very close… so it’s not like I’m not seeing her… but it’s not what should be happening. I don’t feel good about this. Makes me sick to admit when I know there are people who would give their left arm to see their child(ren). I just don’t have the energy inside my body right now. I’m very angry with myself for being such a selfish cunt. I’ve not been well the way I should be in too long. It’s all taking a toll. There’s been a lot of trauma over the last 3 years and counting. Doesn’t excuse my excuses though.

Her dad doesn’t want me well. He wants me dead and out of the picture. It’s a harsh truth I’m very aware of. If I admit I need help, I’ll be ostracized and more will be taken from me. So I have to suffer in silence to a large degree. I always have to hide. I’m always lying to myself and to everyone around me in my physical life.

He tells our daughter I’m jealous of him. I swear to whatever god is out there that I am not jealous of that arrogant cunt. I just want our daughter to be healthy. I’d love to co-parent with him in a healthy way even if that means we don’t actually speak. It would be better than what’s happening now.
Both families are being destroyed by his arrogance and “narcissism”… and my inability to make the necessary changes that will put me on a better path. We are to blame in our own individual ways. But right now, one of us has been doing more harm than the other. Right now… that’s him. I’m slipping though.

I’ve been begging for her to get help for close to two years now. She started saying she hated him close to 3 years ago. Not good stuff. But he called me a liar. Called his own wife a liar. He could not believe that she felt that way about him or that HE could’ve been the reason for her unhappiness - I’m the easy one to blame. I always will be. And you know what? That sucks. And it isn’t fair. But I need to believe that our child will grow up and understand that we’re all complicated… I may not have been a perfect parent, but I loved her to the best of my ability. I’d die for her happiness. I’d die for her any day. That’s not the point though. The point is to fight for her. Stay and fight. Pull up my big girl pants and get on with it.

I don’t know the reason behind why your wife did this. That’s not mine to know. My best advice would be to start seeking out any form of help from professionals that you can.

If you’re close with your pharmacist, ask them for a reference letter of sorts. Do you always pick your meds up on time? Are you a pleasant person when you’re there? Etc.

Do this with everyone you can think of. The more evidence you have that you’re on the straight and narrow, and you’re not some raging fucking asshole that is dangerous for your daughters well being, the better things will be when or if you do ever have to go to court.

It may take time. But never give up. Never. Know your lane… know when you need to back off.. you feel me? Don’t be overbearing. Don’t antagonize. Don’t do anything that would give your wife ammunition - as hard as that may be.

Life is fucking weird. It’s full of surprises. It’s full of tragedy. But it can also be full of the best of the best… you know the feelings. They’re better than any drug can offer.

I’m a fairly negative person lately. I’m stuck in the blame game. Blaming everyone for my own fucking misery. I know what I’m doing and I can see it… I’m just having a very hard time getting myself out of it and being the healthy human I need to be. Not just for me… but for my daughter, my parents, and whatever future I hope to have.

Please do better than me. Please hold your head high. Find the power within. Summon whatever strength you have from every cell in your body and Get. Shit. Done.

You’ll thank yourself later. So will your baby girl. I’m willing to bet your wife will thank you too, even if that comes to an end. You’re a survivor. We all are. Anyone who is choosing to be here to fight another day - even if they’re only able to get as far as brushing their teeth - that is survival. We don’t have to be here. We choose to be here. Choose better choices - even if that doesn’t feel like a fair statement to you and your situation right now. I hope you understand where I’m coming from.

Please, be well

If possible keep it as short possible, all those lost year s the Daddy bi weekend s.
My kid s hated that we parted obvious. But that stopped about 6 year s ago.

End result, i don t really know if i know my kid s anymore,
even the fact they hug and love me. Is a surprise for me.
As they not actively call me, they too young for that.

Then again everything i did to prevent it, worked against me.
What does work, and too loosen this heavy thread, that feels like Lead.
Lick your ex her or his ass, metaphorically. I do my best.

And you will slip up, so if your ex is like mine, have a plan b, c and e.
D is the first letter of my ex her name. So excluded of the plan scene.

After everything that happened yesterday, I had a family member she actually likes reach out to her. He told her what this is doing to me — how it’s tearing me apart — but also how it’s hurting our little girl even more. That’s the part that kills me the most. He reminded her I’m not here to cause trouble, I’m not here to make her life harder… I just want my time with my daughter like any good dad should.



Earlier that day she texted me saying she was “afraid” of me and for the safety of her and her kids. But when my relative told her all I want is to see my daughter and have fair rights, she said she had no problem with me having my time — just that she wants a mediator involved. I don’t care about that. I’ll jump through whatever hoops I have to. I just want to be in my little girl’s life.



I’ll admit, at least having it in a text shows she’s not actually scared of me being around my little girl — like she claimed earlier — which was just a made-up lie anyway. But man… the games, the back-and-forth, and knowing my daughter’s caught in the middle — it’s breaking me day by day.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

After everything that happened yesterday, I had a family member she actually likes reach out to her. He told her what this is doing to me — how it’s tearing me apart — but also how it’s hurting our little girl even more. That’s the part that kills me the most. He reminded her I’m not here to cause trouble, I’m not here to make her life harder… I just want my time with my daughter like any good dad should.

My mother does exactly that, she is the middle man, often.
In my contact between me my ex and my kid s.
Catalyst and stimulates me too do seek contact, frequently. She is Neutral.
[a undiagnosed Autist, alway s remind s me lookin at my Mom]

Meaning hard on me, i may not curse certain not about my ex and with curses.
And of course that is true, most shit she busts is kakalawaka. But not everything.
Some actual wisdom, like a mirror Ma for self-reflection.

Likewise about Alcohol. She goes 0.0 % on me, another good point.

Earlier that day she texted me saying she was “afraid” of me and for the safety of her and her kids. But when my relative told her all I want is to see my daughter and have fair rights, she said she had no problem with me having my time — just that she wants a mediator involved. I don’t care about that. I’ll jump through whatever hoops I have to. I just want to be in my little girl’s life.

Woman equals from time to time, my ex had me give back her house key.
Reason: she is afraid i d be by her bed-side late night, and slaughter her ?
Bad conscience/ projection ?

I am a hard-core Pacifist, she knows but doubts it too.
My house key, i checked last time still hangs at my handmade key rack.
Might my kid s, get a sudden impulse to visit me.
I said bring the key 'the one with a house hanging on it',
or call on forehand. Might i not be at home.

I’ll admit, at least having it in a text shows she’s not actually scared of me being around my little girl — like she claimed earlier — which was just a made-up lie anyway. But man… the games, the back-and-forth, and knowing my daughter’s caught in the middle — it’s breaking me day by day.

You become a actor, a good one, never say what s on the tip of your tongue.
While manoeuvring true the obvious visually to see minefield your just set foot in.
The ex-es home. I getting good at it, and if Ma available we have a Chaperone.

I am finally over the top. Downhill, feel s way better.

Much love eMKee

 

[definitelynotanofficier]

Damn bro, I feel for you man.

This post hits way too close to home. I got a sibling going through the same situation, where he's not allowed to see or even talk to his daughter at all and this has been going on for 5+ years and counting. Because of that, he develops an addiction which later down the road eventually gets to fent and uses to numb himself about the whole ordeal and is basically surviving at this point. There would be times where he's relatively fine and then all of a sudden he going through it mostly because of a trigger ie: coming across a video of a father and daughter bonding, a pic of his daughter, etc. To see him like this whenever it happens kills me on the inside, makes me feel a huge amount of guilt because I want to help him get his daughter back but I can't (tried before legally and failed) so I do the only thing I can do that he needs at this moment is to comfort him and be there for him, to tell him to keep his head up and give him that reassurance while being his comfort. Don't know if he's doing okay, I hope he is, haven't talked with him for a while.

I don't know if this helps but please try keeping your head up bro despite these hard times, don't let that deteriorate your mind and body and just keep pursuing forward until you get through this hurdle and eventually overcome this dark point in life. I hope this support is the least I can do to help out.

 

[rentedbythehour]

I know I probably need to take legal action, but at this moment, I’m just looking for some support, advice, or to hear from anyone who’s been through this kind of pain.

You definitely need to take legal action so she will have some consequences when she withholds your daughter. I'm not sure where you are, but the court here requires a CO-parenting class that focuses on not getting the kids involved or using them as pawns to hurt each other. I was actually in the position of your ex. We had a court order, parenting plan in place. He wasn't reliable and wouldn't show when he said he would. He had some demons (heroin addict). Even then I would let him see the kids as long as there was a responsible party there. He usually saw them at his grandparents house. He passed in 2017 but he was involved with our kids as much as he was able to be the last few years. They were 17 and 14 when he passed, old enough to make a decision about what they wanted as far as a relationship with him.
As far as advice goes, do whatever you can to see your daughter. File the paperwork in the court. And document everything! Refusal to let you see your kid because your ex is butt hurt is really immature, selfish, and no kid really deserves that. I just hope that the badmouthing you and not letting you see your daughter doesn't affect your relationship with her.
The only way to get thru that pain is to fight to see your kid.