I've been bedridden for 3 days now because I decided to use heroin 5 years ago, and go with it.
I'm trying my best to taper off but it is really challenging. I was using around 2 or 300mg a day of good fuckin raw dope... nice afghan vinegar smelling stuff and #4.
So, I went from that immediately to 60mg a day and now 40mg a day. At first I dosed 20mg every 8 hours and it was hell because I'm used to compulsive dosing every 2 to 3 hours. Now I am moving to every 12 hours because that will be much better for me. It's one step closer to be able to go 24 hours without dope and not experience too much discomfort. I hope I do not puke, dry heave, or shit my pants today like I did when I tried cold turkey (that just was't going to work).
I have a lot of hope this time. This is the third day, why turn back now?
You see, I have so many priorities in life and I can't really afford to waste days like this. It needs to stop. On heroin, I am the ideal version of myself in every way (except for the constipation and sex drive issues). The problem is that when I run out, it is so much fuckin agony that I can't get out of bed. Nothing gives me pleasure for at least ten days due to anhedonia, and trust me, that's a LOT longer than reading a sentence makes it out to be. Suffering that long and then it's still not over at this point. My addiction has progressed to the point that I will be physical sick for at least 2 weeks, more like a month. And after that, it's even worse. You think it's over and then the extreme cravings come, the panic attacks that are immune to benzos, the hardcore insomnia that is so bad it can lead to psychotic symptoms. That's when I broke down last time so I'm trying to go a lot slower this time. I'd rather stay on a lower dose for a long time, than reduce my dose, freak out, and have a total relapse like I did last November. Ever since I've been using raw. I have taken 3 days off with no opiates in that time, actually in the last 5 years it has literally been 3 days without them - but I get sick all the time due to tolerance. I can take like 6 percocets and it's not satisfying at all. Before I did H, I was good with 1 percocet and 10mg oxy would have me flying. Recently, I went through over a gram of oxycodone in 5 days. After trying heroin, which has different effects it's more relaxing, no amount of oxy will satisfy me and I used to love oxy. Same goes for dilaudid although I definitely prefer that one.
So many people end up like this. Can you take 2 weeks off work just to fuckin suffer? No, the world doesn't work that way. And you will always run out at some point.
I guess some people think they won't get addicted but fact of the matter is if you are thinking of trying it you probably have some sort of demons you are trying to escape from. You are likely already ridden with problems and this is the precise candidate for an addict. Also, it took me 18 months to develop severe withdrawals. Of daily hardcore use. It doesn't happen overnight. I hear people tell me they are functional heroin addict but then they say "even after so many months..." and I just smile and nod. Yeah. 6 months in of daily hardcore use of oxy, dilaudid, small bumps of H (my first gram lasted me 6 months), and smoking opium, I still only had 3 days of withdrawal which wasn't bad at all. I could make it to class for example, I wouldn't throw off every priority because I was too sick. People would notice like a girl asked what's wrong with me, something looks wrong. I had been on a 3 week dilaudid binge over the holidays sniffing 32mg a day (I always get good drugs for the holidays lol) and when I came off that, all that happened was I kicked my legs like a fish out of water and rolled around in bed each night for 3 nights. Then during the days I looked like death. It was fuckin nothing, a joke of a withdrawal.
When I want to quit these days it's means a commitment to a month of suffering where I'll pretty much be living to see the next day. After that, it gets even worse and I become severely mentally ill. Seriously why risk it. I look back at who I used to be, a simple pothead growing my dope before I injured my spine and it wasn't enough anymore. Almost brings me to tears. I lost my house, my engineering job and possibly even my career at this point, my car, my girlfriend... I have nothing left. I live in a basement day after day after day alone. It is a miserable life and I'm doing my best to quit. I didn't even realize what I was getting into and I've never used a needle either which is the reason I've never overdosed (luckily) and I'm still alive. So, if you are "just" sniffing heroin don't think you're any better.
today is my 3rd day of using 60mg heroin daily. 20mg every 8 hours. Today, I am trying 20mg every 12 hours. It HAS to stop I am destroying my life and I want money, a career which I deserve with all my education (it doesn't discriminate, if you end up liking the high, you are going to want to do it again, and you'll be fucked). If you're a downer drug person and don't have trouble controlling cocaine or MDMA, that's a big red flag. it means you probably prefer these types of drugs... it's a chill drug, I'd almost compare it to weed if it didn't cause so many fuckin problems years down the road.
I wish I had quit after a year or 2, when the withdrawals were bearable. They still are, I can take the pain, but the first 10 days to 2 weeks are a total write off for me at this point. I don't use subs or methadone, I'm not interested just yet. If you have self control, it doesn't matter what drug you taper with. So I am tapering down with heroin itself. My supply is really consistent in potency which makes this possible.
Anyone suffering from this I feel for you, even the people in life I fucking despise and did horrible things to me, I would NEVER wish this on them. It is something nobody deserves to experience. Be smarter than I was and seriously never try it. The high isn't even that good (well, to me it is because it treats my chronic pain, BPD, panic attacks and social anxiety, ADHD)... it treats everything that's wrong with me so I consider it the perfect high as I'm a functional addict. However, there always come times when I can't get it or I don't have the money and I'm not one to rob or steal so I just suffer through it. The withdrawal is so bad to me that I actually lose the will and desire to get more heroin because I'm too sick to get out of bed. Getting a glass of water becomes a challenge.
Just be smarter than me and regardless of who you are, never try it. If you really need something for your pain, stick to oxycodone or hydromorphone and don't ever IV. I have never iv'd before and that's why I still even have a chance to get better. I truly believe that IV use is the nail on the coffin of an opiate user. I'll NEVER do it. I even have needles around because of course I've been tempted but every single time I choose to be sick over doing that fucking self mutilation. Just thing of your fragile veins. Just the fact that I have considered doing that to myself to avoid withdrawal is completely fucked. Do you think I was thinking about that 5 years ago when 2.5 mg oxy (half a fucking percocet) got me higher than sniffing 20mg of really good heroin does today? Tolerance ruins this drug and so does prohibition. Since you are new and inexperienced, you'll probably end up with some fentanyl analog and not even experience real heroin. I have to throw in the garbage over half of what I get because of that bullshit but I only know good dope because I have 5 years experience and it wasn't so prevalent back then for these fuckers to put fent and shit in their dope. So chances are, you won't even be getting real heroin.
I think I've made my point, but I feel like people coming here have already made up their mind for the most part. I was the same. I read all about heroin on blue light before I used it and ignored all the warning signs, justifying it by my chronic spinal pain. Well, these days I'd gladly take the pain over this fucking garbage of a life. I literally threw everything away and eventually after a few years started spending tens of thousands of dollars a year on opiates. The one thing I am proud of is I resisted the temptation to inject my drugs. I have always sniffed heroin and it isn't much different from sniffing a nice OC 40 or 80 (in Canada), or taking one or two roxicodone if you are in America but those are becoming increasingly counterfeited! Honestly fuck all of this shit. Seriously think about what you are doing. A lot of people DIE, and few people every get better. The recovery rate is abysmal. And don't think you are better than everyone and won't be that one who gets hooked. I don't care who you are it's ALWAYS a risk, so take that into account and also that the high isn't even really that great. I mean, I love the stuff, but it took me a while to really appreciate it. There's nothing better than getting a hit when you're sick... but you have to get addicted to experience that. At first it was wonderful too, but then once you realized you had been fucking yourselfthe whole time, those memories are nots pleasant anymore and are replaced with straight up regret. And this is coming from someone who is treating several mental health issues and also severe chronic pain in my spine for someone as young as me that I've had for 8 years now. I still regret it. If I was "normal" without problems, wow I'd feel like a fuckin dumbass getting into this shit and that happens all the time. People throw their lives away.
I'm going to quit this time. I need support because when I need to pick up more to keep tapering, there is a chance I could fiend it. I'm getting really small amounts of the drug to try and deter that, and also waiting until I am deeper into the withdrawal process. Today is day 3 and it's honestly not THAT bad yet. Although, I took 20mg etizolam haha so my muscles don't hurt so much, and some amphetamine so I have the energy to get out of bed periodically and amphetamine truly does help with withdrawal especially not cold turkey withdrawal but like tapering withdrawal or when you are deeper into the process and not as completely sick out of your mind. I'm not puking, dry heaving, and shitting my pants for days on end and then too sick and weak to shower after ever again so FUCK cold turkey, that's just me. As soon as I have the opportunity to fix I race out and fiend the stuff if I've been in cold turkey for a while. This way, I'm stilll making progress, but I'm still periodically getting a hit. My dosage drop was approximate an abrupt 75% and that's why I'm feeling so shitty. Please wish me luck today is going to be a huge struggle and tomorrow and the next day as well.
Also, you build tolerance really quickly to the respiratory depression of heroin as a self-protection mechanism. New users are very susceptible to overdose, moreso than addicts in my opinion. A lot of people in life have died from their first sniff of this stuff. Hopefully someone will avoid the same dismal fate.
