Nah I understand. I'm pretty concerned too, especially as I can't see a regular doctor for weeks to get the issue sorted out, barring a return to the emergency room if I think I'm dying.
I did look into bupe line. It seems to be regional. There are similar services in my area, though none have an emergency line so it'll be monday morning at the earliest before I hear back. I did leave a message with a few of them explaining the situation. Hopefully even if they don't wanna touch this clusterfuck of a situation, they can point me in the right direction.
And just to follow up real quick, I think I read something about trying Suboxone in one of these posts. If you've taken it before, don't mind me. But in case you haven't, let me tell you how taking a half a strip a day affected my life, and health in general. It gives you a nice little buzz the first time you take it, maybe the second time too. But after that, mentally speaking, you wont feel it at all. I had PTSD when I was on it, and I believe it has some kind of mood stabilizer in it, which was great for me, but at $165 every month just to see a doctor, and then another $60-$100 for the script, depending on how many you wind up needing. They'll give you two strips a day because they know it's extremely hard to get off of. So be aware of that. An everyday heroin IV-er will not need more than one strip a day. So be aware of this. Suboxone is an extremely potent opiate, on par with potent heroine or pure morphine. It doesn't effect your mind, but I gained almost 100 pounds, and I was always tired to the point that I wouldn't even shower after work sometimes, I would just go right to sleep when I got home. I started cutting back to smaller and smaller pieces of the strips, down to a half of a half of a half of a strip and even less. No effect whatsoever. I couldn't lose weight and I always needed to slept all the time, like a junky. I was also very prone to my body overheating and sweating in response to trivial.. not even work, just moving around and bending over and doing easy work added up way faster than it should have. I went to a few doctors and none of them told me about any of this, or warned me. But the worst part about taking Suboxone is when you actually stop taking it. Remember the mood stabilizer I mentioned? It fucked with my head to the point that it brought back all the memories of times I lost jobs or had to stay home back when I was using HEAVILY all those years ago. I never got body aches or chills or nausea, but when I tell you I decided to quit my job and use as much time between starting a new one in order to get off that shit and save my money and try to get back to an acceptable weight, I'm telling you, if i had quit and kept going to work I would have gotten fired for freaking the fuck out on someone, or just walking out because its that kind of tiredness and fatigue that nobody can fight through. It was worse than the drugs I was hooked on, because it allows you to stay sober without the urge to use, which leads to consistency, which leads to more responsibility, to self esteem and then self respect. But I'm warning you brother, when you are finally ready to walk on your own and get off it.. it takes it all back from you. Which can lead to relapse and that's not acceptable. So please man, I'm not preaching, I'm not perfect, it's hard to stop getting high, but I always used drugs as a crutch for other stuff in life too. I tried kratom one time. I didn't like the way it made me feel so I threw the entire bag away after one use. Opiates were the hardest drug for me to learn to live without afterwards. Meth is harder to quit and stick to, for a little bit of time. But if you've ever been hooked on that super lab $20 for 2 grams of shards that one or two puffs will keep you awake for 2 or 3 days, I never met another meth head who didn't secretly want to quit just as bad as I did. Everyone has their own struggles, and I'm sorry this is such a long message, 2 of them in fact.. but I read what you said you're going through bro and I just want you to know the things that I didn't, I want you to be healthy and not worry about having a stroke or heart attack. None of us, as addicts deserve that, even though some of us are technically responsible for declining health due to addiction. But NOBODY deserves the struggle we face as addicts and human beings.
So I want you to hear me loud and clear. Use this opportunity to make the best decision for YOURSELF, not a craving, or emotional crutch, or whatever it may be about. It's just kratom bro, show yourself what you're made of, don't take the easy way out with just another chemical that happens to be legal, because while daily black tar or China white IV'ers are better off with the lesser evil for the sake of their future, I'm kindly reminding you that you're a man, you've been through worse, and to have more courage than I did. I mean this all out of love, that's what blue light is for. Because none of my Suboxone doctors gave a single fuck about whether I stayed sober, or made it anywhere in life other than the ATM before every appointment. Anyways that was my experience, I hope it all works out man.
