🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 What Was YOUR Nightly Fix? v. Smoking the Midnight Oil

[SuperPsych]

Jeez ... Wow. .. I don't know what to say...

There's not much to say. I still think that MDMA is an insanely valuable tool and can be very therapeutic. Didnt mean to trauma dump on you, my bad

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

There's not much to say. I still think that MDMA is an insanely valuable tool and can be very therapeutic. Didnt mean to trauma dump on you, my bad

That's perfectly fine - your opinion as well as dumping trauma on me - as long as you don't expect therapy from me

 

[SuperPsych]

That's perfectly fine - your opinion as well as dumping trauma on me - as long as you don't expect therapy from me

I do not expect that of you, But MDMA is a very good therapeutic compound and I would not write it off as some party drug

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I do not expect that of you, But MDMA is a very good therapeutic compound and I would not write it off as some party drug

Ok. It's not only a party drug then, but still not good for everyone.

 

[Shinji Ikari]

10mg diazepam
450mg pregabalin
5mg dexamphetamine
And a wee bit of weed.

Today has mostly sucked, well, it started of bad and that kept me in a bad mood for the rest of the day and now my cat has gone missing.

I'm gonna try and immerse myself in some videogames and forget about all that.

Edit: he came home after 24 hours being AWOL. He was super hungry so he must have gotten himself shut in somewhere.

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

200 mg Tapentadol
100 mg Pregabalin
75 mg Hydroxyzine
... And since I didn't feel much thought I could try potentiating it with weed...
After a long time and with zero tolerance smoked a tiny joint of really old and dry flower... Ugh... Disgusting, but I felt it more than anything else...
and remembered that I shouldn't do that during daytime cause it's messing me up a wee bit.

 

[Psychlone Jack]

Had a nice dinner, the usual nightly scripts and some weed earlier beforehand, about to roll a joint and take some melatonin before calling it a night. Will wake up at some point and take the evening methadone dose - 83mg. Started my taper this morning, going super slow - 2mg per dose morning and evening, per week. So a total drop of 4mg every Monday. On a total of 170mg, so slow and easy does it.

 

[Psychlone Jack]

Was supposed to be off today but they needed some help, so I went for a half day of OT. Now time to catch up on some R&R, interspersed with small bits of productivity. Vaping a couple different rosin pens and smoking some flower, having a coffee and up to 900mg gabapentin so far. Staggering at 300mg every 30 minutes. Make some food later, got a couple tall, strong beers as well and of course, the evening 83mg of methadone.

Like Ice Cube said, it was a good day.

 

[Esperighanto]

Yeah, MDMA is strong enough to save someones life. Kinda torn up by it at one point. My best friend at the time who opened up to me about some abuse he received as a kid. Super bright kid. Intelligent and funny but he had a dark side. He became a serial killer but luckily he died before he had too many victims. Torn up because the roll I had with him saved his life at the time. He said he had planned on killing himself that month but the roll enabled him to open up to us about his abuse. But he went and killed a few people afterwards. I almost wish I didn't roll with him then and maybe there'd still be a few more people around

That's an obviously emotionally complicated matter, I'm sorry you got pulled into it unknowingly and just had to notice it unfolding. I've personally noticed that people with a lot of demons inside often don't respond well to psychedelics, but can to dissociatives or empathogens more easily. It seems like the real determinant is whether or not they suspect they're doing the right thing, in their actions.

Edit: he came home after 24 hours being AWOL. He was super hungry so he must have gotten himself shut in somewhere.

I'm assuming it was a cat that went on a solo mission? If it was a pet of some sort, I'm glad he's home!!!

My nightly fix night before last was 18mg of 3-HO-PCP orally, my fiance took 25mg of miprocin at the same time, it was quite a fun night. Yesterday I realized that the only cannabinoid I'd been consuming was MDMB-4en-PINACA for a few days, so I tested if 125mg of THC-O tincture would work ~11AM. I'm still incredibly intoxicated and it's been just over 18 hours. It was alongside two 25mg doses of Benadryl over the course of the day, as well as 150mg of Bupropion ER, 100mg of Bupropion IR, and 400mg of caffeine. At one point, while cleaning the bedroom up and sweeping up cat hair (the reason for the Benadryl) I realized my etizolam nasal sprayer has broken, so I emptied and washed it, and in making sure nothing was wasted with my tongue, I unintentionally ate a bunch of etizolam crystals while draining the plastic tube of the nasal sprayer straight down my benzofool gullet. It was nowhere near as intense as vaporizing it in the shower until I fell and fucked my ribs up on the bath tub last year, nor when I accidentally puffed a large, unknown amount of the same crystals from a baggie into my lips and tongue on accident. I think the latter incident didn't lead to a blackout just because I was on an inordinate amount of 2-FXE, 13 tabs of acid and 2 tabs of 25C-NBOMe at that time, the hottest day of last year.

Recently I discovered a bottle of melatonin in my things, so I'm going to experiment with that this upcoming night.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Evening blueworld

19:00
10mg methadone
10 diazepam

20:00
0.1ml RSO Face of Fire strain
.7g Skywalker OG self rolled joint

21:30
1.3g Skywalker OG in the bong.

Got 4g Skywalker OG today, so that's half finished and so am I.

Good night

Edit: tossing and turning and just feeling uneasy. Just had

22:40
300mg pregabalin
100ml vodka

Long and rough day but glad it's over.
Yeah im not happy with it either but need the help to sleep tonight.

 

[Esperighanto]

Sorry for typing issues, etizolam.

Tonight I was going to test some melatonin, but instead a low vaporized amount of MDMB-4en-PINACA got me started. Found this 160 tab sheet of etizolam intended to be 500ug per tab. I've had dead spots, and also hotspots. Took five today over about 3 hours, and they're insanely strong for some reason.

I was talking to a friend earlier who used to be an alcoholic and he mentioned that the amounts I used to drink were well in excess of the ld50 which is shocking to me, 2 fifths got me good but 3 would induce blacking out. I'd shake sometimes without using my pre sleep GHB or drinking enough, and it took me until tonight to put together that I was physically dependent at that time. These GABA drugs made me not hallucinate from the brain damage I got from surgeries earlier in life (except Ambien and Lorazepam).

I've got 1/4 of my small intestine and no large intestine, only missing a very small amount of my actual stomach. At one point my eyes were getting yellow where they're normally white, and my friend advised me to drink only enough to manage wds but to otherwise drop it over a few weeks and I never seized out, and it worked out. Valium helped that too. I weighed 225 at the time, maybe that's part of why this was the case. Taking GHB as a sleep supplement for the hgh action might've been impactful too.

Edit: Ate the whole tenstrip of etizolam, shit had me stumbling around and slurring my speech like I was drunk. Still in the thick of it tbh.

Edit from the next day: Those tabs are hot as hell, I'm going to test 1-2 more today to see if they continue to be like that, but pop them off different parts of the sheet. Many times sheets have "regional hotspots" or "regional deadzones" depending on how they were lain, and I was still beginning when these were lain so they're likely somewhat spotty. A sheet of them that one of my best friends has was severely underdosed, making me wonder ... Where else in the page (it was a 16x16 page that was lain upon initially) did that end up, because the whole thing was loaded with 128mg of etizolam and the pan wash (to collect any that wasn't there) only picked up maybe 10mg or so once it was crashed back out so I could weigh it.

Does anyone here think it may be a worthwhile of me todo, to write up a brief guide on applying things to blotter, including how to print and perforate it at home? I have found so many old BL threads from back in the days of NBOMes being super prevalent, and so many people would drop liquid solution on each tab with a dropper and that is an INCREDIBLY dangerous way to interact with it. Imo NBXX's should be turned into lozenges for accurate sublingual administration, but for people who want to lay their liquid whatevers onto paper, it may be useful I suppose, perhaps as an extension of the harm reduction technique of volumetric liquid dosing.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Evening blueworld

Getting ready for bed.

19:00
8mg methadone
10mg diazepam
0.1ml RSO Face on Fire strain

Have had 2 small joints of dirty money since then. Almost 10pm now. Gonna smoke 1g self rolled Skywalker OG joint. And add 300mg pregabalin just incase.

Awe

 

[Esperighanto]

Back in the day when I was learning to lay blotter, etizolam was applied to home-printed, home-perforated blotter. The consensus on the third of a page that I tore off and we all tested was that it was pretty weak and underdosed, I had no idea where the etizolam even went given that the drying dish's wash didn't produce a ton of crystal compared to how week that section of the page was. Well, yesterday I pulled out a 160 tab segment from the other side of that page and I uh, found out where the rest of the etizolam went. I'm extraordinarily benzo-hardy and a tenstrip of that shit over the course of a few hours had me like, stumbling over my own feet, slurring my speech, etc.

I may try a quarter tab of these 2 sheets of MDMB-4en-PINACA that were recently lain too, first time laying a scarily potent cannabinoid.

by the way ...
Does anybody here have any tricks for cleaning the insides of bongs with super complicated percolators? The best I've come to is adding citric acid to help break things down, dawn soap also seems a bit helpful instead of it sometimes but it's tough to tell which to use.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

20 mg methadone (no tolerance)

35 mg diazepam (no tolerance)

duloxetine (doesn’t seem to do shit)

Copious amounts of chamomile tea which contains apigenin, a compound that binds to the benzodiazepine site on GABAr but not much is known about what it does there other than decrease locomotor activity in rats but doesn’t display anxiolytic effects in rats.

I’d really like to know if it’s blocking benzos or not and if it agonizes the benzo pocket of gaba

 

[Esperighanto]

Eight of those etizolam tabs, which seem to be more reasonably dosed. Today I learned that you can do a second pull from powder when making kratom tea, and boy did that pin my pupils like a goddamn SEWING NEEDLE. Feels great, almost too much though. A little MDMB-4en-PINACA vaporized. Has anybody else here ever taken benzos off of paper mediums? They seem to be significantly less accurate than water soluble or ethanol soluble drugs, I suspect because it's tough to get them to dissolve in ethanol without crashing out? I'm not quite positive.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Evening blueworld

Um lol weird but a good dose of all is actual human interaction. My friend is here and we both baked af and under the influence of our normal rx'd medicine and more

Me and her: 40mg soda each split into 2 dbl vdl vodkas (2x 200ml soda and dbl vodka x2)
1x 20mg thc toffee each
Shared a marstick aka ( indoor rolled with Distillate and kief )

For me:19:00
10mg methadone
10mg diazepam

Knowing she was coming over I didn't smoke or dose anything else.

We are planning something special on psychedelic side foe later.

to
be continued.

 

[Coffeeshroom]

Evening blueworld

Um lol weird but a good dose of all is actual human interaction. My friend is here and we both baked af and under the influence of our normal rx'd medicine and more

Me and her: 40mg soda each split into 2 dbl vdl vodkas (2x 200ml soda and dbl vodka x2)
1x 20mg thc toffee each
Shared a marstick aka ( indoor rolled with Distillate and kief )

For me:19:00
10mg methadone
10mg diazepam

Knowing she was coming over I didn't smoke or dose anything else.

We are planning something special on psychedelic side foe later.

to
be continued.

It's just past 10pm and she is asleep in my arms what to do..

Smoking the rest of the Mars stick, maybe she wakes up. She needs to go home...

Not being funny, though I want it, I don't want complications atm. Im Just not stable enough.

 

[SuperPsych]

I read that mdma was used for clinical studies in therapeutic setting to help patients open up more. But save some ones life?

Also glad you found acceptance. That's a real blessing.

PS: strange enough I had no physical WD all day yesterday (mood was suicide bay though ) so all I did was boof 40 mg K at night. Hadn't done any in a while, so that was felt and then just put myself to bed..

MDMA and other empathogens are for sure therapeutic and strong enough to save someones life. They have saved my life. I suffered from pretty bad PTSD after a long psychotic break from Meth and Pyrovalerone use. Was living with a some friends at the time and they were also really fucking with me due to my drug use. I was REALLY struggling with my sexuality and gender identity at the time. This whole experience eventually led to a suicide attempt like 6-12 months into the experience. Felt like a freak and that the world would be better off without me. That my family would have a hard time but that my going away would eventually be easier for them in the long run. It was a difficult time, I survived and it led to my first in treatment rehab experience where I stayed 60 days or so. It was very therapeutic but I struggled with PTSD from the experience for 2 or 3 years. I finally realized that if something didn't change that I would not be able to go on living for more than a few more years before killing myself again. I used MDMA with my best friend, and the more understanding roommate that I lived with during that period who wasn't one of the ones fucking with me. I was able to reflect upon that time period without fear, and was able to discuss with my friends what I had gone through and what it was like from there perspective. It was insanely therapeutic. I still have PTSD, mainly revolving around my mother being diagnosed with cancer when I was around 6 and watching her pass slowly and painfully my whole childhood until I was 17. She passed the night before Thanksgiving when I was 17. I was lost. I almost dropped out of high school but pushed on because she would have wanted me to graduate. I ultimately would but my graduation has meant nothing because she wasn't able to see me. I stayed sober after her passing until around February or March when I first got addicted to APVP. Spent the rest of my senior year getting high and every day on APVP. I graduated spent my whole senior year waking up, immediately doing APVP, sneaking into the school bathroom once or twice every hour or so to do another bump. Skipped a lot of classes but ultimately graduated, only because no teacher wanted to be the one who failed a kid who lost their mother before graduation. I was high on APVP when I graduated HS, was high at the ceremony and promptly went off the rails doing APVP and amphetamines and got addicted to methamphetamine shortly after as well as opioids and 3-MeO-PCP. It was a rough time but that MDA experience saved my life 100%. I would not be here today without it and it completely cured me of my PTSD surrounding that psychotic break. One experience. Years of trauma processed and healed in an 8 hour experience.

Ok. It's not only a party drug then, but still not good for everyone.

I agree 100%. Both a great party drug but also an insanely healing chemical. One has to put a lot of thought into their set & setting when thinking of using it therapeutically. It might not be right for some people to ever attempt

Edit: he came home after 24 hours being AWOL. He was super hungry so he must have gotten himself shut in somewhere.

I am so happy to hear about your cat . I lost a cat that I was very close to I think to coyotes in the neighborhood some years back and it took me a long time to heal from it. I still miss her so so much.

That's an obviously emotionally complicated matter, I'm sorry you got pulled into it unknowingly and just had to notice it unfolding. I've personally noticed that people with a lot of demons inside often don't respond well to psychedelics, but can to dissociatives or empathogens more easily. It seems like the real determinant is whether or not they suspect they're doing the right thing, in their actions.

My nightly fix night before last was 18mg of 3-HO-PCP orally, my fiance took 25mg of miprocin at the same time, it was quite a fun night. Yesterday I realized that the only cannabinoid I'd been consuming was MDMB-4en-PINACA for a few days, so I tested if 125mg of THC-O tincture would work ~11AM. I'm still incredibly intoxicated and it's been just over 18 hours. It was alongside two 25mg doses of Benadryl over the course of the day, as well as 150mg of Bupropion ER, 100mg of Bupropion IR, and 400mg of caffeine. At one point, while cleaning the bedroom up and sweeping up cat hair (the reason for the Benadryl) I realized my etizolam nasal sprayer has broken, so I emptied and washed it, and in making sure nothing was wasted with my tongue, I unintentionally ate a bunch of etizolam crystals while draining the plastic tube of the nasal sprayer straight down my benzofool gullet. It was nowhere near as intense as vaporizing it in the shower until I fell and fucked my ribs up on the bath tub last year, nor when I accidentally puffed a large, unknown amount of the same crystals from a baggie into my lips and tongue on accident. I think the latter incident didn't lead to a blackout just because I was on an inordinate amount of 2-FXE, 13 tabs of acid and 2 tabs of 25C-NBOMe at that time, the hottest day of last year.

It was very complicated and quite traumatizing. I'm still healing but his passing has done a lot to heal me and move forward. I missed his service which I really regret and have yet to visit his grave. I really need to get around to it. It was very complicated emotionally. Before his passing I was talking with a detective and trying to do what I could to get him locked away but I just didn't have enough information. I am still hurt from the experience. His last victim was his girlfriend at the time who he murdered a few days before christmas after I got out of rehab the 2nd time. The last time I saw him he got spun on meth the night before I left. He came over to say goobye and broke down crying in my arms saying "this better not be the last time that I see you". I held him close and told him that it wont be the last time that we see each other but I secretly knew that I'd probably never see him again. He obviously had the same feeling. It was the last time that we saw each other but not the last time that we talked. I talked to him a few times while he was locked up due to crimes in connection with the murder of his GF. He was never tried or convicted. The case went cold. She was found one year later. Ironically, on a property just down the street from my grandparents house. You can see the woods where he dumped her from my grandparents back porch. I dont know if he did that on purpose. I never went to my grandparents with him but I did describe the area so he probably knew that he was really close. Might have even though that he was dumping her on my grandparents property. The case is still cold, wasnt enough evidence left after 1 year and I'm torn that I could never help her family get closure. I thought at one point I was going to be testifying against him face to face trying to get him locked away. When he was released I was very paranoid. I understood his mindselt and I imagine he felt abandoned by me. Due to his serial killer mentality and feeling abandoned by me, I was certain that hge was having thoughts of getting me next. It was a very paranoid and fearful time, luckily he passed before hegot me but I'm certain that if he didnt pass that he would try to get me at some point.

That sounds like a fun night though! I started Bupropion the other day. Had a bad interaction with it today. Didnt do my due dillegence and mixed it with minoxidil which can increase the risk of lowerring blood presssure. Gonna stop the bupropion. I used to react well but since starting it it hass been making me extremely jittery and anxious.
Gonna bite the bullet and discuss with my doctor the possibikity of starting an ADHD. Medication. I have been nervous to do so due to my drug use history, Dont want to come off as drug seeking bu I have suspected for around 13 years that I have ADHD. Gonna see about starting Concerta or Vyvanse or something.

Sorry for typing issues, etizolam.

Tonight I was going to test some melatonin, but instead a low vaporized amount of MDMB-4en-PINACA got me started. Found this 160 tab sheet of etizolam intended to be 500ug per tab. I've had dead spots, and also hotspots. Took five today over about 3 hours, and they're insanely strong for some reason.

I mean absolutely no judgement by this. I have struggled in the past myself and am just voicing concerns. You seem to have been hitting the GABA drugs fairly hard recently. To be 100% honest, I am a little worried about you heading towards addiction. Again, I mean absolutely no judgement. I just dont want you to end up in a difficult place. If you ever need to talk please LMK I don't really know you too well but I do care about you and want you to be safe

The subtlety of BND (how I often personally abbreviate bromonordiazepam) is so insane, that at one point I was taking 50mg weekly and the only comments from people around me were that they felt I had someone overcome my depression, they were shocked at how much detail-to-attention I was putting in at work, and I was getting ahead on chores, working out, etc., so for me it was a solid move. Right now I'm not using it in case I nail a job that involves driving, where they'll test me for benzos. Etizolam leaves the system in 3-5 days, so I'm just sticking with that for now. I'm kind of young (26) and unemployed right now and it's driving me absolutely fucking nuts, I hate being unemployed, and drug use has only ever helped my work capacities, just my personal stance on it.

In my life, I treat Soma the same way I treat Gabapentin. I'm scripted neither, so whenever I come across a bag of it, I just eat that shit like candy until it's all gone. I don't know if it's wise, but that's fine, it doesn't seem to be problematic yet, at least.

I ended up using the BND the other night. Very small amount. Been stressed out due to grandfathers parring and me being in charge of the eulogy. Took .5mg-1mg along with 500-100mg Carisoprodol and 2mg of Buprenorphine. Ended up sleeping pretty well

I'm glad you found acceptance in your sexuality, I came out when I was 15 and where I'm from, nobody cared at all. The only changes were that my straight friends started occasionally asking me how outfits looked, things like "Should I wear these shoes or those shoes with this fit?".

How did the MDPCP treat you?

Thank you

The MDPCP is very, very weird. I found it therapeutic but it has VERY long legs ans although quite gentle and warm, its also very manic and capable of producing paranoid delusions. The first night I did it I had only done a small amount on the way home from work. Had been very stressed due to the funeral and me being in charge of grandpas eulogy. On the bus ride home I was convinced that a particular person had a bomb in their backpack. It also lasts 16 hours or more depending on dose so after 1 or 2 days I was already very strung out. Was up for like 50 hour at one point due to it. My best friend came over and towards the end I felt pretty unsafe. Was starting to have thoughts of self harm. Had to give all of my razors and knives to my friend to hold onto. In higher doses it is VERY manic and quite euphoric.

I have been struggling with the thought for 14 years or so. During the trip I decided that I am going to start transitioning into a woman. I have been struggling for a long time and feel very confident. Haven't touched the stuff in a few days. Have it locked up until after the service so that I can keep a clear head. But yeah, I'm extremely excited. I don't know when my time will come but I want to have zero regrets. After years of considering it I am going to transition. Saw a gender-affirming care doctor the other day and am waiting for the pharmacy to fill my spironlactone and estradiol. My grandfathers funeral service is going to be my last family event as a male. About a week after the service I am going to lunch with my siblings and will break the news. Shortly after I will talk to my dad and other family members and friends. Also going to be moving out of my current place. Me and roommate who is one of my best friends since middle school have been butting heads and I have a strong feeling that during my transition we are not going to get a long and I don't want to lose one of my best friends like that. He's away on business but I will break the news a little while after he gets back. Gonna see if my dad will let me move back with him in the meantime until I find a place where I feel more comfortable. Anxious about asking but may see if my brother is willing to have me as a roommate temporarily as I feel like it'd be a better for for me than my dad, I just really hate to ask that of him.

Nightly fix:
2mg Buperenorphine
1200mg Gabapentin through the day
600mg Phenibut
50mg Hydroxyzine
Nicotine (not doing much whine on bupropion which was the goal, just still a habit I guess)

 

[Esperighanto]

Due to his serial killer mentality and feeling abandoned by me, I was certain that hge was having thoughts of getting me next. It was a very paranoid and fearful time, luckily he passed before hegot me but I'm certain that if he didnt pass that he would try to get me at some point.

My high school graduation had a career criminal who was the father of a friend at the time coming back to town, we had to get a LOT of people with guns keeping eyes out on the situation to make sure he didn't appear. It sucks to have to maintain vigilance like that, but as I often hear said on the matter, "This is America".

I have been struggling with though for 14 years or so. During the trip I decided that I am going to start transitioning into a woman. I have been struggling for a long time and feel very confident. Haven't touched the stuff in a few days. Have it locked up until after the service so that I can keep a clear head. But yeah, I'm extremely excited. I don't know when my time will come but I want to have zero regrets. After years of considering it I am going to transition. Saw a gender-affirming care doctor the other day and am waiting for the pharmacy to fill my spironlactone and estradiol. My grandfathers funeral service is going to be my last family event as a male. About a week after the service I am going to lunch with my sibilings and will break the news. Shortly after I will talk to my dad and other family members and friends. Also going to be moving out of my current place. Me and roommate who is one of my best friends since middle school have been butting heads and I have a strong feeling that during my transition we are not going to get a long and I don't want to lose one of my best friends like that. He's away on business but will break the news a little while after he gets back. Gonna see if my dad will let me move back with him in the meantime until I find a place where I feel more comfortable. Anxious about asking but may see if my brother is willing to have me as a roommate temporarily as I feel like it'd be a better fir for me than my dad, I just really hate to ask that of him

Congratulations on finding the time and courage to transition! It takes a lot of internal reckoning and internal monologue (dialogue with oneself? I'm unsure as to how to articulate that) to realize that.

I mean absolutely no judgement by this. I have struggled in the past myself and am just voicing concerns. You seem to have been hitting the GABA drugs fairly hard recently. To be 100% honest, I am a little worried about you heading towards addiction. Again, I mean absolutely no judgement. I just dont want you to end up in a difficult place. If you ever need to talk please LMK I don't really know you too well but I do care about you and want you to be safe

I appreciate this a lot! I think if I was using them with enough frequency (more than 2-3 times weekly) I'd start to get worried, but they're just too goddamn sleepy. If there was a totally non-sedative anxiolytic that felt as warm and cozy as Etizolam, I'd eat the whole bag. Tbh that's how I treat Soma, I ate 200 500mg tablets in uh, maybe 4-6 weeks? Never had any withdrawls though, and over that period I'd just forget they exist for days at a time, then stumble on them and go "Oh shit, I've got Soma!". For some reason addictivity in my brain manifests more towards activities than substances, I've been surrounded by nearly infinite access to countless drugs my entire life but the shit I get addicted to is like, FL Studio, skateboarding, activities that actually make me feel like I'm living my life. Also, I've never encountered a drug that can compete with, for example, downhill longboarding. No amount of NEP or methamphetamine or ephedrine or anything comes close to being on a longboard doing 45 MPH sliding around a hairpin turn. No drug compares to looking in the eyes of the love of your life. No drug compares to creating art that you're proud of. At best they're either seasonings on top of the lived experience, or tools to assist in shaping that lived experience, for me at least.

I also suspect that I'm more prone to talk about etizolam use on BL because benzos make me too tired to do meaningful shit, so I just kind of hang out on forums and do sound design in FL Studio and the sort because they make me too empty headed to actually be useful most of the time. Once again, I appreciate the kind words here, I honestly was worried I was developing an MDMB-4en-PINACA dependency but then I swapped back to THC-O and HHC and found that my tolerance to them was so low I was jarred by even low amounts of THC-O and HHC, which is new to me. On that topic though, I recently infused two 10x10 sheets with 20mg each of MDMB-4en-PINACA (fiance and I just refer to it as empanada recently) and it should've been either 2.5mg per sheet, or 5mt per sheet imo. I took half of one tab earlier, then half of another and it led to a state of mania that I could have reproduced only if I insufflated 50-75mg of 3-MeO-PCP on no tolerance.

On the topic of nightly fixes, earlier today I took 9 agar tablets of uh, "mixed NBXX's". I had my 200ug 25I-NBOMe tablets separated from my 400ug 25B-NBOH tablets, but a benzo blackout of someone in my old household led to them eating maybe 25-30 of them in a poorly thought out (and unsuccessful) suicide attempt, and I found the agar tablets mixed up, just strewn about. There's no way for me to meaningfully distinguish them from one another now, so keep in mind when I say "mixed NBXX's" I'm referring to this. Nine of these little fuckers earlier was easily the most potent NBXX experience of my life, and maybe one of the most intense phenethylamine experiences of my entire life, which is saying a lot given how often and how intensely I dose psychedelics. The experience was overall incredibly empathogenic and healing of pain I didn't even realize I was repressing, one of those trips that leave you refreshed like cold water on a hot day, you know?

I calmed the residual stimulation down with some salvia in a bubbler, but then once I felt sobered up enough I decided to try half a tab of one of those sheets I infused with MDMB-4en-PINACA. Half a tab carried a similar potency to maybe 350-500mg of delta 9 THC but with no sedation or confusion, just pure, PCP-like mania. Today's a benzo free day (I take 1-2 day breaks in between benzo use, never using them for more than 2 days in a row) so I figured it was a good time to experiment with other sedatives, might as well taste the empanda sheet. If I lay others, they're going to be either four times, or eight times weaker, no doubt. For now though, these sheets are just the kind of thing I'll absolutely never let out of my possession because it would probably put your average non-hallucinogen-enthusiast in a goddamn straight jacket.

Edit: Forgot to mention that between the NBXXs and MDMB-4en-PINACA tab, I'd spilled some 2C-B while prepping gel caps for storage, so I just impulsively cut it into a line and sniffed it up. Huge mistake, should've just licked it up, 2C-B is not meant to be insufflated, the gods themselves have deemed it as such hahaha.

Another edit: A fascinating thing came up tonight in reference to my perceptions of my own gender identity. For many years I've understood I'm about as agender as a human can be, just as fine expressing in a masculine as a feminine context, idrc, but naturally I'm pretty gigamasc and it's made my life easier by being able to be a violence actor when I need to. The song West Dault Can't Find The Madison Falcon by Hot Mulligan though has been tugging at my heartstrings in a way I didn't realize, the lines "I want to feel like I’m important, but maybe I’m not pretty enough for this, become beautiful so I feel relevant" strike me in this way that coexists with my normally masc existence in a way that strikes me as gender-nonconforming but in a way that's difficult to articulate.

 

[SuperPsych]

My high school graduation had a career criminal who was the father of a friend at the time coming back to town, we had to get a LOT of people with guns keeping eyes out on the situation to make sure he didn't appear. It sucks to have to maintain vigilance like that, but as I often hear said on the matter, "This is America".

The hyper-vigilance can be difficult after while. It can wear a person down a lot. What ever happened of them. Do you know?

Congratulations on finding the time and courage to transition! It takes a lot of internal reckoning and internal monologue (dialogue with oneself? I'm unsure as to how to articulate that) to realize that.

I feel like the process was both a mix of internal monologue and dialogue, though mainly dialogue. Thank you so much though! I am so, so excited. Have been struggling for so long and am proud of myself for making the jump. It's scary, especially with how things are in the States right now but I'm sure that things will get better. Have always been nervous about owning a gun but have wanted to for a while. It might be about the time so that I can defend myself from the bigots. I'm hoping that I'll have less thought of self-harm now that I'm living as my true self and will hopefully be able to handle the responsibility. I won't make any hasty decisions. This is a huge change so I'll do whatever I need to do to keep myself safe from myself and others Been struggling with substance abuse for a very long time and already feel like I'll be able to handle cleaning up my act a bit now that I'm gonna be my true self;f and am not hiding from myself anymore. I've just decided that whenever my time comes I want zero regrets. No longer going to live in fear.

I appreciate this a lot! I think if I was using them with enough frequency (more than 2-3 times weekly) I'd start to get worried, but they're just too goddamn sleepy. If there was a totally non-sedative anxiolytic that felt as warm and cozy as Etizolam, I'd eat the whole bag. Tbh that's how I treat Soma, I ate 200 500mg tablets in uh, maybe 4-6 weeks? Never had any withdrawls though, and over that period I'd just forget they exist for days at a time, then stumble on them and go "Oh shit, I've got Soma!". For some reason addictivity in my brain manifests more towards activities than substances, I've been surrounded by nearly infinite access to countless drugs my entire life but the shit I get addicted to is like, FL Studio, skateboarding, activities that actually make me feel like I'm living my life. Also, I've never encountered a drug that can compete with, for example, downhill longboarding. No amount of NEP or methamphetamine or ephedrine or anything comes close to being on a longboard doing 45 MPH sliding around a hairpin turn. No drug compares to looking in the eyes of the love of your life. No drug compares to creating art that you're proud of. At best they're either seasonings on top of the lived experience, or tools to assist in shaping that lived experience, for me at least.

Oh awesome! I trust your judgement then. We have a lot of the same hobbies it seems. Been a long time since I've skated but really want to get back into it. I still very regularly have vivid dreams where I'm skating. Had one not long ago that was incredibly vivid where I learned how to nail impossibles. I probably have skateboarding dreams every 1-2 weeks despite not skating in years. Its just so imbedded into who I am. I'll make it a goal to get back into it. It's just been really hard to want to do anything with my depression. I also love messing around in FL Studio and making beats and writing rhyme. Still in the process of learning and have taken a long break due to the depression but I have a few songs.

SuperPsych

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