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Harm Reduction Ex hard drug addict. Found a bag of tranq on the ground. Help

F

flyguy

Greenlighter
Joined
May 11, 2025
Messages
4
I can’t find it in me throw it out. I’ve been staring at it in my room for like a year. I don’t know where else to go cause I can’t talk to anyone about this irl

There is so much shit happening in my head, I haven’t even done it yet and it’s kind of ruined my life. Every single part of me needs to do it but I got clean from hard drugs before this stuff was ever here in my part of the world and I know because I dont have a tolerance this would be an extremely bad idea

Idk what to do
 
someguyontheinternet said:
you've been clean for a year, could just hold onto it as a testament to your recovery in that you can resist it?

you are right that overdose is very likely without tolerance, using it is basically a death sentence
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You see, i’ve thought of that and those are two perfect reasons to throw it out. And I try to justify it to myself but I can’t

I’ve been clean for about 5 years but only because I burned all my bridges and pretty much never go outside. I haven’t mentally gotten over it at all. I literally dream about it and I have cravings 24/7

I’ve have been practically begging for something like this to happen. The only thing stopping me is knowing it will almost definitely be too much and I won’t be able to narcan myself
 
lol. You want it to be good drugs that will make you feel good. That shit will probably make you feel really terribly awful. And you know it. But keeping it means it might possibly just be some good fucking drugs. And it’s probably better that it stays in that limbo. Why not just leave everything in limbo
 
helpingout said:
lol. You want it to be good drugs that will make you feel good. That shit will probably make you feel really terribly awful. And you know it. But keeping it means it might possibly just be some good fucking drugs. And it’s probably better that it stays in that limbo. Why not just leave everything in limbo
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Yeah you’re 100% right. That’s what I’ll do. Thanks
 
someguyontheinternet said:
you've been begging for it to happen and it did, a year ago. you still haven't used it, I know you still crave it but think about that. I think it says something profound about your development and I think you should be very proud of that
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I really appreciate that, thank you
 
If it messes with your head, throw it away. Don’t keep anything, even if you found it.
You have no idea how much hydromorphone, oxycodone, and methadone I’ve thrown away recently—for several reasons. Here, you can’t legally keep expired controlled substances, or large amounts of them, even if they were prescribed. Once they expire, they’re automatically considered illegal, and the legal risk is serious—criminal, in fact.
Having them in the house was eating me alive.
If your main issue is just having it around and not using it, but it still traps you mentally, just get rid of it.
You’ll feel awful—but much more at peace.
If instead it’s some kind of anchor from the past, take a good look at your psychological motivations.
Take care.
 
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xyz69 said:
If it messes with your head, throw it away. Don’t keep anything, even if you found it.
You have no idea how much hydromorphone, oxycodone, and methadone I’ve thrown away recently—for several reasons. Here, you can’t legally keep expired controlled substances, or large amounts of them, even if they were prescribed. Once they expire, they’re automatically considered illegal, and the legal risk is serious—criminal, in fact.
Having them in the house was eating me alive.
If your main issue is just having it around and not using it, but it still traps you mentally, just get rid of it.
You’ll feel awful—but much more at peace.
If instead it’s some kind of anchor from the past, take a good look at your psychological motivations.
Take care.
Click to expand...
Fuck
Where is that?? Treating you like a junkie or dealer for not taking all your pills? Like what sense does that make? If you were doing illegal shit with it, it'd have been gone long ago lmao. I guess except keeping it.

Helpingout is 100% right, trash drug. It'll just literally stop your existence.
 
daturetard said:
Fuck
Where is that?? Treating you like a junkie or dealer for not taking all your pills? Like what sense does that make? If you were doing illegal shit with it, it'd have been gone long ago lmao. I guess except keeping it.

Helpingout is 100% right, trash drug. It'll just literally stop your existence.
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What can I say... it broke my heart, really.
Now I’m trying to stash a bit somewhere else, in small amounts.
But that place was my safety refuge, you know?
Unfortunately, that’s how the State works here: as soon as the active compound expires, you can’t legally keep it at home anymore.
We’re talking about controlled substances, though.
And mind you, they’d been expired for years. Especially the hydromorphone—it had expired ages ago, but that one didn’t bother me. It was OROS push-pull, so it keeps for decades without losing potency.
But each pill was 64 mg...
The rest, I threw it all out.
Stupidly, I’d poured the methadone into a big bottle,
without thinking that once you remove it from the original packaging, you can no longer prove it’s yours.
"Prescriptions written for me over the course of roughly ten years.
But then the anxiety kicked in. And when that hits, there’s fuck all you can do.
Even if you’ve been calm for years, once that thought worm gets into your head, you start seeing cops everywhere.
Fuck.
 
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Yeah - you have no provenance for that bag and there are some really cruel people out there.

While living in Amsterdam someone I knew bought a Kg of rock sugar and just sprinkled on and around 'De Junkiebrug' (The Junky Bridge) to just watch addicts ghostbusting.

That was 25 years ago and I look back with shame because I laughed. That one wouldn't harm anyone physically, but it's still nasty. But there are sick people who will leave random stuff that WILL kill - for a kick.

Some humans aren't people, let alone decent people. Don't risk your life.
 
flyguy said:
I can’t find it in me throw it out. I’ve been staring at it in my room for like a year. I don’t know where else to go cause I can’t talk to anyone about this irl

There is so much shit happening in my head, I haven’t even done it yet and it’s kind of ruined my life. Every single part of me needs to do it but I got clean from hard drugs before this stuff was ever here in my part of the world and I know because I dont have a tolerance this would be an extremely bad idea

Idk what to do
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What exactly are they? If they are made from a legitimate pharmacy you may be able to look it up online, with a free pill identification site. Or you can tell us the shape, color, and the markings on both sides. One side maybe blank.
 
Jnowhere said:
What exactly are they? If they are made from a legitimate pharmacy you may be able to look it up online, with a free pill identification site. Or you can tell us the shape, color, and the markings on both sides. One side maybe blank.
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Pretty sure it's a powdery substance or tar
 
4DQSAR said:
Yeah - you have no provenance for that bag and there are some really cruel people out there.

While living in Amsterdam someone I knew bought a Kg of rock sugar and just sprinkled on and around 'De Junkiebrug' (The Junky Bridge) to just watch addicts ghostbusting.

That was 25 years ago and I look back with shame because I laughed. That one wouldn't harm anyone physically, but it's still nasty. But there are sick people who will leave random stuff that WILL kill - for a kick.

Some humans aren't people, let alone decent people. Don't risk your life.
Click to expand...
Yeah man I can't imagine how painful dying to some random despicable toxin would be. like lye, cyanide, maybe even ricin or strychnine if theyre resourceful, that shit would be absolute agony.
And people foreal get kicks outta that. Wicked
 
daturetard said:
Yeah man I can't imagine how painful dying to some random despicable toxin would be. like lye, cyanide, maybe even ricin or strychnine if theyre resourceful, that shit would be absolute agony.
And people foreal get kicks outta that. Wicked
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Lester Bangs told the story that in NYC in the 70s people would sometimes poison their 'friends' - I presume to make them sick, not to kill them. But still, messed up. Their kick was TELLING the victim that they had been poisoned!

Man is the cruelest species on this planet. There is nothing too cruel that there aren't some people who will do it purely to make themselves feel good.
 
flyguy said:
I can’t find it in me throw it out. I’ve been staring at it in my room for like a year. I don’t know where else to go cause I can’t talk to anyone about this irl

There is so much shit happening in my head, I haven’t even done it yet and it’s kind of ruined my life. Every single part of me needs to do it but I got clean from hard drugs before this stuff was ever here in my part of the world and I know because I dont have a tolerance this would be an extremely bad idea

Idk what to do
Click to expand...

Man, just dump that shit if you haven't already. You say that you have cravings 24/7 now. You've held off for a year but life is life and if I've learned anything it's the fact that there most likely will be a day where you can't deal, say "fuck it" and try it. When that day comes nothing good is going to come of it. I say this as someone who has experienced this same scenario. Whether you realize it or not, having that bag around is the addict part of your brain making an excuse to be able to use.

Flush it now if you already haven't. You will feel better once you do. There will ALWAYS be drugs so if you really ever decide to relapse just go buy something that you at least know what it is.

I say this with love and care. There's just no need for a pointless death or throwing away 5 years of sobriety over a bag of mystery (pronounced: misery) powder.
 
Plus can I encourage you to aspire to maybe grow a garden of some type of asiatic flower? It might bring you peace and joy and a bountiful harvest. A measured and calculated risk.

Maybe also you could throw it away with the knowledge that you’ll replace it with a bag of the substance you want it to be. Dedicate a machine to the endeavor. Little onions growing in a garden with fox tails running about. Get the substance. And when that day comes. You can use knowing that you’re doing so out of concentrated effort and not desperation. It would be a lapse into an old behavior but it would also be safer, it would be more powerful, and it would ultimately preserve your life.

Alternatively you could send that substance in to be tested before you decide to take any?

That’s the best idea.

Send some in and have it tested and then make an educated decision about whether or not you want to use it.
 
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