Like the title says, I am a druggie and no one knows. I am a functioning addict, I pay my bills, I take care of my family, and do everything I can to be a productive member to society.
I hate being sober! It sucks! When I am sober, I realize how much I hate life! The drugs make me feel alive. They make me have emotions. Why would I stop using shit if it seems to help? I know its wrong, I know the consequences if I keep using.....
I don't even know why I am on Bluelight...... I guess I am looking to meet people with similar experiences, maybe I am looking for validation? I really don't know... am I wrong for living my life like this?
My drugs of choice are Meth, MDMA, and weed. I smoke it. I don't shoot it anymore but have in the past.
Ok, to be serious; do you think that maybe you have become so accustomed to using drugs that life seems bland, boring and pointless without them. Could it be that the drugs are talking and that little devil on your shoulder got the angel on your other shoulder high and now because of long term drug use you can't see life without. Let's explore this, shall we?( I do care and me being bored is a coincidence).
1. Are you dissatisfied with your wife. Aka she is twice the woman you bargained for at the alter?
Is your love life non existent?
Is the communication in your marriage and issue?
Do you really love your wife or has there been trouble or has she become distant or have the two of you grown apart?
Your relationship with your wife a major factor in your unhappiness with life? If so is it possible to fix this if it as problem?
Is the excitement gone in your relationship and can it be repaired?
2. Your job. Are you happy with your job or is it just to pay the bills.
Is it a dead end job or possibly a job that pays to well to leave?
Do you feel trapped by your job?
3.your kids. If you are white are any of children gingers?
Do your kids love and or respect you.
Do feel like your kids are a source of aggravation? Is it because they are disobedient and or disrespectful?
Do you have a good, bad, or a distant relationship and are they a source of grief?
4. Do you live in a boring area?
Do you have any close and good healthy friendships?
Do you feel distant from others even if you were never into drugs?
5. Did you once have hobbies or strong interests before your drug use?
Is there anytime that you were happy without drugs?
6. Personal trauma: do you have any unresolved issues in your life that were traumatic and drugs are a way of coping?
Any personal issues that you are trying to suppress and is your drug use a way to self medicate or hide from your inner unresolved issues?
7. Could this be a mid life crises and instead of a sports car you have drugs?
Do you have issues with the life you choose and now regret it?
We are all of course getting older but do you feel time is slipping away?
8.Is your family life in general not feel fulfilling?
Do you regret marriage and kids?
Did you sacrifice any realistic dreams by becoming and living as a regular family man?
9. With any of these issues do you feel like you could talk to your wife and would she be supportive of you in trying to find happiness outside of drugs?
10. Are you, or have you reached a point where even the drugs won't help you? Are you having any trouble or loss of control in your life?
Do you truly hate life without drugs; or is that the drugs speaking?
11. Is there any chance of happy life drug free?
Was there a time when you were happy and married with kids and drug drug free
12. What future do you see using drugs and having a normal life?
What have been the costs physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and to your future?
These are some questions you might want to ask yourself and I am judging, I can't hmm. The reason I would ask is simple: why are you very defensive? Your tone denotes uncertainty in the secret life of drug use you are a part of. Are there deeper reasons? Do you just like getting high? Is there something more behind your use or not? Are you at some sort of crossroads and you came here?