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I am a druggie and nobody knows!

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ashman918

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 21, 2025
Messages
2
Location
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Like the title says, I am a druggie and no one knows. I am a functioning addict, I pay my bills, I take care of my family, and do everything I can to be a productive member to society.

I hate being sober! It sucks! When I am sober, I realize how much I hate life! The drugs make me feel alive. They make me have emotions. Why would I stop using shit if it seems to help? I know its wrong, I know the consequences if I keep using.....

I don't even know why I am on Bluelight...... I guess I am looking to meet people with similar experiences, maybe I am looking for validation? I really don't know... am I wrong for living my life like this?

My drugs of choice are Meth, MDMA, and weed. I smoke it. I don't shoot it anymore but have in the past.
 
ashman918 said:
am I wrong for living my life like this?
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you will suffer immensely in the future and stop then but your life and health will be wrecked irreparably.

Or you will stop sooner.

No meth addict lives till 80 in good health and dies peacefully in their sleep after winning their whole life and not having regret. It’s never happened. You would be the first.

Welcome to the site though
 
ashman918 said:
Like the title says, I am a druggie and no one knows. I am a functioning addict, I pay my bills, I take care of my family, and do everything I can to be a productive member to society.

I hate being sober! It sucks! When I am sober, I realize how much I hate life! The drugs make me feel alive. They make me have emotions. Why would I stop using shit if it seems to help? I know its wrong, I know the consequences if I keep using.....

I don't even know why I am on Bluelight...... I guess I am looking to meet people with similar experiences, maybe I am looking for validation? I really don't know... am I wrong for living my life like this?

My drugs of choice are Meth, MDMA, and weed. I smoke it. I don't shoot it anymore but have in the past.
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You use to shoot weed?
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
welcome to BL

one thing , don't be too sure that nobody knows...especially if you have kids (they will know, or at least know that something's up anyway)
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i think it's possible to hide, but a lot of times parents argue and stuff and kids hear from the other room. happened to a friend of mine...

i just know i'm schizophrenic and smoke a lot of weed and coffee... i don't think people realize i'm mentally insane and on drugs. like i've been out in public tripping and stuff.. people kind of get used to drugs... if a person can manage to use at special times... my father used to smoke weed and i didn't know, but when he'd act weird i always assumed it was cause he was an alcoholic.

kids definitely sometimes find out about their parents, but i've heard stories about kids that didn't know their parents had a problem till they were an adult... sucks if your kids find out though. it's definitely possible.
 
ashman918 said:
I don't even know why I am on Bluelight...... I guess I am looking to meet people with similar experiences, maybe I am looking for validation? I really don't know... am I wrong for living my life like this?
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we ain't having any strict idea of how life should look like. We act as resource that people can utilize independently. Basically. I sometimes wish that I had registered in 2019 summer; I didn't realize I was going to fuck up everything in following year but if I had registered then, maybe I could have been convinced that I have lost the plot and I should re-evaluate the situation.
 
foodcrisis said:
i think it's possible to hide, but a lot of times parents argue and stuff and kids hear from the other room. happened to a friend of mine...

i just know i'm schizophrenic and smoke a lot of weed and coffee... i don't think people realize i'm mentally insane and on drugs. like i've been out in public tripping and stuff.. people kind of get used to drugs... if a person can manage to use at special times... my father used to smoke weed and i didn't know, but when he'd act weird i always assumed it was cause he was an alcoholic.

kids definitely sometimes find out about their parents, but i've heard stories about kids that didn't know their parents had a problem till they were an adult... sucks if your kids find out though. it's definitely possible.
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I'm surprised that they don't think you're insane when you're smokin' that coffee man ;)

Kids know their parent's vibes pretty damn well, and they pick up on the vibe changes when said parents are high....sometimes anyway....just like cats really. And sometimes they see/hear/find etc. It's a tough job pulling the wool over a (bright) kid's eyes
 
ageingpartyfiend said:
I'm surprised that they don't think you're insane when you're smokin' that coffee man ;)

Kids know their parent's vibes pretty damn well, and they pick up on the vibe changes when said parents are high....sometimes anyway....just like cats really. And sometimes they see/hear/find etc. It's a tough job pulling the wool over a (bright) kid's eyes
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i kind of wonder if my mind wrote that on purpose to go along with how the OP got called out on writing the wrong way looking like shooting up weed... idk.
 
Jnowhere said:
You use to shoot weed?
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THC-O-phosphate is a water-soluble organophosphate ester derivative of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), which functions as a metabolic prodrug for THC itself. It was invented in 1978 in an attempt to get around the poor water solubility of THC and make it easier to inject for the purposes of animal research into its pharmacology and mechanism of action.

I always wondered about the very early LD50 studies with THC where they injected rabbits with THC. Were they just shooting straight THC into the rabbits?
 
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