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Met up with a girl after 20 years

floatingaround

floatingaround

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 15, 2012
Messages
625
Location
NSW
Recently caught up with a girl i went to primary school with 20 years ago. I seem her on a dating app and sent her a message. she 33 im 32. She has 2 kids i have 3 kids.


We chatted for a few days caught up abit through chat. She seemed not that interested in starting convosation, I was moving during the time and going through hard personal things in life so we didn't chat for a month.


Last week I ended up messaging her and we ended up organising to go kayak 7am in the morning and I would drive to hers.


Anyway after kayaking we started to drink ciders at her, got into deep convosations, listened to music all arvo we had great chemistry and banter.


We eventually drank more and she started kissing me coming on very strong. It was a nice surprise.


We went to bed had sex over 6 hours, cuddled, fell asleep. The way she treated me was like we were in a relationship. It was so sensual and intense hand holding, something I hadn't been used to, but I guess she is.. woke up a few hour later and fucked until 11am the next day again.


She asked how many partners I'd been with. I told her 7 or 8, her reply was "so are you scared your going to fall in love with me" jokingly and I replied "what do you mean, I am already in love with you" also jokingly.. we laughed.


She had a game of soccer to play that afternoon, I went and watched her, really wanted to show her I didn't just come over to see her to use her for sex.


Yesterday I messaged her the next day told her I had a fun time and think she's a great person, and that if she would be interested in being in a "friends with benefits" type deal which looking back now I really wish I had rephrased.


This was her response... "
No I don’t regret it, it was fun.
But I’ve never been great at friends with benefits because I think the line just gets too confusing.
So for me the less complicated situation would be friends and I think we could both do with another friend.
Does that make sense?... "


I feel I should have just said to her "we should hang out more often its fun" so now I am a little confused.


In an earlier message she said she didn't want become attached to someone but would still want to go kayaking etc.


What are peoples thoughts?

Thanks
 
Did she say she didn’t want to be attached to someone before or after you guys had an amazing time together?
 
It sounds like you had a good time overall, so definitely don't lose sight of that.

Some people are quite averse to labels or speaking plainly about their feelings. It's very likely that she just didn't want to make any kind of formal committment to you, yet. That doesn't mean she won't, but she probably just doesn't want to feel beholden to you at all, especially if you just reconnected. Because if you declare yourselves "friends with benefits", now you might expect certain things from her, and she's just not ready for that.

I would just give it time, let it play out naturally and see where it goes. I would just play it cool though, don't come on too strong or get pushy/obsessive. Not saying you would, but that's a common mistake guys make and it freaks chicks out.

It's very possible it could turn into something more, you just have to take it slow. I mean, you already got laid. The hard part is out of the way, so just move forward and be open to new things. Currently I have gone weeks/months trying to get past this nebulous "reconnecting" phase with someone in my life, and physically I've got nothing out of it. That's just the way she goes sometimes, you gotta be patient.
 
I’d be like “look, I fucked up, I said friends with benefits, but I was trying to play it cool, what I really want with you is the possibility to in some way be connected to you, in any way, at any depth you feel comfortable with. I had an amazing time with you. I’d have amazing times with you for as long as you would allow me to accompany with you. I like you and I’m open to anything.”

But I’m straight up judging that you might actually love her because even though you said it jokingly what you described happening seems a lot more like love than a hookup. But I’m young, yet, and I still believe in love. You’ve both been through breakups and have children. Likely far more mature than me. Maybe have more pain as well. But, me, no way I’m letting someone I have this good of a time with get away from me without having as many more good times as we can. The language I gave you in the quote hopefully allows you to express a deeper desire for a deeper connection. But you seem to maybe be a player type. I mean you had that kind of date and asked for a friends with benefits situation. lol

Maybe be true to your own actions, because it seems like you had a deep connection, and then tried to downgrade it to a meaningless relationship.
 
pixies+ said:
Did she say she didn’t want to be attached to someone before or after you guys had an amazing time together?
Click to expand...
She said she dosent want to worry about someone, and that she needs to focus on herself. This was after I mentioned the friends with benefit mention.
 
deficiT said:
It sounds like you had a good time overall, so definitely don't lose sight of that.

Some people are quite averse to labels or speaking plainly about their feelings. It's very likely that she just didn't want to make any kind of formal committment to you, yet. That doesn't mean she won't, but she probably just doesn't want to feel beholden to you at all, especially if you just reconnected. Because if you declare yourselves "friends with benefits", now you might expect certain things from her, and she's just not ready for that.

I would just give it time, let it play out naturally and see where it goes. I would just play it cool though, don't come on too strong or get pushy/obsessive. Not saying you would, but that's a common mistake guys make and it freaks chicks out.

It's very possible it could turn into something more, you just have to take it slow. I mean, you already got laid. The hard part is out of the way, so just move forward and be open to new things. Currently I have gone weeks/months trying to get past this nebulous "reconnecting" phase with someone in my life, and physically I've got nothing out of it. That's just the way she goes sometimes, you gotta be patient.
Click to expand...
I really appreciate this perspective. The FWB title definatly sets an expectation.
 
For the moment ill just take it cool. Won't harrass her with messages. Won't be too eager.

Thanks everyone.
 
floatingaround said:
I really appreciate this perspective. The FWB title definatly sets an expectation.
Click to expand...
It may have scared her a little. If the night/day was as magical for you as it was for her, I think seeing “friends with benefits” might have made her feel uneasy. Especially if she’s been hurt in the past by these situations.
Hope you’ve had contact with her since. sounded like a real connection.
 
I ended up rephrasing and explaining myself. I said I value the reconnection and want to get to know you better.. I would love to take you out for dinner.

She said that's flattering and nice but wants to focus on herself and being friends is the less complicated option.

Shes not interested, we chat maybe once a week, she dosent initiate the convo and there are no plans to catch up again, even though I've mentioned it. I've left the ball in her court.

Nice experience overall. Just makes me think that's just a standard one night stand for a girl like her being overly passionate.
 
floatingaround said:
I ended up rephrasing and explaining myself. I said I value the reconnection and want to get to know you better.. I would love to take you out for dinner.

She said that's flattering and nice but wants to focus on herself and being friends is the less complicated option.

Shes not interested, we chat maybe once a week, she dosent initiate the convo and there are no plans to catch up again, even though I've mentioned it. I've left the ball in her court.

Nice experience overall. Just makes me think that's just a standard one night stand for a girl like her being overly passionate.
Click to expand...
Sorry to hear that. But never know what the future holds ❤️
 
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