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Free at last! I sure hope so anyway!

M

melrenee75

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 14, 2024
Messages
3
Finally! After a month of hell, it's over! I've been addicted to opiates over 20 years. But the last 2 years another evil entered my life. Fent dope! My husband and I worked our way up to 10 bags of fent dope per day. About 5 each. Every time i did it I would be unconscious for at least 30 min and then on the nod for the next several hours until I would do the next bag. Well, we finally said enough is enough. We're both 49 years old and wanted nothing more than to be finished with it. Although he is still not 100 percent better. He is close. I on the other hand am over it! The first week had to switch to non fent dope which was sadly hard to find. And not pleasant at all. I was pissed spending money on it and still sick but stuck with it. The second week took a couple days of methadone and then went cold turkey. But, did take nyquil, serequel, immodium, smoked dabs, my husband drank Jim beam (i hate alcohol). We also quit meth cold turkey during this month with no problem at all! Well, today is day 31 and i finally woke up feeling normal. We've been clean for years at time in our 15 years together. We've gone back to it several times. But never had it been so scary and so severe as the fent dope. I used to chew up fent patches and it wasn't as strong as the bags out there. I never thought it was possible. Had tried 3 times in the last 2 years and could not make it past day 2! And here I am at day 31 and I made it out. Again. There is no going back for me. We've cut out everyone. Made enemies with the dealers by ripping them off for a change so that we couldn't call them. We already had no friends so that was easy. We are lucky to have family still. My husband just needs to get his head straight and he will be OK too. He's the one that pushed us to stop and he's stubborn. He won't stop until he's better. I feel like a few more days he will be in the same place that i am. Free at last! I kept a journal of it for the first time in my over 20 years of struggle with addiction. Hoping that if i ever think of using again that I'll refer back to this past month. Although i might be over it this time. I'm not dumb. I realize the reality of relapse. So I'm getting prepared to face that obstacle of truth right there. Although, this struggle is not over for me, the sickness, the main struggle to get free is over. We can recover and will! If you're trying to get clean, don't give up. If i can do it, anyone can. And i hate when people say that crap. But it's true. Don't let this demon take you out. Fight back! That's all for now. I'll check back in later after some more time had passed and update on my path to staying free. I used to worry about getting older and having doctors put me on opiates which has caused my relapse in the past and caused my initial addiction at age 23. But there is not one doctor near me that prescribes opiates anymore. I think that is so wrong for those that need it so badly to live pain free. It's a bad situation for everyone any way you look at it. Fight hard my friends. You're worth it
 
melrenee75 said:
Finally! After a month of hell, it's over! I've been addicted to opiates over 20 years. But the last 2 years another evil entered my life. Fent dope! My husband and I worked our way up to 10 bags of fent dope per day. About 5 each. Every time i did it I would be unconscious for at least 30 min and then on the nod for the next several hours until I would do the next bag. Well, we finally said enough is enough. We're both 49 years old and wanted nothing more than to be finished with it. Although he is still not 100 percent better. He is close. I on the other hand am over it! The first week had to switch to non fent dope which was sadly hard to find. And not pleasant at all. I was pissed spending money on it and still sick but stuck with it. The second week took a couple days of methadone and then went cold turkey. But, did take nyquil, serequel, immodium, smoked dabs, my husband drank Jim beam (i hate alcohol). We also quit meth cold turkey during this month with no problem at all! Well, today is day 31 and i finally woke up feeling normal. We've been clean for years at time in our 15 years together. We've gone back to it several times. But never had it been so scary and so severe as the fent dope. I used to chew up fent patches and it wasn't as strong as the bags out there. I never thought it was possible. Had tried 3 times in the last 2 years and could not make it past day 2! And here I am at day 31 and I made it out. Again. There is no going back for me. We've cut out everyone. Made enemies with the dealers by ripping them off for a change so that we couldn't call them. We already had no friends so that was easy. We are lucky to have family still. My husband just needs to get his head straight and he will be OK too. He's the one that pushed us to stop and he's stubborn. He won't stop until he's better. I feel like a few more days he will be in the same place that i am. Free at last! I kept a journal of it for the first time in my over 20 years of struggle with addiction. Hoping that if i ever think of using again that I'll refer back to this past month. Although i might be over it this time. I'm not dumb. I realize the reality of relapse. So I'm getting prepared to face that obstacle of truth right there. Although, this struggle is not over for me, the sickness, the main struggle to get free is over. We can recover and will! If you're trying to get clean, don't give up. If i can do it, anyone can. And i hate when people say that crap. But it's true. Don't let this demon take you out. Fight back! That's all for now. I'll check back in later after some more time had passed and update on my path to staying free. I used to worry about getting older and having doctors put me on opiates which has caused my relapse in the past and caused my initial addiction at age 23. But there is not one doctor near me that prescribes opiates anymore. I think that is so wrong for those that need it so badly to live pain free. It's a bad situation for everyone any way you look at it. Fight hard my friends. You're worth it
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fantastic work! I commend you with all due respect and support. I am working down off 90mg OC ive been on for 20 years or so. I hope to wake up to a normal day soon as well. I wish you both the best in your journey, and that your husbands' kick is not so bad <3
 
melrenee75 said:
Finally! After a month of hell, it's over! I've been addicted to opiates over 20 years. But the last 2 years another evil entered my life. Fent dope! My husband and I worked our way up to 10 bags of fent dope per day. About 5 each. Every time i did it I would be unconscious for at least 30 min and then on the nod for the next several hours until I would do the next bag. Well, we finally said enough is enough. We're both 49 years old and wanted nothing more than to be finished with it. Although he is still not 100 percent better. He is close. I on the other hand am over it! The first week had to switch to non fent dope which was sadly hard to find. And not pleasant at all. I was pissed spending money on it and still sick but stuck with it. The second week took a couple days of methadone and then went cold turkey. But, did take nyquil, serequel, immodium, smoked dabs, my husband drank Jim beam (i hate alcohol). We also quit meth cold turkey during this month with no problem at all! Well, today is day 31 and i finally woke up feeling normal. We've been clean for years at time in our 15 years together. We've gone back to it several times. But never had it been so scary and so severe as the fent dope. I used to chew up fent patches and it wasn't as strong as the bags out there. I never thought it was possible. Had tried 3 times in the last 2 years and could not make it past day 2! And here I am at day 31 and I made it out. Again. There is no going back for me. We've cut out everyone. Made enemies with the dealers by ripping them off for a change so that we couldn't call them. We already had no friends so that was easy. We are lucky to have family still. My husband just needs to get his head straight and he will be OK too. He's the one that pushed us to stop and he's stubborn. He won't stop until he's better. I feel like a few more days he will be in the same place that i am. Free at last! I kept a journal of it for the first time in my over 20 years of struggle with addiction. Hoping that if i ever think of using again that I'll refer back to this past month. Although i might be over it this time. I'm not dumb. I realize the reality of relapse. So I'm getting prepared to face that obstacle of truth right there. Although, this struggle is not over for me, the sickness, the main struggle to get free is over. We can recover and will! If you're trying to get clean, don't give up. If i can do it, anyone can. And i hate when people say that crap. But it's true. Don't let this demon take you out. Fight back! That's all for now. I'll check back in later after some more time had passed and update on my path to staying free. I used to worry about getting older and having doctors put me on opiates which has caused my relapse in the past and caused my initial addiction at age 23. But there is not one doctor near me that prescribes opiates anymore. I think that is so wrong for those that need it so badly to live pain free. It's a bad situation for everyone any way you look at it. Fight hard my friends. You're worth it
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Congratulations, it’s no easy feat. I was in your shoes not so long ago. Tomorrow will be 12 months for myself.
Life is so much easier and better these days.

Stay motivated and keep yourself busy!

Always, fair winds and following seas
 
Nothing like being freed from chains that keep us bound. My opinion from experience in many ways.
Congratulations on the success.
Live that life and be proud I say.
Always peace
Good news is always a welcome. ;)
 
Great job, I have read how hard it is to quit, especially if your DOC is opiods. I was addicted to alcohol and the only thing that made me really quit for good is, I am allergic to it now. Being told I had cirrhosis didn't stop me, probation with pissing in a cup for a while kept me clean. But in the end only being able to barely get it down and the incredibly bad body itching all over finally stopped me. I couldn't get a beer down without uncontrolled itching for over an hour. Tons of Benadryl didn't help. 20+ years and nothing helped me quit permanently until I could barely get it down and and would itch like crazy. Also couldn't catch a buzz. Thank you God. I am weak and that is all that stopped me from drinking myself to death.
Great job, I have avoided hard drugs because I am weak and easily addicted.
I was supposed to be dead long ago.
But no will power.
Great job quitting, I did quit morphine er with the help of Bluelight. Still use a low dose of oxycodone for pain. But can't give that up, may not get another one.
But it is great to read about a success story and not another statistic.
4-5 thousand heroin deaths before fent and less than 20,000 dead from pills, when they were available. 118,000 deaths in America from illegal fentanyl in 2023 and now Narcan is available.
No doctors will write for any opiods, but mine will give the maximum, allowed for pain. But I am lucky. Nearly 100,000 more dead than before the war on pain patients. Both sides of the political isle can agree; kill off opiod users and make pain patients suffer. The deathtoll last years was 4 to 5 times higher than before the war on opiods, good job by the politicians.
I am convinced they just want opiod users dead. And people in serious pain, fuck them. It is ridiculous and the pharmacists will look at you with disgust when you do get a script for opiods.
Things were way better when real heroin was around and pain pills were also. If Narcan were legal then the numbers would be even less.
Sorry for the rant, but please stay sober and hopefully your husband will join you in being clean.😃
 
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Congrats thats a great achievement! Im pretty sure your husband will get it done! thats amazing will power you should be proud with yourself. Fent dope is evil and litlerally eats away at people so well done!


Are you still doing good ? i am on the same journey as you but not with fent dope, and I am dreaming of that day when i wake up and feel normal, Im gonna do it....
 
Hi there.
Congrats on that.
I am clean from opiates, benzos, alcohol, etc. One could say, I was a chemical conoisseur.
But, thats me beeing stupid. I went from 40 mg of Methadone , cold.
Three weeks in, I had my first dream. I had a beautiful day.
But....
Now , I am a bit worried.
What to do, wih all that freedom. Its stupid, I know.
Some how, I have to much time. At least all the hustle, for money and drugs?
Fulltime job. Thats , why I say, you people, still on it?
You are warriors , man.!!!!

Now, me.
So much free time.......


As for meirenee75?
Great job. I tell you, what I did for long times.#
I used to snatch used , stinky , greasy Fentanyl Patches direkt from the backs of people and chew them.
Fenntanyl is so scary. There was an incident, where I "found " 20 new patches, of 50mcg.
They failed to give them back to the pharmacy. So guess what?
I woke up one day and my flat was full of shit. My poor dog had to poop and piss all over the place, cause I was simply out.
One day, I collapsed at work. Woke up on the stretcher of an ambulance. Lost my job, because of that.
So, I can relate.
( On top, after 10 days on a full agonist, I went back to work, at another place and chewed 16 mg of buprenorphine. Right after that , I thought, fuck it, stupid me. Right into hell, of precipitated withdrawal. Nice !)
These days the patches go right into the toilet.
Dont want to mess with that 'gain.
And, finally , I hope you're good.
God bless
 
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glutitis said:
Hi there.
Congrats on that.
I am clean from opiates, benzos, alcohol, etc. One could say, I was a chemical conoisseur.
But, thats me beeing stupid. I went from 40 mg of Methadone , cold.
Three weeks in, I had my first dream. I had a beautiful day.
But....
Now , I am a bit worried.
What to do, wih all that freedom. Its stupid, I know.
Some how, I have to much time. At least all the hustle, for money and drugs?
Fulltime job. Thats , why I say, you people, still on it?
You are warriors , man.!!!!

Now, me.
So much free time.......
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Welcome to Bluelight
 
Jnowhere said:
Great job on getting sober.
Click to expand...
Thank you, very much. Is a bit overwhelming and frightening at the same time.
I'll figure it out, at 57 years of age, I guess, I had a lot of universal support, or I wouldnt be here.
So, somwhere , there is a purpose, or isnt there?
I struggle with beeing so aware, of everything, but at the same time, its beautiful.
 
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