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Stimulants Adderall refill stopped working (SOLVED: Vit D Deficiency)

zarangezid

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2024
Messages
31
Hey all,

I'm a mid-20s guy with ADHD taking 22.5mg of generic Adderall daily. I had been taking this for a year with great results, sticking to the same dose for 6 months without any drop in efficacy. About 2 months ago I got a refill from a different manufacturer that was WAY less effective, to the point where I felt unmedicated. Requested not to get those pills next month and got another new manufacturer with the same problem.

Here's where it gets weird:

I knew the problem wasn't sleep or diet because I was getting 8 hours and watching my calories, and I wasn't taking anything acidic, high vit C, or caffeinated. No supplements at the time, and after starting fish oil, vitamin D, exercise, L-tyrosine nothing really helped. BUT the meds were 'working' when I took them; I felt them kick in, and some of my symptoms improved. I listed the symptoms and side effects of each med:

Original Pills = Complete Improvement with side effects of increased thirst and occasional teeth grinding

New Pills #1 & #2 = Improved focus, social anxiety, hyperactivity, forgetfulness (but NOT task paralysis) with side effects of lethargy, depression, & feeling cold.
In short, the new pills gave me a clear head but didn't give me the ability or drive to actually do shit. At first I thought this might be an issue of potency, so I made the risky decision to take 30mg of the new pills in the morning (with nothing else) all at once instead of the normal 10mg. This didn't really help--I was super focused and clearheaded, but still unable to start my tasks like I wanted to.

Exactly 3 hours after taking that dose I felt a HUGE improvement, like my symptoms got better in the way they used to when I was taking the old pills. This kicked in literally in the span of a few minutes and continued to get better for another 2 hours before the meds wore off. I was baffled by this; why would the meds work better when they start wearing off?

From what I could find on the internet, Adderall is composed of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine in a 3:1 ratio. This ratio is really important for the therapeutic benefits for ADHD treatment, but generic manufacturers may have small differences in the ratio because of how they create the meds. Dextroamphetamine mainly produces dopamine while levoamphetamine produces adrenaline, and if either is out of whack you'll feel and perform worse. I also found this from Wikipedia and the FDA's guidelines on Adderall usage:

"The mean elimination half-life of levoamphetamine ranges from 11.7 to 15.2 hours in different studies.[5][49][3] Its half-life is somewhat longer than that of dextroamphetamine, with a difference of about 1 to 2 hours."

Which leads me to my current theory: the new pills I was taking didn't work because they had too much dextroamphetamine relative to levoamphetamine, fixing my issues with focus while failing to improve lethargy, motivation, or task paralysis. Changing the dose did NOTHING to help because it was an issue with the ratio of the ingredients, and I only noticed improvement when the meds wore off because the d-amphetamine wore off faster and balanced the ratio in the process.

Thoughts?

I'm requesting my old manufacturer for my next refill, and will look into ways to boost adrenaline or levoamphetamine to see if I prove my theory & make these new pills work 100% of the time. Otherwise, I'll be stuck with 2 months' worth of ADHD meds that don't work for me :/
 
Adderall is composed of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine in a 3:1 ratio. This ratio is really important for the therapeutic benefits for ADHD treatment
Most definitely it is not "really important."

Adderall's specific salt ratio is 95% marketing and patent-targeting BS IMHO, I have no doubt they funded research to demonstrate some advantages but for the vast majority of people, ADHDers or not, there's not going to be a profound difference between 50/50 racemic speed and pharma Adderall.

In much of the world Adderall is not even prescribed but either racemic or dexamphetamine only formulations are preferred, clearly any difference is not a widely convincing one outside the dystopian capitalist bubble that is the US medical system.

That said people do respond differently to the levo- and dex- isomers, and for some the ratio surely does matter, especially if you've become used to a specific ratio. Even though I also think the specific salts used in Adderall are also likely just to make it more patentable, and to be able to claim some kind of special innovation on one of the oldest and most basic stimulants known, even the different salts of the same isomer and even inactive binders used that affect absorption rates and such can and do have a therapeutic impact. So it's surely possible that lax manufacturing standards will lead to variance in dosage, isomer ratio, absorption rate, and all sorts of other harder to measure factors that will have a therapeutic impact.

I mean, proof is in the pudding so to speak, if your previous meds were working great and the new ones aren't doing shit and nothing else has changed then yeah, probably the reason is they're doing something differently, I wouldn't be so quick to assume the isomer ratio is the significant factor though because there are a whole bunch of other factors at play. But maybe it is, if you can send one of the new ones off somewhere to get it quantitatively analysed and report back the brand of generic it would surely be interesting and potentially helpful to others. I would be interested personally regardless if you could share the names of the generics, or the manufacturers (both the effective and ineffective ones).


Edit: I'd also just add that in most of these situations what's really going on is just that you've become tolerant to some of the effects so the medication has started to affect you differently. Tolerance develops at a different rate and in a somewhat different way for everyone but a year is long enough for some neurological changes to take place that might well mean nothing has changed in formulation of what you're taking, just in the way that your brain responds to it.

People always want to find reasons why tolerance isn't the reason a drug doesn't work the same way it used to but unfortunately, most of the time tolerance is the only reason.

All THAT said... nonetheless, variations in manufacturing quality or even just method even when the chemicals used and the dosages are - on paper - exactly as they should be, DO seem to have an impact, even when it seems like they shouldn't, so it's still worth investigating, IMO.
 
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I agree heavily with @Vastness , I've personally experimented with isomerizing and using certain mixes of amphetamine isomers in RoA and while just barely noticeable, it probably wouldn't be to most people.

Amphetamine's tolerance builds rapidly but you expect to be able to take it daily without tolerance breaks, it doesn't make sense. Definitely schedule in tolerance breaks, it's also not great for your body to hit it with monoamine releasers daily, how does Ritalin or caffeine impact you?
 
Adderall only exists for the patent. Everywhere else in the world they just prescribe dexamphetamine. However, if the generic amphetamine salts you were given happened to be a 1:1 ratio instead of 1:3 then that could explain why it feels less potent.

A potential solution would be to ask for Dexedrine/dexamphetamine, or vyvanse/elvanse instead because levoamphetamine is garbage and you don't need it regardless of what the manufacturer of Adderall would have you believe.

Tolerance is also very likely to be a factor. I've always had to take tolerance breaks at least a couple times a year to keep seeing a consistent benefit on the same dose.
 
Most definitely it is not "really important."

Adderall's specific salt ratio is 95% marketing and patent-targeting BS IMHO, I have no doubt they funded research to demonstrate some advantages but for the vast majority of people, ADHDers or not, there's not going to be a profound difference between 50/50 racemic speed and pharma Adderall.

In much of the world Adderall is not even prescribed but either racemic or dexamphetamine only formulations are preferred, clearly any difference is not a widely convincing one outside the dystopian capitalist bubble that is the US medical system.

That said people do respond differently to the levo- and dex- isomers, and for some the ratio surely does matter, especially if you've become used to a specific ratio. Even though I also think the specific salts used in Adderall are also likely just to make it more patentable, and to be able to claim some kind of special innovation on one of the oldest and most basic stimulants known, even the different salts of the same isomer and even inactive binders used that affect absorption rates and such can and do have a therapeutic impact. So it's surely possible that lax manufacturing standards will lead to variance in dosage, isomer ratio, absorption rate, and all sorts of other harder to measure factors that will have a therapeutic impact.

I mean, proof is in the pudding so to speak, if your previous meds were working great and the new ones aren't doing shit and nothing else has changed then yeah, probably the reason is they're doing something differently, I wouldn't be so quick to assume the isomer ratio is the significant factor though because there are a whole bunch of other factors at play. But maybe it is, if you can send one of the new ones off somewhere to get it quantitatively analysed and report back the brand of generic it would surely be interesting and potentially helpful to others. I would be interested personally regardless if you could share the names of the generics, or the manufacturers (both the effective and ineffective ones).


Edit: I'd also just add that in most of these situations what's really going on is just that you've become tolerant to some of the effects so the medication has started to affect you differently. Tolerance develops at a different rate and in a somewhat different way for everyone but a year is long enough for some neurological changes to take place that might well mean nothing has changed in formulation of what you're taking, just in the way that your brain responds to it.

People always want to find reasons why tolerance isn't the reason a drug doesn't work the same way it used to but unfortunately, most of the time tolerance is the only reason.

All THAT said... nonetheless, variations in manufacturing quality or even just method even when the chemicals used and the dosages are - on paper - exactly as they should be, DO seem to have an impact, even when it seems like they shouldn't, so it's still worth investigating, IMO.

You were right!

After going back to the old pills, I noticed the exact same issue with the meds not working correctly for the first 1-2 hours before improving afterwards. This happened for both 7.5mg and 3.75mg doses, with each making me feel worse then better for a proportionate amount of time.

This is really bizarre, because if it's an issue of tolerance you'd think the 30mg dose would've prevented the issue. That's nearly triple what I would ever normally take in one go, and it had basically no change aside from the crummy period and good period each lasting longer. It also doesn't fit with the dose being too high, since the exact same issue occurred no matter how small a dose I took. Plus, if it was caused by the dose being too strong it should've gone from better → worse → better, not just worse → better.

I have a new theory to try and explain this.

I had been scaling back my doses for the past 1-2 weeks, mainly because I was afraid this was a tolerance issue and wanted to avoid going up any higher. I bought some L-tyrosine to accomplish this, since I had read that it made tolerance breaks more bearable. When I took the tyrosine by itself the effects were similar to how I used to feel off my meds months ago: mentally hyperactive, distracted, but also happy and driven to do shit. The only drawback was that the 'shit' was often video games or random hyperfocuses, but it was better than the meds which had been making me feel apathetic for the first few hours after I took them.

On one occasion I took the tyrosine with my meds, and the effect was exactly what I used to experience when taking too much of my meds. Drowsiness, feeling spacey, and a nasty headache. Tyrosine is an amino acid used in the production of dopamine, and indirectly norepinephrine too, so it's not surprising that combining it with my meds could cause an overload since they inhibit reuptake of both. However, the fact that my response to the meds being too strong and to when they wear off switched back to what it used to be after taking tyrosine made me suspect it was the true culprit. My diet was rather low in protein the past few months, and even when taking the tyrosine with shakes or foods I still experienced the same benefits.

To sum up: I now believe my issues with the meds was caused by a dopamine deficiency due to a diet poor in protein/tyrosine.

This gradually dropped my dopamine baseline to a level low enough to cause apathy/depression during comedowns instead of hyperactivity, as well as causing even lower norepinephrine due to dopamine being a precursor for that. Changing the dose didn't fix this underlying problem because the meds were reuptake inhibitors; they could only affect whatever my brain was producing. I felt better a few hours later because the ratio of reuptake inhibition changed, resulting in more norepinephrine effects relative to the dopaminergic ones.

I'm going to keep supplementing tyrosine, but I'm going to make sure only to take 500-1000mg tops and mix it with food or drink when I take it. That way I can ensure it will only fix a deficiency, not create transient dopamine spikes that lead to tolerance. I'll also make a conscious effort to eat more and better foods, especially those with protein and tyrosine in them.

Hopefully I'm right or this helps, because the alternative is taking a 1-2 week tolerance break. Would not look forward to that! 😅
 
took 60-120mg daily for like 7 years… took a year break… not sure of the manufacturer off the top of my head but I ALWAYS got the same brand. After my break, I got a script of 30’s and one 30 would send me to the clouds. I didn’t even finish the whole script before getting the next. I picked up the second script and it was the same manufacturer I always used and the entire bottle was bunk. I went back to bottle I got the month before and taking one was perfect but I could take 4-5 from the refill and get nothing from it. Did a bit of searching and I’m not the only one. It’s like there is literally no D-Amp in it. People are saying the Adderall shortages caused the manufacturers to change the formula so they could keep the money flowing….
 
took 60-120mg daily for like 7 years… took a year break… not sure of the manufacturer off the top of my head but I ALWAYS got the same brand. After my break, I got a script of 30’s and one 30 would send me to the clouds. I didn’t even finish the whole script before getting the next. I picked up the second script and it was the same manufacturer I always used and the entire bottle was bunk. I went back to bottle I got the month before and taking one was perfect but I could take 4-5 from the refill and get nothing from it. Did a bit of searching and I’m not the only one. It’s like there is literally no D-Amp in it. People are saying the Adderall shortages caused the manufacturers to change the formula so they could keep the money flowing….
I've read countless articles about Adderall shortages in the US...as they consume 80% of the global supply lol

The FDA sets quotas for annual manufacturing limits....so I'm sure they adjust the formula slightly to meet the damnd

Keep those quarterly 500Mil profits coming in lol

Zenzedi 20 & 30mg IR tablets look amazing
Dexedrine Spansule 15mg & IR 5mg are a classic choice

Perhaps ask your doctor for Desoxyn 5mg tablets and see if that works out ? lol

Ritalin 20mg IR X 4-5 daily might be good for you
 
I have a new theory to try and explain this.

I had been scaling back my doses for the past 1-2 weeks, mainly because I was afraid this was a tolerance issue and wanted to avoid going up any higher. I bought some L-tyrosine to accomplish this, since I had read that it made tolerance breaks more bearable. When I took the tyrosine by itself the effects were similar to how I used to feel off my meds months ago: mentally hyperactive, distracted, but also happy and driven to do shit. The only drawback was that the 'shit' was often video games or random hyperfocuses, but it was better than the meds which had been making me feel apathetic for the first few hours after I took them.

took 60-120mg daily for like 7 years… took a year break… not sure of the manufacturer off the top of my head but I ALWAYS got the same brand. After my break, I got a script of 30’s and one 30 would send me to the clouds. I didn’t even finish the whole script before getting the next. I picked up the second script and it was the same manufacturer I always used and the entire bottle was bunk. I went back to bottle I got the month before and taking one was perfect but I could take 4-5 from the refill and get nothing from it. Did a bit of searching and I’m not the only one. It’s like there is literally no D-Amp in it. People are saying the Adderall shortages caused the manufacturers to change the formula so they could keep the money flowing….
I've always been rather intrigued by people online who mention having this reaction, since I personally never got the "in the clouds" feeling on Adderall. My reaction was more like the guy in the limitless movie; I remember the first month or two I kept being stunned at myself for how much better I was at literally everything.

I had witty replies at the snap of a finger, could sit down and write a paper at the drop of a hat, I was confident with girls instead of being all in my own head. Old memories or info I needed was right there when I needed to recall it, you get the picture. It was intensely pleasurable in a sense, but moreso because I was relieved and amazed at what I was now capable of. Funny how I felt superhuman for being able to do stuff that I now see as totally normal and unremarkable XD
 
the thing is, tolerance and responses do not scale in linear manner. There is not even one tolerance but collection of different changes in how the nervous system functions.
Yeah, it's still my #2 theory for what my problem is. Hopefully it's not that; going back to my old self for a week or two would suck.
 
Woke up this morning and took 1g tyrosine (500mg in pill form, 500mg mixed with food) with 3.75mg of my meds (the old pills). This is less than my usual morning dose of adderall, but I wanted to play it safe and reduce the risk of getting headaches. I'll include times since I took some notes:

9:19AM - Woke up feeling much better after taking evening tyrosine mixed with protein powder (50g worth) & vitamin C. Took 3.75mg adderall.

9:53AM - Same as before: mood worsened, felt tingly & cold, motivation and drive reduced. Was supposed to take 500mg tyrosine at this time but felt depressed and didn't.

10:53AM - Finally took 500mg tyrosine with food and noticed rapid improvement, but it wore off rather quickly.

11:00AM - Took another 500mg tyrosine in supplement form. Probably overkill as I briefly felt anxious, short-breathed, and irritable. Yet again, the tyrosine wore off quickly. Supports the idea that it's a dopaminergic tolerance issue.

11:25AM - Was about to take another 3.75mg when I suddenly felt a big improvement in mood. Starting running errands and taking care of shit.

11:42AM - Start noticing irritability--either the tyrosine is too strong or my meds are wearing off. I take 3.75mg Adderall to gauge which it is.

11:52AM - Feel dazed and breathless, tyrosine seems to be wearing off but mood is still alright. Slight headache.

12:20AM - Mood takes a swan dive into depression-land. Headache & anxiety wear off.

12:39AM - Mood continues to plunge even lower.

12:51AM - Mood improves substantially. Bye-bye depression!

1:01PM - I realize my mistake: I had been taking tyrosine without any vitamin B6! I take a B-complex vitamin containing 2mg of B6--it also has vitamin C which will weaken my meds, but I don't have any better options on hand.

1:05PM - OVERWHELMING improvement! Both my mood and focus are great now, with none of the previous issues with anxiety, irritability, or breathlessness. Basically, I feel like how I used to when taking my meds.

1:53PM - Doing fantastic. Focused, clear head, no depression, no tyrosine side effects anymore. Crazy to get this powerful of an effect from a fraction of my usual dose AND with vitamin C diluting it.

TL;DR - Tyrosine helped massively this morning before crapping out around noon and causing depression. I realized I wasn't taking it with vitamin B6 and took some, then instantly saw even more massive improvement.

Based on this, my issue is probably a combination of tyrosine and vitamin B6 deficiency, or maybe some other vitamin B that I needed. Will eat some more today and work on getting some B6 without vitamin C.
 
Took some more B-complex and feeling waaaaay better. More ADHD since I haven't taken any meds, but I kind of like it. My mood is just so great right now. Ordered some P5P (active variant of B6) and will see if it helps even better tomorrow.
 
Feeling better, took 7.5mg about an hour ago. The exact same thing still happened; my mood got worse and I was unmotivated for about 45 minutes, but the effects weren't as bad since the B vitamins were making me feel much better than before.

Still working on diet, and it could be that is the issue since I didn't eat much today. The P5P I ordered just arrived, and I'm going to try it out and see if that helps. Much higher dose than the B-complex (100mg), so if it's a matter of running out of B6 then this should fix that problem.
 
Combined the P5P with 300-400mg of tyrosine. I feel more focused, clear, and not depressed, but I would say my mood is not as improved as it was from the B-complex after taking it. The tyrosine had wildly different effects this time too: no initial anxiety and shortness of breath, no increased sweating, no caffeine-like rush of energy. It was just a quiet, smooth clarity coming over me.

I took some digestive bitters just now since I need to eat and my appetite is almost zero.

Update: ok the mood lifting effect is happening now, but it's much slower and more subtle than before. I might take a small dose of my meds tonight to see if they cause a depressive effect this time around--if not, then I believe B6/Tyrosine is the ultimate culprit. Eating a big dinner since I had almost no food all day :confused:
 
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Still doing better, but will have to see if that's from the tyrosine/B6 or just my meds wearing off. Either way, my mood and focus is quite good at the moment.
 
I mean I'm glad you're feeling better but you must realize that you are just kicking the can down the road here. The main problem is still tolerance. Tyrosine will indeed help a little because tyrosine is a dopamine precursor and so taking it will - for a while - somewhat counteract the downregulation of dopamine- production caused by tolerance. B6 will help somewhat because, well, B-vitamins are important and will somewhat correct unpleasant side effects caused by the general systemic dysregulation of a whole bunch of important biological processes caused by taking speed everyday. But it won't work forever, neither of these things can prevent further tolerance and the loss of effectiveness of your primary medication over time, and since you've now somewhat cheated your brain's effort to re-attain dopaminergic homeostasis by flooding it with supernormal levels of dopamine precursor, it's going to respond by turning down your natural neurotransmitter "taps" even further... ie, making you even more tolerant.

Based on this, my issue is probably a combination of tyrosine and vitamin B6 deficiency, or maybe some other vitamin B that I needed
You may well have a deficiency in either or both of those things, many people are somewhat deficient in many things without realising. But if it never bothered you enough before now - when your drug of choice (yeah I know it's a prescription and a medicine but let's be honest about the things we're talking about here) stopped working for you - it's fairly unlikely these deficiencies are so severe as to really matter to your health, and your own intention here clearly isn't to correct a minor deficiency in order to maintain optimal health - it's to find a way to kick the can of inescapable tolerance down the road for just a little longer. Your issue is that you have been taking speed every day and it has changed your brain in ways that will not serve you in the long term and clearly based on the time and effort you've put into thinking about how to not accept that you need to just take a tolerance break, are already not serving you now.

I feel for you, ADHD sucks, especially those of us with the "inattentive" type which means no motivation to do shit and endless, horrific procrastination moreso than the other type that can be high functioning and just has a tendency to jump between too many projects but actually does get some stuff done regardless.

I'm prescribed 40mg dexamphetamine daily which is definitely a little on the overzealous side, I try to take half that most days and take a few weeks to a month off but every now and then without fail I find myself creeping back up. When I start snorting it sometimes I know I've gone well past the point of therapeutic usefulness.

I also have taken tyrosine supplements, DLPA, other shit in an effort to avoid just taking a damn break. Before I was prescribed I yoyoed between other stimulants for a long time, armodafinil, phenylpiracetam, which I'd also augment after a while with various vitamins or sometimes just other drugs to counteract the growing negatives and try to temporarily revive the fading positives...

DLPA btw before I was heavily into taking any hard drugs regularly, prescribed or not, is stimulating on it's own and for regular folk would probably do on it's own what a moderate dose of our chosen formulation of speed would do for us. Now, I'm certain it wouldn't do shit for me on it's own. So I've been where you are, and had thoughts like aha! My problem is a deficiency in vitamin X! Not that, perhaps, I'm just taking too many fucking stimulants. But now honestly reading a sentence like..
I realize my mistake: I had been taking tyrosine without any vitamin B6!
...in this context, is both kinda funny and kinda sad. I don't say this with any ill-intent towards you, just to relate my own experience to yours and try to drill into you somewhat that tyrosine and B6 and whatever else is not really what you need, what you need is a break from taking stimulants every day.
 
I mean I'm glad you're feeling better but you must realize that you are just kicking the can down the road here. The main problem is still tolerance. Tyrosine will indeed help a little because tyrosine is a dopamine precursor and so taking it will - for a while - somewhat counteract the downregulation of dopamine- production caused by tolerance. B6 will help somewhat because, well, B-vitamins are important and will somewhat correct unpleasant side effects caused by the general systemic dysregulation of a whole bunch of important biological processes caused by taking speed everyday. But it won't work forever, neither of these things can prevent further tolerance and the loss of effectiveness of your primary medication over time, and since you've now somewhat cheated your brain's effort to re-attain dopaminergic homeostasis by flooding it with supernormal levels of dopamine precursor, it's going to respond by turning down your natural neurotransmitter "taps" even further... ie, making you even more tolerant.


You may well have a deficiency in either or both of those things, many people are somewhat deficient in many things without realising. But if it never bothered you enough before now - when your drug of choice (yeah I know it's a prescription and a medicine but let's be honest about the things we're talking about here) stopped working for you - it's fairly unlikely these deficiencies are so severe as to really matter to your health, and your own intention here clearly isn't to correct a minor deficiency in order to maintain optimal health - it's to find a way to kick the can of inescapable tolerance down the road for just a little longer. Your issue is that you have been taking speed every day and it has changed your brain in ways that will not serve you in the long term and clearly based on the time and effort you've put into thinking about how to not accept that you need to just take a tolerance break, are already not serving you now.

I feel for you, ADHD sucks, especially those of us with the "inattentive" type which means no motivation to do shit and endless, horrific procrastination moreso than the other type that can be high functioning and just has a tendency to jump between too many projects but actually does get some stuff done regardless.

I'm prescribed 40mg dexamphetamine daily which is definitely a little on the overzealous side, I try to take half that most days and take a few weeks to a month off but every now and then without fail I find myself creeping back up. When I start snorting it sometimes I know I've gone well past the point of therapeutic usefulness.

I also have taken tyrosine supplements, DLPA, other shit in an effort to avoid just taking a damn break. Before I was prescribed I yoyoed between other stimulants for a long time, armodafinil, phenylpiracetam, which I'd also augment after a while with various vitamins or sometimes just other drugs to counteract the growing negatives and try to temporarily revive the fading positives...

DLPA btw before I was heavily into taking any hard drugs regularly, prescribed or not, is stimulating on it's own and for regular folk would probably do on it's own what a moderate dose of our chosen formulation of speed would do for us. Now, I'm certain it wouldn't do shit for me on it's own. So I've been where you are, and had thoughts like aha! My problem is a deficiency in vitamin X! Not that, perhaps, I'm just taking too many fucking stimulants. But now honestly reading a sentence like..

...in this context, is both kinda funny and kinda sad. I don't say this with any ill-intent towards you, just to relate my own experience to yours and try to drill into you somewhat that tyrosine and B6 and whatever else is not really what you need, what you need is a break from taking stimulants every day.
I'm with you on the focus & inattention, if I was just feeling these getting worse despite taking the same dose of my meds etc then tolerance would make the most sense. The reason I don't think that's the case is because I never used to have mood or motivation issues before--even when unmedicated!

I was more the "bounce from one short-term project to the next" kind of ADHD; so feeling grey and apathetic much of the time is both unusual and alarming for me because it's not my baseline. Maybe that's from taking Adderall for months, and maybe I'm in denial because I don't want to take a tolerance (or fix-whatever-this-is) break. It's definitely possible, and that possibility scares me because I don't want to be dysfunctional again. You know as well as me what that's like.

Then again, I already am dysfunctional in a different manner as it is.
 
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