Mental Health Fear of psychosis returning

[paranoid android]

I have been out of the psych ward 4 and a half years now and am doing pretty good. However the whole experience of being in the psych ward left me with PTSD and has overall made my anxiety worse sometimes. Thankfully i have a pretty cool shrink and he gives me clonazepam for the anxiety and bromazepam for the sudden panic attacks as that works fast. He also gives me zopiclone which has helped my insomnia greatly and also the nightmares of being in there.

However sometimes i will just get this random feeling and start worrying about going psychotic again and getting cotards syndrome again. The cotards really fucked me up and really makes me fear going psychotic again. Thinking your dead is very traumatic indeed. Also the psych ward itself scares me as that place was fucking horrible. For me hell is being locked up in there with no access to meds at all. Going through cold turkey benzo and opiate wd in there while being psychotic left me with alot of PTSD.

Does anyone else here experience fear of insanity? Also would anyone have any ideas on what may help this?

 

[washingtonbound]

I have been out of the psych ward 4 and a half years now and am doing pretty good. However the whole experience of being in the psych ward left me with PTSD and has overall made my anxiety worse sometimes. Thankfully i have a pretty cool shrink and he gives me clonazepam for the anxiety and bromazepam for the sudden panic attacks as that works fast. He also gives me zopiclone which has helped my insomnia greatly and also the nightmares of being in there.

However sometimes i will just get this random feeling and start worrying about going psychotic again and getting cotards syndrome again. The cotards really fucked me up and really makes me fear going psychotic again. Thinking your dead is very traumatic indeed. Also the psych ward itself scares me as that place was fucking horrible. For me hell is being locked up in there with no access to meds at all. Going through cold turkey benzo and opiate wd in there while being psychotic left me with alot of PTSD.

Does anyone else here experience fear of insanity? Also would anyone have any ideas on what may help this?

I struggle with the same issue every so often. I have been out of the psych ward for almost a year out of a whopping 25 times or so total over the past ten years. I'm proud of myself for having gotten this far, but sometimes there are creepy lingering thoughts of it coming in again out of nowhere. When this happens I do my best to anchor myself in the present. If there are no signals in your environment that you are acting off then you should be fine. I know when I become psychotic people respond to me completely differently. These type of thoughts are likely PTSD related and should be taken with a grain of salt. But as a last resort I keep risperdal on hand just in case.

 

[paranoid android]

I struggle with the same issue every so often. I have been out of the psych ward for almost a year out of a whopping 25 times or so total over the past ten years. I'm proud of myself for having gotten this far, but sometimes there are creepy lingering thoughts of it coming in again out of nowhere. When this happens I do my best to anchor myself in the present. If there are no signals in your environment that you are acting off then you should be fine. I know when I become psychotic people respond to me completely differently. These type of thoughts are likely PTSD related and should be taken with a grain of salt. But as a last resort I keep risperdal on hand just in case.

25 fucking times in 10 years? Holy shit thats alot of time. I was there twice and will not ever again go there under my free will cause fuck that place. It's not a place to get better even as i had to fight pretty hard to get even antipsychotics in there. The first shrink i had in there said to my brother that i deserved to be in jail so thats what i was working with. The ironic thing is i was actually treated better in jail when i was there as they atleast gave me my meds.

Im on zyprexa now so i think i should be fine when it comes to psychosis but you never know. Im going to get the zyprexa zydis off my doctor as that kicks in faster.

 

[washingtonbound]

25 fucking times in 10 years? Holy shit thats alot of time. I was there twice and will not ever again go there under my free will cause fuck that place. It's not a place to get better even as i had to fight pretty hard to get even antipsychotics in there. The first shrink i had in there said to my brother that i deserved to be in jail so thats what i was working with. The ironic thing is i was actually treated better in jail when i was there as they atleast gave me my meds.

Im on zyprexa now so i think i should be fine when it comes to psychosis but you never know. Im going to get the zyprexa zydis off my doctor as that kicks in faster.

yep 25 times or so all involuntarily. pretty much a miserable existence for ten years. zyprexa works for psychosis but i gained a bunch of wait on it so i stopped

 

[Jabberwocky]

I have been out of the psych ward 4 and a half years now and am doing pretty good. However the whole experience of being in the psych ward left me with PTSD and has overall made my anxiety worse sometimes. Thankfully i have a pretty cool shrink and he gives me clonazepam for the anxiety and bromazepam for the sudden panic attacks as that works fast. He also gives me zopiclone which has helped my insomnia greatly and also the nightmares of being in there.

However sometimes i will just get this random feeling and start worrying about going psychotic again and getting cotards syndrome again. The cotards really fucked me up and really makes me fear going psychotic again. Thinking your dead is very traumatic indeed. Also the psych ward itself scares me as that place was fucking horrible. For me hell is being locked up in there with no access to meds at all. Going through cold turkey benzo and opiate wd in there while being psychotic left me with alot of PTSD.

Does anyone else here experience fear of insanity? Also would anyone have any ideas on what may help this?

Out of curiosity, what sent you to the shitty psych ward originally? Drug use?

After my worst psychosis about 5-6 years ago, I continued having fear of another for several years. I still do, I always will to some extent. And that was just fear of the symptoms, not being sent to some Gulag masochistic psych ward.

I still fear it greatly, but I'm fairly comfortable with using drugs like psychedelics again without much worry. But there is always that.... reminder.

Being in psychosis and subjected to unmedicated withdrawal while being locked up in a tiny room sounds like it should be illegal per the Geneva convention. I'm sorry you went through that man. No doubt that would cause severe PTSD to anyone.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Wow op you’re prescribed a lot of minor tranquilizers..

 

[paranoid android]

yep 25 times or so all involuntarily. pretty much a miserable existence for ten years. zyprexa works for psychosis but i gained a bunch of wait on it so i stopped

Fuck that man thats so much time spent in there. I would rather do 10 years in jail instead i think. Although you cant get takeout in prison or good weed so i dont know.

I started lifting weights like a motherfucker and also went on a low carb diet at the same time i started zyprexa. So i have only gained muscle weight while on it. I am now 190lbs but i have no gut so yay.

Out of curiosity, what sent you to the shitty psych ward originally? Drug use?

After my worst psychosis about 5-6 years ago, I continued having fear of another for several years. I still do, I always will to some extent. And that was just fear of the symptoms, not being sent to some Gulag masochistic psych ward.

I still fear it greatly, but I'm fairly comfortable with using drugs like psychedelics again without much worry. But there is always that.... reminder.

Being in psychosis and subjected to unmedicated withdrawal while being locked up in a tiny room sounds like it should be illegal per the Geneva convention. I'm sorry you went through that man. No doubt that would cause severe PTSD to anyone.

What sent me to the psych ward was psychosis and cotards syndrome. I thought i was dead so i wasent taking care of myself at all. I even stopped taking my morphine and clonazepam because dead people don't need drugs. My brother started getting really worried when he saw i wasent taking any of my pills and i wasent evwen smoking weed or drinking any beer.

When i was sent to the psych ward i thought i was in purgatory or hell i forget and i still thought i was dead. One reason i thought i was dead was because i didnt think living people could be treated as badly as i was in the psych ward. I also kept thinking that i had murdered someone or something and being locked up there was my punishment. I got thrown in solitary about 6 times for fighting security and they dont give you ay food and i forget if they even give you water. No meds erxcept the ativan they shoot into your ass when they pin you down. You don't even have access to a bathroom so you have to piss and shit on the floor.

If ayone asks my definition of hell it's beig locked up in a place where you have no freedom, drugs or acesss to medical care. The only thing we had was weed because we brought it in even though the nurses would bitch at us and threaten us with solitary for smoking it

 

[paranoid android]

Wow op you’re prescribed a lot of minor tranquilizers..

Im not on high doses of them. I get 0.25mg of clonaz, 3mg of bromazepam and 7.5mg of zopiclone a day. I think i might ask my shrink for another 3mg of bromazepam in place of the clonazepam because it works better honestly. However i have trigeminal neuralgia as well and for some reason clonazepam is the go to benzo for that.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I do have that fear at times, op. I try to remember how I'm doing all I can to recover, so whatever happens, I try and tried my best. It's very stressful, but that kind of thought gives me some peace. No recreational drugs helps me too. I think I need to stay away from them and keep going how I am. That's good enough. No one knows for sure how they'll end up, so I figure just don't stress myself out trying to predict that sort of thing.

 

[foodcrisis]

I might try to do some writing about the experience, even posting here is probably a good start to staying grounded... like keep in mind what you were thinking before and try to keep in mind that you came out of that thought process before, so you don't slip back into the thought pattern again... this is coming from someone that has no real understanding of cotards symptom though... i just feel like writing could help someone from slipping back into the same dellusions. like maybe write about what was coming into your mind when you were realizing you were dellusional in the original experience... i really don't know, but i wish you luck.

 

[paranoid android]

I do have that fear at times, op. I try to remember how I'm doing all I can to recover, so whatever happens, I try and tried my best. It's very stressful, but that kind of thought gives me some peace. No recreational drugs helps me too. I think I need to stay away from them and keep going how I am. That's good enough. No one knows for sure how they'll end up, so I figure just don't stress myself out trying to predict that sort of thing.

Ya i mean i have come a long way since i got out of that place. It took me ages to get my life back on track but i did. When i first got out of the psych ward i wasent prescribed any benzos or anything because i was afraid to ask my shrink for them as i didt trust him yet and the gp i had wsas to conservative to prescribe morphine. I was so scared of being put back in that place i wouldnt even ask for meds. So in place of that (Freuds theory of sublimation comes into play here) i started doing loads of IV coke. However i gave up the iv coke when i finally got a morphine script again. Now i have benzos and opiates again so i don't really need coke now. Also the coke here is all cut with fent so its kind of scared me off.

I might try to do some writing about the experience, even posting here is probably a good start to staying grounded... like keep in mind what you were thinking before and try to keep in mind that you came out of that thought process before, so you don't slip back into the thought pattern again... this is coming from someone that has no real understanding of cotards symptom though... i just feel like writing could help someone from slipping back into the same dellusions. like maybe write about what was coming into your mind when you were realizing you were dellusional in the original experience... i really don't know, but i wish you luck.

Ya writing could help i guess. I havet really talked about the experience except on here really.

 

[washingtonbound]

I

Fuck that man thats so much time spent in there. I would rather do 10 years in jail instead i think. Although you cant get takeout in prison or good weed so i dont know.

I started lifting weights like a motherfucker and also went on a low carb diet at the same time i started zyprexa. So i have only gained muscle weight while on it. I am now 190lbs but i have no gut so yay.



What sent me to the psych ward was psychosis and cotards syndrome. I thought i was dead so i wasent taking care of myself at all. I even stopped taking my morphine and clonazepam because dead people don't need drugs. My brother started getting really worried when he saw i wasent taking any of my pills and i wasent evwen smoking weed or drinking any beer.

When i was sent to the psych ward i thought i was in purgatory or hell i forget and i still thought i was dead. One reason i thought i was dead was because i didnt think living people could be treated as badly as i was in the psych ward. I also kept thinking that i had murdered someone or something and being locked up there was my punishment. I got thrown in solitary about 6 times for fighting security and they dont give you ay food and i forget if they even give you water. No meds erxcept the ativan they shoot into your ass when they pin you down. You don't even have access to a bathroom so you have to piss and shit on the floor.

If ayone asks my definition of hell it's beig locked up in a place where you have no freedom, drugs or acesss to medical care. The only thing we had was weed because we brought it in even though the nurses would bitch at us and threaten us with solitary for smoking it

I wasn’t in there for ten years total, just 25 separate stays since 19, now I’m almost 29.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I have been out of the psych ward 4 and a half years now and am doing pretty good. However the whole experience of being in the psych ward left me with PTSD and has overall made my anxiety worse sometimes. Thankfully i have a pretty cool shrink and he gives me clonazepam for the anxiety and bromazepam for the sudden panic attacks as that works fast. He also gives me zopiclone which has helped my insomnia greatly and also the nightmares of being in there.

However sometimes i will just get this random feeling and start worrying about going psychotic again and getting cotards syndrome again. The cotards really fucked me up and really makes me fear going psychotic again. Thinking your dead is very traumatic indeed. Also the psych ward itself scares me as that place was fucking horrible. For me hell is being locked up in there with no access to meds at all. Going through cold turkey benzo and opiate wd in there while being psychotic left me with alot of PTSD.

Does anyone else here experience fear of insanity? Also would anyone have any ideas on what may help this?

My wife is dealing with this right now. She had her first psychosis a few weeks back at 43. I didn’t know. We didn’t know she was predisposed and the stress of my relapse on amphetamines triggered it…

She was in the hospital a week. She is terrified and still is afraid to go anywhere because she thinks people are watching her..I feel really guilty but she told me that she truly experienced it before years ago but didn’t know what it was then and wasn’t near as severe.

So yeah - now she is taking antipsychotics but still having some paranoia and slight delusions here and there.

Respiradone I think. And aren’t there better antipsychotics that don’t have as heavy side effects out there? They slapped Remeron on cymbalta and this antipsychotic in her and I know remeron And the antipsychotic both have lots of ppl report weight gain yet she had gastric surgery before so why would they do that! When there are atypicals like abilify? Is it not effective at this?

She sees her actual psychiatrist the 12th and I’m going with her that’s why I ask. Want to make sure she is properly taken care of. Idc about her weight but it greatly effects her self esteem.

Fuck that man thats so much time spent in there. I would rather do 10 years in jail instead i think. Although you cant get takeout in prison or good weed so i dont know.

I started lifting weights like a motherfucker and also went on a low carb diet at the same time i started zyprexa. So i have only gained muscle weight while on it. I am now 190lbs but i have no gut so yay.



What sent me to the psych ward was psychosis and cotards syndrome. I thought i was dead so i wasent taking care of myself at all. I even stopped taking my morphine and clonazepam because dead people don't need drugs. My brother started getting really worried when he saw i wasent taking any of my pills and i wasent evwen smoking weed or drinking any beer.

When i was sent to the psych ward i thought i was in purgatory or hell i forget and i still thought i was dead. One reason i thought i was dead was because i didnt think living people could be treated as badly as i was in the psych ward. I also kept thinking that i had murdered someone or something and being locked up there was my punishment. I got thrown in solitary about 6 times for fighting security and they dont give you ay food and i forget if they even give you water. No meds erxcept the ativan they shoot into your ass when they pin you down. You don't even have access to a bathroom so you have to piss and shit on the floor.

If ayone asks my definition of hell it's beig locked up in a place where you have no freedom, drugs or acesss to medical care. The only thing we had was weed because we brought it in even though the nurses would bitch at us and threaten us with solitary for smoking it

Omg my wife said she thought she murdeted someone too when she was inpatient recently

 

[paranoid android]

My wife is dealing with this right now. She had her first psychosis a few weeks back at 43. I didn’t know. We didn’t know she was predisposed and the stress of my relapse on amphetamines triggered it…

She was in the hospital a week. She is terrified and still is afraid to go anywhere because she thinks people are watching her..I feel really guilty but she told me that she truly experienced it before years ago but didn’t know what it was then and wasn’t near as severe.

So yeah - now she is taking antipsychotics but still having some paranoia and slight delusions here and there.

Respiradone I think. And aren’t there better antipsychotics that don’t have as heavy side effects out there? They slapped Remeron on cymbalta and this antipsychotic in her and I know remeron And the antipsychotic both have lots of ppl report weight gain yet she had gastric surgery before so why would they do that! When there are atypicals like abilify? Is it not effective at this?

She sees her actual psychiatrist the 12th and I’m going with her that’s why I ask. Want to make sure she is properly taken care of. Idc about her weight but it greatly effects her self esteem.


Omg my wife said she thought she murdeted someone too when she was inpatient recently

Fuck risperdal that shit in garbage. Im on zyprexa which is workinbg great for me but im lucky that i dont get the weight gain.

And ya i for sure thought i had killed someone to deserve getting thrown in there

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I meet with her doctor today because she can’t really advocate for herself…it’s hard tho man because the paranoia. I mean she literally thought I was in league with the devil the other day. At first she said I was the devil and she was very serious. She was terrified clearly and I e NEVER gave her any reason to be terrified of me in all the time we’ve been together. Been together since e 2014.

I hate abusers…so no I never abused her yet I clearly saw fear in her eyes.

 

[Eryximachus]

I had a meth induced period of psychosis made 10x worse by a huge family emergency. This was late 2021. All you can do is take your meds, and stay 100% committed to staying clean of everything. I've been on Seroquel since that time, but I kept doing blow now and then through Summer 2022. By December 2022 I was clean of everything including benzos. It was rough, but over the past few months I am feeling more stable and normal than I have in what feels like an eternity. I keep a daily journal of my progress, but the first thing I write every day is to remind myself to stay off all substances and take my meds.

I hope that gives you some guidance.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I had a meth induced period of psychosis made 10x worse by a huge family emergency. This was late 2021. All you can do is take your meds, and stay 100% committed to staying clean of everything. I've been on Seroquel since that time, but I kept doing blow now and then through Summer 2022. By December 2022 I was clean of everything including benzos. It was rough, but over the past few months I am feeling more stable and normal than I have in what feels like an eternity. I keep a daily journal of my progress, but the first thing I write every day is to remind myself to stay off all substances and take my meds.

I hope that gives you some guidance.

Isn’t true that you can permanently give yourself psychosis with stims? I imagine it would be even if you are not predisposed. Is that what happen to you?

 

[Eryximachus]

Isn’t true that you can permanently give yourself psychosis with stims? I imagine it would be even if you are not predisposed. Is that what happen to you?

It's a long story, but I had no support system and no one to get me checked into a psych ward right away. Eventually it lessened to the point I got myself to a head doc.

This was low level psychosis. Delusional paranoia, and general inability to get shit done as is common with psychosis. I also convinced quite a few people that I was crazy, which was true. No hallucinations. I'd have to explain the story to you, but it's crazy and wasn't entirely my fault. But it pushed me over the edge.

The rate of recurrent psychosis is generally 20-30%, with alcohol and cocaine being around 20% and meth being 30%. Cannabis is the big one, with a 60% chance. I've done enough anabolic steroids, cocaine, meth and heroin to kill a small village, but cannabis has always given me anxiety and dysphoria. So maybe that means something.

It scares me though. A 30% chance is a real risk. Two out of ever three people who get psychosis from meth won't get it again. But one will.

I'm really proud of myself for staying clean. The fear is a lot less than it was even 6-7 months ago.

 

[Eryximachus]

Respiradone I think. And aren’t there better antipsychotics that don’t have as heavy side effects out there?

Risperidone has one good thing about it that is unique, except for the very new antipsychotic Caplyta. It has no anticholinergic effects, which as you get older is very important. Drugs with anticholinergic effects are strongly associated with cognitive decline and dementia. This is my biggest fear myself with Seroquel.

Caplyta has a really amazing side effect profile, but it's expensive. Minimal daytime fatigue, no anticholinergic side effects, no alpha adrenal antagonism, no histamine receptor antagonism. If you can get it, it sounds amazing.

Also, I have a friend who has schizophrenia. Had it for 20 years, and went totally psychotic around 40 last year. Meds stopped working and she was on them all. She was hospitalized for 7 weeks and was started on clozapine last summer. By September or October, she was much more functional. She couldn't even converse - it was word salad. Now I can talk to her normally.

Give it a go with maybe 2/3 antipsychotics. If none work, clozapine has a really good chance of working.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

O

It's a long story, but I had no support system and no one to get me checked into a psych ward right away. Eventually it lessened to the point I got myself to a head doc.

This was low level psychosis. Delusional paranoia, and general inability to get shit done as is common with psychosis. I also convinced quite a few people that I was crazy, which was true. No hallucinations. I'd have to explain the story to you, but it's crazy and wasn't entirely my fault. But it pushed me over the edge.

The rate of recurrent psychosis is generally 20-30%, with alcohol and cocaine being around 20% and meth being 30%. Cannabis is the big one, with a 60% chance. I've done enough anabolic steroids, cocaine, meth and heroin to kill a small village, but cannabis has always given me anxiety and dysphoria. So maybe that means something.

It scares me though. A 30% chance is a real risk. Two out of ever three people who get psychosis from meth won't get it again. But one will.

I'm really proud of myself for staying clean. The fear is a lot less than it was even 6-7 months ago.

oh…well…I’ve only had the shadowy like spiders in with shadows like the light coming under the door…fortunately I think I’m hopefully in the clear. I quit stims a month ago but now my girl getting annoyed because I have adhd and she wants me to go back on meds because she says I’m die inv her crazy lol idk want to be on meds so no…haha

Possible trigger or deal with some annoying adhd symptoms- I’ll deal with some adhd symptoms.

Yeah my girl is experiencing that right now…just auditory. She been having that for weeks tho off and on…she was diagnosed with depression with psychotic features recently and never experienced psychosis before and doesn’t take drugs…wait I think I already told you that?
Sorry, anyway, I’m trying console her at times but she gets paranoid to the point she thinks I’m out to get her in some kind of way and shit goes south because I don’t know that she’s having auditory hallucinations.

Would you have any suggestions for living with someone with psychosis in the format of paranoia and auditory hallucinations? Or would help so much