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Social constructs vs core traits

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
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Looking-Glass Land
I won't into huge detail, basically I feel as though I selectively let people know things depending on who they are. Also, I withhold the truth often.

These things bother me.. as I value authenticity.

Sometimes I don't know if something happens, basic example: using the word "bro". I obviously picked that up, because I don't have a blood related brother

How does one, with certainty, differentiate what is honest and should be expressed vs what is something we do or say that isn't necessarily in agreement with our values?

Applying values.. and sticking to them, comes to mind.

I guess my fear is that I have more blindspots than I thought.

^ is that a natural realization with age?
 
Yes. IME. It is something that occurs as you age. Well, I think it’s just you get crystallized intelligence in your 30s and I noticed all kinds of things I was blind about before.

As far as being honest and authentic with EVERYONE. You can’t. I mean you might be able to if you are very discipline about it but everybody lies!

What I mean is how many times has someone been asked how they ar this week when they were not doing so good and just said “I’m good. How are you?” Or something.

That’s a lie.

Only person who has never ever lied I’m convinced is God.

Should we strive to achieve honesty and authenticity in all that we do. Absolutely. But the reality is in this life some things you have to have moral flexibility with.

I don’t believe in hurting people but I could kill a man under the right conditions. This is moral flexibility.

Essentially when it’s necessary I will flex my morals or rather loosen them a little.

When a coworker asks you if you are okay and you are not and you say I’m fine. Thats fine. You don’t want your work life to mix too muckk h with your home life and they don’t really want to know most the time anyway so why am I going to sit and explain my problems to a coworker.

Just examples…

Honestly, I really think that you are overanalyzing this. I know because I’m a thinker too. And we can get lost in the small details and miss the bigger picture when we do this too much
 
Juicewrldfan said:
. But the reality is in this life some things you have to have moral flexibility with.

I don’t believe in hurting people but I could kill a man under the right conditions. This is moral flexibility.
Click to expand...

So that's okay and "normal" right?

To relate, I do feel like my morals pop off for the worse and better. I feel like the fluidity is too strong though.. like the shits right beneath the surface, good and bad.

Can't I just choose good? But is that maintainable and expressive of ALL of me?


Juicewrldfan said:
…

Honestly, I really think that you are overanalyzing this. I know because I’m a thinker too. And we can get lost in the small details and miss the bigger picture when we do this too much
Click to expand...

I must be. Wouldn't be the first time.

That's interesting though, because small details sometimes make or break my day, big picture can overwhelm me.. however, I wish I knew what path to follow what is meant for me.

I've always walked to the beat if my own drum but man, I just don't 100% trust it
 
Moral flexibility is normal. Most people have moral flexibility.

Yeah. So, my thoughts on it are that if it’s critical enough I will flex my morals. lol I just like saying it like that but seriously I will loosen my morals a little or even a lot if the situation is dire enough.

Or if it just makes the most sense and doesn’t harm anyone such as coworkers exchanging morning greetings.

Often times the path to the ideal result is a morally fexible path. Think of World War Two. Nazis torturing people and committing monstrosities.

Now I don’t believe in just murdering anyone. But it was necessary to kill many many people for us to end the suffering of the victims of the Nazis and Japanese. ( honestly Japanese were probably worse with their secret “hospitals”.

I would have signed up to go kill people so I could protect innocents and yet killing someone is one of the worst things I could ever do according to my moral compass.

Pick your battles and focus on the goal. Is the goal a greater good than the harm of breaking your moral code? Like saving lives but having to kill the aggressors
 
To me it's not honesty vs lying, it's about sharing vs. withholding.

The more I share the more deep and enriching, yet complicated, my relationships become. The less I share, the simpler they remain.

Relationships that are simpler are more performative because I am operating on a superficial level. It may feel less authentic but it is also less effort and more safe. You need to find compatible people to share depth and trust with, and that takes time. The average person, I have neither the time nor the willingness to share with. There are only so many hours in the day.

Our society's social cohesion relies on withholding. If everyone told the truth 24/7 the social fabric would unravel because the average person doesn't value truth. They value functionality and comfort.
 
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