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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Mental Health I think cotards syndrome and being in the psych ward helped cure my depression

paranoid android

paranoid android

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Before i went in the psych ward due to having cotards and psychosis i used to get depressed fairly often. I was never the suicidal type but i did get fairly bad depression. I used to get it especially in winter as i had SAD and often ended up on wellbutrin because of it. However ever since i got out of the psych ward i havent been depressed at all. Like no depression except when my cat died last december. Could this be because i thought i was dead? Or could it just be because the psych ward completely changed my outlook on life? Really these days as long as i have food and weed in my grinder i am happy.

Being in the psych ward was by far the lowest point in my life way worse then getting arrested and spending a weekend in jail. The nurses in there are cunts and the whole situation gave me PTSD but i don't get depressed from it. However if i live to be 100 i don't think i will ever get the screaming from when patients refused meds and got thrown in solitary out of my head. Being in solitary myself also traumatized the fuck out of me. Why anyone would willingly go to a place where you are denied medical care, denied basic human rights and where you get bitched at mercisly for smoking cigs and weed and get threated with solitary i don't know.

Anything seems good compared to the psych ward and thinking i was dead really. That was fucked up. Also after being in the psych ward and talking to lots of homeless people in there i realize my situation is not that bad at all. I may be broke but atleast i have a roof over my head, food, weed and other drugs. I also have people who care about me. Many people in there had Absolutly noone ,looking out for them. I am not starving, i don't have to stay in a homeless shelter and my needs are pretty much taken care of. It really did change my outlook on life seeing people who had nothing to look foreword to when getting out of there besides staying in a homeless shelter. I felt so bad for 1 guy in there who was in there for 4 years and could no longer collect welfare because he technically lived in the psych ward and that doesent count as a residency for some fucking reason. The whole situation made me even more of a hardcore Communist as i don't think anyone should have to do without the basics such as food, medicine and a home.

I guess anything looks good compared to being in there.
 
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Sorry about your cat :(

I'm sorry about you reaching the lowest in the psych ward but I'm glad you're doing better these days. I've been in jail, prison, and twice in emergency psych wards. Weird as it sounds, I'd honestly have to say prison was a better experience then both jail and the psych wards. In all three places I met many people immensely more unfortunate than myself. And many of them had much larger "sentences" ahead of them then I did. Needless to say being out now in some ways is a relief. Having shelter, food, and water is an immense relief. Seeing others in those situations helps to give one a perspective and appreciate what they've got.

Keep on weeding :)
 
golego55 said:
Sorry about your cat :(

I'm sorry about you reaching the lowest in the psych ward but I'm glad you're doing better these days. I've been in jail, prison, and twice in emergency psych wards. Weird as it sounds, I'd honestly have to say prison was a better experience then both jail and the psych wards. In all three places I met many people immensely more unfortunate than myself. And many of them had much larger "sentences" ahead of them then I did. Needless to say being out now in some ways is a relief. Having shelter, food, and water is an immense relief. Seeing others in those situations helps to give one a perspective and appreciate what they've got.

Keep on weeding :)
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I havent been to prison thakfully. Innocent on all charges or thats what the cort dockets say lol. In jail you had to takeout, cigs or weed though but you got yor mefds so it kinda was better
 
It was at least a decade ago but I first found out about Cotard's Syndrome while in prison, too. No idea how you handle that shit.
 
golego55 said:
It was at least a decade ago but I first found out about Cotard's Syndrome while in prison, too. No idea how you handle that shit.
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I dont have it now antipsychotics and benzos handle that shit. The flashbacks to being dead are the worst.

Did some poor fucking inmate i there bhave it?
 
Damn, yeah psych wards can be difficult. I got a big shot of haldol in the ass one time cause I was acting such a lunatic. This past time I went through detox was in basically a co occuring disorders unit. Personally I'd rather be detoxing in a psych ward than in jail, if we're talking about going in cold off the street. In the BHU you at least have access to meds and will give you meds. At least for me, I spent a period of time in solitary, in jail, and couldn't even get my basic prescriptions that would have made it bearable, like Seroquel or whatever. Possibly because I was in the mental health wing, idk. But I will never forget the abject misery I felt, sitting in that cold concrete cell, completely alone, for days on end, with literally nothing to do but think and sing to myself. They gave me that green mat material robe thing, with a small blanket made of the same material, aka the "turtle" suit or "pickle" suit as I've heard it called. Lmfao.

Looking back at it now, it's funny, but I would not wish that shit on my worst enemy. It was truly awful, and since that experience, I have stayed TF out of trouble because I simply can't do that again. It was in that cell that my will to live slowly started to come to me. I slipped up a few times, but all of my lengths of sobriety have come after that experience. I probably needed it to start straightening my shit out. But boy I tell you, when you go in that mfer, blitzed on grams of meth, and a bunch of tabs of acid, your mind goes to fucking strange places. At least the psych ward gives you medicine. It's really region dependent though, and it depends where you're at, whether it's voluntary or involuntary.

Glad your depression seems to have lifted man, it seems like we have to go through some heavy shit sometimes to start to get on the right path.
 
paranoid android said:
I dont have it now antipsychotics and benzos handle that shit. The flashbacks to being dead are the worst.

Did some poor fucking inmate i there bhave it?
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Nah. It's pretty absurd but there was a "CSI" novel in the prison library where two people were suffering from it as part of a shared delusion ("folie a deux").

It's funny you asked me about another inmate having it because I read the novel while at a prison psychiatric facility.
 
I guess i should write a blog about the time i was in there or some shit. My best friend in there was from fucking Rwanda or all places and my other best friend was a huge motherfgucker in a dress. There was also a guy in there from the Congo that slept with his light on for reasons i choose not to ask him. Great guy though. Was weird having 2 guys in there from 2 ex Belgian colonies
 
deficiT said:
Damn, yeah psych wards can be difficult. I got a big shot of haldol in the ass one time cause I was acting such a lunatic.
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Not the OC but anyway - Haldol is actually what led me to be sent to a prison psychiatric facility during my stint. In the first prison was having issues adjusting and started having mental health issues. I got sent to the prison in-hospital and the first medication they gave me was Haldol. Apparently the original issue wasn't punishment enough because I developed Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome from the Haldol.
 
deficiT said:
Damn, yeah psych wards can be difficult. I got a big shot of haldol in the ass one time cause I was acting such a lunatic. This past time I went through detox was in basically a co occuring disorders unit. Personally I'd rather be detoxing in a psych ward than in jail, if we're talking about going in cold off the street. In the BHU you at least have access to meds and will give you meds. At least for me, I spent a period of time in solitary, in jail, and couldn't even get my basic prescriptions that would have made it bearable, like Seroquel or whatever. Possibly because I was in the mental health wing, idk. But I will never forget the abject misery I felt, sitting in that cold concrete cell, completely alone, for days on end, with literally nothing to do but think and sing to myself. They gave me that green mat material robe thing, with a small blanket made of the same material, aka the "turtle" suit or "pickle" suit as I've heard it called. Lmfao.

Looking back at it now, it's funny, but I would not wish that shit on my worst enemy. It was truly awful, and since that experience, I have stayed TF out of trouble because I simply can't do that again. It was in that cell that my will to live slowly started to come to me. I slipped up a few times, but all of my lengths of sobriety have come after that experience. I probably needed it to start straightening my shit out. But boy I tell you, when you go in that mfer, blitzed on grams of meth, and a bunch of tabs of acid, your mind goes to fucking strange places. At least the psych ward gives you medicine. It's really region dependent though, and it depends where you're at, whether it's voluntary or involuntary.

Glad your depression seems to have lifted man, it seems like we have to go through some heavy shit sometimes to start to get on the right path.
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Ya i was thrown in solitary 6 times in the psych ward for fighting security. I got a shot of ativan in the ss which of course did nothing. If they had given me haldol it kight have been ok. I wouldnt wish 6 days of solitary on anyoe with no meds though. I was coming off 150mg's of morphine and 6mg's of clonazepam ad got nothing
 
paranoid android said:
Ya i was thrown in solitary 6 times in the psych ward for fighting security. I got a shot of ativan in the ss which of course did nothing. If they had given me haldol it kight have been ok. I wouldnt wish 6 days of solitary on anyoe with no meds though. I was coming off 150mg's of morphine and 6mg's of clonazepam ad got nothing
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What the fuck? 6mgs of Kpin and you got nothing? That could have turned lethal real fast. I'm surprised that you actually made it out. That would have to have been hellish.
 
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