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One month heroin free - I'm done!

wirkdy

wirkdy

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Nov 29, 2021
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So I managed to reach one month heroin free after two years of addiction (snorted). It's been an insane excruciating never-ending month and going back to doing physical exercises helped me a lot and I feel much better the problem is I'm "damned inside", not at peace with life.

Two weeks ago I found opioids pills which I forgot but I hold back and didn't take them. Today I went outside and my aim was to look for heroin which I'll probably do it tomorrow too, my aim is to use it once or twice a week but I know it's probably not gonna work and the risk of ending up consuming it everyday is high. This evening I was so uneasy I took the opioids pills I found before and I'm already more at peace.

What I believe is that if you don't have a strong goal in life and you haven't reached satisfaction with it, once you tried heroin that's it, you (esp. your mind) are hooked for life unless it doesn't change. Why? Because heroin gives me the perception that I have a satisfactory fullfilled life of well-being and at the end of the day reality is just a matter of one's perception! Whatever the fuck you might have achieved in life both "materially" and in your mind, that's a perception of well-being. You know what changes fundamentally from someone who have to take care of family, kids, business etc. and someone who takes heroin? Not the perception of well-being and satisfaction which they may both have but the daily problems and balls-busting the former have and the latter don't. Please feel free to try change my mind.
 
I think if you've already fallen into trouble with H it will be problematic trying to use sensibly. Especially when scoring from the streets or if you have druggy friends.

I'll be honest i never found heroin to be that psychologically addictive. Even when i was IV'ing. A walk in the park compared to cocaine in that sense. Although obviously the physical addiction properties made with withdrawal unpleasant still.
 
wirkdy said:
So I managed to reach one month heroin free after two years of addiction (snorted). It's been an insane excruciating never-ending month and going back to doing physical exercises helped me a lot and I feel much better the problem is I'm "damned inside", not at peace with life.

Two weeks ago I found opioids pills which I forgot but I hold back and didn't take them. Today I went outside and my aim was to look for heroin which I'll probably do it tomorrow too, my aim is to use it once or twice a week but I know it's probably not gonna work and the risk of ending up consuming it everyday is high. This evening I was so uneasy I took the opioids pills I found before and I'm already more at peace.

What I believe is that if you don't have a strong goal in life and you haven't reached satisfaction with it, once you tried heroin that's it, you (esp. your mind) are hooked for life unless it doesn't change. Why? Because heroin gives me the perception that I have a satisfactory fullfilled life of well-being and at the end of the day reality is just a matter of one's perception! Whatever the fuck you might have achieved in life both "materially" and in your mind, that's a perception of well-being. You know what changes fundamentally from someone who have to take care of family, kids, business etc. and someone who takes heroin? Not the perception of well-being and satisfaction which they may both have but the daily problems and balls-busting the former have and the latter don't. Please feel free to try change my mind.
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The last paragraph i can really relate to. When i was using the people who were smart or had family, were able to flirt with addiction but ultimately get away from it. The ones who had nothing are still seeking solice in the heroin now.
 
elgoucho9 said:
The last paragraph i can really relate to. When i was using the people who were smart or had family, were able to flirt with addiction but ultimately get away from it. The ones who had nothing are still seeking solice in the heroin now.
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being smart is a very relative factor, anyway resorting to using heroin is, for those who have known it, just a natural response to a fundamental need everyone tries to satisfy in their life, the feeling of satisfaction.
 
wirkdy said:
being smart is a very relative factor, anyway resorting to using heroin is, for those who have known it, just a natural response to a fundamental need everyone tries to satisfy in their life, the feeling of satisfaction.
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Smart as in street smart. Knew they were in the wrong crowd etc.
 
If you even try to dabble I would bet all my savings on a total relapse.

The weekend heroin user is mostly a fantasy of our imaginations. Besides it’s a shitty drug to use on special occasions and when you’re not an addict to it and you use it in that fashion it’s extremely underwhelming and a let down.

It’s one of those drugs that’s better when you’re full blown addicted and dependent on it.

I would stay clean completely. Wait until you get older and your body starts hurting all the time then it gets really hard not to go back. I’d enjoy whatever youth you have left not being on dope
 
wirkdy said:
What I believe is that if you don't have a strong goal in life and you haven't reached satisfaction with it, once you tried heroin that's it, you (esp. your mind) are hooked for life unless it doesn't change
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That's a dangerous illusion in my opinion. Opioid addiction doesn't have psychological root causes, but entirely neurobiological ones, which explains why no amount of psychotherapy helps to stay clean. Eventually everyone relapses. Even the most successful with clear cut goals do.

I, like the neuroscientist Carl Hart, completely disagree with the brain disease model of addiction. I believe opioid addiction is the direct result of the body/brain trying to compensate the lack of endogenous opioid peptide production in the synaptic clefts, by taking them exogenously. It is therefore an act of self-medication and those who are fighting against this "addiction" are actually fighting against their brain's legitimate attempt to achieve a neurochemical balance that unfortunately isn't naturally there (there is a reason why so many people who try opioids and become future addicts say how this must be how normal people feel like). You're essentially fighting against nature which is bound to fail. I believe our entire approach to addiction is completely wrong.

The above mentioned reason is why I have decided to go to a maintenance clinic instead of trying to abstain and live a sober life, because I have realized that what we call "addiction" is my body's reaction to achieve and maintain neurochemical balance and therefore I have decided, as a conscious act of self-love, to allow my body to fix what isn't naturally there. It's a COMPLETELY different philosophy and approach to "addiction" (I hate this word. Let's call each other opiophiles instead) and since it is so alien to what we as a society have been taught, this approach doesn't find any support in medicine, therapy and much less the ignorant masses.

So next time, you the reader, are about to swallow that oxy pill of yours, snort another line, or give yourself the next shot, do it from this perspective of self-love instead of self-disgust. Do it as an act of self-care because that is what it really is.
 
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Burnt Offerings said:
I disagree. Special occasion heroin is the shit sometimes 😜 only bad thing imo is the sometimes-intense nausea that can result
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I just think doing a shot when you’re sick as a dog feels so much better than doing it from normal feeling baseline.

At least in my experience during relapses the best shots using pills were never really the first one back but a few days into using when I’m getting dependency forming the shots hit the best
 
I personally wouldn't give up, maybe maintenance or something like that can help you. Of course you feel better, it's heroin. There's likely a reason you tried to quit though, ask yourself if you feel better when you're sick, trying to cop, no money, doing desperate things to get a couple bucks. Idk if you went through that cause everybodys different, but a lot of heroin users ultimately do. Hopefully you're not in the US, because that shit is like playing Russian roulette nowadays.
 
Hexenstahl said:
So next time, you the reader, are about to swallow that oxy pill of yours, snort another line, or give yourself the next shot, do it from this perspective of self-love instead of self-disgust. Do it as an act of self-care because that is what it really is.
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this is probably the most self deluded thing I’ve ever read on this forum.
 
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Hexenstahl said:
And why if I may ask?
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girl don't even dream of promoting opioids. forget the pleasure factor, i love coke more than oxy/h but i can set coke down np but for some reason opiates have a different component to it that causes extreme compulse to use. that is why relapse is so prominent and why not even doing it once is best, even if you think you can control it.
 
vlzinspace said:
i love coke more than oxy/h but i can set coke down np but for some reason opiates have a different component to it
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Everyone is different. I've seen people do worse shit to get coke than get opis, that doesn't mean cocaine is objectively more addictive. Also, I'm not talking from a pleasure perspective. In fact I'm not talking from a naive point of view at all. I suggest you go and read the discussion we had over here in this thread from this point onwards -> https://bluelight.org/xf/threads/suboxone-can-ruin-your-life.932594/page-4#post-15924174

I'm speaking partly from the findings that were collected in the book "Opioids in mental illness" published by the New York Academy Of Sciences. Opioids were used successfully against various kinds of mental illness like depression. The other half comes from findings in neurobiology and how we actually crave the substance class the most that compensates our lack of the corresponding neurotransmitter. So if you lack certain endorphins due to a lack in production of endogenous opioid peptides, it is only logical that your body/brain wants to compensate that lack by exogenously taking opioids. It is therefore a legitimate act of self-medication. You see, there is science behind what I'm saying and not ignorant "junky speak". I actually have some reasonable arguments instead of just "bruh it makes me feel so good". I don't blame you though, since you haven't read some of my old comments regarding drug use and why using drugs and being addicted isn't necessarily something bad. I completely disagree with the brain disease model of addiction actually. My entire philosophy is different from what the mainstream preaches.
 
i'm not reading that novel or anything relating to the promotion of opioids, with respect.

their only use on earth is for the elderly/dying. opioids helped with my depression but that's no excuse to use a 99.9% danger factor drug class over say a single psychedelic experience with zero risk of death or addiction. that is not smart.

it is not a legitimate act of self medication jesus christ are you lost? you will gain tolerance, through that you will up your dose through time, through that you eventually reach a threshold (fentanyl generally) where your tolerance exceeds your body's ability to handle it, and thats the final blow. now your lips are blue,

convo over this is nonsense. learn respect, that thread is about a man trying to get off bupe and doesn't need your 5 pages of nonsense thinking its all about you and its your thread.
 
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