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Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

Jnowhere said:
Jim Bob, Ruger makes nice revolvers. I also like there mini 14 and mini 30 but I ended up buying different but similar guns
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Mini 14 makes an amazing scout rifle, a little heavy but in the right spots, not nose heavy. Look into scout savage if you like to hunt, in 308. Awesome shooter. Only thing that keeps me sain, hunting and fishing. Inactually kicked my Kratom while out in the wild. 15 days solo... 5 days worth of food so I made it good by going 10 days off the land. Tons of weed, tobacco and shrooms both edible and fun, can't forget making black tea concentrate. Some reason black tea almost feels like the kratom...
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
I have PTSD from a bunch of insane stuff, & was having night terrors all night waking up in cold sweats. Last month I dealt with it in unhealthy ways by taking lots of tramadol & drinking coffee to keep staying awake to try to run from the night terrors, & also kept taking extra clonazepam to not have seizures from taking too much tramadol (also was taking xanax). Then ran out & had bad withdrawals. I get prescribed the stuff for pain from all my injuries so I don’t want to abuse it & just got a new script. Also have a friend that sends me diluadid sometimes but I take so much of them when I get them so been staying away from that.

I haven’t drank alcohol in 6 years & kinda was thinking about that too for some reason which freaked me out but I won’t.

It’s just a hard time of year & dealing with certain things & need to stick to other ways of trying to deal with that stuff as well as the night terrors & flashbacks.

I wrote that kinda quick, hope any of that made sense
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God bless you! Be strong, be strong and be strengthened!
 
Jnowhere said:
I didn't beat alcoholism my body did, thank the Lord for that. I would've tripped on the 2nd step. I will not admit to certain things, but trust me I would take booze over just about anything. I was stupid when I drank so

My dad, who was best friend, we are only 20 years apart he died August 12, he was more like a brother. I am all alone now and november 2015 and november 2016 is when my mom was found dead in her room complications from cirrhosis and my sister they said suicide but she was an epileptic who took massive amounts of benzos and took other pills. She had other problems. She wrote and drew alot, she was kind of dark, so they said suicide. I firmly disagree. We all lived together it is so weird, I am the Black sheep of the family, yet here I am all alone in my family's home. I feel terrible, I have never gone to their Graves. Too sad. There is hope though, we were a dysfunctional Christian family, I am not going into the details I just pray and hope I can Finally be an adult. I unfortunately have some serious things to work on.
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I know what it is like to not visit the ones you love who pass. I can't do it either.
 
Good day chums. Work tonight. Up early. Took some kava. No drinks for 3 days and nights as of, now. Will take 200mg phenibut prior to work... maybe 400mg. Slept like shit bit my kiddo is sick, so no biggie. I hate being unable to sleep when I have the opportunity to actually have a long kick ass night of rest.
 
Well im back to 4 days clean off any naughty drugs such as alcohol or cocaine.

Sadly i fucked up the good run i was on there. Equally i'm more than 5 weeks off heroin and still have a positive mindset like i don't want to be doing that shit anymore. Or associating with the people involved.
 
AutoTripper said:
Just...hold on tight then brother, simply to that.

It may be your saving grace. It was mine. I sacrificed my heart for a recent most special dog ever suddenly cancer few weeks gone.

I've honestly never cried a fraction as much in 43 years, helplessly too although I have zero shame, fear with expression and my within and never try to suppresses tears I believe the act can be so healthy.

But v annoying, inconvenient too at times and wickedly horrible when emotional grieving is 100 foot Tidal only time will oversurf (cool term lol, oversurf!)

And direly sick in too much pain physically, add more nerve damage, chaos can believe and serious addiction problems. Life depends on, revolves around v frequent long fasting for me atm, 44 hrs twice & 53 once last week, today again after 5 running days single clean meal, be 36 hrs 12:30 pm tomorrow should see over 50.



It's dark though and hard now, there's just nothing in that place. Endless darkness torture, only will, ambition ingenuity and something else ? passes the time.


So that shit was tough. Laying there, no life unless rescue again again in too much pain having lost all interest in world pastimes communication, and in that darkness heaviest personal grieving experience ever.

NOW! Lol f 202...age!


I don't feel forsaken by "God" though. I consider there is a grander scheme we aren't appreciating. We have invisible purpose hence suffer more lose spirit easily.


Buy I loved my dog it was mutual zero barriers as true unconditional and enriched a bond ever.

I was there completely for her to last beat and I know she was actually happy even the v last day, and fears were at bay.


So, Nas. Fuck God man, love your DoG instead. And it's only a lifetime anyway right? (for now, actually used to hate this idea buy now I think chances are, I get luckier lol.)
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Just a bad knockdown myfriend...on my feet again.let's struggle continious
 
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Nas47 said:
Just a bad knockdown myfriend...on my feet again.let's struggle continious
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Challenges I am now (after ALL dis f time lol) learning, particularly the very brutal variety more the merrier to I hear, are in fact a magnificent gift!

We do actually grow through these way way past hang on, where did the Dinosaurs live again?? Comfort zone!


I know it sounds barmy but upon deepest reflection and forward contemplation it's the most resonating account (I like lol) so far. :)


I've had to seriously pick myself up nuff times metaphorically physically too recently hence last 2 years for me.


It's a real miracle I have each time. Miracles are actually real top I insist I accidentally used to enact them but after Lyme and mega advanced Earth net EMF grid etc, not seen.

Plough it all into keeping life, and maybe that's it. Because there are endless miracles.
 
Im currently back being sober from everything hard been a bumpy road had like 40 days off opis and benzos just 5 days ago relapsed on benzos did 15mg alp in 60 hours so still feeling a little shit from that but should have a nice new job that i cant piss dirty for just waiting on background fheck to clear

This is the first job ive wanted in a while so really trying to stay away from the bs as this eill give me good opportunities in the future if I work here (mechanic and they will pay for my ASE certifications) so getting back on bluelight and trying to get back into online recovery community. This is a new account btw

Look forward to having inspiration from you guys and helping where i can
 
5 days clean again here. I've also decided for this sober october malarky I'm going to ditch eating sugary treats, and cut my caffiene intake.

No coffee here so far. Although I feel lile I may need it to do weights later.

I seem to be rebuilding relationships with all the people who matter. Things with my father have got alot better, he seemed happy to see me back working on my car earlier.
Also it's like being off everything it becomes more clear who you want/need in your life. I'm considering deleting social media.
 
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elgoucho9 said:
5 days clean again here. I've also decided for this sober october malarky I'm going to ditch eating sugary treats, and cut my caffiene intake.

No coffee here so far. Although I feel lile I may need it to do weights later.

I seem to be rebuilding relationships with all the people who matter. Things with my father have got alot better, he seemed happy to see me back working on my car earlier.
Also it's like being off everything it becomes more clear who you want/need in your life. I'm considering deleting social media.
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Well done (err...Luke??) lol, seen some clips recent.

But nah I have confidence in YOU man.

Nothing right now has to prevent your future.

More positive strides are always ready when we are, when they aren't IMO now it's time to take the beloved greyhound to the vet, because there is where we draw the line.


I don't encourage you vainly though it's because I see so much potential onwards.

Good, clever people go through long dark experiences often.

Real trick is some kind of focus for me. I try, and try. I am tested maximum.


Which has to be a good omen right?

There was me imagining I'd bitten off the short straw in life.


Still in enough trouble but my entire view of life has really moved and I mean like ship taking off, I am too tired to stay with it.
 
Church service was good today. We've been going over Moses and I could relate there some. How God has us at times take the long road through life rather than take short cuts. The long way would avoid conflict and issues versus the short road.
I know recovery is a long road type of deal, the other time's I had got sober were the shorter routes because I wanted my family back, materialistic things back, a girlfriend, all that shit, however now I know that I didn't place my life in the care of my HP to give me my life back, and all those other times, I'd relapse.
I've been looking at the bigger picture. That I do not want to live a miserable life, and slowly getting some stability helps me with my overall positivity on what to expect later.
I'm again a week clean from tobacco. I smoke a single black and mild during the week, which is actually a huge change from a pack of Newports a day. So slowly getting some air back into my lungs.
 
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