Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[Frog Dreams]

I mean: I was drinking and injecting and smoking because I was running from something.

Ask yourself - deeply - why you are here.

What makes you drink?

 

[Frog Dreams]

Deeper.

 

[tokayeahok]

doing well today despite my slip up yesterday. taking a warm bubble bath & about to cook some breakfast. didn’t set myself back too much as i just used enough to take the edge off. dosed my kratom & about to make some breakfast i think! cheese grits for the win.

 

[tokayeahok]

Sorry to break the news to you but; sometimes people just want to get loaded because it is fun.

had to explain this to my mum, she couldn’t ever understand why i said sometimes relapse just happens because, and not because of some crazy trigger.

 

[Frog Dreams]

Sorry to break the news to you but; sometimes people just want to get loaded because it is fun.

There are always layers.

I'm on five drugs (LSD, mescaline, marijuana, caffeine, alcohol) right now... I'm not just doing it for fun.

Over 2 decades of alcohol abuse

That doesn't sound like fun.

 

[Ds]

I've contributed to this thread (and other iterations) for years.

Been trying to quit everything forever, which is (for many reasons) why I was using in the first place.

Forcing yourself to quit something against your will is not good or necessary.

We shouldn't feel shame for needing a release or a rush.

People are lost and miserable.

I love drugs. They will always be a part of my life. I don't need to get super high any more because I'm afraid of never getting high again.

I will get high until the day I die.

This is the recovery thread. If you wish to discuss doing drugs then please take it to Drug Culture.

 

[Frog Dreams]

tokayeahok understands what I mean

Maybe he/she also doesn't want to dig deeper?

I'm trying to help. I mean no offence. You're posting about (at least) 20 years of self-described alcohol abuse on a harm reduction forum and then saying there's nothing deeper to it and you were just having fun.

You can't do 20 years of alcohol abuse for fun. After 10 years, there must be something deeper going on.

There are always layers if you want to dig.

Unearthing these things may help you work out why (by your own admission) you struggle to experience joy.

Over 2 decades of alcohol abuse,( in the past) has somehow ruined my ability to enjoy almost anything.

^somehow... how?/why? - that's what I'm saying

You seem to want to know the answers to these question... and also not want to know the answers?

 

[Ds]

My father died of natural causes.

Hey man I'm sorry to hear this. My dad is currently a missing person. No one knows where he is. You would think with how our government is with spying on individuals that they could find a dude in a wheelchair. It's kind of fucked up.

 

[Ds]

I dunno. Long story short. Him and his wife invited a chick strung out on meth to live with them, not to mention the chick has multiple drug felonies like operating a meth lab in car, etc.
My sister and I found out about this and the law got involved, my dad ended up going to jail for domestic violence shit because of the stupid whore (dad's in wheel chair and couldn't even go up stairs).
Step mom has dementia and the whore texts my sister from random numbers calling her names and talks shit about my dad.
I really don't know what to think or do.

 

[funnyh0w]

Have you considered God.

Yes, but even through genuine effort I could never create a strong enough bond with Him. I just feel lost in every approach.

 

[funnyh0w]

I dunno. Long story short. Him and his wife invited a chick strung out on meth to live with them, not to mention the chick has multiple drug felonies like operating a meth lab in car, etc.
My sister and I found out about this and the law got involved, my dad ended up going to jail for domestic violence shit because of the stupid whore (dad's in wheel chair and couldn't even go up stairs).
Step mom has dementia and the whore texts my sister from random numbers calling her names and talks shit about my dad.
I really don't know what to think or do.

Ugh what the fuck? I'm also curious how a wheelchair-bound man manages to get hit with a domestic violence charge, what a strange system.

 

[Ds]

Ugh what the fuck? I'm also curious how a wheelchair-bound man manages to get hit with a domestic violence charge, what a strange system.

It was the mind games the chick pulled on my dad and step mom. You have 2 people that aren't in their same minds, then you have chick who told my stepmom that my dad hit her and my step mother believes her. The entire thing is fucked.
This is in Memphis. A extremely corrupt town. The LE up there don't give two shits about people.

Wow, that is messed up. I don't know what to say. My dad started to have dementia, then he fell cracked his head open and had full blown dementia. It is almost impossible to get answers from a person with dementia
I saw it first hand. I do not what say other than I will be praying for you and your father.

Thanks man. I'm saving $ to hire a detective to help in finding my father. Now days you can't just go to a police station and say your dad's missing and expect them to do anything about.

 

[JimBobWho?]

Been clean from all opioids since August 22. Have a history of nasty gas station heroin habbit that I quit in 2015 after a year of eating it, slammed it once and it freaked me out, but foocking felt great... for the rush portion that is. Switched to Kratom as maintenance since then. I quit Kratom 2020 for 8 months then relapsed due to stealing my SO pain pills (roxi) she got for a nasty tooth ache. After scrapping what I could from her supply, and other scripts I found in the house (one was hydros from 2008!) I said foock it and went back to Kratom. Anyway, free from all that as of 8/22. Feeling like shit. Sleeping but poorly, aching, angry, anxious and suffering from PAWs. Had a bad outburst with my SO. She left to visit our sons grave soom after. I'm left with my kiddo so I turned on cartoons which we generally dont like to do, melt kids brains with stupid toons. I keep telling myself to start working out. But I just don't want to do shit but drink and abuse nicotine. Strangely no one notices me sipping, I learned how to keep shit under wraps, holding my breath for a kiss im embarrassed... Really really want to go get some Kratom, nice green Malay. I remember after my 8 months clean how absolutely fucking amazing it felt, and how everything was fine while on it. Beside some minor symptoms. But I really don't want to withdraw anymore, I really don't want to feel the darkness closing in. Just bitching here. God bless brothers and sisters, our communion in darkness. Bloody hell...

 

[Jnowhere]

To to funnyhOw: get a Bible and read the gospels, they are first four books of the new testament. They are the same story from four prospectives. The key is Jesus Christ is the Son of ALMIGHTY GOD. He came here and preached and healed, performed miracles and was crucified and rose from the dead. All who truly believe in him and that he was the son of God and rose from the dead and who truly repent of their sins, will have eternal life. Why was he crucified: he was an unblemished sacrifice for sin and ALMIGHTY GOD will accept that as payment for your sins. One should truly try to live a godly life after accepting Christ As their Savior. That's why I am trying to get my life in order.

.

 

[Ds]

You know, Jesus can be a touchy subject for a lot of folks.
I was once brainwashed by a faith based rehab place that if I truly believe Christ was my Lord and Savior then I was no longer an addict. Me being me I was like hell yeah! I got baptized and everything, and later I was sticking a needle in my arm in a abandoned house middle of the hood, I had Jesus though, so I wasn't an addict, or so I had thought.
Since then, when my family and other people in my life would mention Jesus, I would think 'oh here it goes again'.
This go-round however, I found Jesus on my own. My Jesus. I attend church, but wouldn't consider myself the most Christian man. I do, believe in God.
It took about 2-3 months sober, before I could put lost faith back into God, just because it's God. Not one of my strongest things at the time but boy did I need God in my life.

 

[tokayeahok]

Been clean from all opioids since August 22. Have a history of nasty gas station heroin habbit that I quit in 2015 after a year of eating it, slammed it once and it freaked me out, but foocking felt great... for the rush portion that is. Switched to Kratom as maintenance since then. I quit Kratom 2020 for 8 months then relapsed due to stealing my SO pain pills (roxi) she got for a nasty tooth ache. After scrapping what I could from her supply, and other scripts I found in the house (one was hydros from 2008!) I said foock it and went back to Kratom. Anyway, free from all that as of 8/22. Feeling like shit. Sleeping but poorly, aching, angry, anxious and suffering from PAWs. Had a bad outburst with my SO. She left to visit our sons grave soom after. I'm left with my kiddo so I turned on cartoons which we generally dont like to do, melt kids brains with stupid toons. I keep telling myself to start working out. But I just don't want to do shit but drink and abuse nicotine. Strangely no one notices me sipping, I learned how to keep shit under wraps, holding my breath for a kiss im embarrassed... Really really want to go get some Kratom, nice green Malay. I remember after my 8 months clean how absolutely fucking amazing it felt, and how everything was fine while on it. Beside some minor symptoms. But I really don't want to withdraw anymore, I really don't want to feel the darkness closing in. Just bitching here. God bless brothers and sisters, our communion in darkness. Bloody hell...

do you mean tianeptine when you mention ‘gas station heroin’? i’ve heard that stuff is quite potent for a tricyclic antidepressant, and the withdrawals coming off of it are just absolutely horrific.

and it’s not ‘bitching’ at all mate, you’re welcome here & this forum is for you to talk comfortably about your recovery and story, no one here thinks that you’re bitching at all . proud of you for working on yourself, godspeed xo

jon

 

[JimBobWho?]

Fucking shit. Was sipping on 9%, had about 750ml plus another half. Was looking for something and reached inside a bag and ended up slicing my finger almost to the bone. Jesus Christ have mercy.. my day just keeps getting better. Don't think I need stitches. As person who's profession is that of medicine no bone is visible, and the area has no place for stitching. I guess my body will glue it self with blood and platelets as long as I keep my thick ass bandaid on.

 

[JimBobWho?]

do you mean tianeptine when you mention ‘gas station heroin’? i’ve heard that stuff is quite potent for a tricyclic antidepressant, and the withdrawals coming off of it are just absolutely horrific.

and it’s not ‘bitching’ at all mate, you’re welcome here & this forum is for you to talk comfortably about your recovery and story, no one here thinks that you’re bitching at all . proud of you for working on yourself, godspeed xo

jon

Yeah, tia. That shit was fucking out of this world in terms of high, and the bad ass low. Including the glue shots and fucked up vains...that's why I did it once, finding a small vein cuz i knew it would dry up immediately, never did it again IV. Ironically i think at the time most of my research came from BL. But, it started off at 18 years old after getting drunk and puting a 44mag threw my right knee. Doc said i was 1cm short of death due to almost hitting my femoral artery, and 2 cm short of an amputation due to severing my nerve. Still have that gun, i love it for big game hunting.

Thus I was introduced to oxy, cuz a half dollar size hole hurts like a the dickenns. Long story short l, here I am 31 with family and a big ass mental scar from drug abuse, and loosing my son. All mind you, no one knows, not even my Love. So, I quit all. But booze is a crutch all right. Don't one to trade one for another, especially knowing booze.... deadly shit.

Thanks man.

Jim.

 

[JimBobWho?]

Yeah, the withdrawal from tia was 2 month long.

 

[tokayeahok]

Yeah, tia. That shit was fucking out of this world in terms of high, and the bad ass low. Including the glue shots and fucked up vains...that's why I did it once, finding a small vein cuz i knew it would dry up immediately, never did it again IV. Ironically i think at the time most of my research came from BL. But, it started off at 18 years old after getting drunk and puting a 44mag threw my right knee. Doc said i was 1cm short of death due to almost hitting my femoral artery, and 2 cm short of an amputation due to severing my nerve. Still have that gun, i love it for big game hunting.

Thus I was introduced to oxy, cuz a half dollar size hole hurts like a the dickenns. Long story short l, here I am 31 with family and a big ass mental scar from drug abuse, and loosing my son. All mind you, no one knows, not even my Love. So, I quit all. But booze is a crutch all right. Don't one to trade one for another, especially knowing booze.... deadly shit.

Thanks man.

Jim.

holy fucking hell, mate.

i’m glad you’re still here, brother. i’m sure your family & your beautiful child is, too. maybe it’s worth sitting down with those closest to you & letting them know what you’re going through. if that isn’t an option, and if they won’t support you, find SOMEONE to help you get through this. whether that be a close friend, a counselor or therapist / psychologist, or hell - maybe even someone in this thread. going through that alone makes the process so much more difficult. there is someone out there in the world who wants to help you though, and i firmly believe you’re on the right track already by being in this recovery thread. it means the thought of sobriety has tickled your brain enough for you to come into here & talk about it / find someone you can relate to.

much love,
jon