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Mental Health Coming off Invega (Paliperidone, Xeplion) injections v. 7.0

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Is being able to feel weed a good sign? I can feel weed, cry and laugh, but I'm just not feeling as deeply as I normally do. It's like I can only feel sad/angry for myself, and I feel happiness for others, but not myself. My sex drive was coming back pretty fast, but it got knocked down by other drugs. Without it, I feel out of synch with myself despite not feeling a strong need for partnered sex. I'm going to try to not take any pharmaceuticals until I recover from the shots now. I'm going to try to convince the psychiatrist I don't need antipsychotics since both of my episodes were pharmaceutical/mixing weed with pharmaceutical induced.

I remember crying a lot the days after I got the shots and then I sort of went numb and stopped caring and slept a lot. I watched some Voyager only to forget a lot of stuff that happened.
 
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Hey guys, I'm genuinely very sorry for making a false promise about uploading a recovery video today. The main reason is because I wanted to seem as optimistic and positive about my recovery as possible, but I'm currently staring to have doubts and I'm second guessing myself. I've tried my best to maintain a positive mindset and outlook about my potential to recover, mabye even "fully" recover but as time goes on I'm starting to question that possiblity more and more now.

Strangely my mood is very inconsistent now and fluctuates drastically from one day to the next. A few weeks ago I suddenly started feeling suicidal, hopeless, and depressed before I eventually overcame that feeling only to fall right back into that situation today. I'd say that my biggest current concern is that I have barely gotten more then 4 hours of sleep each night, ususlly even just 3 or less because of my constant, never-ending nightmares about Invega EVERY SINGLE DAY/NIGHT, and I'm starting to loose it and am becoming extremely irritable and short-tempered, especially because I already had complete sleep deprivation for over 3 months after Invega to the point where I had a stroke because of it.

I told people recently that I've been improving a lot lately, in an attempt to try and provide others with a sense of hope, and to not give up. But the harsh reality is that while I have recovered quite a lot in many aspects, I still have many existing problems still, a few are even pre-existing issues completely unrelated to Invega at this point. I just can’t ever come to terms with the fact that I'm "only" 23, like many people here, and that the rest of my life has potentially been ruined forever until I die.

I completely understand why most people here are extremely suicidal and talk about it daily sometimes. This stupid fucking poison chemically lobotomized us and took every single thing we enjoyed about our life and took for granted in an instant, leaving us as an empty shell of our former selves left with no desire and will to live. I really wanted to avoid being negative here to prevent others from feeling more hopeless about their situation but in the end of the day I prefer to be honest, even if the truth hurts. Hopefully this feeling is just temporary again, so as a result I'll hold off on creating that video for now, I might still make it but as of now I believe it's best to hold off on it until my mental/physical health improves further, assuming it's even possible anymore.
 
CrimsonThornX said:
Hey guys, I'm genuinely very sorry for making a false promise about uploading a recovery video today. The main reason is because I wanted to seem as optimistic and positive about my recovery as possible, but I'm currently staring to have doubts and I'm second guessing myself. I've tried my best to maintain a positive mindset and outlook about my potential to recover, mabye even "fully" recover but as time goes on I'm starting to question that possiblity more and more now.

Strangely my mood is very inconsistent now and fluctuates drastically from one day to the next. A few weeks ago I suddenly started feeling suicidal, hopeless, and depressed before I eventually overcame that feeling only to fall right back into that situation today. I'd say that my biggest current concern is that I have barely gotten more then 4 hours of sleep each night, ususlly even just 3 or less because of my constant, never-ending nightmares about Invega EVERY SINGLE DAY/NIGHT, and I'm starting to loose it and am becoming extremely irritable and short-tempered, especially because I already had complete sleep deprivation for over 3 months after Invega to the point where I had a stroke because of it.

I told people recently that I've been improving a lot lately, in an attempt to try and provide others with a sense of hope, and to not give up. But the harsh reality is that while I have recovered quite a lot in many aspects, I still have many existing problems still, a few are even pre-existing issues completely unrelated to Invega at this point. I just can’t ever come to terms with the fact that I'm "only" 23, like many people here, and that the rest of my life has potentially been ruined forever until I die.

I completely understand why most people here are extremely suicidal and talk about it daily sometimes. This stupid fucking poison chemically lobotomized us and took every single thing we enjoyed about our life and took for granted in an instant, leaving us as an empty shell of our former selves left with no desire and will to live. I really wanted to avoid being negative here to prevent others from feeling more hopeless about their situation but in the end of the day I prefer to be honest, even if the truth hurts. Hopefully this feeling is just temporary again, so as a result I'll hold off on creating that video for now, I might still make it but as of now I believe it's best to hold off on it until my mental/physical health improves further, assuming it's even possible anymore.
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No worries bro hope you feel better soon.
 
Rulomaner said:
Who recovered?
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There is a whole list of people who have recovered. It cannot be dismissed as irrelevant. And when I go through old posts I find more and more of them. Some had suicidal thoughts and it seemed to them that they would not recover, but they did.
 
Invegatorture said:
Received 1 injection:

Metaltommy: 5 months

LifeAfterInvega: 8 months

Copperdome: 15 months

NotAPsycho: 15 months

Edrudd:

Antipsychotique:

Joethebro: Recovered (Didn’t indicate time frame)

Received 2 injections:

HateInvega: 4.5 months

Koz26: 12 months

Momogus: 13 months

Anhedonia67: 8.5 months

Nathan Cissel: 10 months

PhuckInvegga: 21 months

Redmanone: 12 months

Starkid: 32 months

Khaverim7: 12 months

Jmorin: 13 months

zack365: 8 months

Emersonny:

CurtisO:

Veteranswife:

Awesome31311:

Malakoff:

PhucInvega:



Received 3 injections:

Robe11: 11 months

SurvivedXeplion: 10 months

Bad Robot: 12 months

CanadianScott:

ChristianTruther:

Invegakillsme:

Received 4 injections:

Decisive: 10 months

Received 5 injection:

Symbolicone09: 12 months

Shay96: 10 months

Lazar: 11 months

Unexpected175: 18 months

Kaatrina:

Lifeline:

Received 6 injections:

Steph78: 11 months

Dirtyinvega: 20 months

Rel: 15 months

Received 7 injections:

Jonnyhalo:

Invegahater:

NoMoreZombie: 6 months

Received 12 injections:

Invegauser: 5 years 4 months

Iridiscentblack: 3 years

Received 24 injections:

Jmoore52: 17 months

KyliePsychic: 19 months

Invegolas:

Average recovery:

1 injection: 10.5 months

2 injections: 13.3 months

3 injections: 11 months

4 injections: 10 months

5 injections: 13 months

6 injections: 15.3 months

7 injections: 6 months

12 injections: 50 months

24 injections: 18 months
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here is the list
 
Rulomaner said:
Fucking hell man. Put me in there. I recovered. 5 months. Just put me men . You know? Put meeeee
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it is easy to check whether they have falsely said about themselves, whether they have recovered. When you go to their messages, you can see that when they registered on this forum, they suffered. And after a year or more, they said that their condition was improving until they recovered.
 
CrimsonThornX said:
Hey guys, I'm genuinely very sorry for making a false promise about uploading a recovery video today. The main reason is because I wanted to seem as optimistic and positive about my recovery as possible, but I'm currently staring to have doubts and I'm second guessing myself. I've tried my best to maintain a positive mindset and outlook about my potential to recover, mabye even "fully" recover but as time goes on I'm starting to question that possiblity more and more now.

Strangely my mood is very inconsistent now and fluctuates drastically from one day to the next. A few weeks ago I suddenly started feeling suicidal, hopeless, and depressed before I eventually overcame that feeling only to fall right back into that situation today. I'd say that my biggest current concern is that I have barely gotten more then 4 hours of sleep each night, ususlly even just 3 or less because of my constant, never-ending nightmares about Invega EVERY SINGLE DAY/NIGHT, and I'm starting to loose it and am becoming extremely irritable and short-tempered, especially because I already had complete sleep deprivation for over 3 months after Invega to the point where I had a stroke because of it.

I told people recently that I've been improving a lot lately, in an attempt to try and provide others with a sense of hope, and to not give up. But the harsh reality is that while I have recovered quite a lot in many aspects, I still have many existing problems still, a few are even pre-existing issues completely unrelated to Invega at this point. I just can’t ever come to terms with the fact that I'm "only" 23, like many people here, and that the rest of my life has potentially been ruined forever until I die.

I completely understand why most people here are extremely suicidal and talk about it daily sometimes. This stupid fucking poison chemically lobotomized us and took every single thing we enjoyed about our life and took for granted in an instant, leaving us as an empty shell of our former selves left with no desire and will to live. I really wanted to avoid being negative here to prevent others from feeling more hopeless about their situation but in the end of the day I prefer to be honest, even if the truth hurts. Hopefully this feeling is just temporary again, so as a result I'll hold off on creating that video for now, I might still make it but as of now I believe it's best to hold off on it until my mental/physical health improves further, assuming it's even possible anymore.
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Lion's Mane is definitely helping me sleep, even more than melatonin. I'm having dreams again, I was missing my REM cycles for like a month. I have noticed nightmares are more frequent, I used to almost never have nightmares but now I do. :/ I had a dream my normally kind and patient friend was being mean to me and my other friends and that they resented me. Then I had a dream about laying under a sheer piece of fabric, and then someone came into my room and dumped itching/burning powder on my face.

And when it's not a nightmare, it's negative. I had a dream I was setting a table for myself, a long table with walls around it except for one spot. The dream felt lonely. I put down a wooden bowl and a mug, but I looked inside the mug and there was poop in it!

I wonder if the nightmares stop or if I'm a nightmare haver now.

The bad feelings come in waves, sometimes for me it fluctuates by the hour. I was full of despair yesterday, but then I ended up trying to make a quick little watercolor outside before the sun set.
 
@Rulomaner, notice how some people recover after long periods of time, like 2-4 years or more. You should try to get hope from seeing your progress and progress of others, even if it's slow.
 
Being here makes me worry an unhealthy amount, so I'll hop back on and make a long post about my recovery upon completion of 4 months since the injections a few days from now. I'm only posting this so I'm less likely to come back and get myself all worked up again.

I feel good today, had a nice conversation with the person who drove me to my doctor's appointment. My doctor agrees that I shouldn't be on antipsychotics unless I have another episode.
 
Robchanna said:
Has anyone ever experienced this where their orgasms don’t feel like orgasms
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If I'm understanding you correctly then yes, they are usually much more delayed and take more arousal/stimulation to achieve then before. Ontop of that, they don't feel as pleasurable and satisfying as they used to, and is generally a weaker experience now. I'd say that by now many things have improved a lot, just recently my libido came back a ton which I'm extremely thankful for, since I didn't wanna live the rest of my life with the sex drive of a dying elderly man in his deathbed. The largest improvement of all would be that my semen levels and consistency looks exactly like before so that's great, and that I wasn't completely sterilized for life without my consent, which I obviously never agreed to do in the first place.

My biggest concern in terms of sexual health is definitely still erectile dysfunction, since it's still not where it used to be, but has slowly been getting better I'd say. On the bright side I was going to see a urologist so hopefully there's something like cialis or viagra that can at least temporarily improve that issue. If anything, I now appreciate the natural bodily functions/instincts more than I ever did before now and no longer take them for granted, after having lost the ability to enjoy them for several months in a row. Now I'm just constantly hoping that it's at least one of the few things I can make a full recovery in, since I'm convinced I have permanent brain damage otherwise.
 
By the way I eventually did make my "recovery" video earlier today which I believe was at least an hour long if not more, but as soon as I finished recording I got a notification saying that I exceeded my storage limit and couldn't save it. So then I ended up paying for it to expand my storage space only to realize that I still couldn't save it or even share it to other devices, let alone upload it to YouTube. 🤦‍♂️

I'll probably attempt it again later today or in a few days assuming that I can now properly save videos after paying for the storage expansion, since apparently the first video can't be saved or salvaged anymore, meaning that I gotta make a new one and hope it saves properly this time. Aside from other unrelated videos I intend to make occasional health updates assuming people would be interested in them.
 
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