• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist

Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

yeah yeah i’m alright. been a shit day but also productive. lawn mower is fucked somehow when i started cutting grass. something with the belt pulley i think. my balenciaga shoes came in today and i was super stoked and my mum accused me of being on some sorta stimulant i guess bc it dilated my eyes? i mean i was just stoked about these shoes i’ve wanted for years coming in the mail. it’s been an alright day i guess.
 
tokayeahok said:
yeah yeah i’m alright. been a shit day but also productive. lawn mower is fucked somehow when i started cutting grass. something with the belt pulley i think. my balenciaga shoes came in today and i was super stoked and my mum accused me of being on some sorta stimulant i guess bc it dilated my eyes? i mean i was just stoked about these shoes i’ve wanted for years coming in the mail. it’s been an alright day i guess.
Click to expand...
What dilated your eyes? The excitement of the shoes...lol...? I gurn my jaw like I'm on MDMA when I'm imagining my future and stoking myself up. I've done it since childhood. I even pop my jaw all the time. I believe it's what's allowed me to keep tight facial structure at 42. People always think I'm mid to late 20's.
 
somnilicious said:
What dilated your eyes? The excitement of the shoes...lol...? I gurn my jaw like I'm on MDMA when I'm imagining my future and stoking myself up. I've done it since childhood. I even pop my jaw all the time. I believe it's what's allowed me to keep tight facial structure at 42. People always think I'm mid to late 20's.
Click to expand...
i mean i suppose? i had an energy drink about 20 minutes before, but maybe just being excited for the shoes. who fucking knows, my brain is all fucked up from years of abuse so who knows what caused it lmao
 
Alcohol kindling keeps getting worse. I can't keep relapsing on this poison. God grant me the strength...

It's to the point where even if I drink for a week, but only every other day (!), when I stop I'm agitated, hallucinate, panic attacks, hyperthermia, sleep paralysis, and have heart arrythmias and skipped beats when I lay down (scary and very bothersome).

Fate up against my will.
The killing moon will come too soon.
 
Snafu in the Void said:
Alcohol kindling keeps getting worse. I can't keep relapsing on this poison. God grant me the strength...

It's to the point where even if I drink for a week, but only every other day (!), when I stop I'm agitated, hallucinate, panic attacks, hyperthermia, sleep paralysis, and have heart arrythmias and skipped beats when I lay down (scary and very bothersome).

Fate up against my will.
The killing moon will come too soon.
Click to expand...
How is kava for you? I find quality kava to be a good replacement. I fully plan on replacing my occasional night caps when I get more money.

Damn bro... That sounds like serious kindling. Sorry you're going through that. I wish I had all the answers but I'm still trying to find my way through life❤️
 
somnilicious said:
How is kava for you? I find quality kava to be a good replacement. I fully plan on replacing my occasional night caps when I get more money.
Click to expand...
I've tried to make it work so many times. I've had good effects from kava before, and bought super expensive stuff.

The problem is no matter how I make it, I've tried every way, it always gives me a stomach ache and headache both of which last 10+ hours. At any dose, doesn't matter. Even extracts too.

My body just doesn't like it.
 
is
Snafu in the Void said:
I've tried to make it work so many times. I've had good effects from kava before, and bought super expensive stuff.

The problem is no matter how I make it, I've tried every way, it always gives me a stomach ache and headache both of which last 10+ hours. At any dose, doesn't matter. Even extracts too.

My body just doesn't like it.
Click to expand...
is there any way you could possibly get medical intervention?
 
tokayeahok said:
is there any way you could possibly get medical intervention?
Click to expand...
I don't really need it right now, and don't have insurance currently anyways. I went to detox last year in November. My drinking hasn't been that bad since then.

It's just that now when I do drink here and there for a few days, the health consequences are quite extreme.
 
Snafu in the Void said:
I don't really need it right now, and don't have insurance currently anyways. I went to detox last year in November. My drinking hasn't been that bad since then.

It's just that now when I do drink here and there for a few days, the health consequences are quite extreme.
Click to expand...
i understand man… godspeed. how many days dose it usually take you to recover?
 
Snafu in the Void said:
I usually start feeling relatively normal again in 5-7 days.

It's weird because these symptoms occur, but I can actually sleep just fine during them. I think it's more organ/brain damage compared to actual withdrawal. That's one part of kindling.
Click to expand...
sounds like my benzo kindling. can still sleep but brain zaps, weird side effects, anxiety through the roof, etc

my opiate kindling however, strikes insomnia for 3 days or so, even if i just use once it seems. not full blown withdrawal and i can function but is still crummy.
just our body’s way of keeping score, i suppose
 
mine's a bad reaction to gabapentin. ba aaaaaaaaad reaction. i'm still bumping though. and will have to trip.
🔥
 
Snafu in the Void said:
I feel a lot better today (day 4).

Bought a big ol 150mg CBN chocolate bar. This stuff is awesome for recovery.

Crazy experiences last night. Kept getting jolts, which I'm used to, but this time I'd also experience vertigo. Shit sux brah.
Click to expand...
that’s wicked mate. good to hear. soon your sleep will be back to no time & those cheeky brain zaps will be a thing of the past!
 
just waking up, mum came home from 3rd shift and brought beer so having to deal with an alcoholic at 8 in the morning & missed my meeting because of it. puts me in a weird headspace.

doing alright i suppose, just stuff i don’t want to deal with.
 
Getting sick of the recovery culture here recently it just seems cheesy and fake
Or maybe I'm a miserable faced bitch
Probs the latter tbf because at the start of recovery I was all up for it, dunno just seem to almost hate everyone atm
And there's a part of the whole NA/AA/CA ethos that I don't like - can never tell when someone's being genuine or trying to do what the big book says if that makes sense. I suppose the lines blurred on that one though and could be a combination at the end of the day...which is confusing. I don't feel good in big groups of people either which has been making things overwhelming recently and it's sometimes as if people haven't seen an anxious person before - I know it's people showing they care but I wish folk didn't even ask if I'm ok in front of everyone etc cause it makes me feel like and that some people might think im an attention seeker or something. I jus hate making a scene and been taking more panic attacks since my psychologist left and replaced by new one who is nowhere near as qualified to treat me and so all the work I had been doing has been left at a stand still and I'm not coping as well. It's sometimes as if people get fed up of my moaning as if I'm not also fed up with it but I can't help it if I'm asked how I've been why would I lie? I feel like screaming next time someone asks expecting me to say everything is great.... It's almost as if it doesn't matter how am doing and we're expected to speak a certain style at these meetings. I think it's perhaps time to try out a different type of meeting and try create a closer knit bond/trust with people rather than feel like I should just say the same lines every week to fit in to the mold and please people with positivity. other than smart recovery there really isn't many other options. Seriously considering starting a recovery group myself using music and maybe other things like board games, books, comedy and drama as an aid to recovery whilst upholding strict confidentiality rules and a check in where people wouldn't be discouraged from saying whatver the fuck they wanted to and encouraged to just be an individual and help others/make friends if they want to and not because it's what's expected.... Get rid of those culty vibea and copy and paste speech/jargon that some folk thrive on (which is great for them).
I sound like a dickhead but I needed a place to vent and be honest thank u.

That's me 2 weeks off the booze and about a month since iv use but so I'm doing well but the past still haunts me
 
Last edited:
he
stardust10 said:
Getting sick of the recovery culture here recently it just seems cheesy and fake
Or maybe I'm a miserable faced bitch
Probs the latter tbf because at the start of recovery I was all up for it, dunno just seem to almost hate everyone atm
And there's a part of the whole NA/AA/CA ethos that I don't like - can never tell when someone's being genuine or trying to do what the big book says if that makes sense. I suppose the lines blurred on that one though and could be a combination at the end of the day...which is confusing. I don't feel good in big groups of people either which has been making things overwhelming recently and it's sometimes as if people haven't seen an anxious person before - I know it's people showing they care but I wish folk didn't even ask if I'm ok in front of everyone etc cause it makes me feel like and that some people might think im an attention seeker or something. I jus hate making a scene and been taking more panic attacks since my psychologist left and replaced by new one who is nowhere near as qualified to treat me and so all the work I had been doing has been left at a stand still and I'm not coping as well. It's sometimes as if people get fed up of my moaning as if I'm not also fed up with it but I can't help it if I'm asked how I've been why would I lie? I feel like screaming next time someone asks expecting me to say everything is great.... It's almost as if it doesn't matter how am doing and we're expected to speak a certain style at these meetings. I think it's perhaps time to try out a different type of meeting and try create a closer knit bond/trust with people rather than feel like I should just say the same lines every week to fit in to the mold and please people with positivity. Just needed a place to vent and be honest thank u

That's me 2 weeks off the booze and about a month since iv use but so I'm doing well but the past still haunts me
Click to expand...
heyo, i’m right there with you. that’s why i don’t do meetings - alcohol was never my thing but opiates and such, i couldn’t ever do meetings because of the culture around it. it was always super judgey and FAR too much drama. so i just stay in my own lane. i do these meetings on zoom with some friends in recovery but it’s not based around any book, program anything. it’s just us talking about our day or helping each other and solely for that and i’m thinking of getting out of that because people are in there consistently talking about drama between them and the recovery community on tiktok(whatever the fuck that means) and is just agony sometimes. i do not tolerate drama for my own coziness, intrinsic solace, and always try to just purely love & help.


so i understand. keep doing what YOU know is good for YOU. much love,

always pop in here, if you’d like. we got some really fucking lovely people on here in this thread. somnilicious, snafu, kiely and a lot more.
 
There defo is ^
Thank u, I will try and keep up with the thread but it's just cause I'm sort of fucked atm- in the head- to make the effort with anything e.g. masking the full day whilst socialising. I'll get over it and stop being a little bitch now tho. 😀 Haha
Thanks for the genuine reply and friendliness 💛 great to speak to someone who understands
Wish everyone well
 
Last edited:
just waking up, having a red bull & staggered a little more morontin that usual. took some kratom & listening to tunes. just set in motion my first single off my record to be uploaded to all streaming services so i’m stoked i’m finally entering that stage / era. the intergrade era! mum is drinking this morning again, but isn’t being a twat so really no complaints
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top