Intro Time! Here we go!

[Hempy]

Hey Bluelight and Members,
First, I'd like to thank you all for approving my request to join and providing a place for me to find and join. I have been using for almost four years now, and I've done a complete turnaround as an addict. I have been thinking about or playing with getting sober since January due to internal issues that I fear have gotten worse due to the chemicals. I have found everything since then, except a reason to actually stay sober. I get high because I want to, and most of the online gatherings that I am part of are full of people who are only there due to a court order, or to get their children back, and I am having a hard time connecting with other addicts, or recovering addicts that I can relate to. I finished high school last year after dropping out almost twenty years ago, six weeks before graduation. I sure punished them, didn't I? I am now under a year from graduating from SNHU with a business degree and still use it daily or every other day, depending on the mood, I guess. I have been attending online virtual meetings for NA, and codependency, and I have definitely grown as a person from those sites, but something still just isn't there, so I continue to search for my tribe. What drugs do I like? Well, if I'm being honest, I've never tried one I hated, but I haven't tried them all, so there is still time. lol .. Jk.. maybe . I work from home, just became an empty nester, and I love to write when I have time. I am not a big fan of TV, and I don't like big crowds. I have been single for seven years but have only been working on myself for the past year. I am a solo wanderer in a world full of people with no real depth or direction, and I'm starting to feel like an alien from some faraway, unheard of place. I guess I am the only meth addict within a hundred-mile radius who knows how to act like a person and be on meth at the same time. Thanks for reading, if you did lol, Ladies or men that know the value of a woman vs. a vagina, if you are looking for a pal or some unsolicited bad advice, hit me up, I got you, lol. I was born in Hemphill, and hopefully I'll fly to Canada when I get my wings, and die in peace there. Have a good one!
~Hempy~

 

[Jabberwocky]

Welcome

 

[Northerngyal]

Welcome I’m a newb too. Your story was rather interesting. I’d love to hear more.

 

[carbonhalo]

How could that face possibly be an empty nester?

 

[Northerngyal]

How could that face possibly be an empty nester?

Yes she is pretty!

 

[Hempy]

Yes she is pretty!

lol are we all drunk? just kidding. Thank you, guys. How? Because that pretty little face didn't want to get hit, she backed down from her super egotistical, entitled, tide pod eating teens and evidently failed them as a mother when I wouldn't box them when they wanted to act ignorant. I saw the fist clinch, I remembered how fkn awful jail was that one night of thirteen hours of pure hell, and I backed away. Which now has translated, to not giving a fk what her kids did. Like seriously? So both of the tiny humans that are no longer tiny or hell human at this point, are off to punish me for being such a shitty mother. From what I am being told, they try to come back at some point because they fall on their faces or something, but my little darlings have it all wrong. If they weren't interested in me parenting them at fifteen, when I worshiped the ground they walked on, but asked them not to lie and steal, instead of being a mom to my children, they found someone who would. Why would I be interested in being a mom when they decide to stop adulting and NEED a place to go? They didn't show me any love when they seriously turned on me in one day. I'm not joking.. Both of them did the same sh*t three years apart. They both say they were abused, but one's complaint is I neglected him for his sister, and her complaint is I didn't respect who she was, and I needed to follow her rules if I wanted her to come back.. So.. since I pay the bills and be damned if I'm taking orders from anyone, so here I sit, empty apartment, no drama for the first time in fifteen years, a year away from graduating college, and the most miserable little fuck you could imagine, because all the childhood bullshit that led me here today when I was a dumbass and decided to intentionally sober up back in December lol idk how thats going but my house is still empty and clean lol . I had a son and a daughter one day, and I kid you not. They both kissed me good bye one day and never came back the next. No warning, no clue something like that would happen, total fkn dumbass who believed everything they said. When i got into college and started learning new stuff, they really got pissed. I moved out before I turned eighteen, but I didn't burn my parents to the ground in the process, I just got the hell out of there, Both my children made up this big ass our mom abused us story, and everyone but them is wondering who the hell they are talking about. Then you have the perfect mothers who have never crossed any lines or gotten dick apparently, who feel so sorry for my poor poor children, Yeah me too lady, but not for the same reasons, My children are amazing, or I thought they were, but I raised them alone with no help, and i didn't party or even stay married to either husband. My son, in the first one, and my daughter in the second one. Hell, now my parents are dead, my husbands have remarried, and the offspring ran off, and I sit here with the fkn neck wrinkles wondering where do I put in for a refund because mine are broken and I should be entitled to at lest half back, yeah? That's the only way these neck wrinkles are gone, lol.. It's Taco Tuesday, we can Tacoabout the rest later. I'm off to a CoDa meeting to avoid validating myself on a random 30 second thrill that use to be more exciting

 

[Hempy]

Yes she is pretty!

watch it lady, (or tramp your choice.. I personally prefer tramp but you may still go by lady, but that's another post lol ) you aren't too hard on the blue eyes either.. or is this one of those cross talk things and I just got kicked again. lol Thank you for the words they made me smile.

 

[RitaLynnn]

Hey Bluelight and Members,
First, I'd like to thank you all for approving my request to join and providing a place for me to find and join. I have been using for almost four years now, and I've done a complete turnaround as an addict. I have been thinking about or playing with getting sober since January due to internal issues that I fear have gotten worse due to the chemicals. I have found everything since then, except a reason to actually stay sober. I get high because I want to, and most of the online gatherings that I am part of are full of people who are only there due to a court order, or to get their children back, and I am having a hard time connecting with other addicts, or recovering addicts that I can relate to. I finished high school last year after dropping out almost twenty years ago, six weeks before graduation. I sure punished them, didn't I? I am now under a year from graduating from SNHU with a business degree and still use it daily or every other day, depending on the mood, I guess. I have been attending online virtual meetings for NA, and codependency, and I have definitely grown as a person from those sites, but something still just isn't there, so I continue to search for my tribe. What drugs do I like? Well, if I'm being honest, I've never tried one I hated, but I haven't tried them all, so there is still time. lol .. Jk.. maybe . I work from home, just became an empty nester, and I love to write when I have time. I am not a big fan of TV, and I don't like big crowds. I have been single for seven years but have only been working on myself for the past year. I am a solo wanderer in a world full of people with no real depth or direction, and I'm starting to feel like an alien from some faraway, unheard of place. I guess I am the only meth addict within a hundred-mile radius who knows how to act like a person and be on meth at the same time. Thanks for reading, if you did lol, Ladies or men that know the value of a woman vs. a vagina, if you are looking for a pal or some unsolicited bad advice, hit me up, I got you, lol. I was born in Hemphill, and hopefully I'll fly to Canada when I get my wings, and die in peace there. Have a good one!
~Hempy~

Nice to meet you!

 

[Hempy]

Thanks all! I am still here, and still trying to make all of this make sense to me, find a safe place to vent, find real people that still have real morals and values, and find people that see the real problem and not just the one we have. I am sad, I am lost, I have been to all the step meetings of all kinds, and I still don't see anything but a government killing my friends. OR trying to take my drugs and give me theirs. My dude is dead, and they called it an accident when some bitch was the one that shot him up, She is an informant, so she gets to do it again, and my dude wasn't her first, but my dude wasn't the addict they chalked him up to be. They talk about him like he deserved it, or wasn't anything more than just a junkie. I want to hurt this bitch, I want my dude back, and I want people like her stopped. She killed him, he didn't accidentally overdose. Where can I make sense of anything? Where is the safe zone? Who do I lean on?

 

[ShaunDicko]

welcome to bluelight Hempy

 

[SnaggyGA]

Hey Bluelight and Members,
First, I'd like to thank you all for approving my request to join and providing a place for me to find and join. I have been using for almost four years now, and I've done a complete turnaround as an addict. I have been thinking about or playing with getting sober since January due to internal issues that I fear have gotten worse due to the chemicals. I have found everything since then, except a reason to actually stay sober. I get high because I want to, and most of the online gatherings that I am part of are full of people who are only there due to a court order, or to get their children back, and I am having a hard time connecting with other addicts, or recovering addicts that I can relate to. I finished high school last year after dropping out almost twenty years ago, six weeks before graduation. I sure punished them, didn't I? I am now under a year from graduating from SNHU with a business degree and still use it daily or every other day, depending on the mood, I guess. I have been attending online virtual meetings for NA, and codependency, and I have definitely grown as a person from those sites, but something still just isn't there, so I continue to search for my tribe. What drugs do I like? Well, if I'm being honest, I've never tried one I hated, but I haven't tried them all, so there is still time. lol .. Jk.. maybe . I work from home, just became an empty nester, and I love to write when I have time. I am not a big fan of TV, and I don't like big crowds. I have been single for seven years but have only been working on myself for the past year. I am a solo wanderer in a world full of people with no real depth or direction, and I'm starting to feel like an alien from some faraway, unheard of place. I guess I am the only meth addict within a hundred-mile radius who knows how to act like a person and be on meth at the same time. Thanks for reading, if you did lol, Ladies or men that know the value of a woman vs. a vagina, if you are looking for a pal or some unsolicited bad advice, hit me up, I got you, lol. I was born in Hemphill, and hopefully I'll fly to Canada when I get my wings, and die in peace there. Have a good one!
~Hempy~

Hello hempy, I am also new to this site and after 30 years of addiction, I think that I have finally found the fourm that fits me to the T. You are definitely a rare bird, which is a functional meth addiction. As I said in my introduction, I miss meth, but life

Hey Bluelight and Members,
First, I'd like to thank you all for approving my request to join and providing a place for me to find and join. I have been using for almost four years now, and I've done a complete turnaround as an addict. I have been thinking about or playing with getting sober since January due to internal issues that I fear have gotten worse due to the chemicals. I have found everything since then, except a reason to actually stay sober. I get high because I want to, and most of the online gatherings that I am part of are full of people who are only there due to a court order, or to get their children back, and I am having a hard time connecting with other addicts, or recovering addicts that I can relate to. I finished high school last year after dropping out almost twenty years ago, six weeks before graduation. I sure punished them, didn't I? I am now under a year from graduating from SNHU with a business degree and still use it daily or every other day, depending on the mood, I guess. I have been attending online virtual meetings for NA, and codependency, and I have definitely grown as a person from those sites, but something still just isn't there, so I continue to search for my tribe. What drugs do I like? Well, if I'm being honest, I've never tried one I hated, but I haven't tried them all, so there is still time. lol .. Jk.. maybe . I work from home, just became an empty nester, and I love to write when I have time. I am not a big fan of TV, and I don't like big crowds. I have been single for seven years but have only been working on myself for the past year. I am a solo wanderer in a world full of people with no real depth or direction, and I'm starting to feel like an alien from some faraway, unheard of place. I guess I am the only meth addict within a hundred-mile radius who knows how to act like a person and be on meth at the same time. Thanks for reading, if you did lol, Ladies or men that know the value of a woman vs. a vagina, if you are looking for a pal or some unsolicited bad advice, hit me up, I got you, lol. I was born in Hemphill, and hopefully I'll fly to Canada when I get my wings, and die in peace there. Have a good one!
~Hempy~

 

[SnaggyGA]

Hello hempy, I am also new to this site and after 30 years of addiction, I think that I have finally found the fourm that fits me to the T. You are definitely a rare bird, which is a functional meth addiction. As I said in my introduction, I miss meth, but life

has caused me to give sobriety a chance so that I can stay free and not be another statistic in the bs war on drugs. I look forward to hear more of you posts. And I look forward to sharing my own. Take care

 

[PtahTek]

if you are looking for a pal or some unsolicited bad advice, hit me up

Love it.
Ha
Welcome to BL there is a lot to unpack but can relate to a lot of your post.
Pecae

 

[SnaggyGA]

Hey Hempy, thanks you for replying. Honestly I think your honesty is a breath of fresh air. Mostly because I believe that you cannot get a grip on addiction until you admit that you use because you want to. When I finally did that years ago is when I STOPPED hating myself for what is ultimately MY CHOICE, just like it is my choice not to use now. And while I have been sober for awhile now, I still hold on to the fact that it is on a day to day basis, and if and when I ever decided to do me a shot or two of my old friend meth, then I will live with that and not get down on myself. So Hempy be easy and next time you do a hit do one for your new buddy, Gil. Just be safe and careful.