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Positive The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0

Painful One said:
I just really do not want to be ripped off all my medications at once ya know?
It would torture me to death.
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It's a very irresponsible doctor does that, but I've had it happen, hell when I was cut off.
If they hadn't done that then I might not have my extra little habit now, but that is my choice, not a doctor's choice or even a sensible choice.
I'm not even sure it really is a choice or why I choose it.

The only other times I've been this happy were when I drank all the time (in good company) or when I'd children to look after and was sober.
Or when I lived in England, I liked it there and was happy even though I didn't know where to get much of anything and was usually drug free by default, the rent was eyewateringly high too, couldn't afford shit.

Hahaha, just flustered my husband well for the day, lol, wrong thread for details, lol.
But I never been this sick overall before this year, if I wasn't scared they'd keep me in I'd have been more than a couple of times to the hospital.

If I stayed in hospital they might catch me out and then there'd be none of them trusting me again.

I guess happy and ill beats miserable and ill.
I hope people don't get too fed up with me being on the tapering thread when I'm the worst at tapering ever, I like it here and someday I'll work it out.

I spent most of my adult life sober, but from 12 to 24 I wasn't, I was a mess so my stepdad kicked me out at 16, he got my mum to do it, she hadn't liked when he threw out her only other kid without warning two years before me at 17, so I knew it was coming, didn't matter, I'd no future, I fully expected to die before 25, I was always weaker, thinner, more tired, instead at 23 or 24 I met my husband who (after I agreed) simply picked me up and carried me home in his arms, not on his back, to his home, he was very drunk, but he kept me and I got clean after a while and the first thing clean me tried was suicide, yeah, happy ever after. It sticks in my mind as a warning, leaves me not wanting to go through all that again only to feel so shit I'll think it's no longer worth living life.
He's still looking after me close to thirty years later, still calls me beautiful, lol, in withdrawal I'm certainly not!
It sounds like an excuse, I can't manage otherwise, again.
Seems somehow those early years got hardwired into my brain, like the way people who smoked cigs a lot as kids can't give up.
I don't regret a thing, it kept me going through hard times, one day i'll only need proper meds and weed, whenever that day will be.
If they find me out I'm asking to be switched from buprenorphine to methadone, bupe just isn't enough on it's own and makes me sweat buckets too.
 
Painful One said:
I’m proud of you!
Well done!

yeah, maybe a good thing. I thought the doctor I was seeing was a pain specialist but no, just an M.D.
Will be good to see what a real pain specialist has to say.

I just really do not want to be ripped off all my medications at once ya know?
It would torture me to death.
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We have all been there. Separated from our meds, usually our own doing. That moment of terror when you go from telling yourself that it will be OK to feeling like you couldn’t possibly live through it. I have stuck with the same doctor and pharmacy for years because I’m terrified of what might happen if I make any changes (even though it’s a long drive from my house). Spending extra $$ rather than chance losing my script for even a day.

The thing that forced me to change was fear of losing my job. My old boss was letting me get away with lots of time off when I couldn’t come to work, but the physical labor was killing me. I had a one-time chance to move into a more technical, less physical job at the same company. Pass it up and never get another opportunity. The new boss was never going to allow me to flake so much, and I knew I would never handle me prescription responsibly. So I had to admit my problem to my wife and stop taking the oxy 30’s, or lose my career in 3 months for bad attendance.

The only thing I have done right throughout this whole nightmare was to NOT wait until I was unemployed, broke, divorced, etc, to start asking for help. It probably saved my life: not from an overdose, but from killing my self when my life fell apart.
 
I know I'm reducing because I feel so yuk, numbers are hard to come by for my use, but I found that if I quit bupe, it takes an extra 10g of pods to keep me ok, seems 10g pods=0.25mg bupe. I've been told pods have morphine content of 0.035% and also they are 0.015% but they can't be both and that is a wide gap.
So 10g pods at 0.015% is 150mg M, or could be 350mg, no I've got a decimal place wrong somewhere, couldn't be that much, a tenth maybe, is therer a sober person who can help me work it out?
 
I don't know how much is strong that pod...but like analgesic properties this quantity is as twice.....no way to say....too much unknown
 
papercuts said:
I know I'm reducing because I feel so yuk, numbers are hard to come by for my use, but I found that if I quit bupe, it takes an extra 10g of pods to keep me ok, seems 10g pods=0.25mg bupe. I've been told pods have morphine content of 0.035% and also they are 0.015% but they can't be both and that is a wide gap.
So 10g pods at 0.015% is 150mg M, or could be 350mg, no I've got a decimal place wrong somewhere, couldn't be that much, a tenth maybe, is therer a sober person who can help me work it out?
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Bupe raises tolerance for other opiates too.
 
Squeaky said:
Bupe raises tolerance for other opiates too.
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Oh that is a very good point, I'm using my body to measure it but my tolerance will have changed.
I'm enjoying my pods better in a way, but I'm getting cravings for bupe that I did not expect at all.
Just staying still and not consuming mad quantities feels very much like tapering.
I'd say I'm on half what I was using in August, which ever way it works out IDK quite how much that is.
I feel like a yoyo dieter, A big effort to reduce it, then it creeps back up.
 
papercuts said:
Oh that is a very good point, I'm using my body to measure it but my tolerance will have changed.
I'm enjoying my pods better in a way, but I'm getting cravings for bupe that I did not expect at all.
Just staying still and not consuming mad quantities feels very much like tapering.
I'd say I'm on half what I was using in August, which ever way it works out IDK quite how much that is.
I feel like a yoyo dieter, A big effort to reduce it, then it creeps back up.
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It took me over a year to even begin loosing my cravings for ‘relief’. My brain still vividly remembers what it was like for life not to suck. And I still suffer from horrible sleep. I know I would sleep great on oxy or benzos. I’m trying now to create some new habits but it’s painfully slow.
 
I’m definitely better. 6 months ago I would run out of my script after a few days and suffer for a week. By the time I was due for a refill, I was still basically exhausted all the time. Random bouts of sweating and confusion. Insomnia. My Kratom would keep it under control, but only barely. And the unbelievable constipation was like a 14 hour flight next to a screaming baby.

Today I’m good. Kratom is helping with pain. The sweating is gone. I’m getting chores done around the house that I simply couldn’t before (no energy or desire to do anything). I’m not missing work. The constipation is unpleasant but manageable. And I really only feel like shit for about 3 days after I run out, mostly because I wind up ingesting 10-15 grams of Tylenol with my prescription each day. Good thing I have a strong liver….

My next move is going to have to be stopping my Dr appts. I just can’t bring myself to do it yet. It’s just like watching a train wreck every month- I know it will be horrible but I can’t bring myself to stay away.

Progress…. Slow and steady.
 
man Im supposed to be on .75mg clonazepam for the next 6 weeks. Im finding myself one week in, taking 1mg/day, rationalizing that I can do with .5mg when I get a little low. I have a refill in three weeks, and Ill do it again. I just sleep nice on the other .5mg that should just be .25mg. My rationale is that after 6 weeks Ill need to be on .5mg/day as that is where my taper is heading. I hope I can get it right, I need to!
on another front, I am prescribed 40mg methadone, and am down to taking 30mg/day. I do supplant my use with either prescribed hydrocodone, which I abuse thinking I won't get as addicted if I gulp it all down in a week, then temporarily bump up the methadone, and end up back on the 30mgs by end of month.

Like a roller coaster; in general I am enjoying some normal functioning, for me that is taking my son to work and skateboarding all day. Worked two days over the last two years; gotta build up my tolerance to that by social exposure at the skatepark and getting my legs underneath me.
I am enjoying my life which is a stop in the right direction; and making friends. Which is hard as an introverted, drug addict, pain person, who is taking it slow.
Thank god for friends, the help a fiend like me
 
lolis my thesis said:
man Im supposed to be on .75mg clonazepam for the next 6 weeks. Im finding myself one week in, taking 1mg/day, rationalizing that I can do with .5mg when I get a little low. I have a refill in three weeks, and Ill do it again. I just sleep nice on the other .5mg that should just be .25mg. My rationale is that after 6 weeks Ill need to be on .5mg/day as that is where my taper is heading. I hope I can get it right, I need to!
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I did the exact same thing for a couple of years. Use too much and rationalize that I would taper later. But it’s all a math problem that only has one possible outcome:
The more I used at the beginning of the month, the less I had later for tapering. AND, I was raising my tolerance. Two weeks into the month I was stable at 2x my prescribed dose and only had enough to cut back immediately to about 1/4 of my prescribed dose. So instead of tapering…. I had to cut my daily use by 80% over night. It NEVER went well. If you do the math, using double means running out completely in 1/2 the time. And then you’re dependent on double but have nothing left.

I obviously lived through it but it was a miserable existence.
 
I hear you loud and clear.
I just need to stop fucking up!! Doctor is kind enough to give me a taper plan, and I am still mr addicted. Thank you for the math lesson, its very true re; tolerance plus taking extra equals more than double screwed!
 
Painful One said:
opiateaddictionsupport.com

Morphine Withdrawal Symptoms (& The Top 20 Things That Can Help) - Opiate Addiction Support

Morphine Withdrawal Symptoms - Read on to see the Master List of common and uncommon Morphine Withdrawal Symptoms and ways to reduce your symptoms FAST.
opiateaddictionsupport.com opiateaddictionsupport.com

I found this great article on Opiate Withdrawal and the top 20 things that can help,
Opiate Withdrawal - dependence is such a bitch because after you get through the Acute stage then you go to the PAWS
Post acute stage. That stage can last for years or never go away.
Kratom sounds like it might be the ticket to get through it comfortably.
This guy covers all options. From Loperamide, to Bupe, to Krarom, Gabapentin...etc...
I am going to add Doxylamine to his list.
It is helpful for the insomnia and anxiety.
it is also over the counter. In the sleep aid section. You really have to look for it, check the ingredients list.
I find it helpful for benzodiazepine withdrawal also.

I hope this helps someone out there.
Please know that you are not alone.
Don‘t give up.
Sending you lots of love,
P.O,
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I have been looking into taking Kratom for the WD. Tried kicking last week made it almost 3 days but the insomnia and restlessness and muscle pain and anxiety was driving me to insanity. Got some kratom gonna give it a shot. Is doxylamine a prescription drug never heard of it. And been doing this dance for about 10 years. So sick of living this way but its so hard too fight through the pain and mental anquish of the withdrawls.😑
 
DeadHead781 said:
I have been looking into taking Kratom for the WD. Tried kicking last week made it almost 3 days but the insomnia and restlessness and muscle pain and anxiety was driving me to insanity. Got some kratom gonna give it a shot. Is doxylamine a prescription drug never heard of it. And been doing this dance for about 10 years. So sick of living this way but its so hard too fight through the pain and mental anquish of the withdrawls.😑
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In my experience, Kratom will keep me out of serious morphine withdrawal but makes my tolerance go up.
Even when just using it for a few days in between prescriptions.
Some people say no withdrawal from Kratom, but most, say that it is a worse withdrawal.
Read up on it here before you decide.
It is something you can get without prescription. So, I think many have had to turn to Kratom.

Doxylamine Succinate is an old school antihistamine. They used to put it in over the counter sleep aids but most have changed to diphenhydramine. However, you can still find doxylamine in the over the counter sleep aid section, but you have to look.
Check the ingredients list.

I hate doing this dance. I am living with chronic health condition and injury so...I am also older, have had my children, raised them.etc.
If you do not have to do this dance, try as hard as you can to quit or at least keep yourself as stable as possible.
It absolutely sucks to be in and out of withdrawal all the time.
Try to keep it stable if that is the best you can do.

Good luck everyone.

PS: The high dose vitamin C option worked pretty dang good, without any problems from that.
Give it a try. Get some of those emergen-C packs that you mix with water. They really do help.
 
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Yeah i have been looking into and reading about kratom for the past week or so. Ive heard that if you just use it for like 5 days just to get through the withdrawal you dont really get withdrawal from the kratom. I have also heard about taking antihistamines. Ive heard people say benadryl. I took some tylenol pm when i was kicking the last week which has diphendryamine, seemed too help a little bit. I am on methadone. I was doing really good and only going to the clinic for a almost a year then relapsed do to severe tooth pain from a broken tooth. And was trying to taper of the methadone and got down too a low dose which may have also contributed. So now im dealing with a double habit which is brutal. The methadone helps but wears off in late afternoon then im up all night freaking out counting the hours till i get my dose. I need to just be strong and fight through it but it is so hard. Thanks! I will also try the vitamin C , ive also heard magnesium helps with the muscle aches & restlessness. Good luck also! We can do this and deserve too live a better way of life! I also deal with chronic pain from a very bad car accident i was in when i was 20, i am now 30 thats how this all started.
 
DeadHead781 said:
Yeah i have been looking into and reading about kratom for the past week or so. Ive heard that if you just use it for like 5 days just to get through the withdrawal you dont really get withdrawal from the kratom. I have also heard about taking antihistamines. Ive heard people say benadryl. I took some tylenol pm when i was kicking the last week which has diphendryamine, seemed too help a little bit. I am on methadone. I was doing really good and only going to the clinic for a almost a year then relapsed do to severe tooth pain from a broken tooth. And was trying to taper of the methadone and got down too a low dose which may have also contributed. So now im dealing with a double habit which is brutal. The methadone helps but wears off in late afternoon then im up all night freaking out counting the hours till i get my dose. I need to just be strong and fight through it but it is so hard. Thanks! I will also try the vitamin C , ive also heard magnesium helps with the muscle aches & restlessness. Good luck also! We can do this and deserve too live a better way of life! I also deal with chronic pain from a very bad car accident i was in when i was 20, i am now 30 thats how this all started.
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Yeah, believe me, I understand. We pretty much all understand in this thread.
@Squeaky and I have documented some of our different experimental methods, in this thread.

In the position that you speak of above, there really is no other way but to accept that it is going to suck for a few days, weeks, and just let that tolerance burn back down.
I always tell myself, it is good if you are feeling this way, it means that the tolerance is getting burned back down.
The doxylamine is pretty heavy duty and usually allows me to get some sleep. Seems like 3 a.m. is the standard wake up call for counting down the hours to next dose after using more and raising tolerance.
It goes back down pretty fast with morphine. I do not know how it is with methadone. Hope it is not worse.
I hate being in that position. It will pass, just keep reassuring yourself.
Also, weed.
Hugs to you.
 
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I feel like crap in the morning; each and every one. My legs ache, my neck hurts, and I think, I can't function today. Then about 4 am I take 10mg methadone, and then by 5 or 6 I take 20 mgs more; and then I am ready to roll. Unfortunately I fell off my skate on Friday; I hit the ground really hard, felt a little concussed. Now for two days I have been so damn sore; went to the skatepark this morning only to pack it in after ten minutes as I really wasn't feeling well body wise. My arms and neck are really sore I know it's a reaction to falling and trying to catch myself. Why can't I just be happy to not try and catch air like the kids, Ive never been able to so I kick myself for pushing it too hard.
I will likely end up with another neck surgery I have had three and now I have cranial instabilty. However, counting my blessing as sore as I am each day, for two years I couldn't really walk without shaky weak legs, so I am over the moon to be skating again. I was a die hard surfer, but I am just too stiff and sore to do it anymore. i can, however, stand on a skateboard again so I am doing it
.Obsessively, of course. I have booked myself for more work as a teacher coming up this week and thru November. I usually am bothered by my old dog whining about 3 am and cancel my job for the day; waking up at 7 no matter what the dam dog does to my sleep.
I pound vicodin when I have it in the afternoon, and try to keep 10 mgs methadone in reserve. I use kratom when the vicodin is gone.
I am interested in high dose vitamen C, memantine or any other method to reduce.
Fucking chronic spinal pain is an awful, life changing condition. I don't know why I dont just resign myself to the rest of my life taking opiates.

Probably because of doctors and pharmacies making me uneasy with a regular source of medication. Scary shit.
Thank you all for your support, I want to hold myself accountable and work for a living, I love kids and school teaching as a substitute; but I puss out more than I follow thru.
but I can skateboard os I should be able to work, right? You would think!
Benzos help me deal with the uncertainty of my opiate rx. And I have to get off of them after 20 years because I made one mistake and went into withdrawal.
Yours in dope, years of dope, plus some hope! Hope keeps me going.
Tore my rotator cuff which keeps me from swimming which is what made me strong enough to skateboard again. Catch 22 I hurt my shoulder falling off my skate two months ago.
The beat goes on, nobody lasts forever, i tell myself, and know it to be true.
 
Painful One said:
Yeah, believe me, I understand. We pretty much all understand in this thread.
@Squeaky and I have documented some of our different experimental methods, in this thread.

In the position that you speak of above, there really is no other way but to accept that it is going to suck for a few days, weeks, and just let that tolerance burn back down.
I always tell myself, it is good if you are feeling this way, it means that the tolerance is getting burned back down.
The doxylamine is pretty heavy duty and usually allows me to get some sleep. Seems like 3 a.m. is the standard wake up call for counting down the hours to next dose after using more and raising tolerance.
It goes back down pretty fast with morphine. I do not know how it is with methadone. Hope it is not worse.
I hate being in that position. It will pass, just keep reassuring yourself.
Also, weed.
Hugs to you.
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Yeah unfortunately there is no way around it. First and foremost i wanna just stop using and just take my methadone get some time under my belt then taper of the methadone. Gonna try and stock up on some meds and stuff i need and make anothet go at trying to kick. Thanks for thr kind words & support!!
 
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